r/ToxicWorkplace

OK to give context to the story, before I even exchange numbers with this 29-year-old we both work in the same Amazon delivery station. He is a dispatcher. I am an associate. We kept things very professionally whenever we were on the launchpad helping drivers load up their truck.

In the beginning, I wasn’t paying attention to him. I didn’t really care for him until one day, while on the launchpad, I got super bored and decided to go up to him and ask him if he had a girlfriend. He said no why do you ask and I said I was just wondering, and then I walked away. Two minutes later, I see him again on the launchpad and he asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no, and walked away again a few minutes go by and he walks up to me with his phone in his hand, and he puts his phone in my hands and says put your number in my phone so I do so.

At first, I was shocked because I didn’t think that he would do that but that’s what happens when you get bored right? So we started talking and getting to know each other and I found out that he’s 29 turning 30 and I’m 23. Personally, I felt like if he really didn’t want to talk to a 23-year-old he could’ve stopped talking to me right then and there. But he continue to talk to me for a one month.

In that timeframe , he did inform me that he was just chilling and eventually wanting a relationship . I essentially was doing the same thing so I didn’t really see any point in pressuring someone into a relationship . I just went with the vibe of the relationship that we established .

We FaceTimed regularly , saw each other outside of work twice. We’ve kissed a few times , and would give each other side hugs at the job when nobody was looking. Sometimes he would even call me cute nicknames, like sweetheart or sunshine, and one time he accidentally called me “Bae”

The very first time we hung out we literally were just talking in the car for hours. We even watched a crime documentary together. He got food even though I wasn’t really hungry, but he still got food and that’s when we started kissing. One thing I will say is I never let anything get to physical. The only thing I allowed was kisses and hugs.

Throughout the month, we build a chemistry naturally we build a connection naturally we had similarities. I thought he was genuinely a cool person to talk to you. We got familiar with each other basically. One time we had them all day and he took me to see his child at home and I thought that was so nice to see.

One time he took me home from the job so I wouldn’t have to spend money on a Lyft ride and I thought that was really nice of him. During the ride, he even offered to get something to eat with me, but I truly wasn’t hungry and I did have food at home. I should’ve said yes but it’s OK. Once he took me home, I said OK I’m going now, Give me a kiss and he gave me a kiss.

How this all ended within one month :
One day we were FaceTiming and I had asked him how much dispatchers make , and he said it’s salary and I made a joke and said oh that explains why you’re so rich and he said I’m not rich yet, and then he mentioned his cologne collection and I was slightly teasing him and said why do you have a cologne collection lol, he took offense to that and got triggered and asked me. Why are you always asking questions like that? Then he said you have to take a shower. I’ll kick it with you later.

The next day, I expected him to call me or FaceTime me he didn’t do that. Half the day had went by and he didn’t message me at all. I started preparing to protect myself so I blocked him on TikTok and I accidentally had called him when I was deleting the call log and he called me right back, but I didn’t answer the phone.

A few days passed by and he hasn’t texted me at all , so I took the initiative and I texted him. Are we not speaking anymore? What’s going on? I’m confused by the sudden distance. He explained that he saw that I called and saw that he was blocked, and I explained that I felt ghosted by him and he didn’t text me at all, so I thought he was really angry at me and I decided to give him space and he told me that it wasn’t about space, he felt as though that I was gaslighting him. Which I wasn’t I was just playfully teasing. He explained to me that he’s been around narcissistic people half his life and he understands that I may not know what triggers him , and he explained that he hates being unheard and unseen . So, I took the initiative to apologize. It was all just a huge misunderstanding a day goes by and he has not responded back to my apology text. The next day he goes into work and he’s sitting at his desk on his phone so it’s very clear that he’s ignoring me.

So I texted him again and said I wish him the best. It’s very clear that you’re not interested in me anymore. I hope you’re OK and it was essentially a goodbye text. I was very emotionally mature. I made sure to watch my words and he didn’t even reply to that sincere goodbye text . A week goes by and I’m still thinking about the situation. I’m getting emotional. My cycle is coming up. I know I shouldn’t have texted him, but I texted him again and asked him if he wants to continue speaking to me or not, which it was very clear he didn’t, and he said, I thought that we were done already. That’s when he explained to me that we could be cool but not anything towards a relationship. He says that I’m a great person. I’m young and I’m beautiful, but he doesn’t want to rush me growing up. So then I offered friendship and he explained that he just wants to be in a good place and feel emotionally safe in all situations. He says that I am an amazing woman, but he doesn’t see himself risking himself in a situation that would cause issues with his peace.

I respected his decision and moved on . I’m slightly over this situation, but it is really hurtful to be rejected. I think the age possibly was a problem or he really didn’t like me. Still kinda confused.

I’ve been at this job for a few years (longer than most of my coworkers) and I’ve had my fair share of issues to resolve with coworkers, but usually it’s a quick conversation & we’re all good. I am visibly younger, so I’m used to people overstepping boundaries at first. I was hired because of my experience & expertise (and constantly receive praise from my bosses, help my coworkers, etc., so I have no worries about my performance. However, this new coworker is very different.

Let’s call her Jodie.

Jodie transferred from a to my department as a cost consultant (this actually has very little to do with my job & we almost never have to communicate). She’s been in my meetings while I’m presenting asking questions about things that were already covered minutes prior. She treats me as though I don’t understand my work by criticizing issues that are contractor mistakes (not approved by me), and after I decide to make a specific adjustment, she’ll ask “do you mean [blank] instead?”. All pf this in front of our bosses.

There have also been occasions where she butted into conversations I was having with other coworkers about work or non work topics just to derail those conversations as well. At this point I’ve stopped talking to her.

Until I walked in on her & a coworker who does a similar job as me discussing my work with a contractor. This was very off putting, because neither of these people know processes & they didn’t mention meeting on any of these changes at all.

I don’t know what to do here. I’ve mentioned to my boss that this has been going on, but I guess now I have to worry about secret meetings to change my work?

I shouldve put this post here orginally but after waking up at 1AM replaying this in my head and listening to everyones stories here even in the past 7 days, i think this is the place to talk about this absolute POOP show this new boss has made a once peaceful work enviorment (ill try not to curse since every other place Ive tried to post this has had SUCH an issue with that) I work in corporate and ive been at this job for about 2 years and honestly when i first started it I loved it. Im a manager and my team was SO chill and really valued and respected my thoughts and creative and i felt like it was really a place that i could stay and grow with the team considering multiple people on my team had been there for YEARS. i had been in good/honestly great standing with my boss, my coworkers, even the head of the company and everyone was so excited about my fresh ideas that seemed to be bringing the company some direction. ALL OF A SUDDEN, a new manager gets added to our team (Lets call her a**hole, no just kidding, lets call her Jennifer) so Jennifer gets here and I can see management is just CHARMED by her but IMMEDIATELY all i hear is "word salad word salad chat gpt" (keep in mind, im a young black woman in corporate but ive been doing what i do since i started my own business in highschool, went to college, freelanced, and then started getting signed on for long term roles at companies in management positions and this is an older white woman who feels like shes just THE BEST EVER because shes old and white...it matters) anyways, she literally comes in and first tries to seem like "she wants to work closely with me" and really "learn the ropes of the company" and i QUICKLY realized her "amazingly wonderful idea" was to replace me and my coworker with agencies... And as im showing her ALL the projects i had in the works she essentially halts ALL of them to start pushing her ideas and the manager above me just LETS IT HAPPEN. Her ideas are so clearly half baked, CHATGPT BULLCRAP with no clear direction but again they are just so enamored by her "charm" which at this point had ran out in the first week to me.

Shes only been here for 60 days and has already caused so much haywire and is ADMIMENT that its because of "me and my attitude" and that ive "lost my spark and engagement" because ANYTIME IVE BROUGHT UP ANYTHING THAT OTHERS HAVE LIKED she'll go to the boss above me and rip it apart and make them change their mind ITS CRAZY! When she first got there and i saw she was making an already inefficient process EVEN WORSE i tried to work even harder to make something everybody liked, creating a whole new strategy, explaining my reasoning, like FULLY THOUGHT OUT ready to be started. The IMMEDIATE hour after my meeting she schedules a meeting the next day for HER strategy she had been working on so tirelessly (WHY EVEN HAVE ME PRESENT THEN?!?!) that ended up being, AGAIN, chat gpt BS that I had to completely rework even though at first i was meant to "follow it exactly" but when i showed them what that actually looked like and it FAILED all of a sudden it was a "loose framework that I ws supposed to take creative iniative on". Worst part is she had me ON CALL with these agencies she was trying to replace me with AND EVERY SINGLE ONE JUST SAID THE SAME THING THAT I SAID (which i PROMISE im not saying for no reason, everything boiled to a head this week).

She said she was looking for agencies because "it must be so hard for me to do such a big role by myself and she wants to get me the help i need so i dont feel overwhelmed" when ive NEVER once showed or expressed that...i asked her for ONE thing ONCE when she ASKED WHAT I NEEDED and that was just to optimize our approvals...which she claims "she did so what else has she not done because she feels like now im telling her she cant do her job".

So she recently launches this plan to reorder the group, essentially removing the manager who actually used to be helpful at one point but quickly became a yes man to Jennifer within 60 freaking days and wanted to schedule PERSONAL hour+ long meetings with me and my coworker 1:1, TWICE A WEEK. (So i already KNOW its about to be some BS.) And she kept talking about a "need to be respectful" and how "respect is her first priority" and if "anyone feels disrespected they should be able to let her know", like ummm okay?

So i get inro this meeting with her and shes like "so i looked at your original job description and i noticed there was ALOT going on, tell me about what youre wanting to do and if the new adjusted role ive created for you is better" and "wanted to clear the air about tension she felt between us because she noticed that i lost my spark and drive" so im honestly as professionally as i can telling her "honestly since youve gotten here, goal posts have changed, i dont have an issue with my job, you just assumed i was struggling when there was no reason to think that and my specific requests were pushed to the wayside and ive been working to complete requests that were half baked, and as others have liked the work, youve switched from liking it one day to hating it the next" all in the name of "transparency" right? Because i noticed age AND being the only BW on the team is a REAL factor in her narritive. Throughout the WHOLE TIME shes constantly switching her thoughts of me first im "not doing enough, all of my work has been bad" then its "my work has been amazing she just wants to hone it in" then its "ive not been putting enough personality into the work" and then its "too much personality you need to hone it in" .Then she had the AUDACITY to tell me "im not trying hard enough to advocate for myself and my projects and that "im a manager and she doesnt want to micromanage me and shouldnt have to tell me to take initiative" but in the next breath says "im pushing back on her too much and shes been doing this for many years and i should give her that, and my commentary back to her has been disrespectful". MIND YOU she even ADMITTED shees not familiar with the wheelhouse of work i do AT ALL.....

Anyways i could go on and on about her inconsistent flip flopping but once i realized she was going to be a problem. I started recording meetings where she pulled me alone/and me with my coworkers and keeping a paper trail of evidence which im glad i did because in the middle of this CRAZY ramble and back and forth she straight up LIES and says i didnt send her anything for almost 4 WEEKS after she requested it (I HAVE NEVER HAD MORE THAN A 72 HOUR TURN AROUND ON PROJECT FOR ANYONE) I checked her IN THAT MOMENT and said "um are you sure youre talking about me/the right project because ive never taken 3 qeeks to return anything to you (I MEAN THE LITERAL LONGEST IVE taken is 5 business days to produce almost a calendar QUARTER of work) she quickly tried to dismiss it and told me i need to be accountable.

Im thinking of leaving and have been quietly applying to new jobs, optimizing my linkedin and resume and counting down the days till i can let it be known. I dont know if i have enough to take to HR or if i even should. But i feel like its a matter of time before the microaggressive comments become full blown discrimination, either about my age or race. Idk its just been SO frustrating and im so sick of bringing this energy home to my spouse. But im gonna keep documenting (and i do have someone on the inside thats on my side and is also seeing first hand this womans INSANE "management")

​

I joined a consulting firm straight out of engineering college as a fresher. ADuring my first couple of years, I generally tried to work hard and maintain good relationships, although I had started noticing some favoritism and passive-aggressive behavior from certain seniors.

A recent incident really affected me.

During a work discussion about a report, a senior colleague said something along the lines of:

“If you don’t update me properly again, you’re dead.”

It was said aggressively in front of others during a tense meeting. This wasn’t the first uncomfortable interaction either — in earlier meetings, this person had often been dismissive and passive-aggressive toward me.

After the meeting, I emailed my manager explaining the incident and clearly stated that even if something is said “as a joke,” such comments are not acceptable in a professional environment. My manager apologized and said she had escalated it to senior leadership.

I later had multiple meetings with leadership where, instead of focusing only on the behavior, the discussion kept shifting toward:

how hardworking this senior employee was,

how much responsibility he handled,

and concerns about my own work/performance.

I repeatedly said that performance feedback and workplace behavior should be treated as separate discussions.

Eventually, leadership said the comment was made “in the heat of the moment” and “not meant literally.” I asked that the employee apologize directly and also requested written confirmation that such behavior would not be tolerated going forward.

What I eventually received instead was a carefully worded email from my manager saying the comment was “not directed only at me,” along with reminders about taking feedback seriously.

After this incident, I also started receiving unusually detailed feedback/documentation emails about my work — something I had never experienced in my entire time there before raising this concern.

Over time, I felt the trust between me and management had broken down. I finally resigned recently.

The strange part is:

even after resigning and moving on to a better opportunity, I still replay the situation in my head. A part of me feels angry that the behavior was minimized and that people in leadership seemed more focused on protecting the senior employee than addressing the issue itself.

Has anyone else experienced something similar in corporate environments? How did you make peace with it and move on mentally?

How do I make peace with the fact that people got away after doing this with me?

TL;DR: A senior colleague made an aggressive/threatening comment toward me during a work meeting. I reported it to management expecting support, but the situation gradually shifted into discussions about my own performance instead. Leadership minimized the incident as something said “in the heat of the moment,” and after things became uncomfortable, I eventually resigned. I’ve moved on professionally, but mentally I still struggle with the feeling that the behavior was brushed aside.

Hi,

I work in a small automotive Service center of Tata heavy commercial vehicles aka trucks and bus, my work involves part entry to crm on computer from job card and giving and receiving parts from mechanics, the problem is the billing girl hates me she constantly nagging scollding behaving very rudely and just finding way to blame me for anything that happens, everyday process envolves,

she message me on my work WhatsApp account that company has provided and ask to update the part entry for a vehicle which has come to the workshop,

Then after seeing the message I update the crm online jobcard based on that she makes the bills to handover to customers for payment,

Any delay after her sending the message not even 10min then she calls me and starts scollding and talking very rudely and criticizing her words are

" ek kaam to tere se thik se nahi hota ",

" kabhi to apna kaam thik se kar liya kar ",

Etc

My manager also involved in this and when she or other employees behave rudely he ignores and when I retaliate he scolled me in front of them and yelled at me,

Idk how to fix this issue what should I do?

This is taking heavy toll on my mental peace

Since January, I have been consistently handling a very high workload and have made every effort to deliver beyond expectations. During the time I requested an increment, I was informed that my performance was not satisfactory, and thereafter I was continuously assigned additional responsibilities and pressured heavily regarding deliveries.

Despite the challenging environment, I remained committed to the project, tolerated the workload and pressure, and gave my full effort to complete all assigned tasks. However, today I was informed that the company has decided to discontinue my employment, citing that the project is no longer continuing and that my deliverables were not aligned with expectations.

I believe this decision is unfair considering the amount of work and dedication I have contributed over the past several months. I was asked to either resign or face termination, which has been extremely difficult and disappointing for me after all the effort I invested in the organization.

I worked at McAllister’s and a was behind the register.
A coworker put hot food in the window and asked me to run it.
I said I can’t because a manager said I’m not allowed to.
His response is to start calling me stupid, I just stand there and ignore so he proceeds to run out of the kitchen to the register counter and start yelling at me as customers watch.
I still say nothing and just look at him, a co worker tells him he can’t talk to me that way so he wips around and charges her ( 18 him 32 ) and points his finger in her face as he stands over her and yells f u and if Chad (me ) or her boyfriend talks about this he’ll kick our ass.
This was done less then 10’ from a manager who was startled enough to jump in her seat a little but not turn around and watch.
I was then pulled aside a few minuets later and written up for insubordination even though the manager writing me up was one of the managers telling me not to run the food.

This year will be my 3rd year in my current (and first ever) job. When I first joined, I put in the extra effort to socialize, but it just didn’t seem reciprocal. I often felt left out, and at times i was even downright ignored, so I took the hint and just stayed in my own zone. Outside of work i’m generally a bubbly person and I have no issues socializing, but my coworkers have shown me loud and clear that they do not respect me so I just let them be. Anyways, fast forward to nowadays, where my work is often efficient and excellent, yet I’m constantly bombarded with “you just need to get out of your bubble!” / you’re too quiet”. Anytime I share a hint of a complain about my hard work not getting recognized, it’s almost always brought back to “it’s because you’re too quiet/too polite”. Even though I am often the best communicator, I give and receive honest feedback with no issue, and i’ve somehow managed to successfully navigate an extremely unorganized and hostile workplace without breaking down publicly. Why does one have to be a loud and abrasive character to be a “natural leader”? Is this a common experience?

I’d like to know what you all have done to protect your peace in a toxic workplace? I absolutely love my work and it has changed my life over the past 10 years and fuels my outside passions and adventures, but I’ve found myself so sad at work sometimes and some days it being extremely hard to get up and go to work.

The issues have been a toxic workplace, disconnect between management and subordinates, political clashes, and cliquey personnel. I don’t like to align myself with certain things that don’t speak to who I am as a person and I typically will let my thoughts on topics be known and am open to discussion but I will not argue or try to change someone’s mind, that simply isn’t my job.

My industry isn’t the kind I can change work places very easily, and I’m very happy outside of work so picking up and relocating elsewhere at 34 years old would be difficult, and I really don’t want to leave my hometown.

So Im curious what you all might have to say about how to move forward in a situation where you don’t necessarily want to leave your place of work, or field of work, but have protected your peace?

Montana is the only exception, but even in the others you cannot legally be fired for protected reasons.

Examples:
• You report a serious work safety violation to OSHA.
• You make a discrimination or harassment complaint.
• You contact the health department because the conditions of the kitchen you work in is putting the public at risk.
Then you’re fired a week later, or your hours are drastically reduced, or you’re put on a PIP out of nowhere.

We can prove wrongful termination and take legal action as long as we can prove it, no matter where we live.

Also, employees are not actually required to make report to their supervisor or HR before reporting violations to agencies directly! If there’s one thing a toxic boss hates, it’s when we go around them…

Remember Charleston White? 😂

Hey I am from india

I joined a company 2 days back

It's the worst company I have ever seen

Very toxic environment, couldn't even manage for a day.

It's a company run by husband and wife.

They scolds very badly and shouts.It's just 2days here they have already started to shout.I need to punch even in lunch break and if late for even 5min,it will be marked as absent

I have 7yrs experience in total

And the job role here is completely different.

In probation they remove and they quote it as termination and don't give any relieving letter and don't do any bgv here.

I am only 2days in .Also I haven't signed any offer or appointment letter they haven't given yet.

They have just shared offer mail and forms

Like pf ,gratuity ,employee form

I have replied to the "offer mail"

Can they cause problem if I go and resign tomorrow

And in the offer mail they haven't mentioned anything about notice period they just mentioned my joining date and about documents.

And mentioned that I will get offer letter only after bgv.

Please help me will they ask me to serve notice period

Hello!
I don’t know how I always get in the position of being walked all over but alas… I do.

I’ve been training for 2 weeks for this job I really need and I’ve been trying my best. I’m a receptionist at a doctors office that mostly sees cosmetic clients. I just shadowed for a couple of days before the 2 weeks bc I hadn’t yet graduated so I’ve only officially been doing stuff for two weeks.

The girl training me, let’s call her Jessica, has been there for 6 years. She obviously knows what she’s doing, no doubt about that! She is super detail oriented and I really admire that but she has been at this a long time and I haven’t. My friend warned me (who quit this job and got a better one) that the girls can be tough and birchy. She was right!

I know I’m sensitive, that’s not a question , but the snide remarks from Jessica and the anger I feel from her during training makes me so upset and literally shaking when I go into work.

Whenever I freeze for a minute, I can hear in her voice her irritability when she corrects me (it’s very condescending). Today I didn’t get up in time to clean a rooom and she just yells at me and goes “Go.” Kinda like you would talk to your dog or a toddler. I also make little mistakes here and there when she’s watching over my shoulder because if I don’t do it in the exact order she does things, she corrects me and says it’s wrong. I know she thinks she does things the most efficiently but if I get the job done and it’s right, I don’t see why that’s a problem.

Today I forgot how to check a patients insurance and was kinda panicking and she goes “it’s almost been 2 weeks, you should know this by now.” Which is true, absolutely, but I’m still getting in the swing and I need to do it a bunch before I can fully remember. I just said I know because I don’t know what I should say or if I even should stand up for myself. My office manager pulled me aside today to talk about training and to ask her questions and our convo lasted about 2 hours (I don’t even know how), but when I came back Jessica was obviously pissed and goes “well did you learn anything?”

I knew I had to have thick skin to have this job and I’m definitely not going to quit over these little things. But it’s getting to the point where I can’t even ask her questions and it’s still training period. I only have. A couple more days left of training but I’ll still have to work literally right next to her and I’m going to he so scared to ask her questions.

I still remain super kind, always trying to thank her for her help. She isn’t receptive and doesn’t seem to like me. She said she hates training but volunteered for me because she wanted this new girl to be “good” (they have been through over 11 receptionists in the last 5 years).

She also hates the office manager and talks about her literally right in front of her office, talking about how annoying she is and how she wants to beat her ass lmao (not sure of that lore yet).

I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared to go in tomorrow and make mistakes because I know I will because I know she will get aggravated with me and talk down to me. I always get talked to like I’m stupid and I’m not sure why.

Any advice would be helpful. :)

I got let go from my job after 4 years by a toxic manager who joined the company and made it her mission to get rid of me. After 3 total 1:1s, and when she was only 2 months in, she’d decided to put me on a PIP. This was after I’d successfully gone through my performance cycle the week she started and had already been meeting expectations. She was actually in my performance call with my old manager, and though she was supposed to listen and sit in, she ended up taking over the conversation as if we’d worked together, speaking the whole time about me needing to start focusing on consistency and collaboration and accountability….

She slowly started introducing issues I’d never heard of in my time at the company like my “tone” and using “curious language” and basically made me walk her through how I got into my position and my experience- honing in on my degree and calling out that she doesn’t have a degree but that she has built her career on proper certifications and expertise.

2 months later, I’m on a PIP and being pressured by HR to accept it, even though they presented no actual instances or examples of where I’m having performance issues, and without a real path/ realistic way for me to navigate the new expectations they were placing on my role.

I took the severance, I cashed out my 401k, I exercised my company stock, I did local gigs that supported my true passions, and I relentlessly applied and interviewed for new jobs. I fell into the deepest depression of my life, especially after losing my ESA the week before they let me go, which was my first pet loss. I spiraled for months but stayed focused on achieving my goals, making ends meet, and finding a great position.

I thought with my career leveling and diligence I’d have a job in 2-3 months. It took 5. 5 months later and we finally have the offer. It’s not what I wanted but it’s decent and more than what a lot of people are pulling off these days. And I still have several other companies knocking down my door. It feels good and validating and all the rage and resentment and unfairness and grief over it all should be over, but it isn’t.

I feel just… deflated. I’m still angry and my heart is still broken because I feel like I gave that company the last only youth. I put so much into it, I lost sleep, I missed out on socialization and lost sight of things that really mattered to me and with the turn of a dime they ruthlessly and completely apathetically dismissed me. I never even got to make my case or speak with any of the people that I started in the company with. No one ever reached out to me. No one tried to keep in contact. It feels exactly like the show severance. Like a part of me is just gone forever.

And what’s even worse is that the strain that something like this puts on someone is still there. They wouldn’t have cared if I wound up on the street but I was savvy enough just to survive until now. The months of bills I had to put off have piled up. Personal and student loans are coming to collect. I still have no income until I start my new position. My credit cards are maxed. And in my area they won’t even let people join DoorDash/ instacart/ gig work because everything is so over saturated.

I still have to make it about a month before things start to feel normal again and even then I have to somehow dig myself out of debt and backpay certain expenses. I’m not eligible for loans or credit cards with how much I’ve had to rely on my credit up until this point. Not to mention somehow find a way to pay my rent. It’s all over, but it doesn’t feel over. I don’t feel relieved. I feel burned out, dejected, and hopeless because technically, the offers came too late. I waited months for anything to come through and it was radio silent for months. And now that things finally picked back up I can’t even wrap my head around diving into a new role or trying to get excited about it when I feel like my whole world has imploded.

Im the only woman on a crew of men. I have thick skin about most situations, but last week something happened that was just too much to listen to.

One coworker, called Todd, regularly makes overly sexual, inappropriate remarks. It’s been that way the entire time I’ve worked there, I’ve called him out when he’s stepped over the line, and he’s been verbally reprimanded, but he’s starting to continue down on his path again.

An example of an inappropriate remark: 6:00am, one coworker is running late, Todd; “oh he must have gotten some good pussy last night.”

Look, I get “man speak” but there is a time and a place and 6am at work is not it.

This past Friday we’re all in the break room eating lunch. Todd comes back from buying his lunch, sets it down on the table and launches into a conversation(whom exactly he was speaking to wasn’t obvious) about how he couldn’t tell whether the person making his lunch was male or female so he went with “it.”
Disgusting. I found it irritating enough to have to listen to his transphobia so freely, but then he moved lunch to sit with more of the crew and really launched into something different.

Todd’s ex gf is a black woman. We’ve seen her come to work to pick him up in the past. Todd starts on this conversation about his ex and someone says “I thought she was black, why does she have a white person’s name”
Todd: “she was raised by white people so she acts different.”
The other guy: “so what was her name before?”
Todd: “idk dude, probably Zimbabwe or something.”

Just racist as hell honestly to hear someone talking about their ex like that, and if I were her??? I left the room and passed a coworker who typically is more female friendly and I said something along the lines about how disrespectful it was that he was talking about her like this. He pretty much shrugged and said about how it’s “other people’s problems.”

But after hearing this guy speak I can’t shake the feeling that the way he spoke so freely about his ex girlfriend is how he regularly speaks in other situations about anyone who is different than him. We work at a place that has a solid collection of people who look or are different than he is.

Thinking along those lines, I raised the scenario to an older woman who manages HR. Her response was that another reprimanding conversation would occur, as well as telling me they can’t be the, “Thought Police,” about how people talk.

Which to me feels like she’s just accepting and approving the racist remarks that Todd said.
I don’t feel confident about her reaction whatsoever now. But am I overreacting in all of this??

TLDR; coworker made racist comments about a personal connection openly at work.

I genuinely do not even know where to start with this but I’m at my wits end with this job. I feel like I am losing my sanity due to the constant gaslighting from management.

So, I’ve been at this company over 2 years now. I’m going to keep details vague as it would be easily recognizable if not. It is a marketing agency. I joined as one of the first employees (think single digit) and we’ve since grown to double digits. I was brought on for client services but ultimately ended up doing a myriad of other job functions (ops, culture, hr, events, etc.). I became a go to at the company for everything and was essentially the golden child. I’ve worked exclusively in startups so this wasn’t a major surprise to me. What was a surprise is the absolutely insane environment management (two owners and one senior leader) facilitates by being genuinely unable to let anyone else make a decision. This isn’t unique to me, it is across the company.

Fast forward to today I was “promoted” to work in marketing, with no title change or raise. I’ve tried to discuss it several times and either been brushed off, misled etc. Was told we didn’t have the finances yet they promoted two other people (seemingly for staffing purposes). At that point, I started looking for a job as it was clear that nothing was going to change for me.

So moving to this marketing role resulted in me now reporting to one of the owners who I had always gotten along with. Easily 6 jobs in one, doing the job of an entire department. It quickly became apparent that reporting to him was a different ballgame. Within a few months, I couldn’t do anything right in his eyes.

I don’t even know how to explain this man, here are a few examples of his behavior:

- He will demand something complex occur immediately without having the proper infrastructure set up. Trying to explain to him said thing would be detrimental but can be done by X results in him spamming you with a ton of messages about how he doesn’t understand how we can’t do it, just get it done, he doesn’t want to talk about it for another minute. Usually a ton of typos bc he is typing so furiously.
- He often argues with the other owner and then makes me mediate between the two of them and play telephone, treating the other owner like a child.
Has no respect for others time. Regularly joins meetings late or does not show up, both internally and externally. Almost every week he reschedules our 1:1 (which is already an hour long), typically 1 minute before or several minutes into the call while I am waiting on the meeting. He won’t even message as a heads up, just changes the calendar. He has no meetings on his calendar and he is usually offline.
- He talks poorly about other team members and management to me, usually outright saying that people aren’t working hard enough. For example, we are expected to have a full calendar of meetings at conferences. Sure, not a problem. The problem is when me and my colleagues all have 15 meetings a day, and are sprinting around, and he’s saying we don’t work, meanwhile he’s up in his hotel half the time.
- He talks over everyone. Doesn’t ever apologize and does not stop. Typically will shush you if you try to interject.
- Is extremely unreasonable in his expectations. He frequently says one thing, forgets, and then contradicts himself later and it is always the other person’s fault. If you try to mention it, he does not care, he just says it didn’t happen and that’s that. My favorite part is he asks for a “Strategic Plan” for everything any everything. Gives specific requirements and needs to be a full built out analysis, and say not to start working on the task until he approves the plan. He will then give an arbitrary deadline, I will do it and then he will proceed to not review the plan for weeks if not months saying he needs to but doesn’t have time, until one day he acts like he never asked me to do the plan and says that there’s no reason I can’t start executing and not everything needs to include a plan yada yada yada.
Does not ever follow up on items he is supposed to follow up with. Keep in mind, he needs to review EVERYTHING even if the other owner has reviewed and approved. And it doesn’t matter, he’s going to completely redo it anyway. This is not unique to me either, he even does it to the other members of management. But it is incredibly inefficient, and I feel like I am wasting my time.
- Doesn’t respond to messages or complete follow ups. I started asking him in our 1:1 (especially for non urgent things) and he belittled me for waiting to ask him in the 1:1 saying I wasted a whole day. Then the following week I message him about these things so as not to get reprimanded again, and I am told to just wait until our 1:1. I understand working with executives there is a degree of managing up (have reported into C level several times), but it’s to the point where it’s frankly disrespectful to my time.
- Uses me as an executive assistant. To the point where I am asked to do incredibly personal tasks that have nothing to do with my work. Expects me to cater to his every whim.
- Because he expects me to cater to his every whim, I am also expected to be a mind reader. I have to go through all deliverables both internally and from external parties with a fine tooth comb to make sure that there aren’t even minor things that he would want to change or I am chastised for missing something. Keep in mind it will be things that are so trivial, he makes a mountain out of a molehill about pretty much anything.
- Generally disorganized and doesn’t pay any attention. I have to maintain an agenda document for our weekly meeting which, again is totally fine and generally helpful. What is not helpful is his obsession with assigning deadlines. And I don’t mean “get X project done by X,” I mean, write out each individual step of each task for each project and assign deadlines to everyone involved. For example, for one task within a project, I assign 5 deadlines: “OP to write post by X/X, Owner 2 to review and provide feedback by X/X, OP to implement revisions by X/X, Owner 2 to re-review by X/X, OP to make final changes by X/X, so on.” There are hundreds of lines like this in our agenda document. He has also made me create multiple project management databases that he refuses to use or refer to. I have to spend so much time updating this document it cuts into my actual work. He will criticize really minor formatting things, like oh you should have put this bullet before this one, or he will read a line where I mention a project and then will start telling me I need to provide it and link it in there, meanwhile what he is asking for is already linked right below, he just didn’t have the presence of mind to even look.

I have plenty of other examples like this, I could go on all day. I do not miss deadlines. I am a hard worker, I am efficient and dedicated, I consistently go above and beyond and I have never had issues like this at other jobs. Of course no one is perfect, but this level of micromanagement and criticism seems absolutely absurd. I say criticism because the way he communicates things is not “constructive” or “feedback” he is outright being condescending and rude. It’s like he is simultaneously useless and hands off but also the micromanager from nightmares.

I never know what I am walking into in our 1:1s. His mood dictates how he treats me and my workload for the remainder of the week. Some days he will be sweet as pie, and then the next week your work is shit. His emotional volatility has started to cause me a lot of stress and significant anxiety. I have just started keeping my nose down, doing my work and just agreeing with him so as not to cause conflict. I am really trying to just take a step back and not let it bother me but it really is easier said than done.

This past week, he really got on my last effing nerve. We hired an agency to build some deliverables. One of which was completed initially last June but because he is so difficult and requests so many changes (including new ones that he’s never mentioned before) they are STILL iterating on this deliverable. This is also a deliverable that’s highly specific for his use case and needs, me nor anyone else at the company will use it. Typically the agency sends me the drafts first and asks me to provide feedback before sharing with him because they know how he is. Anyway, he was supposed to review this deliverable and send feedback. He obviously didn’t. He decided the best time to do so was our 1:1 where I watched him screen share and change colors for over 90 minutes (our 1:1, again, is an hour). He also specifically told me I needed to be watching his screen. We sat in silence. One thing about him, is he is always right. If you say the sky is blue, he will say it’s purple and there is no discussion. There was a technological component of this deliverable that he fundamentally did not understand the function of (when I say technological please know this was like a basic function on a document). Myself and the agency had tried to explain it several times but it didn’t stick. Anyway, he misunderstands something and immediately it’s my fault I should have told him on and on. Normally I just take it because honestly it’s not even worth the argument. But he was just really continuously berating me for this, so I spoke up. And again, “speaking up” in this case was me calmly and politely trying to explain. He does NOT like this. He immediately starts yelling, chastising me, telling him that I wasted his time, I have no attention to detail, I can’t do my job, that I don’t understand, and I am being defensive and “trying to say he didn’t understand” and that I was wrong. I cannot reiterate enough how polite and diplomatic I was, he just truly is a bully and will twist the narrative in whatever way he wants to make it seem like he’s right. He keeps complaining until finally he hangs up. Asked me to send him an email thread (which validated what I said on the call) but has otherwise ignored me except for barking orders and sending unreasonable requests in Slack. I am honestly scared to meet with him this week, I feel like I am going to get my ass handed to me.

I have had plenty of stressful jobs, but nothing has ever brought me to this point. This job literally gave me gray hair, sleep issues, anxiety, depression, high cholesterol. It’s not so much the workload as it is the constant hyper vigilance and walking on eggshells that needs to happen to not set this person off. I am aggressively looking for a job, and it’s going decent. I’ve gotten a few interviews and gotten to the final round(s), it just is a really competitive market.

I don’t even know what I expect by posting this. I truly have tried everything to set boundaries and try to establish respect but he just does not give a hoot. I am feeling crazy, I feel constantly gaslit and am starting to develop bad imposter syndrome from this. I don’t know how much more I can take, but I live alone in an HCOL area and can’t just up and quit without anything lined up. I feel so trapped. Is anyone else in this situation?

… about my coworker’s very unprofessional demands of me. They pretty much told me (in writing) that I should do my job a certain way because we’re friends. Their demands came off discriminatory… I attempted a few times to end the conversation by continuously telling them I wound check with management for a solution but they continued being emotional and unprofessional about the way I handled the incident.

When I told my manager I didn’t even had to tell them who was inappropriate, they already knew who the coworker was. So I guess they are gonna talk to them about the incident and I already know there’s gonna be drama. They’re gonna be upset I said it to management when in reality, they’ve already built up a reputation on their own. I know they’re going to confront me, I just don’t know if I should tell them that I didn’t have to mention their name because management already knew who it would be. What to do when confronted?

I am located in England.
On Thursday 14th May i experienced an absence seizures while talking to my boss. She is aware that I have them as I had recently told her that I need to see a neurologist soon and may need to have some time off work for that reason. For some reason she decided that I had instantly fallen into a deep sleep and began to shout at me, when this didn’t bring me round she began hitting me until I came out of the seizure. I was very confused and disoriented and she continued to shout at me, and said that I was putting people in danger. For context I care for her son who has a lot of health issues, one being epilepsy.
I was quite distressed and tried to walk away from her but she followed me around and continued t shout at me which was very intimidating. I the. Tried to leave the premises but my colleague convinced me to stay, I went and sat outside for a few minutes to calm down, my colleague came out to me and checked I was ok and was very sweet but my boss didn’t say anything. When I asked her why she assaulted me she told me I was being ridiculous and stupid. She hasn’t offered any kind of apology.
I have spent the last year working anything from 50 to 90 hour weeks caring for her son to help her out and I feel so disheartened. I also don’t want to just forget about this, has anyone got any advice for me? Thanks in advance.

Due to my last few experiences ( how lovely )

I want to know the signs of a toxic place.

Out of the 3 only 1 I could get signs from that something was off but sadly I thought they were just awkward.

Any tips other than asking about turn over? How long has management been there?

I mean they can easily lie about this.

Can I ask the manager about their personal life’s to gauge them if they are lying or not? If they don’t want to answer is that suspicious?