r/blackladies

The Males these days are gossiping about the ladies giving bad/lazy sexual energy! Do you black ladies give full attention and peak energy during sex? Are any of you “Starfish”

STARFISH: a lady who just lays there!

what motivates you for full participation? what can keep you from giving a full performance?

As for me, Back when I was more caring of how my partner sexual experience was, I would do all the extra’s, like thrusting back while doggy or missionary (although from my lack of rhythm would throw him off, and then be told to chill, resulting in me becoming a Starfish) or while in doggy trying to catch his rhythm he’d stop thrusting and now I have to do a count or start singing ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive and then I’m in my head and no longer able to try to catch my orgasm, so then the entire session is now just for him and I’m no longer in it for mutual pleasure. Me personally if I’m trying to get pleasure, I’m proudly STARFISHING! unless its the face down pillow under pelvis then I’m Bucking and fucking!

Never thought I’d say this but I prefer oral over PIV now 🫣 I don’t know if it’s because my man is an eater but it’s much easier to get off

Ladies who agree 👀

I’m 44 and Reddit is the only social media I hv. I left the others because it lacked discussion and community. Enter Reddit.

I used to love the engaging dialogue on this sub but I feel like every other post is someone’s face. All the girls are beautiful but it’s annoying.

I want dialogue not 50 post about a bunch of randoms faces.

What’s happening?

First, yes I’m married. No, my husband has not complained. Not once. He’s never cheated on me or forced me to do anything I don’t want to. It’ll 4 years married, 6.5 together April 30th.

So, now that that’s done, how do I go about being better? Right now, I mostly lay there. Yes, we do different positions but he’s still doing all the work. I have no rhythm and feel weird leading. I don’t like being on top because of this. I was laughed at in the middle of sex by an ex partner over a decade ago because it was so bad. He also laughed at me when I went down.

He’s not the only one to tell me it was bad. But I’d like to get better at it for my husband. He doesn’t complain and hasn’t said I was bad. He said he doesn’t think I am.

But what’s worse is I also just don’t like talking about sex or doing PDA things outside of holding hands or an occasional kiss, even in our own house. I don’t want to talk about any fantasies I have.

My husband did say the one thing he wished I would do is initiate more because I never do, and that’s true. I don’t. I hardly turn him down. But he’s not wrong.

I don’t even know where to start about being good in bed.

Im really hurting. I don’t want to give this another shot, it hardly seems worth it. I’m 3 months post break up, the anger has fully set in. I’ve had too many negative experiences not only with romantic relationships but with male figures in my life. Most women to me end up alone at some point usually out of necessity. I think my preoccupation with men has been because I felt like I needed someone to take me away from the dark thoughts that plague my mind constantly. I’ve learned that won’t help. As you get older in the dating scene, dating men only seems to become riskier and riskier. It’s not worth the potential STDs, emotional manipulation, stepping out when you have a kid, cheating, physical abuse, and financial abuse. After a lifetime of not valuing myself I think my goal in life from this point on is to realize my self worth. I don’t want to stray from this, no matter how good everything feels in the heat of the moment, there’s too many of the aforementioned risks to make any of this worth it.

Ladies I need some advice 😭

For context: my SO and I have been together for nearly 5 years now.

He’s my best friend and we generally get along well.

I honestly don’t see myself being with anyone else. He’s supportive, caring, loving and receptive to my needs as I am with him. However, we kinda struggle in the romance department.

Our love languages are different. I’m more service and quality time oriented and he’s big on physical touch and words of affirmation.

Even though I do also enjoy physical touch as well, how much he needs it can be a bit much at times and has been a topic of arguments over the years.

Kissing is a big thing for me, especially for foreplay. But this is the biggest issue.

He’s not a natural born kisser and is really quite awkward when it comes to it. Like on a fundamental level. I get that there’s different ways of doing so but he doesn’t really know how to or where to place his lips and ends up pulling his lips back whenever we do, almost like when your grabbing a straw with your mouth.

When I bring it up that I don’t enjoy the way that he kisses, he gets slightly defensive and a bit frustrated.

His way of seeing it is “everyone has a specific style” but I think that’s his way of saying no one has ever taught him how to properly do so.

Me getting frustrated myself, just settle for pecks and trying to move my lips in a way of trying to show him I like it, but he just seems to never catch on to what I’m doing and it seems like our rhythm is out of sync. It’s almost like kissing a homeboy that has never kiss a girl before.

Over the last couple years, this has affected us in the bedroom department as this and among other things, has been a major turn off for me. So then there’s arguments about that and why I don’t want to do it as much.

It’s not like I’m his first girlfriend either (we’re both in our late 20s) and we both had our handful of past relationships. However, some of exes cheated on him and I hate to think that maybe something like this had something to do with it.

Not much it seem like he’s an avoidant or anything, he’s practically a lover boy. However he’s a bit awkward when it comes to touching and he’s a husky guy that has big hands so it can come off a bit assertive or rough at times. Not really sensual.

I keep gaslighting myself thinking that this is a small issue and it’s not a big deal. But at the same time, it has snowballed into a bigger issues and problems within our relationship. I’m at my wits end at this point.

I just need some advice as to what I can or should do. I don’t want to really leave him. He’s receptive for the most part, even when we disagree at first and I can tell he really want us to work out and so do I.

I’m kinda embarrassed to be coming out about this but at this point, idc.

I binge watched both seasons this weekend and I loved the first season, especially Dr. Heather Collins and Dr. Samira Mohan. But season 2 was a let down for me. All the characters that didn’t come back were black women. Dr Collins was written out and even the social worker and the medical director were written out. And then I watch a full season of an empathetic caring brown doctor be berated by her hypocritical boss only to find out she’s not coming back next season! Are you kidding me? Why is it that the only characters leaving the show are black and brown women? And how Robbie treated Dr Al-Hashimi was terrible. I guess I just came on here to rant, because ain’t no way I’d go to a sub of white people and subject myself to their racism.

we could be having a discussion amongst ourselves about some aspect of our culture and here comes a white person saying some variation of:

“i’m whiter than ____ but…”

“i’m white af and i…”

“i’m ghostly white…”

like girl stop. idc how pale you are. idk if that’s their form of self deprecating humor like “omg i’m so white isn’t that pathetic” or “please allow a little tiny white girl like me to speak” but it’s annoying. you’re a grown ass adult. ideally you wouldn’t be entering this black conversation at all if you have nothing to contribute but since you wanna be involved in the discussion so bad, just say “i’m white, i have a question” and move along.

idk why specifically this bothers me and maybe y’all can provide insight but i just wanna know who relates to this. it feels really similar to “i’m just a girl uwu”. like am i supposed to be less irritated that you’re in a black space because you’re making yourself look quirky and small? if you’re gonna be in our business and ask us a question then SPEAK UP. none of this “i’m so super duper white omg” foolishness.

plus it gives the vibe that they’re conflating their skin tone with their knowledge of black culture. like “i’m ghostly white so idk about any of this” as if skin tone dictates lived experience. a tanned white person isn’t any closer to us than a pale white person. idk why you’re telling me how pale you are. just say you’re white and don’t understand.

Growing up I honestly only ate scrambled & hard boiled eggs. I tasted egg yolk before but the smell 🤢 and the taste was very weird . I’m trying to expand my taste buds and try other forms of eggs but I just can’t get over the texture and the smell .

I had a really rough day and wanted something cute to watch. It was really, really good, beautifully animated, and Lupita Nyong'o knocked it out of the park as the lead. I wish I had seen it in theaters. What did y'all think of it?

Hi, I’m currently going through just a lot. I think music helps me cry. I really cannot stand listening to breakup songs about some blue eyed blonde haired whatever. Sad song recommendations by black artists? They don’t have to be women but it is preferred. About breakups, losing friends, finding yourself, just being sad in general. Anything helps, thanks 🫶🏾

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I am a Black PhD student in school psychology working on my dissertation. My advisor (also Black) has suggested I use the term "racilaized" when discussing Black people so that I don't insinuate that any between-group differences are due to race/biologically-based differences.

The term "racialized" or "racialization" is intended to lean into to the idea that race is a social construct and that people are essentially assigned to racial groups in the context of culture and politics etc.

Personally, I see my Blackness as something I actively identify with and embrace, not something that's been assigned or imposed. I don't see myself as a person who has been "racialized."

Wanted to hear others' thoughts on the topic.

tw:// brief mention of sa

I told my therapist that none of the sex I encountered throughout my early twenties felt like my choice. It didn’t.

I am twenty-six now and I harbor a lot of guilt and shame for my body count. While, I can count it on one hand I never wanted to have this many. Perhaps, I could be okay with it if the encounters genuinely felt healthy. I believe sex should be healthy even if it’s a situationship. The reason I feel like it wasn’t my choice was because the men I met genuinely told me they loved me. I only slept with them because I was promised relationships and god I was so naive. Had they been truthful about their intentions I wouldn’t have had sex with them. I waited a long time to lose my virginity and while I engaged in other things I remember being 21-22 and begging the older man I was seeing to not take this from me if he was going to hurt me. This feels predatory because men will purposely seek out women who do not share the same intentions. I feel my sexual encounters weren’t my choice because I engaged because I was lied. I also explained to my therapist that I have never had healthy sexual experiences. I have been assaulted and pressured into sex.

Lately, I have been thinking about everything I had done and all the situations I allowed myself to be used in. While, I suppose my obsession with my body count is deeply rooted in misogyny and a part of me believes in sexual liberation … I just truly did not want to have what I feel like are spiritual roots with these men. I know for a fact none of the men I laid down with are sitting around regretting getting their dick wet. I fucking hate I feel like I won’t ever get a part of myself back. Every man I have been with has used me or tried to talk me into doing something I didn’t want. And what kills me as they would literally pretend to want something entirely different. I am someone who bonds very deeply through sex as well.

I am now having trouble wanting to intimate with my current partner. I do not trust men. It is sad to say I genuinely don’t feel I have ever been loved or liked for anything other than my body because I haven’t. As a black woman I especially feel over sexualized or seen as this object. I feel porn affects black women differently in the sense of we’re seen as these beings who give nasty crazy sex with curvaceous bodies but are deemed way too promiscuous for relationships.

I just want to stop feeling like this. I don’t want to engage in sex with them. I fell inlove for the first time last year and I realized my partner lost feelings for me a while ago but kept engaging in sex with me. Another man I was raw with and while I was being fully transparent he wasn’t. I realized men are so selfish to the point they will risk your fucking health just so they can get off.

I don’t know how to stop regretting the past. I haven’t had sex in a year because I do not trust them.

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Hey ladies. This is more of a post to say, "you're not crazy" lol. I started a job which was a step down in responsibilities, but where my expertise was welcomed. I noticed when working on quarterly projects with a white coworker who is not my manager but kind of like an in-between me and my manager, that whenever I had something to offer or a direct solution for an issue, it always felt like she didn't want it because it came from me. I was like, maybe I'm overthinking this. She seemed very nice otherwise, but I always just felt some kind of way about her.

Well, fast forward to me getting a new job offer and announcing my last day. My team at this company is honestly great and my manager is amazing. They all showed and expressed how much they're going to miss me, said they enjoyed working with me, and reached out privately. They want to do a lunch for my last day, which I thought was very sweet. The whole time, she had the biggest, most sinister smirk on her face throughout the entire meeting and, of course, didn't reach out.

It just feels nice to know I wasn't crazy and y'all aren't either! Have a great day 🤗