r/LongDistance

Slight context; my boyfriend and I went from talking almost everyday when we first got together and it was great for around 2-3 months, but now it’s 2 months past our six month anniversary and we haven’t spoken since the day of, I normally don’t think about it but now I have been and I really miss him, idk it feels like I need to book an appointment everytime I want to talk to him.

I didn’t really know which flare to give this.

I’ve never done long-distance before, and I’m feeling incredibly confused and anxious.

My partner and I just finished a really stressful semester of college. I actually knew him around our community for a while but never made a move, and we finally ended up getting together during the second half of the semester. Because of that, things are still pretty new between us.

I already knew he was dealing with a lot of personal stuff and stress while school was still happening. Even so, we were able to spend one week reconnecting right after finals finished, which was really nice. But immediately after that week, everything shifted. I flew back home across the country for the summer, so we suddenly transitioned into a long-distance dynamic. We aren't officially exclusive yet, which adds another layer of uncertainty to a new relationship.

Right as this distance started, his stress levels compounded. On top of what he was already carrying from the semester, he’s working a lot, trying to catch up with his own family, and tragically, he is currently dealing with a death in his family.

Because he is completely overwhelmed and grieving, our communication has basically dropped to zero. We haven't had a real conversation since I left. The only contact we have is sending each other a random TikTok or Instagram post every 5 days or so.

Logically, I completely understand. My brain knows he has been drowning in stress for a while now, is dealing with grief, and simply doesn't have the emotional bandwidth right now. I want to be supportive and give him space.

Before the silence started, I mentioned to him that I was going to miss him while we were apart. His response was a bit different than what I expected—he seems to view working toward our relationship in a practical way, like focusing on money so he can spend it on me or take me on nice dates in the future. While I deeply appreciate the thought behind that, it’s not actually what I need right now. I need emotional connection and reassurance, but I have a really hard time expressing my needs, especially now when he has been going through so much for so long.

Because I'm getting no real interaction, I've fallen into a really bad habit of checking his social media following and likes, trying to find clues or answers. It’s making me spiral and feel so much worse.

How do I handle the anxiety of needing emotional connection in a relatively new, non-exclusive relationship when my partner genuinely has nothing left to give right now? How do I learn to express my needs without feeling like a burden while he is grieving?

Hi, I have been struggling with this thing recently. I a 20 year old dutch girl (working as a domestic support worker & lifeguard/administrative worker if that has any use) have been in a relationship with a British man for nearly 3 years now.

It’s come to a point where I would really want to move to the UK as him moving to me is unlikely at the moment due to his family situation, which I don’t mind moving to the UK - however the thing that is bothering me is how much it will cost me to move to him through the spousal route.

Is there any other way for me to move to the UK without requiring any sort of degree or a ton of money?

Otherwise I will just suck it up and go for it but especially recently with talk about the UK coming back to EU, I have been wondering whether it’s really worth over 5k just for me to move there… when we could just wait for that to happen.

What is the best option for me here, because I’m honestly at a loss.

Any help and suggestions will be so appreciated thank you.

I’m panicking a little right now but for context I was texting this guy for a few weeks. We seemed to get along and I was going to ask him to meet before he moves for his new job since his parents live an hour away from me. I checked his profile again about to send a message when I noticed he has now put in his profile the option “open to dating locally only.” So now I wonder if I should even ask to meet anyway or just abandon ship.

Finally Engaged!!! Can anyone give me some tips on how to start wedding planning, especially when we are from two different countries and it would be really hard to look at venues and do normal wedding stuff together. Aiming to close the gap by October of next year, and get married on our 5 year anniversary 🥺🩵

Okay so I am male (19) and this girl is female (20) I’m on a gap year and travelled to Vietnam, I used tinder to meet up with this good looking Vietnamese girl and over my trip spent about 25-30 hours of time with her and I could really see myself with her. However I live in the UK (roughly a 13 hour flight one way away) and I have to go back home tomorrow. I’m already feeling upset even though I didn’t spend that long with her. Any advice for me and what to do about this and how to move forward? (It’s been about 5 days since I left now and since I know there’s no real way I can be with her, I’m not sure if staying in contact with her is just gonna make it harder to get over her since we already agreed to not be exclusive and just be friends). Any advice on this too would also be helpful :)

I'll keep this short since I am primarily looking for people in similar situations, I am Jewish and my girlfriend is Christian

For context we've been together for 10 months and we've always had a problem with religion disputes since we both would like our kids to be our individual religion but neither of us is willing to compromise because of the way we were raised

She was willing to convert at first but she's since changed her mind mainly because of her family and it leaves me at an awkward position and I'm wondering if anyone has gone through something similar or has general advice to give out, thanks

My partner is usually on 7-10days business trips, sometimes 30 days and I get that she is busy and all but shouldn’t it be normal to text a good morning/goodnight text or “I’m back in the hotel” after work? Or call when free, it’s usually me calling after many hours of silence to see if she is ok and not having the call answered. She might call back few times

Idk if I’m overreacting or being too needy

When I was in a long distance relationship, one of the things I struggled with most was wanting to say 'I'm thinking of you' without starting a full conversation or feeling like I was interrupting their day. Texting felt like it demanded a response. Calling was too much sometimes. I just wanted a small, lightweight way to say 'I'm here' without any pressure attached to it. Did anyone else feel this way? How do you currently handle those small moments of wanting to reach out without making it a big deal?

My (27f) boyfriend (32m) broke up today, we've been doing long distance for roughly eight months and dating for three years. I love him but I'm choosing my family.

Just in retrospect I've been unemployed since I got together with him, so about four years now. I FINALLY got two, and decided to go with the one closer and because it's a liquor store he's said he can't trust me. It's a party environment, and basically he can't trust that I wouldn't be talked into partying or flirting with, and that I wouldn't tell him. Basically told him if he was that insecure in our relationship why'd he do long distance with me in the first place, but he's told me he's in love with me and truly wants me, but isn't in the right place. He just lost his father which was another factor, it wasn't why we did long distance but he was with his father in his last days and it hit him hard.

That's made this a lot more difficult too, I feel horrible breaking up with him while he's grieving the death of his father. It happened a few months ago, but of course it's still fresh for him. We had decided to take the Ross and Rachel famous "break" where we'd be broken up and not worry about eachother, but still save ourselves for each other, if that makes sense. Focus on finding work and taking care of my grandma, and he'd focus on his job and his health. I just think it'd be healthier for both of us to just walk away and work on ourselves, he was so dead set on bringing me across the entire United States to be with him, which is terrifying for me. His family also sounds like a nightmare to deal with, so I don't know how well I'd even fit over there. Basically, the last we talked he started to get upset and told me I did this on purpose, then hung up on me.

I just feel so horrible and split, I feel like a horrible human being. 😭😢 Did I truly did such a horrible thing?

Me (20M) and my girlfriend (20F) have been in a long distance relationship for about 1 year now. I’m creation so we often see each other at events maybe every month or two, but it’s not too often. I’ve known her for around five years now since we often times operate in the same circles due to work. She also has a full-time job so she is often extremely busy. Going into the relationship we both knew the relationship would be hard. There have been many bumps in the road, from us both working long schedules with a time difference, two times of cheating that I know about on her end, actions and words that have made me uncomfortable, etc. in the past, I have seen her flirt with other dudes that we work with and she calls it a joke, she has a weird relationship with her guy, best friend that I’m pretty sure she used to be romantically involved with, and she traveled to the state that he used to live in for a solo trip and when I confronted her about it, she had said that she already had told him that me and her were dating and she was gonna go visit one of her other friends in local area and was not going to see him. She also had a knack of turning off her location, going to random parties and staying the night in random hotels without telling me first, and more that have since not happened recently, but I think it has played the role in our relationship dynamic. It is also safe to say that we have overcome a lot of those things, and that is something that I am proud of. But I cannot deny that we still have a long way to go.

I feel a lack of effort on her end. Whenever we have serious conversations it seems like it’s always me having to initiate them, and I never feel like my feelings or words are taken seriously after expressing my concerns. She also doesn’t really make time for me, going days without responding. We almost broke up a few weeks ago, but we decided to keep it going and we are planning on having a larger conversation to continue figure out if we can make it work in person. Even romantically sometimes it feels like I’m doing the heavy lifting in both sexual, conversational, and romantically. I don’t think this relationship would work if I didn’t try really hard to make it work.

I really want to make this work. It’s not like she’s a complete robot all the time. I know she has feelings but it seems like she has trouble expressing them, in an avoidant way. She says that she is emotionally receptive and understands feelings, but sometimes it does not feel that way. Whenever I try to express my discontent with the relationship or something that she has done over text or voice message, it usually never gets a substance response. She’ll either selectively not answer it or she would just not respond for days and act like nothing has happened. Or she’ll use something that I’ve done in the past to totally ignore the conversation that I brought up.

Maybe me trying too hard is a turn off? Or maybe I’m not understanding enough of her time and situation? Sometimes it feels like she doesn’t even like me, and that scares me to death, and I don’t know what to do about it. I just don’t know what to do, since I’m afraid of trying in fear that someone I’m in love with will reject me, but it also gives me too much anxiety to leave it buried.

How do I express my feelings in a way that won’t get shut down or ignored? How do I make my presence felt? How do I get the answers/response I need?

Hola amigos es mi primera vez aqui publicando
La verdad he estado muy triste volví con mi ex pero la verdad ella me contó que hizo cosas (hablar con chavos ) que me tiraban ek rollo mientras no estábamos el punto es que me decepciona xq la verdad si la amo con todo el corazon
Ahora el viernes se ira a estudiar a una ciudad a 3 horas de distancia durante 5 meses la verdad si me pone triste xq antes cuando peleábamos ph estábamos bien siempre estábamos juntos la verdad en ka última ruptura yo la regué (no me justifico ) pero la trataba horrible x mis problemas en el negocio y según yo decidí dejarla para enfoscarme mas en mi y fue todo lo contrario solo me descarrilé mas y actualmente quebré la verdad no se que hacer xq la quiero y yo considero que ella igual yo me dedico en otro negocio al transporte y estoy buscando la manera de estar cerca de ella con viajes hacia donde ella está pero la verdad si me da muy en la madre no poderla tener aqui a mi lado antes que termináramos no se que paso x mi mente pero aveces hasta me hartaba pero ahora solo quiero estar con ella en paz y como se lo dije a ella le voy a echar ganas para poder darte todo

I’m (F24) in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (M23) and we’ve been together for a year and a half now. We live on opposite sides of the world. We both love each other so much and during special occasions like our monthsaries, birthdays, valentines, he always makes an effort to send me flowers and gifts. I honestly appreciate all of it and I know he’s doing all what he can just to make me happy.

The thing is after all this time we still haven’t met in person yet. His reason is usually work and his family also worries about him traveling to my country because they think it might not be safe. If I had the chance of course I would fly to his country ASAP but getting a visa here can take a really long time. Meanwhile he has more freedom to travel if he wants to but because of those reasons he can’t.

What’s making me overthink lately is seeing my cousin’s relationship. She’s also in an LDR and even though they haven’t been together that long her boyfriend already flew all the way to see her.

Seeing that makes me question my own relationship sometimes…I don’t know if it’s just peer pressure or if what I’m feeling is actually valid :(

Was in a long distance relationship and things suddenly ended today. I’m feeling absolutely crushed as we had an amazing weekend last week when he visited. He started acting a little distant the last two days and suddenly ended things today. He just ripped off the bandaid cold saying he couldn’t do distance anymore. I felt pretty blindsided and hurt. How do y’all cope with not feeling like you’re enough? I get it’s a huge sacrifice for the other person, but feel super discarded.

Guys tomorrow is 520 which is the internet valentine day in China.

So Don’t forget to buy your partner some flowers or a gift to show them how much you love them.

Just wanted to remind anyone that forget or don’t know about it.

Byeeee

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We started dating when I was in the middle of a PhD program, and I moved in with him after about a year. He already had a dog when I met him, and he got another dog in the first few months of knowing each other. I love both animals and we had a very idyllic life, living in a California beach town and spending almost all of our time together when I wasn’t working in the lab for school. I was hoping to get a job nearby where we lived in my field, but we discussed many times the possibility of me doing a postdoctoral fellowship or getting a job in another city. In science as in many other fields, jobs are very competitive and it’s not always easy to predict where opportunities will arise. He expressed many times his preference for staying in our town, but also told me he was open to relocating “as long as we’re near a body of water”. He works in finance, fully remote.

I graduated at the end of last year and struggled to find a job, applying constantly and networking, but not applying outside of our city because that’s what he wanted. There were many layoffs in my specific field due to government funding disruptions with the Trump admin, and entry-level tech adjacent jobs in general have become impossible (if you’re unemployed right now, my heart goes out to you). Ultimately after months of unemployment, through one of my networking meetings, I got connected with a professor in NYC who offered me a postdoctoral fellowship to work on a project I found extremely scientifically exciting. I’ll be honest - I wasn’t just professionally excited about NYC. I’m from a small town in the interior of the US and the idea of spending a few years in the big city (with housing in manhattan subsidized by the university) sounded extremely fun to me. But again, even then, I had only applied in our town and hadn’t been trying to leave. Before I even accepted, my boyfriend threw a complete fit and said many horrible things to me, including that I was abandoning him, that I was easily replaceable, etc. and told me he wanted to break up with me. He told me I was abandoning our dogs and our life together, and that I was ruining our shared vision for our future.

A bit embittered by the experience, I decided to take the opportunity and plan to move. We spent a couple months after that living together before I moved out, and during that time, he slowly came to terms with what was happening and, on many occasions (including during a drunken sobbing where he profusely apologized for everything he said to me about moving) has now said that he will move in with me by the end of the year. But he’s very back-and-forth about it; sometimes it’s that he’s “maybe” moving, sometimes it’s “if you still like me by then”, or “if I’m too lonely and can’t handle it”. I really want him to come, but he hates the idea of NYC: too crowded, “all there is to do there is get a drink or go to a restaurant”, and (he’s very right about this one) not a great place to have two big dogs. For what it’s worth, I don’t really want to be in NYC long term either - I’d prefer to move back to California - but my fellowship will probably be at least 2-3 years.

Leaving him and our dogs was very difficult. I’ve been enjoying the new job, and it’s turned out to be everything I hoped it would be. I am also having fun in NYC. But I miss him desperately. On the other hand, I’m a little worried about him moving here after how much he’s expressed that he hates the idea of the city. And now that we’re apart, he can’t stop saying resentful things to me about my having abandoned him.

Will he come around? Can I keep encouraging him to move knowing he might hate it here and resent me for it? How do I talk to him when he keeps blaming me for the situation and twisting the knife?

hello i 30f and my husband 32m got married last year aughust he travelled back to his country after the honeymoon together with his family who all attended the wedding after 3 months we were planning to start our visa process but we end up realising we don’t have sufficient evidence since we didn’t take pictures together with family and friends every thing went so fast during the wedding time we forgot to take pictures with everyone. now on january he came for one month stay to take pictures with family and friend and he already had a back ticket for february all of sudden my husband decided to postponed his travel back and his now over staying in my family house for five months he started having this business idea and his chasing it to be honest am fed up with this whole bussiness things he is my country and his not from here he decided to throw away all plans with we had and starting our visa process for this bussiness he tryna start and am so disappointed and mentally checked out from everything ontop of everything his a mama boy and only listen and follow what his mum tells him doing a long distance marriage is hard and the only thing exciting was if we start our visa early we would reunite and start our life and finally have our home but now everything is delayed and it’s driving me crasy!!!

hello me and my husband got married last year aughust he travelled back to his country after the honeymoon together with his family who all attended the wedding after 3 months we were planning to start our visa process but we end up realising we don’t have sufficient evidence since we didn’t take pictures together with family and friends every thing went so fast during the wedding time we forgot to take pictures with everyone. now on january he came for one month stay to take pictures with family and friend and he already had a back ticket for february all of sudden my husband decided to postponed his travel back and his now over staying in my family house for five months he started having this business idea and his chasing it to be honest am fed up with this whole bussiness things he is my country and his not from here he decided to throw away all plans with we had and starting our visa process for this bussiness he tryna start and am so disappointed and mentally checked out from everything ontop of everything his a mama boy and only listen and follow what his mum tells him doing a long distance marriage is hard and the only thing exciting was if we start our visa early we would reunite and start our life and finally have our home but now everything is delayed and it’s driving me crasy!!!