Being alone is affecting my mental health
I’m F 29, single, no kids and I live alone with no friends or family nearby. I’ve always been the quiet person who has a hard time carrying a conversation. I have a hard time building relationships with people because of it. I have never been in a real relationship or on a real date and I’ve given up because of my social anxiety and awkwardness. When I try to talk to people at work I feel like I mess up and want to distance myself because of it. I feel this emptiness inside that I am longing for someone to care about me and want to spend time with me. I’ve never had a best friend to do everything with like a lot of my friends do. I’ve started to think about dying and different ways I could die and that it wouldn’t matter because no one would miss me. I’m so tired of feeling alone, like I’m a burden, and that no one cares. I feel like when I go out to social events I say the wrong thing and wish I would have stayed home to begin with. I feel like I’ll feel this way forever and I’ll never be happy again. I even made up a fictional husband and kids to try and make me less lonely and like I’m wanted.