r/LongDistance

On my way to see my husband, my person 💕

I hope all of you will get to hold, hug and overall enjoy the company of your favorite person soon

♥️

i need honest advice.

I’m a senior in high school 17F (boarding school) and he’s a freshman in college. 19M We’ve been long distance, and I just found out I’ll probably be long distance again in college too.

Our relationship was really strong emotionally. We talked all the time, fell asleep on FaceTime, and when we were together it felt easy and natural. He always told me I was his favorite person and talked about a future with me. I showed up fully for him—loyal, supportive, never disrespectful, genuinely gave everything I had.

The issue was distance. It stressed him out more than it did me.

He broke up with me saying it was too hard and he needed to put himself first. It felt sudden, but also like something he had been struggling with internally. I didn’t fight it in the moment—I respected it, even though it hurt a lot.

I sent him a long message after the breakup basically saying I was really hurt and confused, but also reflecting on how much I loved him and how meaningful our relationship was to me. I told him I gave everything I had and felt like he was walking away from something genuinely good, even though I was trying to respect his decision. In the end, I said I couldn’t keep fighting for someone who chose to leave, so I was letting him go, even though I still loved him and wanted the best for him.

At first, he responded kind of coldly (“it worked”), which made it feel very final.

Then a few days later, he came back with a completely different energy. He said he regrets it, that losing me wasn’t worth it, and that he never actually processed the breakup. He still has all our pictures, hasn’t told his family, and said he couldn’t fully let go.

We called, and he told me he’s “100% all in” now. He said our last visit affected him a lot—more than before—because we spent the most time together, and when he went back to distance it hit him harder than expected. He admitted he was kind of treating long distance like a “vacation,” and when reality hit again, he panicked and shut down.

He also said the breakup wasn’t fully thought through—it was more of a conversation that escalated, and I did give an ultimatum in the moment, so everything happened quickly.

Now he says he wants to try again and do it right.

Here’s my issue:

I still love him

But the actual situation hasn’t changed (we’re still long distance, and will be for a while)

He already left once when it got hard

I gave everything to this relationship, and I don’t know if I can handle going through that again

I don’t think he’s a bad person—I think he got overwhelmed and made a decision out of fear. But I also don’t know if this is real change or just him reacting to losing me.

So:Is this worth trying again, or is this the kind of situation where history will just repeat itself?

I’m not the best at explaining everything, so feel free to ask questions if needed.

I’m 18F, and I just ended a long distance relationship with my 17M boyfriend yesterday. We met online over a year ago and never met in person. We started off as friends and he confessed to me a couple weeks after us meeting that he saw a good potential in us being more than friends, unfortunately in the beginning of our relationship, my head wasn’t fully with him, and only until a couple months after he confessed, that my real feelings grew into love, real love.

So far we had a visit planned for June that is now cancelled, I need outside perspective because I’m really confused. We are very close, he’s the only person I talk to daily, he understands me a lot. He was genuinely very loving and loyal. He never cheated or pursued other girls at all, never followed girls on social media. He knew my family background and accepted me completely, even when I had a clear insecurity about it.

He was saving money from his first job to come visit me, I was saving money on my end too, we planned for a future together, how we’d help each other up. He comes from a very poor background, aswell as I, and he made himself very vulnerable to me. He sent me many handwritten letters and meaningful gifts, including personal VERY personal items of himself. When things were good between us they were really good. He loved me for my personality and who I am as a person, which is something I never believed I could get. We would talk everyday so much, not a single day passed where we didn’t speak, we had a lot in common and bonded over the family issues we both had.

But recently, weve been arguing almost every single day for the last few months. These arguments usually came from small issues I had, such as feeling as though his effort was decreasing, that he was slowing down on the love he had for me. Whenever his responses seemed short I would spiral, my mental health went down, I would always cry to him but, it put a lot of pressure on him and got him frustrated most of the time. We tried multiple plans to fix the cycle and nothing worked. But I felt like I was always the one driving things forward. The planning for meeting In person, and the constant reminders of what I’d want him to do for me, and coming up with the solutions.

He would apologize a lot, but never explain how he would actually change. I discovered he had a porn addiction he hid from me. I was hurt because it had a search for PAWG, and I’m the opposite of pawg I’m brown skinned. So this is something that kind of made me disappointed a little. I’ve also been starting to feel as though our goals are very different, and it would cause a fallout eventually. I know He has very big dreams and he’s a creative person but always has very little follow through with it, I want an engineering career and a structured future. He wants to be a musician and doesn’t plan to go to college. I felt like we are heading in completely different directions.

This is confusing for me because we never met in person. There was a visit planned for June and I ended things before it happened. He always said meeting in person would change everything. He really wanted to see me and be with me, Part of me wonders if I gave up too soon. But another part of me knows that the incompatibility goes deeper than distance.

Did I make the right call ending things before meeting in person? Or should I have given him that chance first? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

i don't know much about how it feels and how bad it can be. I just know that my (23m) father wants her (20f) to video call him before we plan for a trip to her country. It's been two years and she still can't video call him due to her anxiety, she also has trouble videoing me. Is anxiety truly this bad or is this a lack of effort?

She has video called me before, and I've seen videos and pictures of her plenty and we voice call, although she's still anxious on those voices call too.

Hi,

Does anyone here have any advice or real experience on moving from England to a SEA country, I have experience in IT coming up to three years now, I’ve met my partner twice now, once in Malaysia and once in Japan, I’d really like it if someone had maybe made a similar jump let me in on what they did and have done , I’m not talking about trust and all that I mean real actionable steps to change being an LDR to a closer relationship.

For context, we’ve been together for 2.5 years mostly long distance since high school. Right now we’re apart at two different colleges but he’s hoping to transfer nearby since a school close to me has a better funded program for s as his major.

Im an anxiously attached individual and this long distance has been triggering it really badly especially since I have a lot of unhealed trauma. Recently we went on a break because I’ve become codependent on him and he feels an overwhelming degree of pressure to satisfy me/be there for me regularly because Im struggling to feel satisfied by myself. During the break we’re considering ending things for good since our future based on our careers would require traveling, time apart, and the possibility of occasional long distance. I want to be comfortable being alone for longer periods of time whilst feeling fulfilled, but I don’t know if that’s a realistic goal for me or if I’m changing too much about myself. Up until now our lifestyles haven’t been aligning the best. Im also very type a while he’s more type b. I’m struggling to figure out what can be dealbreakers for me vs what are attachment issues I need to work. Is it realistic for me to try to become more independent and hope to be more comfortable?

He 27m called me 28f in the morning of my birthday and said he couldn’t get me anything (because my birthday was on Good Friday). He told me to go to lunch and send him the bill. Or get nails and he’ll pay for it after.

His birthday is 3 days after mine and he knew I had ordered him something special from overseas that was thoughtful, a month ago. I assumed he’d get the prompt to put in a bit of effort for me.

He called later and asked why I was upset and if it’s cos he didnt get me anything I said yeah and he said he tried but he doesn’t know to post things, and he wanted to send me flowers but everywhere would be shut.

Anyone with half a brain knows that’s a cop out and you could send the flowers a day before or say something is coming tomorrow for you, it couldn’t come today. Or figure out how post something lol.

Anyway he declared he’s selfish and he’s sorry and now I’m considering ending the relationship. It sucks because apart from him putting no thought or effort into me,

We have a great connection and laugh a lot together which I’ve never had with anyone else but I don’t think I can be with someone who doesn’t do any gestures.

Should I break up with him.

I (F26) reconnected with him (M25) a while ago and we really like each other. We have been dating for 6 months now. We met 4 years ago and went on a few dates, and reconnected last year. When we reconnected I found out he moved back home and it seemed as if he would eventually return to the same area as me this year, which made everything feel more natural and hopeful. But it’s becoming increasingly clear that he’s not coming back, and that’s making me feel really unsure about this whole thing. Not about him, but about us..

We’re planning a first meetup in a couple of months, but with a 13-hour time difference and being on opposite sides of the world, there’s no way to easily see each other and ofcourse we’d have to plan an entire trip around it. That adds a lot of pressure. I’m willing to and we are both committed though.

Communication and effort wise everything is amazing on both ends. We both feel rlly seen, loved and present. But, I’m worried about the emotional weight of us and the meet up. How will this impact my life or his if we decide to pursue the relationship after the meetup?

I’ve thought about telling him that my initial impression has changed now that I know he’s not coming back, but I’m not sure if I should. I know it sounds awful but I think if I would have known in the beginning, I wouldn’t have pursued this. But at this point the feelings are so strong that I really don’t want to lose him. I just notice it’s getting more difficult as i’m falling for him more everyday, to backtrack. I guess I’m just trying to figure out how to handle the uncertainty and emotional stakes of this first LDR meetup.

Has anyone else gone through a first LDR meeting while also realizing the other person isn’t moving closer? How did you navigate the pressure and uncertainty? I’m not rlly sure what answers i’m exactly looking for but I guess i just need some reflection on my situation.

We been in long distance for 1,5 years but never physically met and I don't know when it will happen.

ig this post is like vent. I already talked about it with my partner, but he doesn't have any solutions for now, we expect to wait 3 more years. In contexte, we're both from different countries, and even continents. I'm 20, living with my parents and a student, I'm not financially independant as I don't work. He has an average salary job, but the issue, he has debt and can't travel outside his country. It seems the best solution is me travel to him, but my parents wouldn't let me travel alone in another country, tbh they don't even know that I'm in ldr. And recently, war started in his continent, which makes this idea even harder.

Our actual plan is wait for me to finish my studies, in 3 years approximatively then get financially independant while he tries to clear his debt. If everything works out, we may meet in 3 years, but ngl, it still feels painfull. I just feel we deserve to finally be happy like normal people. He has a long history of abuse and for me it's my first relationship. It's quite hard for me to meet people in real life and creat genuine connections, but with him, it feels so natural, we grew up so much together. I don't doubt our relationship will last but I just needto share the pain and vent here.

Hey everyone.

Im in a unique relationship with a woman who is still married but awaiting divorce. Yes. I know. But there’s a story to it I won’t go into.

I stepped in knowing the challenges and oddity but I was ok. She made it clear she was dealing with some really hard life things, they sleep away from each other and co parent until she was in a position to move. Her story made sense to me.

We built something slow. We defined things and had goals and connection building on levels I never had. Anyways.

We defined things around September 2025. Got more serious around November and into December we had future oriented goals and discussions how the gap gets filled in a way we could work together. (I knew her for 1 year prior to this connection)

Fast forward I found out she was sleeping with her husband from September to December frequently. I was lied to along the way. I know the oddity of this is unique to its own situation. I knew what I stepped up to but it was clear we together navigating while she waited for her divorce to finalize and co parent her toddler.

Please no judgement. But this is definitely a grounds to relationship ending, right? We met this month. Huge plans and goals and things. All of this came out today. 3 months later. Our whole foundation… talk to me please 🙏

Hi my bf and I have almost been dating for two years. He is in first year university and Im entering uni this year ( after my gap year). Everything was perfect, we have gone thru quite a lot lmao. My parents are horrifyingly strict and we went thru all that and Im still in my home obv till Uni starts. And for a little while we can’t call and ik Ita my problem my fault and be normal. And ik thats absolute shit for anyone in ld it takes a huge toll but we were like that for quite some time we both settled in and he understood he was like I’ll wait. I go thru quite the amt of work hiding my rs. For context, my bf and I were bsfs b4 we started dating. He is the one who asked me out and initially i said no and after some convincing and pursuit i said yes and i do not regret. He is the best person ik and I absolutely love him. But recently things have been going a little south. A few days ago he was like this is hell I hate not being able to talk to u a lot and said I need a break. But after an hr of convo and me asking why he himself went “ actually no I can’t handle a break away from u it will kill me i love i too much. I already know I want to marry u” and suddenly now he went “ i love u so much but I wasn’t joking when I said we should try an open rs”. My heart like dropped. Literally. Idk what to do Yall. This is beyond the level of my brains. I have always been quite a smart student Im gonna do pre Med and this is taking such a toll in my life. And being in a house where I can’t even cry freely this is hell. And side note we r in diff continents so hell of a time diff it is. Idk what to do. I love him sm. He dropped the bomb and went to sleep i have been thinking abt this tm. And idk what to do. Any advice pls. And honestly the thought of it is making me just idek disgust? Horrified? Sad? Idk Yall what do I do- it’s not that Im against open rs but it is just it’s not my thing at all

I 17M and my girlfriend 17F met last Summer and begann text after that. We called allmost weekly and by September she said she loved me. We had a few crises, but everything went well. Up until now. We originally met in Poland, but both of us live in Germany about 5 hours away from each other. We talked about how excited we were to see each other again during the spring holidays, and I went to her place last Thursday. I precieved it as lots of fun. She opened the door excitedly huged me for maybe 2 minutes. And said something on the lines of: „you are real“ She gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen on her. We cuddled in her bed for an hour went for a walk holding hands and in the end she hugged me again and quietly whispered into my ear that she loves me.

She already said on our meetup that she was bussy for friday, and would be out shopping. In the evening I asked her how it has been and the conversation shifted towards what happened yesterday. I told her that Im sorry if I was a bit clingy and she told me that she realised there were no more romantic feelings from her side.

She broke up with me over text.

I suggested to call, but she refused.

I feel so empty right now.

I have been waiting for this since September and she is breaking up with me the moment I am in reach.

What should I do? She sent me many letters and a few books we were reading together per pagage, should I put them away?

I know it probably is not as bad as my mind makes me think it is, but I just cant stand the thought of loosing her.

Is it just over? Probably.

What should I do?

How can I even get some sleep?

We are about to go to college and we’re gonna be 10 hours away from each other. We have the same end goals after college and we both want to make it work for each other, but our paths to get there are different and will cause us to be long distance for the next four years. I’ve known her for four years already, I’ve been in a relationship with her for over a year now, and we dated once before in freshman year. We trust each other, we want to make the commitment. I’d be able to see her frequently over summer break, but during school I wouldn’t really be able to. Can we make it work?

My BF and I have currently met twice this year by luck and good prices in flights, but I was wondering how often do other couples see each other or travel to meet in person? Is it one of the two coming to see the other more often?

Me and my partner have known each other for 15 years. We met rping online, and continue to talk on and off for 15 years. We officially started 'dating' about 6 years ago. We were kind of open in that we'd date/sleep with other people if we wanted just be honest. Apart from a few ocassional dates we didnt really see other people. (Im aro/ace, demiromantic demisexual specifically and often call my partner my only exception as most of my dates were family setting me up cause they dont believe an online relationship is a real one)

We were finally able to meet just two weeks ago. I was going to a convention and offered for him to join. (We live on almost opposite sides of the country now but i use to live just one state away) I bought his convention ticket and paid for our hotel cause I was going anyways and it didnt cost to add him to my hotel room. He paid for his flight and we spent the entire weekend together. His flight didnt arrive til really late, and incredible stayed up til he got in and let him in. Both of us were exhausted when he had gotten in as he left his state at 10 am and didnt get to mine til 1am the next day. Despite us both being exhausted we were talking, cuddling, etc for a while before falling asleep. He runs very warm temp wise and im usually freezing, I have the ac on so he is comfortable and have a mini heating blanket to help me. i usually have a hard time falling asleep because I have sleep paralysis at night a lot, but I slept all night every night we were together.

the first day he helped me get into my cosplay and as I use a wheelchair he even helped me get around. at the convention id occasionally tug on his shirt to get him to lean down for a kiss.

we went to eat at hotpot that night cause its my favorite, we both really liked it even though it was a bit pricey. ​​the rest of the weekend we just had a lot of fun did photo ops, autographs, etc. Just being with him was amazing. the last day we were already discussing doing it again the year after next.