r/KindVoice

I need to learn the art of being able to manage a relationship without becoming too intense too quickly. Well, I don’t need to learn it… because I’m not seeking a relationship, but I’ve noticed this about myself. I’m not sure how to word it, but …

I’ve realised I tend to become emotionally attached or intense quite quickly in connections, even when I’m not actively looking for a relationship. I think I invest a lot emotionally once I feel close to someone, and I’m trying to understand why that happens and how to approach relationships in a healthier, more balanced way without losing myself in them.

I’m not really sure if anyone else relates to this, but I’d appreciate advice from people who’ve learnt how to pace themselves emotionally while still being genuine.

^ that part was written by ai 😊 lol. I didn’t know how to put it in words but that’s the main issue really. I end up being alone because of my intensity.

Edit: I slipped up lately and handed my power over to someone else I think by expressing too much vulnerability. What’s weird is deep down I kinda already don’t give a fuck, but I seem to be so intense in the moment. Relentless even.

I’m (M25) in grad school for counseling and just finished a semester that honestly changed me a lot as a person. I’ve been sober for 4 months, lost 45 pounds, became more confident, connected deeply with students, and grew emotionally in ways I’m truly proud of.

During that time I developed feelings for a teacher (23F) at the school. The feelings built gradually throughout the semester, and I intentionally waited until my last day to ask for her number because I wanted to be respectful and avoid making things uncomfortable at work. We ended up hanging out, had a really good time, and afterward she kindly told me she saw things more platonically and didn’t want to lead me on. She also expressed that she had a great time and wants to stay friends.

I think what’s hard is that I realized I’m not just grieving the romantic outcome, although of course that stings, I’m also grieving the ending of the entire chapter. In a sense, she became emotionally tied to a season of huge growth and meaning in my life.

The positive is that I handled this rejection much healthier than I would’ve in the past. We’re still on good terms, and I’m proud I didn’t become bitter or reactive. But emotionally I still feel pretty crushed and exhausted.

For people who’ve experienced something similar, how did you move forward without tying your self-worth to the outcome? I also don’t know whether staying friends is healthy long term. She’s genuinely a great person, and part of me would rather have her in my life than not, but I’m still trying to figure out what’s healthiest emotionally.

I'm 33, nonbinary, and extremely traumatized. I've been badly harmed by the mental healthcare system in the past, so that's unfortunately not an option for me. I found alternative treatments that help, but I can't afford them anymore. I need a friend more than anything. I know this is a long shot and I'll probably get a lot of unhelpful responses. But idk man.

I tried posting this in my city's sub but it was automatically removed. I honestly don't really want long distance friends. The world is basically conspiring against me to drive me to suicide. I literally can't take this anymore. I'm about to start writing my note. The only comfort I find is in knowing that I can end my pain soon.

Are there real people in this sub? Or are they just bots and trolls?

I need real people to listen to me. Not trolls or bots.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, I always answer back with kindness!

I told my therapist recently that I don’t think I have any anchors.

Not because nobody exists in my life, but because everyone around me is carrying their own weight too. My sister has her own trauma and responsibilities. My spouse loves me deeply but can’t emotionally carry the details of my trauma processing or writing. My therapist is away for a while.

So I’m realizing I’ve been trying to process some very heavy things mostly alone.

I write a lot. Some of it is memoir-style. Some of it is trauma processing. Some of it is me trying to understand why certain memories or cases or experiences attached themselves to me so permanently.

I think I’m looking less for “advice” and more for signs that other people have survived periods where they felt emotionally unanchored.

How did you build community when you were already exhausted? How did you learn to distribute emotional weight instead of carrying it all internally? How did you figure out who to trust with what?

I don’t need fixing. I think I just need human voices.

I'm just seeing if anyone needs an ear to listen to we could talk about anything on your mind or just talk about other stuff until you feel comfortable to open up who knows maybe I'll make you laugh lol.

But despite me being funny, I understand it's not easy holding all that pain, sadness, anger, everything. Sometimes you feel like you need to put a fake smile and tell yourself you're ok, but it turns out it's not fine that no matter how hard you try it still hurts because it's so frustrating just to pretend than when you finally let it out people think we are the crazy ones but I'll admit it feels like a huge relief letting it all out.

So only if you're comfortable stop by and let's chat for a while if you wanna text sure or vc than ok whatever you want if not then have a nice day and take care of yourselves.

Hughhh a failure, born with a weak body, my legs were crooked and weak, weak heart and lungs with forearms defect and liver failure , yet i pushed through it, my father wanted me to be a cricketer but i couldn't, so he lost all hope in me abondened me in my childhood, never earned for our family, an alcoholic and abusive guy, used to beat me uptoo alot. My mother never focused on me as she was too busy with my father and his problems so I never got what love feels like from any of my parents, bullied since childhood, but I was always kind to others, I helped a street dog and gave him a shelter for 2 years until my family toldne to leave him and then he died, my dog helped me through a lot too, i failed eventually in class 7th with 21% but due to Covid we all passed and ever since then I've been trying my best everyday, everynight, I've had a dream of living this life I wanna live I wanna be loved and keep loving others but I can't, my family doesn't give me any money so I earn my own money from my handicrafts and art skills on my small insta business. I got 89% in 10th and I was damn happy but then my gf in 10th standard left me cause I was boring and she got with her bhai jaisa best friend. I live everyday on a brink of death, I can't eat oil and sugar that much or else I'll die cause my liver can't digest it and it's fucked up. And here we are, my father keeps fighting me and I fights back, my mother only views me as a tool to earn money and flaunt on my achievements. No sense of love and belongingness from my family, I teach poor kids, i feed dogs cause I love doing it but I wish God can give me even 5% OF MY efforts back I'll be damn happy man, I've still got friends though a few but they're real ones and I love them, but as today 12th results came and I'm disappointed, I got 87% overall and 74 in bst, 86 in accounts and 87 in eco while i studied for like 10 hours daily for the last 7 months and I'm so dead I don't wanna continue anymore my efforts are futile and shallow, I've got my economics CUET on 15yh may, that is tomorrow and I'm ready for it but I'm not ready mentally I'm so fucking done and i don't wanna even eat, I wanna take my life and end it all cause I'm so fucking tired ma'lord. Oh btw my favourite heroes are Superman, Deku, Gohan, Star Lord, Iron man) 😋 i just want this world to be a betterplace and make an impact here if I can even change a person's life I'll be damn happy but i also wanna feel a bit loved man , I want someone to hug me( I've never been deeply hugged too)

I feel like my brain is going to explode from the chronic friendlessness. The last time I had a friend I was 18 years old!!!!! I’m 32 now 😫 and I haven’t had a friend ever since. I want to puke!! I’m so lonely everything hurts

17f from Canada here. I want to be a social worker in the future and enjoy when people open up to me and vent, no matter what it’s about or how serious or stupid it is. I’m here to listen to anybody, regardless of age or what they want to talk about.

I’ve also been feeling down lately myself, and it’s mostly just about how I keep getting ghosted on here when trying to talk to people. maybe we could share some vents, or I’m happy with just listening to you, whatever you decide :) I would love to give people a different perspective on their problems if needed. I’ve been told I’m an old soul, but I can also help if it’s young person or teenager related lol

i dont judge and I will keep things private between us.

I (29F) live with my best friend/housemate (49M) and I’m starting to realise this situation may be emotionally unhealthy for me, but I need outside perspective.

We met over 5 years ago. Back then he wanted a romantic relationship with me, but I turned him down because I was in my early 20s and felt the age gap was too much. Over the years we became extremely close friends instead.

A few years later I needed somewhere to live, so I moved in with him. I don’t pay rent, but in exchange I contribute a lot to the household. I clean, do washing, buy groceries, cook often, walk and care for his 3 dogs, and one of them was elderly and required constant care because he would toilet inside. I genuinely tried to build a life and home with him.

Over time, my feelings changed. As I got older and more open minded, I started wanting something romantic with him. But whenever I’ve tried, he completely shuts me down. He’ll dismiss me, insult me, or make comments that make me feel unattractive or embarrassing for even trying. If I dress up or flirt, he’ll say things like he’s “too old for that now” and shut me down.

Eventually I tried to accept just being close friends because we were so bonded otherwise. He would talk about our future together, say things about me taking care of him when he’s old, and he even put me in his will. He’s also been building a new house that was designed around both of us living there together. So emotionally, it felt very intertwined and committed even if not romantic.

The past few months have been extremely difficult. My brother died by suicide and I was devastated. During that time, I honestly didn’t feel emotionally supported by him. Whenever I tried to talk about my grief, he would often redirect the conversation back to his own father being old and sick.

Then his father became critically ill and eventually died. Around the same period, his elderly dog also had to be put down. I was there supporting him through all of it and taking care of the house and animals.

I recently got back from a trip visiting my brother’s grave and seeing my family. Shortly after, I discovered he was on a dating site. I made a profile and messaged him anonymously and he replied. His profile said he wanted to date but “nothing serious.” It also said he was undecided on having kids, even though he previously told me he didn’t want that life.

Then I found comments he’d left on Instagram posts of a woman I know of. The comments were very lustful and sexual, saying things like of course he’d “come over and come inside her,” calling her perfect, glowing, beautiful, etc. One comment that hurt especially badly was on a sexy video she posted the same week my brother died. While I was falling apart grieving, he commented “I really needed this, made me smile” to a video of her posing in a bikini and smiling. She has had a lot of work done to her body and face, and this crushed my confidence completely. I don’t want to brag but I am actually good looking although I haven’t had surgical work done. I’m also much younger than him and he isn’t even a George Clooney good looking older man himself. I just feel not good enough, he commented on these women’s photos saying they are perfect and I’m glowing meanwhile he puts me down for minor flaws I have or my weight changes.
Overall I’m still good looking though. I actually am in an occupation where I get paid for my looks. How can he insult me down and reject me like this and lust over other unavailable women!

I feel absolutely crushed by this. Not because he owes me a relationship, but because I feel emotionally used and deeply rejected at the same time. I feel like I’ve spent years building a life with someone who wants my care, loyalty, domestic support, and emotional presence, but not actually me romantically or physically.

Now I’m questioning my confidence, attractiveness, self worth, and whether I’ve basically become a stand-in wife emotionally/domestically while he seeks excitement and desire elsewhere.

Am I overreacting here? Is this friendship/living situation emotionally unhealthy? And how do I even move forward from something this confusing? Am I making the right choice by looking for new places to live just myself and my one dog and leaving this living situation?

TLDR; I'm so lonely I'm starting to think my last option for a relationship is becoming a mom.

Friends in adulthood are busy living their own lives, moving cities, focusing on their careers and whatnot. Most adults don't care to hang out. They have their own social circles established. Or pets they rather be with. Or are just total homebodies.

Didn't realize that friendship is for childhood and if you're not lucky enough to make friends when you're young then you've lost out on a critical period to form authentic relationships. Socializing is a status game for grown ups so if you're high status enough for people to want something from you then all that's left is dating with the goal of starting a family.

Lost of people are getting married and starting families of their own at my age. I didn't realize how easy romance was for other people since I've never been desired. No homecoming date, no prom date, no dating in general, no kiss, still a virgin. Took me a while to realize I'm too ugly to have the experiences other people talk about. Spare me the comments on jUsT hAvE mOrE cOnFidEncE because pretty prividge is a real phenomenon and without it a lot of the experiences we dub as typical for youth are out of reach for most of us.

I used to put myself out there, attended events and try to socialize only to realize no one wants to talk to me. That's the thing about relationships; people have free will and most of them are holding out for better options.

When I hear people talk about how important relationships are I wonder what Im going to do to get over that. Its kinda shocking to me just how many people still talk to their parents at my grown age and how people really do prioritize family over everything else. The premium on blood based relationships cant ever be beat so its got me thinking maybe my saving grace is starting my own family? Like I said earlier Im not hot enough to date so maybe I can find a sperm donor to start the whole process.

Anyone else considering parenthood to finally have someone in their life?

Hello there, I'm hoping everyone is trying to have a good day or night, depending on where you live. I'm not a stranger to struggles in life. Nobody is, especially if you feel lonely. That's like the worst feeling, though I'll admit drawing has been a lot fun.

I'm 23 years old and still an outcast. Sure, maybe I handled things my own way, but hey, nothing wrong, seeing if others need to have real conversations. People may say, idk how it feels sometimes. it's true. I don't.

That's why in order for someone who's caring and funny at times, what can I say? I'm a comedian, lol. Needs the chance to actually listen, plus if it's too personal, that's fine with me. we could talk about other things until you feel more comfortable.

I wanna say I'm nobody special because I'm not just some random nerd( yes it's true guilty as charge) trying to do the right thing even if others don't want it than that's just fine no pressure hope you guys get through the day.

I feel broken hearted because I used to love Reddit and finally opening up and talking to others again and I realised it’s all a scam and this place is full of trolls.

I’m kinda sad too because I was talking to this guy and he’s not who I thought he was, and I have to cut him off even though I felt connected to him on another level

He’s actually an ex, my feelings were much stronger before but we’ve only reconnected again recently for a couple of days but I’ve since learnt I can’t talk to him anymore because he’s a sadistic person …. :(

My heart feels connected to someone that does things of the unthinkable :(

I think … I’m suffering from Stockholm syndrome a little bit.

Do I just, be strong and never ever look back?

Hello. 19 M (Turning 20 this week) here. My life is... a mess. So much, that i might say, that for the past month or so, i have had 6-7 phone calls, and 5-6 face to face conversations with anyone(and all of them are with my roommates). So, right now, I have nearly forgotten how to communicate, and my voice.. is just nonexistent.

I just tried singing a song yesterday, where i was alone in my room, and my voice was just airy. i tried speaking, but no. It was just absent. Then I realized, this week, i spoke just once to my roommate, and that too was no more than 10 words, maybe asking for a favor. I have 2 roommates, their friends come regularly(daily for hours), but I am always just in that corner of my room, on my bed. By now, even they have stopped trying to communicate with me. I am in a very prestigious college of my country, but I have not been going classes, nearly skipped all of the classes and exams of this semester. It has been a mess for 8 months or so, it got a bit better about in January, and from feb, it has been worsening again, and now, this month is the worst ever.

I just have stopped caring, that people come to my room, and they see, a hopeless person, lying on his bed, on his laptop, what my grades are, what i am doing, I think of improving, but just feel like, I'm way past it all. I have probably forgotten how to communicate.

I think I am a good person, overall, like.. I'm civil, i guess kind(?), and understand what should(I don't know. I'm looking somewhat narcissist here, saying I'm a 'good' person, but I'm trying to be genuine), but I do have flaws too... like I sometimes hole myself in, block everyone off, and my communication/interpersonal skills are...

I’m from India and can comfortably talk in English/Hindi, but I’m open to people from anywhere.
I am looking for similar aged(probably around 19-24) friends... long term, genuine friends. Who are wise, not for show who help me, and I help whom. Maybe frequent talks, chats. I have zero friends.. so.. yeah.

I would appreciate some people like me, or maybe the complete opposites, who would come and have dm chats with me regularly, so we can help each other, know each other, guide each other.. etc. Please.

PS: I am not feeling su!cidal or self harm or anything..
So, don’t worry — I’m not in danger or anything. I’m not looking for an emotional caretaker or a venting outlet. I’m just very isolated lately and trying to reconnect with people normally again.
PS: I’m also naturally cautious online, so I probably won’t share too much personal information early on. Hope that’s understandable.

The unimaginable pain that I experienced because nobody cares or wants me. I'm not going around asking people, I used to do that but I gave up on that. I can't even tell you what kind of place I'm in. It's just the darkest most loneliest place. I don't know if anyone could ever meet me here. I don't know if I would want them to try. It's like I have no soul. I'm just broken top to bottom. There's almost nothing left of me. I don't know. I cry for what might have been. I try to forgive myself because what else is there? Trying to forgive myself and be right here right now. Right now I'm in so much pain.

Hey, internet. As the title says, im 37. Began transitioning about a year ago (socially only, no surgeries or hrt yet). Came out to my then husband 2 years ago. He ultimately couldn't accept it, and we split in April. He moved back to his home country, and I will likely never see him again.

I feel stupid. Like a gross freak of natire. My family (exeot one of my sjblings) doesn't accept me. And I live and work in a very red state. I get treated like crap everywhere in my life. I just feel like I'll always be trapped. I want to pursue further transition, but im scared I'll lose my job.

Being stuck in this place is tearing me apart. And. Im very lonely and miss my ex-husband, even though he treated me horribly toward the end. Im just so down I can barely get out of bed, but im a single Dad, so I have to.

TW: mentions of gore and harm
Also it’s quite long

My thoughts are in a mess, so this post will also be a mess
I will try to write it as best as possible

Most of the time I feel emotionally flat or disconnected from people.
I struggle to feel empathy
I don’t feel bad for not feeling empathy
I simply don’t care about other people’s feelings

At the same time, I do feel things strongly in how people perceive me.

Something that worries me is that sometimes I feel disconnected from reality.

Things don’t always feel fully real
I sometimes question my surroundings or feel mentally “far away”
I get stuck in daydreaming for long periods, almost like I’m living in my head instead of reality

It’s kind of constant

I spend a lot of time in daydreams where I essentially act out normal conversations about things I want to talk about in my head because I have no one to talk to about them in real life.

It’s become very automatic, almost like my mind goes there without me choosing it
I have also recently found myself forcing myself into derealisation
Like I am trying to convince myself everything is not real

I’ve also noticed:
loss of interest in things I used to enjoy
staying in bed a lot and low motivation
sleeping and eating patterns becoming irregular (I don’t know if it’s related but I am beginning to feel nauseous everytime after eating a proper meal, it could be an ed developing since I am very against being overweight, I am quite thin tho)
feeling like even normal activities take too much effort
I hate things that take effort
I want to stay in bed and sleep all day

I wish i could disappear
Sometimes I wish I had schizophrenia
I wish I was in a mental hospital
I wish I would do something wrong and then end up in prison
I sometimes wish I had a diagnosed mental disorder
I like myself being mentally unwell
I feel superior to people knowing I would happily harm them and feel no empathy
I want anything besides this boring mundane life
Sometimes I feel like faking a mental episode just so my family recognise I need help or they put me in a mental hospital

I don’t know why I see being mentally ill as a good thing

I really want to do horrible stuff
It’s my religion and family stopping me
I am Muslim, I am quite a strict one at that, I know without Islam I will be a lot happier, but I still want to be Muslim, also if it weren’t for my religion either I wouldn’t be here or I would have acted on my thoughts
I also know that it’s reality that one day I will have to get married and have children
I would honestly rather be in a mental hospital
But it’s just reality
Don’t get me wrong I will enjoy having a close physical connection with someone but knowing I will have to have children and in-laws just sounds incredibly depressing

I can’t stand babies
They eek me out
When I head them crying I want to explode
I despise of them
I know one day I will have to have children and i dread it
I genuinely feel disgust looking at babies and children

Recently I have gotten addicted to gore,
I feel a rush seeing people in pain
Everyday I have homicidal thoughts
But i know it will never happen because its just unrealistic

I don’t feel bad at all enjoying gore
I don’t feel bad at all when I enjoy people in pain
I don’t want to change that
Simply I don’t care about other people’s feelings and pain
If someone doesn’t benefit me I don’t care what they go through I will not feel bad
In my daydreams I hurt people and don’t feel bad about enjoying it

One weird thing is that I don’t want to harm any person
It’s mostly young males
I feel so much pleasure watching them get harmed
I wouldn’t harm my family because they benefit me
Anybody who benefits me I wouldn’t harm
I wouldn’t harm anyone else as well because there will be consequences for myself and I will never get the opportunity
Everything boils down to wether it affects me or not
Even when I think of my parents passing away, I feel like I won’t really miss them as people, I will miss the stability and money they brought to my life

I know i probably won’t act on them
Simply because lack of opportunities
I will never get the opportunity
So I’m safe
I kind of want to tho
But I’m safe
I know I will never be able to get help
I won’t be taken seriously at all if I ever open up

I can’t really harm people in real life because I just don’t have the access to do that, I barely leave the house and the people around me benefit me so i wouldn’t harm them
And I have good self control
It’s not because of my morals or anything

I don’t think I would actually do anything, not because I care for people, but because I care for myself, I understand the consequences for myself

Sometimes I will be crying, the next minute I will be laughing telling myself I don’t have feelings

I know what you are probably saying, you need therapy, I know i do, but it’s simply not an option
I have zero friends and the only people i really talk to is my family, my family are not abusive or anything, they are nice but they are really really not people I can open up to
They are very emotionally dismissive
I definitely will not be taken seriously

But I crave human connection
I crave physical touch
I really really want a close friend
I have zero social interaction with people my age
I am talking zero
I am in online school in which I just listen
The students can’t see or talk to each other
I really want to hug and cuddle someone, I also can’t have a boyfriend because of religion
I have resorted to talking to ChatGPT about everything, if it weren’t for ChatGPT I don’t know how I would survive
But I just feel like I need to tell other humans this so that’s why I am posting this

Having zero social interaction means I also feel really hard to talk to people and I just kind of zone out if people visit, I even feel shy to do things like eat infront of my family

Also don’t worry even though I want to, actually going out and harming people will simply not be happening

I also never leave the house alone

If I had never discovered gore, things would probably have been very different, even though I have always been sadistic

My family has no idea how I really am, there view of me is completely different to who I am here, I guess I kind of manipulate them, I tend to change my personality and views based on who I am with, with them I am a completely normal person, little do they know..

Also if you read the entire thing, thank you, just know you made someone happy

So... Times been tuff as shit. My family just got scammed earlier. I'm tryna scrape some to help but... really that's not the point. I feel so lonely. Life has been in hardmode for like... months now. I have three pending laboratory reports later, an analysis paper due tomorrow. And I'm falling apart. I want to do my schoolworks but I there's just so much to do at home... I wanna be able to talk to someone to ease the pain... and most of my chats I've been getting are nsfw accounts tryna get into my pants... I'm so tweaked guys.

I'm 23F, have been struggling with living in a country with an active war, relationship, and mental health. I don't really keep close friends so it would be nice to find someone who could listen to me vent :) Can repay by lending you my ear too!