Thinking of Taking Up Piano/Keyboard
I've kind-of always wanted to learn to play music. Bought a hand drum. Bought an acoustic guitar. Took a class and some lessons a few times. Bought a keyboard. Messed around a bit for years with each of them, mostly guitar. Studied (read) on music theory. Know the fretboard some. Know the music staff some. But never committed, never practiced with any consistency. Never got anywhere.
Not sure why or precisely when but about a week ago I got the sudden urge to buy a nice keyboard (looking at the Roland FP-30) and try again.
The downsides are money and the fear of failure.
The money doesn't matter much. It's not cheap but I'm working and this will be just a small dent in my normal budget. I've wasted many times that on findom, so I feel free to spend this on myself. (Thanks, Findom! ughhhh. LOL.)
I wrote "fear of failure" because that's a popular phrase. But it's not exactly that. It's not so much a fear as a concern or probably (given my past) outcome. It doesn't really matter if I fail, it's not like it would be some public failure. It's more like: Do I really want to set myself up for yet another thing in my life that I don't follow through on?
But then there are the potential great things.
Quitting findom is, by far, not the main reason. But I'll mention it first because that's the topic here. One problem I have is a type of boredom. When I go to work or am around friends or family I'm fine. When I work on my other hobbies or household projects, I'm fine. But there are limits to when I can do those things. I can't stain the deck or hang out with my friend at 10:30pm on a Tuesday night when I get home from work.
So there I am, at 10:30 on a Tuesday, and my options are things like: Do my bills. Write (I like to write). Read. Doom Scroll. Watch yet another episode of some series I don't like or have seen 20 times. ... or porn & findom.
Writing and bills and such are available 24/7 but they seem so much like work. Even the writing, which I like, is so cerebral and verbal that it doesn't get me out of my mind. That's where porn and findom come in. It take me right out of my mind.
I'm wondering if practicing and playing music would help. I hope that if I can get past an initial hump, which may take weeks or months, playing could become something I enjoy, can do anytime, and will help take me out of my mind.
Guitar and drum didn't work because I can't start playing in the middle of the night. But a keyboard with headphones is nearly silent. So, maybe it would work??
I'm getting older. I look to my future and see fewer and fewer good and fun things worth living for. I used to drink. I used to go to parties. I used to go out to music. But so much of that has lost interest. Just consuming. Just being out late. The socializing. It doesn't hit like it used to. It's exhausting. I'm thinking playing music might be a new thing for me that I can turn to. I can do it alone. And it can be done with other people. But without having to talk about politics or their or my lives.
I think I'm going to pull the trigger and try this.
Anyway, thanks for reading.