r/bisexual

For context, I (28M) was in the closet for like 27 years. I always knew I was different, I just couldn’t explain it and honestly was scared to be.

Last year was a lot for me, but I finally made peace with myself and accepted that I’m not straight I’m bi. I’ve come out to a few close friends and my dad (my siblings still don’t know yet).

I recently moved to a new city and started a new job. Then one day, my supervisor randomly asked if I was gay. I didn’t feel any bad vibes from it, so I just laughed it off and said no at first. But then I had this moment like… wait, who am I still hiding from?

So I took it back and said yeah, but clarified that I’m bi.

Honestly, I was kinda surprised because everyone was just cool about it. They were even happy for me. My male coworkers didn’t treat me any differently at all.

I’m just really happy and proud of myself.

Yesterday me (18M) and a bunch of my mates + a couple girlfriends were having pres before going out. One of my close friends (call him Sam) and I ended up going together, and his girlfriend came later.

Long story short, I forgot my ID and he couldn’t get into clubs anyway, so while everyone else went out, we went back to his place with his girlfriend.

For context, his girlfriend is kinda controversial in our group. I don’t really mind her, but she did try to get with me before they started dating, so it’s always been a bit weird.

We were all drinking and smoking, and at some point things started getting more open. He ended up telling me he’d hooked up (just kissed) with one of our other male friends before, which threw me off because he’s always said he’s straight. (Which I believe because lots of people kiss their friends as jokes.)

Anyway, we were all pretty crossfaded and one thing led to another and we ended up having a threesome. It felt pretty experimental and not exactly smooth, but there was stuff between all three of us and we were kinda just going with it. I topped him. We all kissed each other. We took turns fingering the gf. But he couldn’t get hard until I stopped topping. And then took ages to cum. (I was trying to go to sleep after I stopped).

Afterwards he basically said it was just experimenting and something he might do again if the moment was right.

Now I don’t really know how to feel. I don’t even fully know what I am half the time, like sometimes I feel straight, sometimes bi, sometimes gay, sometimes nothing. But I do know I don’t want to be the guy someone just experiments with and then goes back to being “straight.”

At the same time I feel like if anything like this keeps happening I could catch feelings and mess up the friendship even more than it already is.

We’ve all agreed to keep it a secret, so it’s just between us.

Any advice on if he’s actually straight? He identifies as it. Also on the whole situation?

I feel like everytime biphobia gets discussed, were accused of being privileged because we can be "straight passing" - as in, nobody recognizes that were queer on the first glance.

Issue is......literally anyone can be straight passing?? All you need to do is 1) not be visibly gnc, 2) not he visibly alt (even though straight people are more and more alt nowadays), 3) not actively make out with the same gender when you go out.

Like I'm sorry but the irony of a lesbian calling me straight passing when shes tall, skinny, wearing "clean girl aesthetic" and single is so funny to think about. There are many lesbians who date butches who pass for men, gay men who date femboys who pass for women, and bisexuals who date the same gender (or someone who just doesnt pass for the opposite gender.) The same way there are straight women who date femboys and straight men who date mascs.

At this point, I feel like they use "straight passing" as a synonym for "being attracted to the opposite gender in any capacity that looks straight to me". Because genuinely theres no way they have so little experience with homophobia that they think straights can sniff it out when youre "half straight" and therefore leave you alone.

Please, I need you back in my life. You broke me so badly and I'm still stuck in this grief. You can help me heal with one conversation. Please reach out, I keep spiraling and I'm legitimately scared of where I'm headed. I am filled with dread and hopelessness and I cannot pick myself back up this time. Please, please just give it a chance. 🙏

I’m kind of gray-ace and basically never get crushes on real people. But I met someone today and I felt like I instantly clicked with them. I loved their vibes, their personality, their outlook, their beliefs, and they’re such a genuinely lovely person. And reflecting on it my heart feels like it’s on fire. It felt like they really liked me too, it’s weird for me cos it’s so quick and normally I need time to trust someone! I’m so ecstatic reflecting on our meet. I think I have a crush. Butterflies in stomach — pleasant but kind of awful too, but not in a debilitating way like anxiety is. (I’m the kind of person who always questions if I fancy everybody I meet and the answer is almost always no, but this felt different and special!)

So it’s my first time with a woman. She’s a lesbian, I’m bi. Only ever dated guys

She objectively has a nicer body imo. Flatter stomach yet bigger boobs and nice hips. I have a good chest and hips too, but I’ve def gained weight in my tummy since dating (all we do is eat lol)

This is making me insecure during sex. How do I get over this? She compliments me 24/7 but I can’t stop wondering why she likes mine when hers is prettier.

Growing up i struggled with my sexuality, i grew up in an extremely strict household. I figured out what masturbation was at a very young age by accident and i didnt understand it was "dirty". I prone masturbated until i was 16 yrs old because i figured this out from when i would lay on my tummy as a child and it felt really good. The first time i was caught, my dad beat me for it. I was so young i had no idea what i did wrong, i just knew it felt really really good. This turned into my dad deliberately trying to run into my room to "catch" me in the act and he would beat me time and time again. I had no privacy and felt like a total freak my whole childhood. I never was allowed to have a door for my bedroom either. Because of my childhood i have been scared to have any sex, im still a virgin at 26 yrs old. I am scared to get attached to someone because of my lack of emotional support growing up. I need to feel like a person understands me deeply to commit and feel comfortable having sex. (classic trauma i know)

Fast forward to about 18ish yrs old. I always was so jealous of girls being able to wear any clothes they wanted and being cute. I had experimented with some girls underwear growing up, and i felt terrible about it. I wasnt allowed to have a cellphone until i was 17-18. So i was a very late bloomer to the social media world.

I discovered what a femboy was at 22, i just so happened to hear about reddit from a co-worker because he was looking at girls on the app and showed me. This turned into me downloading the app myself and seeing what it all was about, which was when i finally ran into a femboy subreddit. I was hooked, i felt like i finally found my identity has been all this time.

Im mostly into girls, but i do like trans girls and other femboys as well. It sucks that most people cant have patience with me, or take the time to understand me on an emotional level, or judge me for being a virgin. Empathy seems to be a thing of the past. Most people i have been around only want to take advantage or break me for amusement. I enjoy cuddling and kissing so much more than anything else. It fills that void i have always been missing.

The moral of my rant is, if you have a similiar story, i hope you find the person that is your soul mate and loves you more than anything in the world. If your parents are a problem, eliminate them from your life. Dont be a people pleaser. If your struggling your not the only one, and do not follow the path i have and shove your sexuality and emotional needs in a deep dark place. You will regret it deeply. Find friends that will accept you for who you are and can talk to them and support you. I dont have those and it would be incredibly helpful i believe. Counceling may help me, but deep down i dont want to pay someone to "act" like they care.

(excuse my poor paragraph execution)

Love and be your true selves, cuties🥹🫶

I apologize in advance if this is graphic or TMI. I can’t talk to my friends about it, and I feel like I have no one. Just looking for some advice.

I have always considered myself to be 100% straight. I’ve been watching porn daily for almost 10 years now, and I would say I have an addiction. I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 years.

This addiction led to me watching more and more extreme porn, eventually leading to the gay/transgender category. During covid, I ordered a dildo from amazon and recorded several videos of myself using it. Some of the photos and videos had captions like “ i wanna ride d\*\*\* so bad” or “i love showing off” etc. I posted these on a private twitter account. I did not enjoy the feeling (I actually hated it), but the sole purpose of the videos was for me to watch later and masturbate. It felt extremely wrong, which is probably the exact reason why I did it.

Outside of this, I have never been attracted to a man in real life, and I would never want to even try sex with a man (several have attempted). I’ve never had a problem getting women, and have had sex with about 15 total. I’ve always had friends, played sports, and I was in a popular fraternity in college. I think the reason the gay stuff appealed to me was because it was something new/different, and I definitely desensitized myself to actual sexual chemistry through porn. There was also a ton of cuckold/interracial porn on my twitter. I watched this content for the same reason, because it was extreme, and “different” from what i was used to.

Flash forward to today, I redownloaded twitter and found my old account. I am still struggling with a porn addiction, and I stupidly did not delete the account/photos.

A few days later I woke up and my girlfriend was locked in the bathroom crying. I almost instantly knew that she had found the account while going through my phone for whatever reason. After about 20 minutes of talking through the door, I finally got her to come out and talk to me. I explained that I have an addiction to porn, and that that account wasn’t the “real” me.

I am deeply ashamed, and my girlfriend is not very accepting of gay people. I wouldn’t say she is homophobic, but she definitely isn’t outwardly supportive of the community. To my surprise, she did not break up with me. I tried to tell her how my porn addiction led to me doing more and more extreme things just to get the same dopamine rush, and that the only reason why I did it was because it felt so wrong (like how being “naughty” can be a turn on, I knew this didn’t align with my beliefs, so it made it a naughty turn on).

I promised her I would change. I have also been a heavy weed smoker for about 10 years, and I have quit marijuana cold turkey since she found the account. I have installed porn blockers on my phone, and I have been trying my very best to show her how much I care about her, and that I understand how I betrayed her.

I feel like a terrible person, and I also have nobody to talk to about this. None of my friends are gay or bisexual, and either way I don’t feel comfortable sharing any of this with them. Although the account was from before we were dating, I couldn’t deny the fact that i had logged in since we started dating, and that i was aware it existed.

She has acknowledged that she can see I’m trying to make a big change in my life by quitting weed and installing porn blockers. She’s tried to help me quit smoking in the past, and the longest I ever went was about 2 days. I would go through a 1g dab pen in about 4 days, or a half ounce of flower in about a week (Heavy smoker).

Despite her surprising support, she has said that she doesn’t know if she can be intimate with me again, and that she feels like she doesn’t know me anymore. We went to the bar yesterday, and one of my friends made a gay comment jokingly, saying “hey, that’s my boyfriend what are you doing with him?” Instead of responding jokingly back, I felt embarrassed. I truly am not gay, but i do enjoy the taboo nature of gay porn.

At this point, I don’t really have a way to end this post, but I just needed to share this with someone. I’m typing this at 3 am, so I’m definitely missing a lot of details. Feel free to ask. I really need to hear someone tell me it’s going to be okay. If not, I just need someone to tell me how I can regain my sense of self worth, and how I can prove to my girlfriend that I only want her. I understand that I am a shitty person, and I do not deserve her forgiveness, but I also need to be able to move on with my life. The last week has been full of anxiety, shame, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Please help me

Since when did gays start hating on Bisexual people? Some idiot couldn't argue with me regarding an actual topic, so he just started coming for the fact that I'm bi and I should "learn my place."

Is being bi considered lesser than being gay now? Smh...

Hey so I’m just wondering if anyone goes through the same here… I genuinely go thru phases where I’m more into guys but I usually always have a consistent baseline of being attracted to women. I grew up in a strict religious environment so I’m uncovering a lot of internal homophobia too. But yea like sometimes I’ll be watching straight porn and while I’m turned on by it my brain will slip into me being the woman in the situation. The weird thing I don’t always even have the specific guy in my head. But I also am not imagining being pegged by a woman either. Like I think that’s why threesomes are so hot in my brain because I could be getting it on with a woman and someone’s taking me from behind and I don’t even need to know them, it’s more just the surrender. It’s weird. I’m pretty much venting and talking out loud here. If anyone can relate to me let me know.

23F! I’ve had crushes on girls since age 12, but haven’t gotten comfortable being out about it until more recently. I’ve started chatting with this girl who’s sooo lovely and I’m already starting to crush. I guess I’m nervous though. I’ve been interested and kissed girls that I’ve been interested in, but I’ve never been serious with a girl or had sex with a girl. I don’t want to come off as if though she’s an experiment because she’s not. I really do like her and want her to know it’s not just me trying to figure things out. How do I approach this? I’ve tried talking to my lesbian friends about this but they just say “how do you know you’re bi if you’ve never been with a girl?” And it just seems invalidating because heterosexual people don’t assume they’re just asexual if they haven’t had sex yet…anyways any bit of advice is appreciated

Life of a bisexual girl in a nutshell basically. One day i’ll fully get over her.

I (23F) have been with my partner (M26) for 4 years now. And for awhile it’s been great, but lately I’ve been questioning my sexuality and it’s been making me feel incredibly guilty to feel this way this long into my relationship. I love my partner don’t get me wrong, and we have good sex, but lately I’ve found myself incredibly aroused by other women— be it nsfw art, girl-on-girl sex in media, or seeing women in real life in skimpy clothes. And in private, I’ve also discovered I finished much faster when I did my business while looking at lesbian videos. Hell, ive even started to figure out what i like in women. I’ve now been spiraling, because for awhile I’ve always thought I was straight as I have only ever been with men. I don’t know what I am. Am I bisexual? Am I a lesbian? Am I never gonna feel satisfied while im with my male partner? Am I being fair to him by staying? I feel so lost and scared because I feel like I don’t know who I am.

If you're in the closet, do you have any items hidden away, like t-shirts, pins, flags, etc.? If so, where do you keep them? I keep mine in one or more boxes, discreetly stored, including my drawings and crafts.

36m married (not looking for hookup)

I am sorry if this is the wrong place.

Hello, I am not transitioning. I am just trying to find anyone to talk to. I am a closeted trans. I say that because the life i have built and love are not what I truly feel I am. Since a young age I have been bisexual (gay leaning). But because of my upbringing, I kept it hidden. I lied to myself and the world. My wife knows my past and I have opened up to her about it all. I just wish I could find others like me so that I do not feel lonely. Someone who sees the girl inside me and is not judgemental about any of it.

Thank you for your time.

I am a cis male and want to explore queer sexuality (anything beyond het) but am not yet ready to go on dates or meet people in real life. I don't know what to do and if there is a way I can explore my curiosity online?

Hoping some people here can give me some insight into this.

I’m definitely a primarily hetero guy, very secure in my attraction to women both in fantasy, irl, sexually and romantically. With men I don’t know. I fantasize about men frequently and enjoy it, but anytime I’ve tried to be with a guy I’m super out of it. I just dissociate completely and do not enjoy it at all and feel gross afterwards. I could definitely not see myself dating a man in a romantic sense. At the same time I don’t generally believe it’s impossible for me to meet a man who I love and want to be with, could happen. I love to fantasize about men, sometimes from the perspective of being a woman even.

I guess I’m a bit more feminine or something because people often assume that I’m gay. I find myself having to explain to people pretty often that i’m not, especially I worry that women i’m interested in think I’m gay. But I have no idea how to actually explain this simply to people. I feel like i’m lying by telling them I’m straight because I totally fantasize about men sexually. But I feel like I’m lying by telling them I’m bisexual because I don’t seem to actually like being with men. I feel like I have to explain something though because no one likes being misinterpreted as a person. Is there even some way I can signal to people that i’m not just gay?

This is probably so silly but it’s really been weighing on me and confusing me.

I’m a pan researcher from the uni of Leeds conducting research exploring young lgbtq+ people’s experiences of relationships, harm and support. I’m motivated primarily because of my own and friends experiences as survivors of intimate partner violence within the queer community. Plus, there’s painfully little support out there for us if we do end up in a difficult situation.

Because of this, I’m asking lgbtq+ people aged 18-24 from the uk if they wouldn’t mind taking 5 minutes out of their day to fill in my survey. You do not need to have experienced abuse or harm to participate, all experiences are valid and very welcomed!

I’d really appreciate any responses I get and/or shares. The ethics ID is: 3261.