Sorry didn't know which flair to properly use.

I'm curious about what everyone's relationship with psychoactive substance usage is? Do you think it was due more to your upbringing or is there more of an innate factor?

I myself was raised in an on/off religious family, but very much felt like an independent, question-authority type from early on. Luck would have it that my special interest since childhood (yes before I've even had a sip of alcohol) was drugs. The pharmacokinetics, the chemistry, the psychological studies, biomedical benefits or harms, etc (erowid for those who know).

This is not an easy interest to share with very many people and very hard when it comes to newer friends due to social stigma. That on top of everyone having to toe the fine line between harm reduction and addiction. In other words, I feel that this interest is quite lonely and forced into the online community.

While this is one primary example of a niche-feeling stigmatized special interest, it does also feel like I'm missing out on not being able to connect with people about these things. (Nobody in my personal life will understand how an even ratio of NOS & DMT will equate to the most zen and therapeutically meditative states I've ever reached)

This is def a post for a sub-set of the subreddit, but I would love to hear everyone's side, take on this. Perhaps some really good conversations could come of it.

I was asked this question at the beginning of a visit with a clinical practitioner the other day. Once it was asked I felt myself tense up immediately and found myself wondering afterwards about why this particular question always seems to cause me a negative internal reaction. I don’t say this to be mean or rude. After all, people ask this question of each other every day - it’s intended to engage someone in conversation and find out how they’re doing, right? For me, not so much. When I am asked “How are you?” my brain starts to scan for what kind of reaction or response the person asking it is actually looking for. Do they really want to know how I am? Do I give a short, normal ‘fine’ answer? Or do I tell them how I ‘really’ am. My experience is that most people don’t want to hear it. Society has gotten used to these types of questions and the majority seem to want the quick ‘canned’ answers. So when someone asks me “How are you?” I dread it because I know I’m either going to have to choose them (i.e. give them the typical socially acceptable response OR share something I don’t want to share but they want to know about). Or I’m going to have to choose me and say what I really feel like saying: “I’m actually having a shit day” or “I’m really struggling with my nervous system right now and feel super un-regulated” or “I was reading this cool book about the meaning of life the other day and…..”. <insert neurotypical eye roll here>. Either way, I lose. The norm for me when I’m asked “How are you” is to simply say ‘okay’. Because it’s pretty basically much how I feel. I know the one-word response makes me seem distant or reserved. But honestly, this one word answer is the only amount of energy I have to give to this question. And, I am just so fucking exhausted from trying to conform.

Hi everyone. The title says most of what I'm about to say but let me get into this because I knew this would happen to me at some point.

I have not been posting much on this sub because honestly my life has been going so great lately that I haven't needed to vent like this in over a year (I do still check out posts and offer support when I can though).

Anyways I'm a 26 year old male from Canada who in June of last year got a job working as an investment banker and administrator in private capital and arms length mortgages at a big financial trust company where we hold these investments in both registered and non-registered accounts.

Honestly getting this job has been a major accomplishment for me as my whole adult life I have been very concerned about getting and keeping long term employment due to my NVLD condition. I really do love this job as I spend most of my day behind a desk either processing transactions doing potential fraud audits and reporting taxes to the Canada Revenue Agency and occasionally dealing with clients. This was literally the perfect job for me as it is not that physically demanding and I was able to learn so much about the private market and building wealth. I truly enjoy this job and I really don't want to lose it because I really honestly thought that I was doing super well and many of my colleagues and members from other departments always complement my work ethic and drive to get things done in a timely manner. Some of my colleagues have been encouraging me to apply to more advanced roles like team lead and relationship manager and honestly hearing that from my colleagues has been a fantastic boost in my confidence and motivation to bring my best self to work everyday. You see my NVLD is not too socially imparing ( I do miss the occasional non verbal social cue from time to time), but I would say I am very well liked and a lot of my team is relying on me for help with their jobs as well which I love.

The thing is, the company has made some major internal changes and we ended up combining teams together and unfortunately I ended up getting a new manager who is VERY strict compared to my last one who was very bubbly and sweet and would provide good constructive feedback to improve her team. My new manager is a lot worse and is much more micromanaging and less understanding and overall way harder to deal with. They are kind of the best at unspoken rules and has been making major changes (negative ones) to the companies policies and procedures that I relied on. I can also never get a straight answer from her about how to do things their new way.

Anyways I had 3 meetings with her today regarding my job performance. This is my worst fear and this was a major reason why I have been so worried about getting out there in the working world. Apparently there were some transactions that never got processed as they were supposed to be going to other teams and I guess I had forgot to send it to them when I opened a clients account (RRSP TFSA etc.). My new manager has been watching me and my other colleagues like a hawk and is constantly pulling people aside for these meetings.

She has overall not been impressed with my performance and I'm honestly not even sure of all the details as she doesn't go into detail about what I can do to improve. She told me today that if improvements are not noticed that potential disciplinary action may occur.

I am truly at a loss for words as this is all happening so suddenly and I honestly thought I was doing so well at this role. My confidence has never been higher since I was in high school. I don't know what to do with myself right now this is like a living nightmare as I think this could be from my minor delays in processing speed and attention to detail or executive dysfunction if you will.

I have thought long and hard about this and I can't think of any other reason why I would be going through this other then NVLD. I don't usually engage with office politics and just focus on my work and I truly am trying my best and I have been feeling very down today. I am honestly thinking of leaving now as the turnover rate at this company is high enough and I feel like I'm on thin ice.

I have made so much progress in my life overall like I am almost 2 years sober. I feel like if I get let go from a job like this I may relapse and I will go back to who I was years ago. A sad and lonely person with no purpose. Getting and keeping a regular adult job is all I ever wanted and I feel like my worst NVLD fears are coming to life.

Please help 😥

I (M31) was diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning Disability at age 26 and it explained so much. I’ve also collected a dozen other labels over the years and have had a complex history of mental health treatment. I guess it would be easiest to just call myself “neurodivergent.” I am also diagnosed with Dyscalculia, Sensory processing disorder, Bipolar 2, OCD, general anxiety, social anxiety, Complex PTSD, ADHD, eating disorder, substance use (remission/sober), and Borderline/Dependent personality disorders. I was also born 10 weeks premature which I sometimes wonder if that contributed to my learning disabilities / anxiety issues. ADHD and OCD also run in my family.

I just started a new job like a month ago at this mini fulfillment center for a food delivery company (not gonna say the name). And I got to say, I don’t really care for it. It’s very fast paced. it involves lots of quick movements with a shopping cart while looking for items in several different aisles. You have to go to each individual aisle and look for a certain rack with a certain shelf. Everything is labeled like “A15 R2 S3”. It’s not easy for me. It’s not a complex job but the scoring system they have in place is ridiculous. My thoughts on it are mixed. It’s a part time job that has high turnover so it’s not a very good place to work at to begin with. I’m not very fast at it and the job is kinda overwhelming. I don’t know if it’s an NVLD issue or a processing speed issue but I’m not finding items fast enough. It’s hard to remember where all the labels are located. They also have this weird scoring system in place that’s kinda hard to understand. I’m suppose to be getting a 70 or better everyday and I’m only reaching like a 65-72 on average. Most of my coworkers have scores in the 80’s except for a few who are in the 60’s on average. It’s super depressing when you’re having problems in a shitty high turnover part time job.. I’m scared that I will be terminated soon if I don’t pick up the pace. I don’t really know how to improve except just move faster.

This is going to be quite a long post since I will be talking about my experiences about my way of life and my way of processing new information and concepts. I am in the US, 23M.

I was always quite different, said my teacher from the first grade, and in her opinion not in a good way. Other kids noticed that I was different too, so I kept to myself most of the time. At a very young age, I was processing information a lot differently as opposed to others. I didn't quite "get it", especially when we were learning about basic world concepts.

For my first two grades, I didn't have a hard time in school since things were mostly easy. That changed in the third grade when grades started. When my mother was talking to my then teacher about me and how I am doing in school, she said something that my mother had been thinking about a long time but just couldn't put it into words. She said that my brains worked differently than of all other students. I wasn't really quick at understanding concepts like the other students, but when I finally after a long time understood it, I understood it better than anyone else.

Moving on, as you might imagine, I had quite a lot of trouble during my school years. I wasn't able to hold on to new knowledge easily and spent a lot of my days studying in my room, just trying to understand what was taught in the class. The school system wasn't designed for me and my way of thinking and there were too many exams. Don't worry, my grades were good and nobody said that I was having trouble in school, but I was working more than all the others.

That lasted for about ten years until I got out of school. Every day after school, I would come home and study everything that others already understood. Whenever the teacher asked something during the class, I never knew what to answer. And that wasn't just in school ,but also in other activities. I was slow to pick up the rules of a sport or a card game, or in any case, any social activity game.

I got called retarded and stupid many times and some teachers even said that I might have a learning or personal desiability. I just couldn't grasp concepts as quickly as others could. In higher grades, when I had to study more, I was struggling a lot since I had to learn everything about what we talked in class and than other subjects which were going to be on the test.

And here is the thing I noticed by remembering what that teacher said all those years ago. I am slow to pick up things, but once I understand them, I do them and excell at them better than anyone else.

I was just sitting in my room, thinking about all of this. And here is what I noticed. Let's say that the subject in the math class was multiplication (I also needed a long time to understand that). Everyone of course picks up on it easily, except me. So, as usual, I get home and start studying. I don't even look at the title, I instantly look for small details. Let's say specific numbers or the multiplication sign, but never understanding what am I am even learning, just picking up those small little precious details. And weeks pass, everyone knows how to multiply, except me, I only know those details, which I learn every day. And one day, my brain starts something. I don't have control when it happens or why. It starts connecting those details, one by one, they all fall into their rightful place inside my brain. And after that, finally, the whole picture starts to make sense. I understand. And the wave of excitement I feel at that moment is immeasurable, I cherisch the moment. And suddenly, I can multiply better than the whole class. I can do hard exercises better than anyone else.

And this is what that teacher meant. I don't initally see the whole picture, I just look at the details of the subject. After a thousand of these details start connecting, I get the whole picture and that is why I understand it is well. Details + whole picture, while others first understand the whole picture and than the details.

I wish that I could say this is a good thing. And it may be a good thing, but I just haven't noticed it yet.

My first 20 years of my life were really hard because of this. I was a lot different. I didn't know anybody else who saw the world the same way as me. I was isolated most of the time in the books. I think because of the fact that I sometimes understood concepts better than anyone else, other kids got jealous of me. I was bullied for almost ten years. I wish I had a group with like-minded individualy.

I am thankfully out of school now, but things are not that much better. While you are reading this, you might ask yourself, how I am even functioning in the world? Answer? Not great, because it isn't built for me, it is built for the majority, which is a good thing. I have had 30 driving lessons with my isntructor and he has said that I am one of the worst candidates he has ever had and make mistakes that he has seen nobody ever do before. Because I am only picking up the details. But I think that eventually, with time, I will gather enough of these details to maybe become a better driver than most.

The same goes for maps, orientation and public transport . I got lost all the time and my parents were thinking I am insane, but after a while, my orientation and my understanding of public transport is so good that I am pretty much the guide now in major cities.

As you might imagine, the job search is brutal. I got fired about four times just in one summer when I tried to have a summer job, even from Mcdonald's. And believe me, I tried my best. Due to my learning differences, I was once again really slow at doing the job, even while in training because I wasn't getting the whole concept, only those details. I got told that I was incompetent and stupid, that hurt a lot. And I kept seeing others who could drive and have work experience on their resumes, while I couldn't.

For example, if you were watching me in the store trying to grab an item, I would move so weird that you would think I was an autistic robot with bad pathfinding abilities. I would see a product, go to that product, grab it, go to the other side of the store, grab another product, forget where you are and go back to the entrance of the store.

I am trying to better myself really day, but I think to properly function in the world, I have to change my way of thinking, at least to get some sort of balance. So first: understand the whole concept, and then pick up the details. I have been going to galleries lately and I try to literally see the whole painting instead of the details of the painting.

I am trying really hard. I pretty much have no friends here now, except for those from my home town, i think that people dislike me because I am so different. I try to mask it, but it often times doesn't work. I am trying my hardest. I just wish I could be normal, have a normal childhood and a normal life.

In my 23 years of life have I been searching for someone who thinks at least similar to me, but so far no success.

The executive function required to plan out gardening makes my skin crawl but everyone loves it so much and friends of mine with ADHD obsess over it.

As usual with the NVLD, I feel like I’m in a bubble. Now don’t get me wrong, I love plants and if I could care for them I think they make beautiful additions to a house, yard, office, etc.

But I tell my landscaper to give us the lowest maintenance plants and call it a day.

Curious if anyone else has this reaction to plants and gardening??

Hey so I was recently diagnosed with NVLD and I’m still trying to figure out what to do for a living. One option I’m considering is teaching middle school science, starting first with trying out being a substitute teacher. Does anyone know if this is a terrible idea? I turned 40 in January.

Also, what careers does everyone have? Or what are you planning to go into?

I've always struggled with confrontation and it's come back to bite me particularly with roommates in the past. Years of therapy taught me that avoidance never makes things go away. It doesn't helped that I grew up with a mom who was both harsh and punitive as well as a helicopter parent. Since I was scrutinized from a young age for everything I did and made to feel I couldn't make mistakes, I just kept my mouth shut until resentment festered. I'd stupidly rant on social media and get caught since sadly it's easier to air dirty laundry to perfect strangers than be vulnerable in real life. I am currently living in a house near work. I'll be moving out in a few weeks into a new place with one roommate. My current living situation reminds me of why I disliked dorms in college due to lack of privacy and constant sensory overload. However, it was much better than the isolating, draining commute from my parents' house. One particular housemate is loud, obnoxious, and pompous. He is fond of playing video games until the wee hours of the morning. He also seems a bit sexist since he speaks to me a in condescending way he doesn't use with the male housemates. Last week I really needed to use the restroom and forgot to lock. He was trying to enter but I yelled out occupied. He nagged me to "lock next time". A few hours later I was heading to brush my teeth and he repeated "lock the door". The next evening, I was heading to take a shower and he whispered in my ear (in front of a few other housemates) "lock the door". That felt extremely invasive. The next day I sent him a message telling him his behavior made me uncomfortable as he got in my personal space. His response was extremely nasty and arrogant. He reiterated having "ZERO interest in interacting with me" (although he seemed to get a kick out of being a PITA to me), asked me to "rethink common spaces" since we live in a small house (putting words in my mouth), saying he only reminded me twice (deflecting), and said he'd show these messages to his girlfriend. The last part was childish like a kid saying he'd tell his mommy. I feel like I did the right thing since I probably would have snapped if he kept on nagging me to "lock the door". Maybe he thought it was some kind of harmless inside joke but I found it distasteful. I am upset since his unsavory reaction reminded me of past incidents where people took advantage of me due to issues with confrontation.

New Member here...

I was diagnosed with ADHD about 20 years ago, I wasn't too surprised because it explained a lot. Over the last 10 years I kept getting told that I have Autistic traits. Recently I decided to be officially screened to see if this was the case. The Psychologist didn't feel that was the case after my initial appointment. She thought it might be Social Anxiety. I more or less agreed so that's what I expected to hear during the last appointment then I got my results.

The last thing I expected to hear was that I have an (until last week) undiagnosed Non Visual Learning Disability.

It explains EVERYTHING.

I'm still trying to process...

Any feedback, story sharing, pretty much anything is appreciated....

I am posting on here to find help because I need it really badly. If you read this, please let me know if anyone else is struggling with the same issues as me.

I was always a special kid, and not in a good way. I was different. I didn't struggle at school in the first grade, although my teacher said that I seemed like I wasn't even aware that I was in a school. But let me talk about my actual troubles now.

I couldn't figure out how to read a clock. I needed about 2 weeks to figure it out. My parents got quite worried because I just couldn't understand it, even though my younger sister figured it out before me. Now at 20 I understand the analog clock, but I am still having trrouble telling the time for the digital one. I still mess up 40 and 50, any I messed up many dates due to that.

Next thing, I was pretty good at school for memorizing, even though I had to work hard to remember something. When it came to reading graphs, maps and mathematical functions, I was having a lot of trouble. I still cannot read graphs or I need a lot of time to figure them out.

My coordinatal functions are also very bad. I got lost lots of times in places I shouldn't have, sometimes even in my school or house.

I was always bad at maths, even basic numbers. I cannot calculate basic equations, such as 76 + 30 or something like that. If I had to pay 17.46, I wouldn't know how to do that or I would have to use a calculator or a sheet and it would take a really long time.

Jokingly, I even struggle with basic kid's games and puzzles. For example, I cannot put the same colours toggether, I cannot put 2D objects in 3D objects. It requires a lot of thinking power for me.

When it came to driving, as you can imagine, is embarasingly bad. I am 25 hours of lessons in and I still cannot do most things, except for driving forward. Others are making fun of me because of that. Even my driving instructor said that in his 20 years of educating others he still hasn' seen someone drive as badly as me or has made the same mistakes I have. This hurts. I am afraid that I am too dangerous to drive a car.

As you might imagine, searching for a job is hopeless at this point. When I was 19, I gathered lots of courage and tried with my first job. It was some sandwich making place where I had to make sandwiches. I got fired after three days because I couldn't memorize the recipes or handle more than 3 orders at the same time. I couldn't remember even where different ingredients were located, in which drawers after three days. I tried as a cashier, but I cannot return change, as described above. I cannot work as a waiter because I cannot remember tables. I cannot do much because I forget everything.

So yeah, I was searching through the Internet. I may get a diagnosis, but I just wanted to share it here if someone else struggles with this. I have no idea how am I ever going to hold a job or do anything meaningful in life.

I researched Nonverbal Learning disorder and developmental coordination discorder, since a lot of things match up.

At this point, my only goal in life is not to end up homeless, even if I am at a homeless shelter. I really don't know what to do. I have 0 work experience, nothing to put on my cv because I was fired from everywhere.

If you ever feel pathetic or useless in your life, you can read this. You won't go as low as this.

Does anyone else feel lonely being in a relationship with someone with NVLD? My wife’s IQ is 84. She is unable to keep conversations, we cannot talk about anything. Parenting is a disaster with the 4-year olds constantly screaming in anxiety.

Had a restraining order for 2 years because I intervened in abuse of the children in Spain.

Had another relationship with a Colombian woman that was absolutely amazing. I felt alive. But she used me for money so I kicked her out as I didnt think of her as responsible. She assumed money was infinite.

Now I don’t know how to continue life. Restraining order over. But feel like I am stuck just to make sure the kids have a good life the other 50% of the time. I just know she won’t survive.

I am 36 - IQ 133 with autism level 1.

Subject: Stuck between a rock and a hard place: Biometrics vs. Accommodations

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’m in a weird position and I’m curious if anyone else has dealt with this. I’m Gen Z/A first year university student currently working an entry level job.

The "good" news: This is the only place in my city that actually accommodates my NVLD. They get the way I process information, and the environment works for me, which is a huge relief.

The "bad" news: To work here, I was forced to give biometric data. It felt consciously wrong to me, and I’m really struggling with the "mandatory" nature of AI and biometric tech in the workplace. It feels like my choice has been taken away, either I give up my biological privacy, or I lose the only job that doesn't make my NVLD a constant struggle.

I'm feeling a lot of frustration with how unskippable these features are becoming on social media and at work, especially when you have a disability that makes "just finding another job" way more complicated.

A few questions for the community:

• Has anyone else been forced to give biometric data (fingerprints, facial scans, etc.) just to get an entry-level role?
• How do you handle the "tech-overload" or the mandatory AI features that seem to be popping up everywhere lately?
• Does anyone know if we have any legal standing to request a "low-tech" alternative (like a keycard) as a neurodivergent accommodation?

I feel like I’m being used as a test subject for a world that wasn't built for me. Any advice or just some solidarity would be appreciated.