Firstly I just want to say I'm 100% over him, it was very hard in the beginning, I had to ask for help from these subs so often and thanks to everyone I'm in such a good place.
It's been almost 2 years since I've been no contact with him and I actually started dating out of nowhere someone that is treating me like golden and I will never let him down.

But out of a sudden, yesterday my ex-narc tried to follow me on IG and I rejected straight away, then last night he messaged me the below
"Sorry if I've bothered you that I reached out. I just wanted you to know that I probably owe you an apology. I'm in a happy relationship and I've learnt so much and a lot of the shit I was doing to you wasn't right and I can see that now. Hope you are okay and you're settled in to your new home and everything. I won't continue to bother you, have a good day.

I've deleted his message straight away because I'm still going to hold strong the no-contact and there's no gain in replying to him.

Why would he do this? Try to add on IG again and then message after I rejected if he's in a "healthy relationship"?

This is a 28y/o adult, I dated him for like 1 year and a bit and it was horrible, I don't think I've asked for help from forums/reddit so much as I have done with him, he would gaslit me, cheat, lie, manipulate, the whole manipulation thing that we're all familiar. Is this just another one of these manipulative traits?

I broke up and went NC a few months ago. Per their “textbook behavior”, I’ve been accused of being and doing exactly what they are guilty of. (Projection)

They are in panic mode due to fear of me “spreading lies” about them. (And, as we all know that’s narc code for the exposing their true self.)

I received a second threat yesterday. I won’t go into details but, I’ve documented everything for the last year and a half.

I’m curious if anyone has been pushed to the point of throwing their hands up and putting the abuser on blast? If you have would you be willing to share your experience?

I recently made a post about my experience with a lying 32M. I’m 21F and I can officially say I’m glad he left me. We spoke recently and he mentioned how he felt disrespected and he does not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. He said the damage is done.

Sir, due to the constant lying, gaslighting, and verbal abuse towards me... that was not a relationship. The damage has BEEN done. I kept trying to glue the broken pieces back together. This was not love. To make him feel better, I guess he likes knowing he left me first. And you know what? I’m glad he walked away! I had a hard time.. but he has left me! He’s going to have a wonderful story to tell his many different woman he texts.

Im not angry, sad, or even happy. I coming to accept my life after dealing with a 32M narcissist. I have to heal, but he did the hardest part for me. Time to take care of myself and show the love I want to myself.

I've been thinking about posting here for a long time. I think I need the input of others who are or have been in a similar situation.

Here is a bit of context (I'll try to be concise ):

My mother has always been erratic. She had a terrible and traumatic childhood and sometimes wields that fact like a weapon. Throughout my younger life, she has treated me a bit like a doll (would try to get me to wear things she wanted me to wear), a server (would instruct me to cook her meals) and a therapist (would divulge way too much information from the horrible divorce with my father to the sex she was having with men in her life.)

She's obsessed with appearance; obsessed with what I eat, how I eat, how much I eat. How my hair looks (she said I had "a lesbian haircut" when I cut my hair and also: "what do you think people will think about you with hair like that?") Or she would tell me not to pose a certain way in photos because "I can see all your pores."

When I began to develop my own personality, things got far worse. I eventually got into drugs and my mom would routinely kick me out of the house from time to time. She'd throw a trashbag at me and say 'whatever you can fit in here that's yours is what you can take.'

Fastforward, I left for good at 17. She was still erratic and cutting with an extremely polished veneer of pleasantness in public and with others outside the house. She would give scraps of affection that I inevitably craved but then she would cut off all communication with me for months at a time. Sometimes I didn't know the reason. One time it was because someone in my family found an instagram post of me kissing a girl. Apparently they brought it up at a dinner party and my mom was blindsided and embarrassed by it. So she stopped talking to me.

I moved to Chicago and our relationship improved with the distance. At first it was rocky because I got sober and was in intensive therapy which is when I realized that my childhood with my mother was not normal. That she has an extreme personality disorder. I tried to keep every conversation we had on the phone neutral or positive - even if I was drowning in depression - because sometimes she uses things I'm vulnerable about against me in later conversations. I am always playing a game of chess with her on the phone- and I'm not good a chess. Sometimes I forget how cutting she can be, and she gives me moments of what looks like maternal love and connection. And then she says or does something that reminds me she is not capable of unconditional maternal love. It's like a horrible lesson I have to learn over and over again.

Anyway- this brings us to early last week... In January was hit by a car while walking and have some other personal health issues as well as a deteriorating long term partnership that have understandably put me under immense stress. I decided to confide in my mother on this phone call last week. I fell for the trap again- I fell for the maternal act, the thing that I now believe to just be information mining.

Over the course of that phone call last week my mother told me:
- "I just don't understand why you're even taking antidepressants or going to see a therapist because it clearly isn't working"
- "it's clear to me that you have no self-soothing or coping skills" (I'm six years sober and work with a team of specialists and sponsor other women in a twelve step program so it felt like she was just shitting all over any progress I've made. She's never congratulated me or asked about my recovery- she's only said "So when do you graduate from AA? When is it over?")
- "You've always been this way."

And then she repeatedly told me "You're angry. You're angry. You're so angry."

So I snapped and told her "I don't like it when you tell me how I feel. The more you tell me I'm angry, the angrier I get." I tried to explain to my fucking mother why I'm not just some useless depressive lump, but of course- she made me feel like one. And in the end of the conversation she made me the 'bad guy' by saying, "I don't talk with angry people." and hung up.

-----

She texted me a few days after and said "sorry we had a bad convo" (she has never apologized for anything before but she also didn't take any ownership of what she said and how it was hurtful lol)

And I texted back saying that I love her and I hope she's well and I am going to take time for myself. We haven't spoken since then. I've never been the one to take space- ever. And even though she was so mean, I feel so guilty for taking this time.

The first few days after not talking to her, I felt immense guilt, shame, and depression. I do not know what to do with these feelings. I do not know if I will speak with her again. I also feel fear of punishment, which is childish in nature because I am a thirty-two year old woman who lives on the other side of the country.

I apologize that this is an incredibly long post. I just do not know what to do with these feelings. I don't know how to have a relationship with my mother. Any input or similar experience or dialogues around this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

for pre-text, this is an anonymous account because I do not wish to come into contact with anyone I know in my real life while venting about the situations I’ve lived through. This is for my own sanity IYKYK.

is there’s such a thing as life as after narcissism? if it’s a childhood wound and a generational trauma, which I’ve seen throughout my family, my experiences, and my identity, then when does it end? I’m on a mission to make it end with me. I hope I’m doing it right. I have to do it for my own children. I have to break this dumb generational curse.

i’m a 39F who was adopted at birth by what I would later learn to be a narcissistic mother and enabling father. adopted mom is fierce and loyal, but deeply hurt. She is triggered by any threat (real or perceived) to her ego or image. she deeply hurt me. Here are some of the “highlights” from my childhood (TW): being told that I would become a guttersnipe tramp just like my bio Mom. That if I didn’t behave, I could return to the gutter that I came from. Chasing me with a kitchen knife out of the house. Fat shaming and belittling me until I developed an eating disorder.

growing up this way, I believed that nobody would love me if I was myself and that I was just simply not good enough for anybody. I learned to placate my mother and often lied just to hide myself from her. After high school I moved to a different state to go to college but I developed tendencies such as codependency on others , people-pleasing, and self sabotage while battling deep depression throughout my 20s.

I sought relationships similar to my mothers’ and mine, with people who I could be codependent with. multiple LTRs were with other narcissists, and I failed to see any pattern or connection until my mid-30s. By this time I was already married to my ex-husband, and by the end of our 15 year LTR, I had realized that he was a narcissist and so was his mother. By this time I was deep in therapy, trying to make sure that I wasn’t becoming a narcissist because my biggest fear (still to this day) is hurting my children the way I was hurt.

I view narcissism as a childhood wound and symptom of generational trauma. it’s literally cursed my family for generations. Take my mother for example – she is still a traumatized teenager and she reacts that way every time she is triggered. She can be dangerous and hurtful, and I’ve learned how not to trigger her and I’ve even gone LC & NC (currently LC). i’ve learned that she was demonized by her own narcissistic mother - my grandma. I see patterns of generational trauma in my ex-husband’s family too. I’m desperate for it to end with me.

I need there to be life after narcissism and I really need to know what to do so that I could be a better mother to my own children and a better version of myself. I’ve learned all these tricks on how to navigate my mother and avoid triggers with her. I’ve set strong boundaries and maintained them for years in order to stay LC with her. I spent years planning and executing my divorce from my ex-husband, who I am now navigating coparenting with. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m actually making choices that are good for me and for my children. I’m focused on my healing and prioritize our peace. This might be a big milestone, but I still feel like I have a long way to go.

How big of a creep do you have to be go to 8 whole years trying to control someone who can’t stand you and just wants you to go away, and calling them with No Caller ID’s, hundreds of harassment/hate messaging from new accounts, and randomly parking in front of your house? 8 years of that with me not responding before he finally shrugged and gave up. Biggest creeps on the planet

When I was trying to get out of a narcissistic relationship, certain YouTube channels blurred the line between real narcissistic abuse and unrelated behavior. It made everything confusing and slowed me down in recognizing what was actually happening.

The YouTube channel Narcdaily for example keeps pumping out low quality content by mixing some real narcissistic behavior with random behavior from his ex that have nothing to do with narcissism at all. It muddies the waters, spreads misinformation and makes it harder to recognize actual patterns. When I started to have questions, he banned me and the next day he uploaded a video where he called out "narcissists" emailing him by mocking them.

That channel even calls people that dont feel like talking all the time during a car trip: toxic narcissists. (Funny side note: the narc in my life would almost force me to talk, react and etc during a car ride)

Stay very cautious when using YouTube as a source, many channels blur the line between valid insights and outright nonsense, making it harder to tell what’s real.

We broke up 2 months ago, later on I discovered all the manipulation, gaslighting, betrayal and everything.

I only hope that she tries to reach out, so she can see that those tricks no longer works with me.

They are just bad people not deeply mentally ill people , they chose to be bad they had two choices , many people went through what the narcissists went through and they didn't turn to monsters , they know well what they are doing and they don't care about anyone ( even their sons or parents ) , they are just the villain , the stinky smelly villain , who lives his life sadly but still acts as a rich man who wears his shiny clothes at night and drinks with his folks they are literally like that , that's why I thought my ex narcissist was sad because he loves me when I left ( no it was the karma because probably no one loved him or gave him attention after I left ) , they are so miserable that they can't sit with themselves and reflect , imagine hating yourself to the point that you can't see yourself except if someone else showed it to you it is like they are toddlers , I am just tired by how narcissists are described as they are happy people with many accomplishments , no believe me they are the most miserable people Alive , they don't even worship god , how can they be happy ? They think they can control themselves and people without god's judgement imagine being stupid like that , they are just weak people who thinks they are strong

I left my narc ex 13 months ago now. We had dated for almost four years and were living together. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Now, 13 mo later, I’m dating someone that I really like. I’m still on high alert- waiting to see what he’s like when he’s mad, what he will be like when the honeymoon phase ends.

But I’m also seeing a lot of green flags and feeling optimistic about this one. One day I’ll tell him about my narc ex when I’m ready.

For now, I’m feeling happy that there is a light at the end of the tunnel 💗

My n-relationships were my parents and ex-husband, so I’ve lived among *them* for my whole life, until my final discard in February of last year when I was thrown out with no notice. I lucked out and moved right into a lovely apartment, but never really *moved in* if you know what I mean. I kept my suitcases nearby and couldn’t part with my moving boxes. The eggshells followed me here.

Its been a little over a year now, and for the first time in my life, I feel enough agency and permanence to decorate my home to reflect my personality. I hung some meaningful art and ordered pillow covers, plants, cozy blankets, and some odds and ends in my favorite colors. It feels like a huge splurge, and I am giddy with excitement over finally having a home that I find serene and joyful and beautiful. Just wanted to share with a community that might understand... Hope you all are having a refreshing and revitalizing Spring!

i realized he was a narc, and i blocked and left him . I was disgusted, but then 4 weeks after i started to miss him. I need him. He isnt good for me abd he disrespects and maniplulates me when hes angry , controlling .But when hes chill he is full of love💔 hes emailing me saying do u miss me? why u didnt come in my birthday and tell me hbd? …. Its all about himself💔💔💔💔 but i miss him now idk what to do i need the connection we had, the thought of someone understanding you 💔 i was doing fine but now its starting to hit, and maybe he is not a narc but ig thats just my brain sugarcoating. my question is what do i do ? Is it gonna be better? 💔

I recently had to cut off a friend who I think is a narcissist. I took my distances over time once I realized something was very wrong with her, the first thing being : never apologizing. Never even thinking she’s in the wrong. DARVO in every single fight. Of course I received the most violent text when she understood I was gone and not negociating a conversation anymore. I was deleted everywhere, blocked, etc.

We have mutual friends. Most of them are just silent, either not really speaking to me anymore or hearing what happened but not « taking sides ». It’s slowly killing me. I already went through a major traumatic loss before this narcissistic friend because I was in a romantic relationship with a friend of her who had very abusive behaviors during and after the relationship. So losing everyone around her is affecting me very much. It makes me think I’m the problem of course.

Only one mutual friend told her she acted badly and it triggered an explosion of violence from the narcissistic friend. She was accused of harassing and intimidating her by saying to the narc that she should apologize to me. Everything blew up and took insane proportions. In many different texts the narc said I invented my traumas and was destroying everyone around me.

Another mutual friend is caught up in this and despite recognizing the violence of this narc friend, he doesn’t want to take sides. When I shared the texts with him (that are extremely violent) he said it was horrible but his answer was : « I’m not gonna hate her like you wish i did ». Something shifted for me. I understood her grip was so deep he was incapable to see her violence as the only real issue. I love this friend very much and he’s been very supportive but I feel that his incapacity to openly blame her is gonna cost us our friendship. It doesn’t matter how many proof I give him he still talks about « perceptions ». What can I do ? How do narc have such an influence on people ? I feel I’m gonna be the one who leaves again and will end up with almost no friends.

I meant this guy a year ago and when I met him, I was caught up an active addiction and about a month after we dated I decided that I wanted to get clean he was actively using as well. I went to treatment and let them use my friend Car that I really worked hard to get and I just relapsed a year ago from 6 1/2 years of sobriety and I had the good job. I made $38 an hour and the nice car in the home and I got my kids back like the whole 9 yards well I let him use my car while in treatment and the first weekend he had it he sideswiped somebody and When I found out, he wrecked my car. I begged him multiple times to bring it back and he never would he told me what was I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do like and it went through my head was it’s not even your car. Bring me my car back and we ended up totaling it. We wrecked it four times in two weeks then I gave him another chance and he started to sell drugs, which caused me to relapse and that was like a back-and-forth thing for a little while with ultimately has costed me a lot. I was cleaning for almost 2 months. He promised me that he was done selling and using it, and I was looking for a lighter one day to light my cigarette and reached in his pants pocket and pulled out a bag of dope and there we go back on the train again now here I am I’m losing that good job in the process of termination. It’s a large company in this year. I have lost everything due to my decisions at the end of the day here towards the end he doesn’t come home he will not reply. He will not call but he’ll send me a text every now and then say love you yes I’m coming back so he is a felon and he does have guns at my house and the nice things that I bought him and he left me with no money no or three I was out of work due to pink guy which caused me to lose vision in my left eye, and I have never felt so mentally and emotionally broken the way that I do now a part of me wants to sell his gun to buy groceries and that’s why I’m on here today asking what is the right thing to do should I just pack stuff and put it on the porch and tell him to come get it or should I sell his gun and the shoes that I bought them because I need help????

WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO PLEASE HELP ME

I meant this guy a year ago and when I met him, I was caught up an active addiction and about a month after we dated I decided that I wanted to get clean he was actively using as well. I went to treatment and let them use my friend Car that I really worked hard to get and I just relapsed a year ago from 6 1/2 years of sobriety and I had the good job. I made $38 an hour and the nice car in the home and I got my kids back like the whole 9 yards well I let him use my car while in treatment and the first weekend he had it he sideswiped somebody and When I found out, he wrecked my car. I begged him multiple times to bring it back and he never would he told me what was I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do like and it went through my head was it’s not even your car. Bring me my car back and we ended up totaling it. We wrecked it four times in two weeks then I gave him another chance and he started to sell drugs, which caused me to relapse and that was like a back-and-forth thing for a little while with ultimately has costed me a lot. I was cleaning for almost 2 months. He promised me that he was done selling and using it, and I was looking for a lighter one day to light my cigarette and reached in his pants pocket and pulled out a bag of dope and there we go back on the train again now here I am I’m losing that good job in the process of termination. It’s a large company in this year. I have lost everything due to my decisions at the end of the day here towards the end he doesn’t come home he will not reply. He will not call but he’ll send me a text every now and then say love you yes I’m coming back so he is a felon and he does have guns at my house and the nice things that I bought him and he left me with no money no or three I was out of work due to pink guy which caused me to lose vision in my left eye, and I have never felt so mentally and emotionally broken the way that I do now a part of me wants to sell his gun to buy groceries and that’s why I’m on here today asking what is the right thing to do should I just pack stuff and put it on the porch and tell him to come get it or should I sell his gun and the shoes that I bought them because I need help????

Posting here bc I’m driving myself crazy.. my ex and I separated last September. Divorce was finalized 6 weeks ago. We have 2 kids age 1 and 4. He is a high conflict/cluster b personality Type person. coparenting has been awful.

He messaged on the coparenting app 2 days ago that he’s getting engaged. I didn’t even know he was dating someone. My son certainly hasn’t said a woman has been around and he tells k everything. I responded saying if there is a Partner who is going to be in the kids lives please tell me who and let’s discuss how to inform the kids and the transition. He said I can’t control who he married and he will not tell me anything.

I know there’s nothing I can do about it but man I have so many feelings.

I wore easy tee and pants for such a long time i was with him now and was comfortable to have changed the way i dressed, for him! I used to dress so girli before.

I’m also 3 months postpartum and it’s perfect time for me to update my wardrobe throw away all of the stuff that reminds me even remotely of him ☺️

Oh and a new haircut too!! 💗

Hello, I hope I posted on the right sub, if not please let me know and I will delete.

I know of a couple, which are my neighbors. The girlfriend has described the situation to me in great details.

The guy has convinced her that he has "Dissociatice Identy Disorder" and has Alters.

His alters all have cool names and quirks. A pirate, a robot, a womanizer, a kid, a diva and so on...

He claims to have no control over them and no memory of what happened when they are in control.

In a pretty convenient way, one of his alters, a womanizer, has sex with other women. His girlfriend forgives him because "it's not him, he is faithful, it's his alter which he doesn't control, if anything he is a victim of it!"

Also pretty convenient, he has an alter which represents Anger, it's the agressive alter which comes out to slander her, break stuff in the room, then the "true" personality switches back and asks what happened.

So she can't blame him since it was an Alter.

The girlfriend has abandonment issues, she clings to him.

The guy is rather charismatic, always try to dressvery well, have nice hair and style, and is friendly when you talk to him, although I can sense he's probing and looking me in the eyes as if to check if I am seduced or impressed by him. He told me once that is dream would be to be able to spend his time seducing women. He also told me this relationship with his girlfriend allowed him to experience love and romantism, but none of his fantasies.

I think he is a special kind of narcissist, that is "using" his girlfriend for gratifications, but also wants total freedom with other women (with the excuse of the dissociative disorder) and no accountability.

He also told me once that nothing affected him and he was pretty nihilistic, and that when his girlfriend cried he felt nothing.

Thank you for your opinion and experience!

I believe I’m dealing with someone who’s a narcissist and is making me believe I may be one.

It’s not the first time I’m having these thoughts because I was raised by a narcissist (my mom) and while I spent years to process and analyze it in therapy I do know she gave me some narcissistic traits. Since I did the work I’m trying my best to look at my own behaviors and question myself, probably too much cause the last years I’ve been very quick to take responsability in fights with people because I’m so scared to be like my mom. On top of that, I have ADHD and CPTSD so I have been gaslighted my whole life about my feelings.

I’m dealing with a very serious situation right now where somebody is saying I’m destroying others, exaggerating what happened to me, etc… all because I’m speaking up about abuse I’ve been through (and using this word). How do I know if I’m making it more than it is ? I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Hi,

I had a friend who I believe is narcissist. I knew him back when we were young. As we get older he stated texting every girl he can get contact of. He would love bomb them and be sweet person until he gets what he wants then he would discard her. I no longer am friend with the person but If I could I would save other girls from the heartbreak.

So would you personally support this cause? The app won't be a thing unless there are people who support it.