My career as an investment banker is in serious jeopardy due to NVLD.
Hi everyone. The title says most of what I'm about to say but let me get into this because I knew this would happen to me at some point.
I have not been posting much on this sub because honestly my life has been going so great lately that I haven't needed to vent like this in over a year (I do still check out posts and offer support when I can though).
Anyways I'm a 26 year old male from Canada who in June of last year got a job working as an investment banker and administrator in private capital and arms length mortgages at a big financial trust company where we hold these investments in both registered and non-registered accounts.
Honestly getting this job has been a major accomplishment for me as my whole adult life I have been very concerned about getting and keeping long term employment due to my NVLD condition. I really do love this job as I spend most of my day behind a desk either processing transactions doing potential fraud audits and reporting taxes to the Canada Revenue Agency and occasionally dealing with clients. This was literally the perfect job for me as it is not that physically demanding and I was able to learn so much about the private market and building wealth. I truly enjoy this job and I really don't want to lose it because I really honestly thought that I was doing super well and many of my colleagues and members from other departments always complement my work ethic and drive to get things done in a timely manner. Some of my colleagues have been encouraging me to apply to more advanced roles like team lead and relationship manager and honestly hearing that from my colleagues has been a fantastic boost in my confidence and motivation to bring my best self to work everyday. You see my NVLD is not too socially imparing ( I do miss the occasional non verbal social cue from time to time), but I would say I am very well liked and a lot of my team is relying on me for help with their jobs as well which I love.
The thing is, the company has made some major internal changes and we ended up combining teams together and unfortunately I ended up getting a new manager who is VERY strict compared to my last one who was very bubbly and sweet and would provide good constructive feedback to improve her team. My new manager is a lot worse and is much more micromanaging and less understanding and overall way harder to deal with. They are kind of the best at unspoken rules and has been making major changes (negative ones) to the companies policies and procedures that I relied on. I can also never get a straight answer from her about how to do things their new way.
Anyways I had 3 meetings with her today regarding my job performance. This is my worst fear and this was a major reason why I have been so worried about getting out there in the working world. Apparently there were some transactions that never got processed as they were supposed to be going to other teams and I guess I had forgot to send it to them when I opened a clients account (RRSP TFSA etc.). My new manager has been watching me and my other colleagues like a hawk and is constantly pulling people aside for these meetings.
She has overall not been impressed with my performance and I'm honestly not even sure of all the details as she doesn't go into detail about what I can do to improve. She told me today that if improvements are not noticed that potential disciplinary action may occur.
I am truly at a loss for words as this is all happening so suddenly and I honestly thought I was doing so well at this role. My confidence has never been higher since I was in high school. I don't know what to do with myself right now this is like a living nightmare as I think this could be from my minor delays in processing speed and attention to detail or executive dysfunction if you will.
I have thought long and hard about this and I can't think of any other reason why I would be going through this other then NVLD. I don't usually engage with office politics and just focus on my work and I truly am trying my best and I have been feeling very down today. I am honestly thinking of leaving now as the turnover rate at this company is high enough and I feel like I'm on thin ice.
I have made so much progress in my life overall like I am almost 2 years sober. I feel like if I get let go from a job like this I may relapse and I will go back to who I was years ago. A sad and lonely person with no purpose. Getting and keeping a regular adult job is all I ever wanted and I feel like my worst NVLD fears are coming to life.
Please help 😥