r/Stress

I (19F) have a boyfriend (24M). My boyfriend drinks constantly and is drunk more often than he is sober. We’ve had sex many times when we’re either sober, he’s drunk, or I’m drunk, or we’re both just drunk. It’s not a consent issue for us. But a few nights ago he was very drunk like blackout drunk. And I was concerned so I asked if he needed me to take care of him and he said yes. So I rush there and I brought him water, an individual serving of cereal, or Mac and cheese that I’d make (this is all I had. We’re college students). And I get there and he’s like stumbling. I tell him to drink water he kept saying no and that he’s not “drinking those drugs”. And when I offered the cereal or Mac and cheese he said no. I offered juice that he had, his own juice and he said no. He would shout no at some points and was stomping his feet throwing a tantrum like a child to wear I was telling him to stop being loud since he has housemates.

After his refusal, I kept telling him to go to sleep and he kept trying to have sex. I kept saying no and to sleep and walking away, but he kept pulling me back. And stomping his feet. “ let’s just do what we do”, “why are you so far away come back”, “drunk or not drunk we can do it”, “come on”. And stomping his feet. I’ve been assaulted in the past where I repeatedly said no and they ignored me and just did what they wanted. And I didn’t know what to do so after like 20 minutes of the back and forth I gave in and had sex with him, but I wasn’t really into it. I just didn’t want him to create a scene because he was literally throwing a tantrum.

And now I just feel so bad. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t feel violated or anything. But at the end of the day I was the sober one and should’ve put my foot down. Or let him throw his tantrum. Because it just feels wrong to sleep with someone blackout drunk especially because I went to take care of him. And I’m just upset at myself for ignoring my boundaries for his comfort and what he wanted. But it still just feels wrong that he was blacked out. What do I do? Am I a bad person?

Three months of a genuinely awful period at work and my skin became unrecognisable. Not just more breakouts, different breakouts. Faster, more inflamed, slower to heal. The kind that show up before a stressful event like they got the memo early.

The cortisol connection is real. Stress elevates cortisol, cortisol tells the sebaceous glands to produce more sebum, more sebum means more congestion and inflammation. It's a direct pathway, not a coincidence.

What shifted things for me was addressing the stress response internally. A few things that come up consistently in this space: ashwagandha for cortisol regulation is probably the most widely discussed, reishi mushroom has adaptogenic properties that support the stress response more broadly, and some acne supplements include 5-HTP specifically because of the cortisol connection. I use mindbodyskin by clearstem which has 5-HTP alongside DIM and B5, there's a version without it for anyone on SSRIs. Nutrafol skin is another one that comes up in hormonal acne conversations.

None of this is a replacement for dealing with what's causing the stress but for the skin side of it the internal route made a real difference for me.

Edit: No idea why was it removed, here’s me trying again. Thanks!

Whole day I stay busy.
But at night, suddenly every thought hits at once — future, money, career, family, everything.
How do you calm your mind?

I just need to rant

I work a decent paying WFH (mainly) job earning 40k, not in London. However I find myself constantly working 12 hour days, have just spent half my week off in bed due to overworking the week before and the other half worried about what I will come back to

The work culture is fine, but the work I do does not get covered when I take annual leave so I feel like it's always a catch 22

I've just worked another 12 hour day today, my first day back in preparation for a meeting tomorrow, and then a 10 hour round trip for a 2 hour meeting the end of this week

Whilst I am a top performer in what I do, I am constantly anxious about performance and worrying about the next thing to come up, I haven't had a quiet period since maybe October last year and I finally feel it's taking its toll. There isn't much more progression, but I have the fear the grass is always greener etc. I've reached the top of my pay bracket without business cases as of this year. I think I'm just stressed and tired and the idea of delivering this presentation tomorrow is terrifying me for some reason. It's 1AM and I can't sleep. Need to be up in 6 hours. Fuck sake

I have so much on my plate at the moment and it’s been going on for months and i imagine months to come. Today I read about a woman who was really stressed and then developed bowel cancer a couple years later. Now i am stressing that im going to get cancer and die. I keep saying once the stress is over then i’ll live. but what about if as soon as its over ill pass away?

My stomach hurts everyday from how anxious i am and i’ve been losing weight for months i feel weak all the time. i’m doing counselling but it isn’t helping. i’ve tried medication but it just provides temporary relief. i can’t escape the cards ive been dealt. i’m only 24, i want so badly to live, but what if im heading to an early grave? my gut can’t help but feel like im not meant to live long.

Having to rely on the government and people while being disabled is so daunting and depressing. Something simple like inheritance of anything monetary can really make or break your life and that’s what I’m dealing with right now because I don’t know what to do. I can’t disregard the inheritance because it might help me financially but I might lose my SSI benefits but then accepting the inheritance means that I could eventually get married one day and have money saved that exceeds the $2,000 limit. But then if I lose SSI then I lose Medicaid benefits and I need that and housing too

I don’t know what to do, I’ve been researching ever since I found out that I might be inheriting a few things but it’s stressful thinking about it

I’ve been finding oolong tea really comforting lately after long stressful days at work. I don’t know why but it feels way different from coffee. Coffee gives me energy but also makes me feel more wired sometimes, while tea feels calmer and more relaxing without making me crash after. Stress has been one of those things I’ve never really known how to control through life and it’s also hard to explain to other people sometimes. Like even when everything looks fine, your brain still feels overwhelmed.

This type of post usually gets good engagement because people love sharing experiences.

Since October last year, I’ve been feeling sick almost every morning before work. Out of 5 workdays, I vomit on about 3 of them. I can’t concentrate, I feel like I’m losing my mind, and I’m under constant stress, but I honestly don’t fully understand why.

I work as a software developer in a corporation. Last year, 4 senior developers from our team were moved to other projects, and I ended up being the only senior left. Since then, they hired new people who still need time to learn and adapt. We also have a Product Owner who has been on the project for about 2 years, but doesn’t really understand the product well and tends to say “yes” to almost everything.

I constantly feel fear and anxiety whenever something needs to be done. I feel like I progress very slowly, and things seem to get worse over time. I’ve also had thoughts about wanting to disappear, not exist anymore, and sometimes even suicidal thoughts.

I also have a mortgage, and while people suggest changing jobs, I honestly don’t want to move to another corporation. Other jobs here pay much worse.

The hardest part is that I used to have energy. I regularly rode my bike, ran, and went hiking. Now I barely have energy for any of those things anymore. I even started smoking again, and every morning I need to smoke 1–2 cigarettes just to calm myself down enough to function.

At first, weekends were still somewhat okay, but now I feel stressed even during weekends. It honestly feels like this job is slowly eating my soul, and I don’t know what to do anymore.

If anyone has gone through something similar or has any advice or direction, I’d really appreciate it. I feel completely stuck and don’t know how to move forward.

I was severely dysregulated, experiencing palpitations, muscle tension, involuntary jaw clenching, insomnia, an overactive mind, jittery restlessness and more.

I am currently on lexapro but was previously on a sleep aid which I no longer take. I do not want to become dependent on sleep medication. I work in a high-stress job and still not completely regulated.

I have been experimenting with non-medication techniques to manage nervous system dysregulation. Some techniques help maintain a baseline while others provide grounding when I am spiralling. I would love to hear what works for you and would be happy to borrow your tips and techniques.

Instant grounding:
- Cold water splash or dipping face in a bowl with ice and water: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
- Warm water bath: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
- 54321 technique, Identifying 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste: ⭐️⭐️⭐️
- I keep the above simple and only focus on listing colours around me: ⭐️⭐️⭐️
- General mindfulness: ⭐️⭐️⭐️
- listening to music: ⭐️⭐️
- reading or watching anything: ⭐️⭐️
- looking out of window: ⭐️⭐️⭐️
- box breathing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Baseline:
Somatic yoga : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Pranayama: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Progressive muscle relaxation: ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Full body mobility focused workout: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Strength training: ⭐️⭐️
Walking quietly: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Gratitude/journalling: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

idk if this is common with bpd, but i experience this cycle between feeling super stressed and super bored a lot. it's probably my nervous system jumping from total hyperactivation to the opposite.

anyway, i wonder if anybody can help with this? can anyone relate and have you found anything that helps?

My life is starting to be in financial shambles right now and it’s affecting my physical and mental health. I haven’t used therapy much in the past very in frequently but now that situations like this are popping up. I can’t even put money aside to afford therapy.

What are you guys do in instances like this?

Hi all! Just a general rant because I’m feeling very alone. Currently I’m 27 weeks pregnant! Woohoo, almost in the third trimester!

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty unsupported by my husband/alone in my pregnancy. I do struggle with mental health disorders (bipolar, PTSD, depression and anxiety) which sometimes make me think - maybe I am being overly emotional (especially with my pregnancy hormones) and I just figured I’d vent on here and see what everyone else thought.

THIS RANT IS GOING TO BE PRETTY LONG FYI SORRY!!

This is currently my first pregnancy and it was kinda unexpected but not like we were entirely avoiding it. When I found out, I was really scared that I wasn’t going to be a good mom, that I wasn’t in a good mental spot, but I’ve put a lot of work in on myself and am feeling more and more prepared each day I get closer to meeting our baby. I got a new job working full time and really going above and beyond in my career and making a good impression. Working on my mental health to make sure I’m stable throughout my pregnancy, scheduling all my appointments on time and setting everything up which is something I previously have struggled with. Just really making an effort to make sure I’m on track.

My husband and I recently got married (April 11th). We had already been engaged before I had gotten pregnant and since getting pregnant I knew I wanted to get my name legally changed to his. I’m technically in a new state now and was basically waiting to get everything changed over once we were married. All great and good!

For the last few months of being pregnant, I have encouraged my husband to spend time with his friends (he’s pretty social, also loves going out and watching sports games). I was fairly social before my pregnancy, but I just am constantly pretty tired and don’t have the same social capacity as I used to. I just prefer to be home (especially when I’m feeling good, so I can clean and get us more situated when the baby arrives). But, I feel like he’s kinda been taking going out with his friends while I’m pregnant a little bit too far even when I’ve tried setting boundaries of what would make me comfortable.

He has previously used substances in the past and when I got pregnant he swore up and down he would not be doing c*caine any more.

We went out with my coworker one night really early in my pregnancy and they were drinking and I just was hanging out enjoying a night when I wasn’t feeling completely like crap (those 1st trimester blues lol). They both were kinda up and about and we were mostly sitting outside and my husband said he was going to go get another drink at the bar and she was running to the bathroom. I was sitting at the table outside but could see inside the bar and saw them both walk out of the same bathroom together.. right off the bat, I was like… uhh little weird. He came back to the table first and I asked why they walked out together and he had some lame excuse like the toilet wasn’t flushing and she needed help (I really don’t remember exactly what he said when I confronted him - this was around 4 or 5 months ago). I remember asking if they did drugs and he said absolutely not. I brushed this off because I trusted him.

Later in the evening, my coworker was really drunk and needed to spend the night at our house. She asked me to send a text from her phone to someone and I saw a text chain between her and my husband talking about meeting up in the bathroom together to use drugs. I immediately felt sick to my stomach. She had passed out and I showed him the text and he turned pale. We went downstairs and I just cried and he admitted he was wrong and he had messed up and it would never happen again.

Since then he had been really great about coming to appointments with me when he could and reminding me to take my prenatal vitamin. He always will tell me how beautiful I am while pregnant and try to boost my confidence when I’m feeling not so great about myself.

The last few weeks he had been going out a little more just because there had been a lot of sporting events going on and I knew he wanted to go out and spend some time with his friends and watch, which is totally fine!

Last Saturday, I booked a 3D ultrasound just to have some bonding for my husband and I with the baby. It was great and I was so excited to see her, and it just felt so real. We went out and had lunch after and he mentioned that he wanted to go out with some friends after for a couple of events that were happening that day. I agreed and dropped him off at the bar that they were all meeting up at and told him to have fun and just to keep me updated throughout the night (we have had issues in the past where I ask him to just try to be home by midnight the latest, and there’s always an excuse and he ends up out way later. It bothers me because I usually don’t sleep well when he’s not home).

After I dropped him off, I was talking with my parents over FaceTime and found out about a pretty serious event that happened with my uncle from my home state - I’ll touch upon that later.

Later in the evening I decided I would go surprise my husband while he was out because he always says how badly he wishes I would hangout with him just for a little when he goes out. I think it’s very sweet that he wants to spend time with me, but again - it’s very physically demanding and I get drained quickly. I went and popped in at the bar he was at and said hello to everyone he was with, made an appearance and was there for probably less than an hour before leaving. I told my husband I knew he was probably going to be out a bit later and just to again; keep me updated and be safe. I got home around 11pm and probably fell asleep around 11:30pm.

I woke up later and the lights in my bedroom were still on because I obviously must’ve passed out with the lights on (I was exhausted lol). I had felt like I had been asleep for awhile and I heard the birds outside. My husband was not in bed… I looked at my phone and it was 4:45am and I had not received any texts or calls from him at all. I panicked and called him and he picked up and said he was home and just in the bathroom. He came in the bedroom and his eyes were so bloodshot. I asked if he had used any drugs because it was almost 5 in the morning and he’s just getting home and did not follow up with me. He said after the bars he went to his friend’s house down the street and his phone had died. I asked if he had done drugs and he swore he did not. I asked if he had smoked cigarettes (he said he would quit when I became pregnant), he admitted he smoked two, which I told him, I understand if he’s out drinking and socially smokes. Again, I trust him and we go to sleep.

The next day, I find out more news regarding my uncle and that basically he had committed manslaughter. My family was going through a really hard time, so I brought over some lunch and desserts to lighten the mood and spend some time with them. It has been pretty traumatic for us all.

The next day, I’m under a decent amount of stress just with my job, my family, and still a little upset with my husband and his going out till almost 5am. I finish up my work day and head home and try to relax through the night. I end up getting what feels like contractions and I start sort of panicking because this is my first pregnancy and I don’t really know what’s normal. I call my OB and they advise I go to the hospital just to get checked and ease my mind. It’s about midnight at this point. I let my husband know what’s going on and he agrees to come to the hospital with me. I’m going through our laundry just to grab some pants I was wearing earlier that day and… lo and behold, I find a bag of drugs in our laundry. I ask him what it is and he says it was his friends and that he did a little and forgot to give it back. I immediately start crying -obviously already under a lot of stress- I drive to the hospital with him in silence. Everything at the hospital ends up being okay and they just tell me to continue monitoring and to try to keep my stress levels low.

My husband and I go home and basically have a conversation about what had happened. I tell him he really needs to regain my trust because everything he was saying to me was the same as the first incident he had. I was just so emotionally drained and it was 4am at this point and I desperately needed to sleep.

A few days go by and again, I’m getting ready to go to work and going through our laundry… I find a pack of cigarettes (it’s like he WANTS to get caught). I confront him about it and he says they’re from the night that he was out till 5am doing drugs with his friends. At this point I’m just asking him what else has he lied to me about and he said he had done drugs a few more times at the bars without me finding out.

I basically tell him that right now I am approaching my 3rd trimester and he needs to be ready for anything. If I’m having contractions or if I go into labor and he has to come to the hospital drunk and high, I genuinely don’t know what I would do. He said he will stop going out and drinking and I can drug test him when he comes home if he does go out with friends… I feel like I shouldn’t have to do this.

Again, a few days go by and I’m just really feeling a lot of stress. We had a week prior got our marriage license back in the mail and found out he sent the wrong piece of paper to the district courthouse. I followed up with him and asked him if he ever sent the correct part of the marriage license out and he said ‘he forgets if he did or didn’t’. I ask him to check as he is downstairs watching the hockey game and told me he would in 5 minutes. I asked him where it could be and I will just check for it, and he stated it wouldn’t make a difference in 5 minutes if it’s there or not…. This brings out a rage in me lol. He ends up coming upstairs and said he had never sent it out.. I’m obviously upset. You have 10 days to send it out and it had been almost a month at this point. I check online and typically they will accept it late but you do get a penalty fine for it. It is what it is. There’s nothing I can do about it now.

Another thing that has been bothering me is my husband has made no effort to get his driver’s license. I basically have to set everything up. I’m getting further along and if I go into labor I don’t want to drive myself to the hospital. I know if I don’t set it up, it will never get done. He owns a business and has employees that work for him so he rarely ever has to be at work (if anything works at his facility about 5-10 hours a week). It’s just frustrating he has all this time, but I’m the one setting everything up either when I’m up at night or while I’m at work.

I just feel so drained. Ive been working full time (finally going down to reduced hours this week) , I’m almost 7 months pregnant, and I feel like I’m in a constant state of anxiety. My body hurts all the time and also when I went to the hospital I found out my glucose is really high which is an indicator for gestational diabetes (I have my glucose tolerance test on the 19th to confirm). I’ve been trying to eat better and buying all the groceries to make sure I have what I need to make sure everything will be okay, just because I want to be proactive incase it is confirmed I have gestational diabetes. I’ve set up our whole registry. I’m trying to get everything together so the baby will have everything she needs. I’m dealing with my family struggles and trying to be emotionally supportive through this hard time for them.

I feel like whenever I’m emotional or ask for help when I’m resting, I’m met with frustration. I ask for back rubs a lot because I’m genuinely hurting from growing human, and he always gets mad saying that I always asked for back rubs even before I was pregnant and I’m abusing my privilege and that I never rub his back in return, but I’m genuinely so tired. I feel guilty but I also feel like I’m doing so much. I set up a meeting with a therapist because I just feel like I’m lacking support right now or I’m not setting clear enough boundaries. I just don’t know what to do.

He does help out with me if I ever had needed/need financial help - I didn’t have a job for a bit due to a bipolar episode keeping me out of work and on disabled leave. I ended up eventually leaving that job. He also again, is very sweet when I am feeling bad about my appearance during my pregnancy, and he will rub my back a little when I ask, but definitely makes me feel bad about it lol.

I don’t know. If you took this long to read all of this I appreciate you. I really just needed to vent. I’m just so tired and drained. I just hope I’m not hurting my baby.

Sorry if the title is unclear and if this is not the right place to post this.

I (18m) have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and take pills for stress.
The feeling I’m talking about is like if something infinitly big was inside my head, not something psysical but like a concept (and not that my body would be big) the first time I had it it was during a strong fever and it was something I felt when I closed my eyes (so not asleep). I thought alot about it since it was extremely strong at the point that I was almost disgusted that something so big could exist. It stayed with me for 1 or 2 month: it would randomly pop even without being. The second time I had it, it was just before waking up. It happened the exact same way almost 1 week after that. The thing is that both times, it was an extremely stressful day for me since that day I had to give an oral presentation + 3 tests in school. So it seemed to be caused by a lot of stress. Before and after those events, I was very depressed and in general had an extremely dificult time actually going to class. Those 2 events happened at the end of last year and this year it’s been even worse. Obviously I’m very stressed by school and just going there is very hard. The thing is the feeling came back, the night of the day I started studying at home. Before that I was basically doing nothing and I had to start studying at least a bit to go to tests and not have problems with the school.

So the first time with the feeling was during a fever but the 3 times after that it seemed related with stress.

I’m just seeking similar experiences and info about what it could be and even maybe other subs where it would be more appropriate to post this, thanks alot :)

I am dealing with a late ADHD diagnosis 29(F), which I am now medicated for. However my job is full on and very stressful so I feel like my cortisol levels are through the roof, at first I thought my ADHD was part to blame but even on the medication I am struggling. I need to do a test for this and it is something I am hoping to speak to my doctor about.

Other than the usual techniques to try to de-stress which I am trying to do actively, is there such thing as a supplement or anything that could reduce cortisol? Or is that a bit placebo?

I had last week off work due to a separate illness but I am back today and feel ill again from stress and my head is very cloudy and my neck is in agony again.

Ultimately I believe I need to leave my job but it isn't possible at the moment so any advice for anything I can do in the meantime would be appreciated.

Thanks

Hi everyone,
This is my first post on reddit ever, so bare with me plssss. For context, I (19f) am currently a first year university student studying mathematics and science. In high school (im trying not to talk myself up too much here), I always found mathematics to come to me easily, requiring not much effort to do well in. I studied the highest level of mathematics that was available to me, and competed in many maths competitions (nerdy i know). I was ranked 7th in my area for maths. Due to this I was lucky enough to land a scholarship, which i need to maintain a high gpa for. The university I am at do 2 seperate mid semester style exams. It’s confusing for me to word so everything in brackets is just me explaining how it works. (For each of the 2 exams you get to have 3 sittings of it. As in exam1 you get 3 goes and exam2 you get 3 goes. In order to pass you must get a mark of 16/20 - and if you don’t after 3 attempts, you fail the entire course :( :( It’s quite harsh) Long story short, I failed the first 2 exams I’ve sat, only getting 15/20. That means I only now get 1 more attempt at not failing basically my degree. I’ve talked to my university regarding my scholarship, and yes I need to pass this to maintain it. I’m so insanely stressed about what to do - they want me to resit it in approximately 2 weeks, and while that sounds good, I have 2 physics and 2 chemistry exams between now and then, weighing 60% for each of the courses. I’m now having an existential crisis, questioning if I can even do the degree i’m doing - I can’t even pass the first exam of the first course ughhhhhh. As I have always found maths to be not too bad, I also have no real clue how to study, or how to deal with stress. Unless you can’t tell from this post, no, I am not taking failing this exam well. Please please please, if you know any ways of managing stress, or studying - besides the just do practice questions - please do share with me. Or if you can even just tell me i won’t fail, just so I have someone believing in me lol, it would mean so much to me. Sorry for the huge ahh essay everyone!!!

I genuinely don’t know how some people live so freely without constantly thinking about everything. My brain turns every small situation into a full mental battle — future, mistakes, health, career, relationships, even random conversations from years ago.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not actually living life, I’m just analyzing it 24/7.

I miss being present. Enjoying small moments without my mind creating problems that don’t even exist yet. I want to wake up without instantly feeling pressure about the future.

Does anyone else feel exhausted from their own thoughts?

What actually helped you stop overthinking and start enjoying life a little more?

hi reddit. honestly, i don't know how to feel right now. i don't know if this even is the right subreddit, but i needed to get this off my chest.

me (m16) and my sister (f13) were home today when something went wrong. i work from home, so i had a decent day, but the trouble started when my mom set up her laptop for my sister to take her virtual therapy session. she went back to work, and my sister hopped on the session.

now, i'm not sure what happened explicitly, but as my sister was setting the laptop up, she got a notifcation of a text (my mom's phone is connected to her laptop) from an unknown number. as she was trying to dismiss it, she clicked on it accidentially. she was going to close it, but she noticed that the text messages had a lot of "baby" and red hearts in it, and the number didn't have a contact.

my sister, freaking out (she tends to be the sensitive one) called me downstairs, saying "i think mom is cheating on dad". of course, i thought it was just a miscommunication, that my mom would NEVER do that, so i asked what make her say that. she starts skimming through messages, showing me exact ones on the laptop. stuff like "my husband is home", sexual messages, lots of flirting, and the final nail in the coffin; "i've been cheating for 10 years".

i start flipping out, trying to calm my sister and calling my dad's mom to tell her what's happening. she can't believe what's happening, but we explain it to her, and she tells me to contact my therapist. she then leaves the call.

me now starting to overthink and already emotional, calls one of my best friends on the phone. i tell him the news, and he thinks i'm joking, but then i start crying and he immediately gets really concerned. we have a talk, and he tells me to call my dad.

so i dial up my dad, telling him to come home, it's important. it was reaching 4 pm, when mom gets home, and both me and my sister did not want to see her. he demands that i tell him what happened, and i spill. then he just plainly says "i have to go back to work" and hangs up.

at this point i'm panicking, so i call my grandma (dad's mom) again, telling her to come pick us up (i cannot drive yet) asap. she rushes over, yelling to get in the car before mom gets home. we then drive off.

both me and my sister are upset. she's sobbing, and i'm just numb.

eventually after some mcdonalds and talking, we head back to my parents house to pick up overnight stuff, and we talk to dad. he seemed really off, i could tell, but he was masking it well. my mom was shut off in her room.

now, i'm sitting down in my grandma's basement with my sister on a gross pull out couch, just thinking what the hell to do.

i thought my parent's were genuinely in love. they rarely fought, and my mom got through her alcoholism with him. and now it's all over.

both me and my sister are scared of what the hell is going to happen. we don't want them to divorce, but 10 years?!? i feel replused at my mom.

so, maybe i just had to vent this, but any advice? yes, i'm still a kid, and these are "adult things". but i'm just looking for some support here. what should i do next? i know i can't stop a divorce, but i'm more worried about my sister. she's sensitive, and i want to support her as the older brother. how can me and my sister move on from this?

tldr; sister finds messages of mom cheating for 10 years, looking for support

Lately it feels like there’s always something stressing me out, even when nothing big is actually happening.

Work, money, small problems, random thoughts… it all just stacks up and never really switches off.

Even on “relaxing” days my brain still feels busy.

Hey everyone,

I don’t usually post things like this, but I think I need some support or at least to not feel so alone in what’s going on.

The last couple years have been really heavy. My marriage basically ended after my wife came out and started dating women (I am male). I’m trying to be understanding and supportive, but it completely flipped my world upside down. We built a life together, we have kids, routines, memories… and now everything feels different. I don’t think I’ve fully processed that loss. Sometimes I feel sad, sometimes angry, sometimes just numb, and it kind of comes in waves depending on the day.

At the same time, life hasn’t slowed down at all. I’m still running a business, trying to be present for my kids, dealing with a move to a smaller place to try to simplify and forget family home and save money, and just the day-to-day stress of everything. I feel like I’ve been in survival mode for a long time—just pushing through, getting things done—but not actually feeling okay. It’s like I don’t have space to stop and process anything, so it just keeps building.

There are also older things that I think are catching up to me now. 4 years ago I found out my biological dad was actually my mom’s fertility doctor, which really messed with my sense of identity more than I probably let myself admit. I kind of pushed it aside and kept going. (I have 17 half siblings and kind of explains health issues I have)

I also lost my dad who raised me to brain cancer 12 years ago, and I don’t think I ever fully dealt with that either.

Also the biological dad died in a plane crash 1 year after I found out. I kind of wish I got to at least meet him once.

Also we had a foster daughter for over 3 years that went back to her mom and haven’t talked to her since.

And something that’s hard to even write… about six years ago, a close friend of mine died by suicide in my basement. That’s been sitting in the background ever since. I don’t talk about it much, but I think it changed something in how my brain works. It made suicide feel more real and, in a weird way, more “accessible” as a thought, which honestly scares me. I’m actually moving out of this house on Monday, and I don’t know if that’s going to help or bring everything back up.

I also haven’t really tried dating at all. Part of me doesn’t want to, and part of me doesn’t even know how I’d show up for that right now. It still feels like I’m trying to process everything that happened, and jumping into something new doesn’t feel right. At the same time, it can feel isolating.

Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, and honestly pretty lost. Like I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do—working, parenting, showing up—but inside it feels really heavy. I get irritated more easily, I feel disconnected, and sometimes I just don’t see how things are supposed to get better. That part scares me a bit. Honestly I do get suicidal once in awhile. I have a team of therapist, psychiatrist, doctors…etc

I’m not really sure what I’m asking for. Maybe just hearing from people who’ve been through something similar, or how you handled a stretch where everything kind of piled up at once. Or even just knowing someone else understands this feeling.

Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it.