r/QuittingFindom

I used to work in the adult industry, and most of these models hire what we call CHATTERS.

CHATTER = a dude sitting behind a laptop, pretending to be the model, using psychology against you to drain your wallet and keep you hooked.

So if you're talking to an OF model:

99% of the time, she's not texting you back at 2am.
A 37yo dude named Kevin is.

I'm not saying this to mock you or anything, I'm saying it as your WAKE UP CALL.

I wrote a whole book exposing how this industry really works behind the scenes (it's free), so Ask Me Anything.

I'll reply to every comment.

I’m 19 and am fairly new to findom so to speak, I haven’t done much sends in total. I am just triggered by feet and also the findom brats on twitter, this leads me to going onto discord and talking with dommes like this and here and there I will cave in and actually send them money. I need help, how do I stop wanting this, it feels great in the moment like I was meant to do this but after it feels so shallow. Pls help

Feeling really triggered this morning. Really wanting to redownload X and look at all the rich hot brats, especially the one I’ve been sending to for years 😩

Anyone else struggling?

Honestly I just need advice i dont have the faintest clue where to start

Nearly once a day, I'll be at work or out for a walk, something. I'll see a person and just wonder "what is your life like?"

It could be perfect, or maybe awful. It could be riddled with all kinds of stresses and pains, or maybe it's full of joy. I think to myself "they probably have no idea what Findom even is", and they probably don't.

Today I saw an old man on a walk. He had a dog, also old. He had a fishing rod over his shoulder and a box in his hand. I was behind him only briefly when he bumped into a friend and stopped. They started chatting. As I passed them by, they gave me a nod and a "hiya".

Maybe they thought something of me as I passed them, or maybe nothing at all. They certainly didn't think "there goes a recovering Findom addict".

This is all very slice of life, but nearly once a day I see another person that grounds me, for one reason or another. They make me feel silly for thinking about Findom as much as I have over the past few years.

This for me is one of the values about going for walks and just getting off the internet and away from this space.

My last send was 1 month ago, i knew i needed to quit findom because it was leading to nowhere and that I need to spent the money on myself.

But I just realized I need to quit Porn entirely. I've started watching porn when i was 14 and basically did it nearly daily with few breaks until now (I'm 29). Thinking about it now, my excessive porn consumption is what lead me to findom and I really need to quit porn entirely.

To be honest on one hand i feel kinda stupid for realizing this just now. But on the other hand better late than never and I also know that I can do it!

Just wanted to share something that motivates me everyday to stay away from findom. I'm currently also quitting weed after about 2+ years.

I just wanted to see how im feeling and what I can achieve when going on without my biggest addictions that controlled most of my life. And in order to have a real comparison I need to give this a real shot at least a year without it.

The addiction always draws you in again convincing you it is not the problem. Well the only way to challenge this is to go without it and see what actually happens.

Roughly 1 month in now and im feeling so much better already!

The urges tonight have been so insane. I’m laying in bed with my phone (the rule I was trying not to break) and it feels physically impossible to not tempt myself here and dip my toes in the water. I want to be manipulated, used, coerced, and psychologically trapped so badly. Why am I like this 😭

Last month I relapsed, at first it felt good but it wasn’t like before, i wasn’t enjoying it anymore. I felt different and decided to stop for good, i will not relapse anymore, i will enjoy my money my way, the way i want, spending on food, on clothes and mostly pokemon and one piece boosters or even buying myself the new Nintendo switch 2. It it possible to stay in findom/femdom with a budget and staying in this budget but i can’t do this, i keep sending more and more and it is not good for me, it’s better if i stay out of this. So for the people who think they can’t stay away from findom, i promise and know that you can stay away from this, you are better than this, you are powerful and stronger than this.

Next month at this time it will be one year since I sent. I’m at three months content free.

I don’t need a congratulations since I’ve been a finsub for so long I’m partially just burnt out and maybe at a different point than many. I’m still attracted to findom. Once you experience it, it stays with you forever just at a lower level.

Just reporting that it is possible to quit and show support for those that are struggling. Work on it and don’t give up. I’m getting more done around here and I feel better about that. You can to.

Just stay away from this subreddit. It used to be an interesting place for exchange about the findom kink. But it's a fucking cult.

It's ridden with parasites. "Dommes" offering shitty advice they weren't asked for. Normalization or even romantization of unhealthy behavior from both subs and dommes. It's disgusting. There has been a poll lately asking what you are, domme or sub. The results showed that about 60% are dommes. That says it all.

And also: If there is a post being critical on findom there's always an excuse. The domme is always in the right. The sub is always wrong. It's always the sub who should've been more careful and so on. "Dommes get scammed too" and it's just them not getting 50 bucks for investing two minutes of their time. Yeah, fuck this.

So to anyone who wants to quit, stay on this sub instead even if it isn't nearly as active. At least you get in touch with fellow people who want to quit and have a realistic outlook on this scene.

https://preview.redd.it/0enpvod9rizg1.png?width=398&format=png&auto=webp&s=53bca683eeb626e5d8f1d24f921965308cba5a7d

Was afraid for a long time to add it all up figure out what my total debt burden is. Having ai come up with an optimal system for paying it down as quickly and effectively as possible. The adrenaline rush of findom isn't worth the stress that comes later. Wish me luck!

$350 to my retirement account
$325 to political donations (races are heating up in US politics)

Hey guys,

I am a former findom addict, I quit 4 years ago and today while I was trying to sleep, an idea came to my mind. What if I create a coaching program to help you guys overcome your addiction to send, with weekly Mastermind group calls on Zoom for people who are trying to recover, share ideas, thoughts, and progress.

Would this be something you guys would invest your time in doing?

View Poll

After being addicted to findom for 3 years, I now have zero interest in it at all. I've gone 2 months without engaging or consuming findom related content. After multiple failed attempts to stay away I eventually just became bored of it and now see it for what it is. A bunch of young girls from tiktok just trying to make quick money. Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones but one day something clicked in my brain and now I have no desire for it anymore.

I've been having some of the women I usually send to reach out and send pictures etc. recently trying to get me to send more. Some of it came out of nowhere from people I haven't heard from in forever. It almost comes off as desperate to me like they are trying to get me to get back together with them. It doesn't make me want to send to them though I do feel bad sometimes for disappointing them. I just wonder if they get the same urges I do? I can imagine that it would be quite a rush to have people obsessing over you and sending you money.

It makes me feel a bit better because I used to get mad that they take advantage of my addiction but now I realize they are probably addicted to the attention and money. In a way maybe we are helping them by quitting so they can get back to reality and doing something useful and productive.

I've kind-of always wanted to learn to play music. Bought a hand drum. Bought an acoustic guitar. Took a class and some lessons a few times. Bought a keyboard. Messed around a bit for years with each of them, mostly guitar. Studied (read) on music theory. Know the fretboard some. Know the music staff some. But never committed, never practiced with any consistency. Never got anywhere.

Not sure why or precisely when but about a week ago I got the sudden urge to buy a nice keyboard (looking at the Roland FP-30) and try again.

The downsides are money and the fear of failure.

The money doesn't matter much. It's not cheap but I'm working and this will be just a small dent in my normal budget. I've wasted many times that on findom, so I feel free to spend this on myself. (Thanks, Findom! ughhhh. LOL.)

I wrote "fear of failure" because that's a popular phrase. But it's not exactly that. It's not so much a fear as a concern or probably (given my past) outcome. It doesn't really matter if I fail, it's not like it would be some public failure. It's more like: Do I really want to set myself up for yet another thing in my life that I don't follow through on?

But then there are the potential great things.

Quitting findom is, by far, not the main reason. But I'll mention it first because that's the topic here. One problem I have is a type of boredom. When I go to work or am around friends or family I'm fine. When I work on my other hobbies or household projects, I'm fine. But there are limits to when I can do those things. I can't stain the deck or hang out with my friend at 10:30pm on a Tuesday night when I get home from work.

So there I am, at 10:30 on a Tuesday, and my options are things like: Do my bills. Write (I like to write). Read. Doom Scroll. Watch yet another episode of some series I don't like or have seen 20 times. ... or porn & findom.

Writing and bills and such are available 24/7 but they seem so much like work. Even the writing, which I like, is so cerebral and verbal that it doesn't get me out of my mind. That's where porn and findom come in. It take me right out of my mind.

I'm wondering if practicing and playing music would help. I hope that if I can get past an initial hump, which may take weeks or months, playing could become something I enjoy, can do anytime, and will help take me out of my mind.

Guitar and drum didn't work because I can't start playing in the middle of the night. But a keyboard with headphones is nearly silent. So, maybe it would work??

I'm getting older. I look to my future and see fewer and fewer good and fun things worth living for. I used to drink. I used to go to parties. I used to go out to music. But so much of that has lost interest. Just consuming. Just being out late. The socializing. It doesn't hit like it used to. It's exhausting. I'm thinking playing music might be a new thing for me that I can turn to. I can do it alone. And it can be done with other people. But without having to talk about politics or their or my lives.

I think I'm going to pull the trigger and try this.

Anyway, thanks for reading.