update to grandma moving in; going as bad as we expected
started this job in feb because gmom had left for personal reasons. then she suddenly came back and now lives in the home full time. MB and DB have both alluded to this being unexpected/sudden. they’ve also said before that gmom is very traditional/strict/unreasonable and part of why they wanted a nanny was because they didn’t want her raising the kids. okay. fine. but now she lives there and the dynamic has become really difficult.
many things have happened in the month she’s been back:
- gmom just being there changes the entire feeling of my workday. i constantly feel watched and “on.” i actively have to remind myself to continue on as normal because she is not my boss and i am the child’s caregiver while i’m there
- gmom’s first week back she started releasing me an hour early every day which caused loss of pay until i reached out to MB and DB asking what was going on. they eventually gave me GH and now i leave at that time daily
- gmom is constantly insisting NK 10mo needs more water and will come find us throughout the day trying to get her to drink more water despite the fact that formula is still her primary nutrition source. water fills her up and then she doesn’t want formula
- gmom has done multiple things and then asked me not to tell MB or DB
- if NK cries or falls (normal learning to stand/walk baby stuff, never injured) gmom will come take her from me. this has started making me anxious every time NK cries because i feel like i’m being judged or that she’s going to step in
- when NK was sick, gmom insisted only she give meds even though MB and DB have always been comfortable with me administering meds before
- DB recently joked that having me hired while gmom is there is “overkill” which honestly made me feel super unappreciated lol
- they want NK taking short naps “so she sleeps more at night” but she already sleeps through the night. then she gets overtired, stays up fussy until 10pm, and the next day is miserable because she’s exhausted. i’ve explained this gently multiple times and they seem to understand and then immediately do the same thing again
and honestly i think part of why this is frustrating is because i am very qualified and experienced. i’ve done much more intensive childcare than this. multiples, disabilities, intense caregiving jobs, etc. so constantly feeling treated like some clueless young girl who needs help all day by someone who is not my employer is starting to wear on me.
my main issue is MB and DB are genuinely kind people and very non confrontational. i don’t even think they fully realize how uncomfortable this dynamic has become. but i also know if i bring this up, they’ll talk to gmom, and then gmom will know i “told” on her.
i’m honestly at the point where i’m considering just starting to look for something else. i’ve already been considering a career change outside of nannying anyway. but i also feel guilty because i just started this position a few months ago, they do offer me a lot of flexibility/PTO, and leaving nanny jobs is always emotionally hard. i dont want to leave. before gmom moving in this was perfect.
has anyone dealt with this kind of live-in grandparent dynamic before? genuinely how do you navigate this without losing your mind lol