r/SingleAndHappy

I’m genuinely curious about the people in this community.

How old are you, and what experiences made you decide that being single is what makes you happiest?
Why you choose this kind of lifestyle?

Do you see this as a temporary phase, or do you think you want to stay single forever?

For context, I have no desire to get in a relationship, marriage, kids etc and I enjoy being alone. I've planned my life so that I'll be working in a new country every year or two, then at a certain point between 35-50 when I get bored I'll move onto some land and become largely self sufficient.

Although this will make me live a very happy life, I still fear being old and alone, not having kids or grandkids to look after me when I can't phsycally move. I did this for my grandparents, and probably will for my parents which is what triggered me to think about it

Context: 36M, left a 15 year relationship last year. Found out a few months ago she cheated on me and is now with the guy trying for kids and buying a house. Was all pretty traumatic.

I'm really happy being single now and find the peace and freedom more than make up for the loneliness. However, my friends keep trying to set me up with girls but I've found I have zero interest anymore. Have no desire to have sex or even kiss a woman, even if she's really attractive. I'm not sure if I'm just still not finished processing the cheating and so my brain is blocking out romantic partners as a way to protect myself or if I really have just no interest.

Do you find the happier you are single, the less you want to have sex?

I have had a few moments like that, the worst one was when my cousin told me that her live in boyfriend of two years told her that her furniture at her grandparents house (which they had lived in together rent free for 18 months, they moved to his apartment when the house was sold after the grandparents died and he insisted on bringing back only his luxurious furniture and to leave her cheap furniture behind) "wasn't his problem" when her parents required her to remove all the furniture before the house was officially put on sale... she said it like this was mildly annoying but normal and her parents heard her say this to me and said nothing. I was actively baffled for days afterwards.

You've seen it before, men who approach women in public , especially those who are just trying to do their jobs. I think for many guys, not all of us are meant to be with someone else. I believe there is so many problems you can avoid just being by yourself. Being alone grants you with the ability to pursue your hobbies, passions and interests, and you learn to love yourself.

I would go as far as to say for me personally, being single is ideal. I get to do whatever I want, play video games, and life is chill. You don't need women, all you need is yourself and some hobbies.

https://preview.redd.it/3jwqbx4p0v0h1.png?width=349&format=png&auto=webp&s=8cc495204af91ace07622645649b2193ebe06fda

I was the ultimate doormat in my past relationships. Men treated me poorly. I ignored it and poured more into them.

I wanted to win them over.

Looking back, I realize I didn't love myself - I poured my love and care into them instead..

The men I chose to date loved fantasy women (women they never met) and had porn addictions. I feel like I dodged bullets.

I'm now at a point where I don't care about dating.

If I do find someone, they will need to be on the same wavelength as me AND love and respect me as much as I love and respect myself now.

For these simple standards alone, I have doubts it will ever happen.

But until then, I am a happy soloist. I love peace and quiet.

I see it around me constantly: couples who have been together or married for decades, yet seem quietly miserable. And the older I get, the more I question whether long-term partnership actually makes most people happier.

For many men, marriage gradually becomes a slow surrender of autonomy. What starts as love often turns into a life centered around keeping the peace: pleasing the wife, avoiding conflict, maintaining the household, and continuing to provide financially no matter what. Over time, many men seem less like respected partners and more like exhausted workhorses whose value is measured primarily by stability and income.

Their own desires, ambitions, hobbies, or even identity slowly erode. The home itself often reflects the preferences of the wife far more than the husband. Sexual attraction fades, emotional warmth declines, and what remains is routine, obligation, and social expectation. Many men stay not because they are fulfilled, but because they fear loneliness, divorce, financial destruction, or social judgment. Society labels this “commitment” or “honor,” but for many it resembles a polite prison. Yet most men want to be honorable, so they suffer, for decades. Often stuck in jobs they hate, to 'provide' for their partner who is incapable of appreciating it.

Of course, there are healthy marriages built on mutual respect, attraction, and growth but they seem far rarer than people admit.

At the same time, many women would likely be happier alone as well. A large number of men never truly mature emotionally or domestically. Many women thus end up acting as mothers, therapists, maids, and emotional regulators for husbands who contribute little beyond their income or ego. Some men are driven primarily by impulse, comfort, sexual urges, or status, while lacking any sort of self-awareness, discipline, or emotional intelligence. The woman carries most of the risk if she has children and the man leaves.

In countless relationships, the woman also carries the invisible burden of managing the household, the emotional atmosphere, and often the children too. Meanwhile, the man may see himself as a “king” while behaving more like an overgrown child demanding service and validation. Involved in his own fantasy world, he self fellates to please his own ego because the harsh reality is something he cannot actually deal with.

Then there is the pressure surrounding children. Many women are subtly or directly pushed into motherhood by culture, family, biology, or expectation, even when it may not align with what would genuinely make them fulfilled. Once children enter the equation, many feel trapped in a structure that becomes increasingly difficult to leave. For men, many are forced into a sort of emotional blackmail where they have to subjugate to the biological clock of their partner - or else their partner will leave them. Thus the man complies. In the bad case scenarios, further down the line, the children are sometimes used as sort of covert weapons of manipulation to have the man comply with whatever whim the woman came up with.

Again, there are exceptions, and there are beautiful people (both men and women) out there who are the exception to the rule.

The uncomfortable truth is that a significant percentage of couples are not together because they deeply enrich each other’s lives, but because of pure fear: fear of loneliness, financial instability or disruption, social stigma, aging alone, or starting over.

I believe that more people would live more peaceful, authentic, and fulfilling lives if they remained single or at the very least became far more selective about who they build a life with.

How many hobbies do you do?

I have Drawing, Researching, World-building, and Creative Writing!

I seriously give up dating and I’m starting to accept the fact that I’m better off single. Every man that I talk to either doesn’t like me because of my body or if I do find someone they are still close to their ex. I was talking to a guy that I had a great connection with and we had so much in common. He's exactly my type and everything, but then he kept bringing up his ex and sent me a picture of them. He also mentioned that they still talk. I think the dating pool closed for me a long time ago. I’m just going to be single the rest of my life.

I got out of a serious year and a half long relationship just two months ago. A relationship I moved across the world for and left my job family and friends in the US behind. It sucks that my ex was already on dating apps two weeks later. Here I am now slowly rebuilding my life in the US. Im not going to lie, I have been a serial relationship person all through out my 20s. I spent 20-26 in a serious live in relationship and have jumped from relationship to relationship ever since with usually only a couple months apart. Part of the reason for this is that I have always wanted to be a mother and I felt so much societal pressure to get married and start a family. I also never truly learned how to be happy on my own which I really wish I would have by now. Now that im 30 for some reason im chilling out about it. All I can think is thank god I havent married or had a child with the wrong person. It feels SO good to not be worried about finding someone new and just embracing this stage of my life. I will date again, but not for a while. I want to feel really truly happy with myself first where someone would be an addition to the life that ive built. I actually feel so liberated for the first time in a long time. I still want kids, but I am reminding myself I still have time and I love not having them at this moment.

Anyone agree? 🙋😇😇 I've dated many men over many years, but all I can say now is that all I've learned is that I just wasted my precious time and efforts, and all I've gotten was a broken heart. The last man who I truly loved for over a decade turned out to be the shittiest piece of shit. 😇 Now I'm just soooooo done with men... 😇 It was just soooooo not worth it. 😇 I think love is just BS for majority of people. I'm so happy to be single. Love is just BS. Anyone agree? 🙋😇😇😇

I’m not just looking for advice 🙄

I actually want to talk and hear real experiences👀

If you’re single, how has it been for you emotionally? Did you struggle with loneliness at some point?

Also curious did things like getting a pet actually help, or not really?

Would appreciate genuine conversations more than one-line answers