r/NannyBreakRoom

I’ve been nannying for a family for about a year and a half now, but I’ve actually known them for around 4 years because I used to be their daughter’s preschool teacher before I quit to nanny for them full time.
We’ve gotten really close over the years, and honestly sometimes it feels more like we’re friends raising kids together than a super formal employer/employee relationship. They’re a little older than me, but not by a crazy amount, and overall we have a really good relationship.
I genuinely care a lot about their son and I do all the things I’m supposed to do. Household tasks are never an issue, I meal prep for him, keep up with his routines, activities, etc. They’re also really good about praising me and making me feel appreciated, so I’ve never had any indication that they’re unhappy with me.
But because I’m so comfortable with them, I’ve gotten into the habit sometimes of taking him with me while I run errands or go shopping. Not every day or anything excessive, but every once in a while. I always ask or let them know beforehand, and they’ve never seemed bothered by it at all.
Still, I sometimes feel self-conscious about it because I know some nanny families are a lot stricter and some nannies would probably never do that. It makes me wonder if I’m being unprofessional or lazy somehow.
For context, he literally just turned 1 a few days ago, so it’s not like I’m skipping structured school lessons or something lol. Some days are definitely more learning/play focused than others, but overall he’s happy, safe, engaged, and very loved.
I guess I’m just curious from both nanny and parent perspectives: is this actually normal? Would you care if your nanny occasionally brought your child along while running errands if everything else was being taken care of?

They are so comfortable hiring workers to do everything for them that they end up acting handicapped. Little every day issues and chores become huge mountains of difficulty. The house cannot run without the help. Their needs come above everyone else's. They live in a bubble and have no clue how the average person lives. They overspend when it comes to themselves but will deny us bonuses, insurance, GH etc, because "money is tight" or "let's not complicate things". They tell you you are family until you aren't. They ask for a million things from workers that they would never be able to do, and become strict in case one of them is not done perfectly.

Armand, the hotel manager from White Lotus S1 said it best: "You have to treat these people like sensitive children... They wanna be the only child. The special, chosen baby child of the hotel. And we are their mean mummies, denying them their Pineapple room".

Amen.

I’ve worked with this family for over a year now and I’m starting to feel burnt out due to G6 and her behaviour. She’s a very sensitive high needs child which I welcomed at first but as the months have gone on I’ve had to put my foot down. I used to do everything as soon as she would ask and would never correct her because it was just easier in the moment “I want juice” “put my shoes on” “I’m bored find me something to do” and recently I’ve started to say no. “You know how to put your shoes on yourself, you do it”. “You want juice? Okay what do you say first? Please ask me nicely”. “Find something to do yourself, you have a big imagination” etc. She obviously hates this turn of events and acts up, whines, grunts, cries but I’m not giving in (I’m also in first trimester hell right now so my patience is verrrry low).

This morning she almost missed the bus to school because I refused to put on her shoes so then obviously she had to refuse and cry and make a big thing of it. I straight up told her I would walk out the door and go home and she could figure it out herself. Of course as soon as the bus turned up she shoved them on and ran. I hate this new dynamic we have and it actually makes me dislike being around her. She’s an iPad kid who gets whatever she wants and gets coddled by her parents so obviously I can’t fix that damage, but it still used to be fun to hang out with her. Now I dread it and feel like a failure because I don’t have the desire to pander to her. Is there a better way to handle all of this? Is there anything I can do? I’m on the verge of quitting.

EDITED TO ADD: I cannot edit my post title for some reason. I used the word suddenly but this has definitely been more of a gradual change over the course of about 6 weeks. Maybe that feels sudden to a 6 year old but this was not an overnight change, I promise.

I’ll go first: being forced to iron pillowcases. I’m absolutely seething and trying so hard to regulate myself enough to finish ironing the damn pillowcases 🤣🤣🤣

oh!!! my!!! GOD!!!!! why do my NKs (3.5 and 6) not know how to entertain themselves literally at all. even in the rare case they’re doing pretend play they’re constantly asking me what they should do next, saying their pretend play has certain “plays” (they mean like scenes, bc they watch so much damn tv) and can “only do 10 of them.”

that’s besides the point though, they literally just can’t do anything. they stopped playing their pretend play game and asked me immediately to think of things they can play next. i explained to them that part of being a kid and playing is coming up with things on your own, because we have different ideas of fun. it’s just insane i remember being a kid and playing with my sibling for hours without asking our parents what we should “play next.” the entire point of pretend play is being creative and BEING A KID.

they literally ask me what they should do, draw, play, etc etc etc ALL THE TIME. they cannot make a single decision on their own. they’ll be trying to make a fort and ask me every second how they should make it. like oh my GOD just put blankets on the chairs and couch.

i’ve heard similar experiences from other nannies, it just baffles me. like how do you not know how to play with your sibling and need an adult to tell you how to do creative play….

UPDATED!!!

i kinda cracked the code and just have been leaving them to their own devices and encouraging them to come up with games instead of asking me etc. it feels sort of mean at first but they shouldn’t need me to come up with games and it’s been helpful. also doing screen free days while i’m here. what their family does is not my business, but when i’m here no tv

Just got gas. It’s $5.79/gallon at the “cheap” place. Last week it was $5.29, 3 months ago it was $3.69-3.89. New landlord bought where I live and my rent is going up. I live in a small studio with ancient appliances. I spent a long, long time living with roommates and I can’t do it again, had some shit situations. I work full time and I’m serially considering going to a food bank. I feel so hopeless.

How are you guys handling this?

What are we all wearing for the approaching summer? I feel like I never know what to wear that I will also be comfortable in. I live in South Florida and it’s already disgustingly hot out. I sometimes feel weird wearing shorts with a tank top, but I literally feel like I’m going to keel over and die if I’m wearing anything other than that. For example, I am sweating bullets at 10 AM right now. I have a few cute athletic dresses but again they just feel too short to wear as a nanny 😭

Mine lets NK’s pee sit in the little portable kid potties all weekend long. They also have one in their basement with crystallized pee in the bottom of it 🥲

And don’t worry I am making an exit plan lol

This is a repost. Had to delete my other post due to an error in the title because of autocorrect. Couldn’t edit the title. Apologies for the error.

Where would you say is the best place to be a nanny in the US? What offers the breast pay versus rent and other costs of living?

Currently in a city in PNW and is getting so expensive, but not sure if there’s anywhere that’s a better fit. I live frugally but it’s getting to the point where I’m working full time yet considering going to food banks because money is that tight.

Some things I like about where I live:

1. ⁠Lots of good food options (not that I can afford to go out) but lots of cuisines from different parts of the world, both in restaurants and some grocery stores. Plenty of farmers markets.
2. ⁠Used to be better, but we still have some artists and creatives. Various places offer arts/crafts classes. But due to cost it’s been less affordable to take classes.
3. ⁠Weather is moderate. Lots of rain but summer doesn’t get too hot and we only get snow every few years.
4. ⁠Politically liberal and generally non-religious.

What would be ideal:
I’m single so I don’t have anyone else to rely on financially. Don’t have kids. Want to be able to live on my own, too old for roommates and had enough bad experiences that I’d rather live in my car than do roommates. Prefer a city with amenities (museums, restaurants, general stuff going on), rather than a small town or rural area.

Love going to movies, so that’s a hobby. Also like arts and crafts so a city with museum(s), places to take crafts classes, and maybe even a good art store would be nice. Like food and enjoy lots of cuisines so a place with a variety would be good.

Current city doesn’t have a ton of traffic. I have a car, but I don’t want to commute more than 30 minutes for a job, just not worth it to me. Have family on East coast. Would prefer a city where religion isn’t a huge factor in daily life.

I’m not an outdoorsy person but enjoy having lots of parks in my current city. Also we have lots of beautiful scenic areas within an hour drive of my city. Though not really a hiker I enjoy a good road trip/day trip to natural areas.

Places I’ve already lived:
Lived in the Boston area recently. Wages for a nanny were ok but it’s a super expensive city and traffic is insane, I was about an hour pauses off the city yet traffic was still crazy.

Long ago lived in Philly as a live-in nanny. Overall liked the city but people were pretty cranky overall. Went back for a visit, not the family just the city, and it had changed quite a bit. Sad what they done with the whole liberty bell area but Reading Terminal is still great.

Lived in AZ with family for a while and can’t see living there again. Had family in SoCal and don’t think I could hack it there either, traffic is nuts. Love visiting NYC, but not sure I could hack it actually living in the city.

Where should I go?
So within all these parameters, which I know are a lot, do you have any recommendations? Where are you located and are you happy there? What are typical wages where you live and how easy is it to find a name job?

The plural form of nanny is NANNIES

not Nannie’s

or nanny’s

Thank you

Yall idk what to do. Background - I’ve been nannying this little boy for about two years and we’ve been potty training for I don’t know how many months. He’s turning three soon and we’ve gotten to the point where he has VERY minimal accidents and wears training underwear with me when I’m working. (He’s fighting me on the poop thing, but hey, that’s boys for you.) Mom just pulled me aside to touch base to ask if we should “hold off” on potty training because HE WON’T GO WITH HER? I’m FLABBERGASTED. I truly have no clue what to say. I told her the progress we’d made and reassured her that, in my opinion, (which I am confident she was genuinely asking for) we were safe to keep moving forward and that it would come to him. But I’m kind of freaking stumped because…?! The only thing I can think of is that I’m very stern with him in a way she isn’t usually. “We’re going to sit on the potty.” And if he says no, I make it fun, but we still do it. Going potty (at least building the habit of “trying” and sitting) is like a diaper change, there’s no choice about it. You know what I mean? Safety, food, hygiene, the nonnegotiables? What can I possibly say to her?

so I’ve been working for a family for about a year and the family has cameras in every inch of the house except for the bathroom and I understand the need for cameras and I understand wanting to have a camera and be able to check on your kid, but oh my gosh, I am so tired of feeling like I’m constantly being watched and recently they’ve even taken off the feature where the camera will light up when someone’s looking at it so I don’t even know when it’s on anymore I find myself periodically throughout the day going to the bathroom just to get a break from feeling like I’m being watched

So I just started a new job-a whole new batch of people in a new neighborhood-and for the first time ever I think I’m dealing with nanny mean girls!? Like judgy, just high school mean girl type of stuff. Like “oh she plays too much with her nanny kids” or “oh that meal is no good”. Not like stuff that’ll put your kids in danger but judging what doesn’t need feedback. Am I crazy or has someone dealt with this too…

Not sure if y’all saw in the nanny sub that post about that poor nanny who didn’t have any of their alarms go off and they ended up not showing up for their NF that had flights and one of the parents ended up having to cancel.. they clearly feels horrible from the post and I literally couldn’t imagine the dread. Hoping they get to keep her job and learn from this mistake!

Anyways obviously they messed up big time even if it was totally not on purpose… but I was going back and forth with this parent and they were saying that basically the nanny should pay for the financial loss of the situation and I’m curious what y’all think as fellow Nannies??

Now context we don’t have is probs pretty important in all this like how long she’s been working for them, what their relationship is like and what the trip was for (work or leisure etc) but all that aside Im curious & want opinions..

Would you offer or be expected to pay??

Personally I don’t think it’s her responsibility.. I think that the situation sucks and I totally would be super frustrated and pissed if I was the parents but I don’t know if I was a parent if I could ask or expect my nanny to cover the money??

I guess it’s also like what do you expect to be paid? The plane ticket, the uber there, the hotel, rental car? To me there is a lot of things that could fall under that “loss” category…

I totally get the principle though like my NF and I are super super close and I know they would never ask me to pay if I was in that situation but if I had the means to do anything to make it up to them then ya sure I would love to be able to give them the money they wasted but in this economy?? I would probably struggle right now to even be able to pay them for a single plane ticket…

Then the parent flipped the script on me and asked if I would expect my NF to pay for my flight if they were late and made me miss it?

Firstly I would never book a flight on a day I’m working anyways lol cause ~anxiety~ but I don’t think I would ever ask them to pay for it… would I be pissed? Yes 1000% but idk how I would handle that… would you expect to have your money reimbursed???

Okay I’m done sorry reading into too heavy I know but it really had me thinking what other people thought about it

I was hired at 25 an hour they randomly reduced it to 20 / hr until I am “fully equipped” in the role (which I am). If they would have said from the start “oh training period will be this, then this rate after you’re fully equipped” cool but they didn’t until 2 weeks in. Wth? Really annoyed. They seem like good people but it isn’t even about the money I just feel sooo disrespected. The amount of degrees and skill set I have they won’t find in this area.

My NF is going on vacation, and I'll have GH. They just asked me to come by daily for mail and packages, and to do grocery shopping at the end of the week. I froze and agreed on the spot. I’m so upset that I agreed, and I'm thinking of sending a text to let them know otherwise. Im not sure if this is something that im required to do. Does anyone have any advice besides working on saying no!

Hi everyone, I’d love some advice.

I’ve been nannying for a family for about 10 months, caring for a 3-year-old boy and their 4-month-old baby. The mom is about to finish her maternity leave and return to work, which makes the timing especially difficult.

For personal reasons, I’ve decided that I need to leave my position, but I feel really guilty because I know this transition may be stressful for them—especially with the baby and the mom going back to work soon.

I care about this family and want to leave on good terms. I plan to give proper notice and help make the transition as smooth as possible, but I’m nervous about how to tell them.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you bring it up, and what did you say?

started this job in feb because gmom had left for personal reasons. then she suddenly came back and now lives in the home full time. MB and DB have both alluded to this being unexpected/sudden. they’ve also said before that gmom is very traditional/strict/unreasonable and part of why they wanted a nanny was because they didn’t want her raising the kids. okay. fine. but now she lives there and the dynamic has become really difficult.

many things have happened in the month she’s been back:

- gmom just being there changes the entire feeling of my workday. i constantly feel watched and “on.” i actively have to remind myself to continue on as normal because she is not my boss and i am the child’s caregiver while i’m there
- gmom’s first week back she started releasing me an hour early every day which caused loss of pay until i reached out to MB and DB asking what was going on. they eventually gave me GH and now i leave at that time daily
- gmom is constantly insisting NK 10mo needs more water and will come find us throughout the day trying to get her to drink more water despite the fact that formula is still her primary nutrition source. water fills her up and then she doesn’t want formula
- gmom has done multiple things and then asked me not to tell MB or DB
- if NK cries or falls (normal learning to stand/walk baby stuff, never injured) gmom will come take her from me. this has started making me anxious every time NK cries because i feel like i’m being judged or that she’s going to step in
- when NK was sick, gmom insisted only she give meds even though MB and DB have always been comfortable with me administering meds before
- DB recently joked that having me hired while gmom is there is “overkill” which honestly made me feel super unappreciated lol
- they want NK taking short naps “so she sleeps more at night” but she already sleeps through the night. then she gets overtired, stays up fussy until 10pm, and the next day is miserable because she’s exhausted. i’ve explained this gently multiple times and they seem to understand and then immediately do the same thing again

and honestly i think part of why this is frustrating is because i am very qualified and experienced. i’ve done much more intensive childcare than this. multiples, disabilities, intense caregiving jobs, etc. so constantly feeling treated like some clueless young girl who needs help all day by someone who is not my employer is starting to wear on me.

my main issue is MB and DB are genuinely kind people and very non confrontational. i don’t even think they fully realize how uncomfortable this dynamic has become. but i also know if i bring this up, they’ll talk to gmom, and then gmom will know i “told” on her.

i’m honestly at the point where i’m considering just starting to look for something else. i’ve already been considering a career change outside of nannying anyway. but i also feel guilty because i just started this position a few months ago, they do offer me a lot of flexibility/PTO, and leaving nanny jobs is always emotionally hard. i dont want to leave. before gmom moving in this was perfect.

has anyone dealt with this kind of live-in grandparent dynamic before? genuinely how do you navigate this without losing your mind lol

So a few weeks ago I discussed w DB wanting to switch to mileage reimbursement bc he originally asked me why I started using the gas card more. (Started using it maybe 2x a month versus only once a month before, bc it felt awkward and I would just use my own money for gas) I brought up the IRS rate and he said it seemed too expensive and felt it should be cheaper since I have a little car. He said they would discuss it and try to figure out something fair that covers wear and tear and gas. So today he finally came to me with a decision and honestly I am beyond frustrated. He said the IRS rate wasn’t realistic and was too expensive and he thinks it’s more of a corporate thing, I disagreed and told him it’s industry standard. I kept giving him info but he countered with saying they’d do a budget of $40 a month (barely even covers gas, if that). Said I could use MB car if anything but honestly I’m just not comfortable with it, plus she is always going and doing things like appointments, nails, etc, so realistically how would that work?? Plus wouldn’t I need to be on their insurance then? And wouldn’t that be MORE expensive?? I’m honestly frustrated bc I’m already at a lower rate with them. After a year they gave me a FORTY cent raise and they thought that was good. After I brought it up given my experience and normal nanny raises that this didn’t seem fair they rounded it to a whole dollar so now I’m at $21/hour 🥴 yet still can’t get paid my worth in gas either. (Given my experience and education this rate is already low for me, and was making $25 w last fam- before gaining my degree)

Honestly several things have built up and I just feel frustrated and burnt out after so long of not making my worth and working for WFH parents. I kind of jsut need validation that I’m not crazy and this is indeed not fair. Even though I know it’s not after extensive research. I think I may just stop taking NK anywhere and accept the fact we’ll be miserable