Newly divorced and bringing the kids around a partner
My ex and I separated in Sept ‘25, divorce was finalized Feb ‘26. He (33M) cheated on me throughout the marriage and treated my older two children (16F) (18M) horribly for the past several years.
We have 2 young boys together 3,&5. The situation we are in right now is that he’s started dating a mom of one of our kids friends.
My ex is the type that he always has to have people around. He can’t parent alone so he has another couple that he hangs out with, let’s call them Max and Julie, we used to all hangout together). This other mom, Tiffany, knows Julie and Julie has the great idea to invite her and her little boy down to my ex’s place to hangout.
This part was painful especially since Julie and I were pretty close friends. It was our friendship that started our two families spending so much time together. And now she was coordinating my exes dating life with my children as bait.
Fast forward, Tiffany and my ex have went on dates, there have been more group play dates etc.
I’ve very clearly explained that I am NOT ok with him bringing women he’s romantically involved with around my kids. His excuse was “we aren’t being all touchy feely in front of them” (not yet but it didn’t take long for them to start sleeping together so I’m not putting all my trust in their ability to control themselves)
Yesterday ex texted me to tell me he was taking the boys fishing with some families that have kids our kids ages. He said he mentioned it to Tiffany earlier that day and wanted to see if I was ok with it. (It was now 4pm) seems like my consideration was an after thought. He was being very kind and even invited me along. (Knowing full well I couldn’t go because I just had surgery) typical manipulation tactic.
I responded back that my stance hasn’t changed since we last spoke and that I would appreciate it if instead of continuing to ask and ask and such up that he just give it some time. We have 50/50 custody he has plenty of time to see her when he doesn’t have the kids.
He never responded.
I know in my gut that he went ahead and did whatever he wanted to do- that’s the normal for him.
My question is- how do I go forward from here??
We say we want a decent coparenting relationship but he will not respect my boundaries and bulldozes me anyway.
Am I left with just being a cold hearted bitch now.
I’ve even reached out and talked to Tiffany. I wanted her to know my stance on this wasn’t personally directed at her, she seems great (honestly way out of his league) we are planning a kids craft morning next weekend at my house so we can get to know each other. All of which I’m fine with. But the way he will take it is if I like her then he gets the green light to bring her around all of the time. He basically thinks like a 3rd grader.
I’m also sour af that HES THE ONE that did all of the damage in our relationship and now he just gets to move happily along.