He doesn’t know how to kiss…
Ladies I need some advice 😭
For context: my SO and I have been together for nearly 5 years now.
He’s my best friend and we generally get along well.
I honestly don’t see myself being with anyone else. He’s supportive, caring, loving and receptive to my needs as I am with him. However, we kinda struggle in the romance department.
Our love languages are different. I’m more service and quality time oriented and he’s big on physical touch and words of affirmation.
Even though I do also enjoy physical touch as well, how much he needs it can be a bit much at times and has been a topic of arguments over the years.
Kissing is a big thing for me, especially for foreplay. But this is the biggest issue.
He’s not a natural born kisser and is really quite awkward when it comes to it. Like on a fundamental level. I get that there’s different ways of doing so but he doesn’t really know how to or where to place his lips and ends up pulling his lips back whenever we do, almost like when your grabbing a straw with your mouth.
When I bring it up that I don’t enjoy the way that he kisses, he gets slightly defensive and a bit frustrated.
His way of seeing it is “everyone has a specific style” but I think that’s his way of saying no one has ever taught him how to properly do so.
Me getting frustrated myself, just settle for pecks and trying to move my lips in a way of trying to show him I like it, but he just seems to never catch on to what I’m doing and it seems like our rhythm is out of sync. It’s almost like kissing a homeboy that has never kiss a girl before.
Over the last couple years, this has affected us in the bedroom department as this and among other things, has been a major turn off for me. So then there’s arguments about that and why I don’t want to do it as much.
It’s not like I’m his first girlfriend either (we’re both in our late 20s) and we both had our handful of past relationships. However, some of exes cheated on him and I hate to think that maybe something like this had something to do with it.
Not much it seem like he’s an avoidant or anything, he’s practically a lover boy. However he’s a bit awkward when it comes to touching and he’s a husky guy that has big hands so it can come off a bit assertive or rough at times. Not really sensual.
I keep gaslighting myself thinking that this is a small issue and it’s not a big deal. But at the same time, it has snowballed into a bigger issues and problems within our relationship. I’m at my wits end at this point.
I just need some advice as to what I can or should do. I don’t want to really leave him. He’s receptive for the most part, even when we disagree at first and I can tell he really want us to work out and so do I.
I’m kinda embarrassed to be coming out about this but at this point, idc.