u/countryknoxville778

I’m (M25) in grad school for counseling and just finished a semester that honestly changed me a lot as a person. I’ve been sober for 4 months, lost 45 pounds, became more confident, connected deeply with students, and grew emotionally in ways I’m truly proud of.

During that time I developed feelings for a teacher (23F) at the school. The feelings built gradually throughout the semester, and I intentionally waited until my last day to ask for her number because I wanted to be respectful and avoid making things uncomfortable at work. We ended up hanging out, had a really good time, and afterward she kindly told me she saw things more platonically and didn’t want to lead me on. She also expressed that she had a great time and wants to stay friends.

I think what’s hard is that I realized I’m not just grieving the romantic outcome, although of course that stings, I’m also grieving the ending of the entire chapter. In a sense, she became emotionally tied to a season of huge growth and meaning in my life.

The positive is that I handled this rejection much healthier than I would’ve in the past. We’re still on good terms, and I’m proud I didn’t become bitter or reactive. But emotionally I still feel pretty crushed and exhausted.

For people who’ve experienced something similar, how did you move forward without tying your self-worth to the outcome? I also don’t know whether staying friends is healthy long term. She’s genuinely a great person, and part of me would rather have her in my life than not, but I’m still trying to figure out what’s healthiest emotionally.

I’m (M25) in grad school for counseling and just finished a semester that honestly changed me a lot as a person. I’ve been sober for 4 months, lost 45 pounds, became more confident, connected deeply with students, and grew emotionally in ways I’m truly proud of.

During that time I developed feelings for a teacher (23F) at the school. The feelings built gradually throughout the semester, and I intentionally waited until my last day to ask for her number because I wanted to be respectful and avoid making things uncomfortable at work. We ended up hanging out, had a really good time, and afterward she kindly told me she saw things more platonically and didn’t want to lead me on. She also expressed that she had a great time and wants to stay friends.

I think what’s hard is that I realized I’m not just grieving the romantic outcome, although of course that stings, I’m also grieving the ending of the entire chapter. In a sense, she became emotionally tied to a season of huge growth and meaning in my life.

The positive is that I handled this rejection much healthier than I would’ve in the past. We’re still on good terms, and I’m proud I didn’t become bitter or reactive. But emotionally I still feel pretty crushed and exhausted.

For people who’ve experienced something similar, how did you move forward without tying your self-worth to the outcome? I also don’t know whether staying friends is healthy long term. She’s genuinely a great person, and part of me would rather have her in my life than not, but I’m still trying to figure out what’s healthiest emotionally.

I’m (M25) finishing up an internship at and had a situation with a coworker (F23) that I’m trying to make sense of. For about a month and a half, there was some passing flirting between us. I eventually asked for her email instead of her number because I didn’t want to put her in an awkward position since I’m an intern. We ended up going on a date and it went really well, we vibed, had good conversations, and it felt natural. We hooked up after that. After that, her behavior shifted pretty dramatically. Communication dropped off, she became more surface-level, and avoided anything personal. In person, she acts professional, which makes it more confusing. During our date, she mentioned that another teacher (F23) that I work with apparently finds me attractive and that she thought the other teacher might be a little jealous when I’d talk to her. She also told me not to tell the other teacher we had hooked up.

After things shifted, I asked her a straightforward question about why she brought up the other teacher specifically, and she ignored that part and only responded to something unrelated. She did say after we hooked up that she had just gotten out of a relationship and wasn’t ready for another one, which I can respect… but her behavior before and after doesn’t fully line up to me and the fact we never talked about a relationship was confusing. She told me how sorry she was and said I didn’t do anything wrong. I was receptive and remained warmed with her, I keep things professional in person and don’t expect her to owe me a full explanation, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still a bit confused. I guess at first I was thinking the sex must’ve been terrible or I did something wrong. It also feels like the intimacy amplified my feelings more than I expected, which makes the shift harder to understand. I think this is the first situation too where I developed feelings for someone, got a lil confused, and didn’t chase so it’s kind of a new feeling for me. It’s like I keep trying to make sense of the situation. I’m focused on finishing up and remaining cordial.

TLDR: Flirted with a coworker for about a month and a half, went on a great date and hooked up. After that, she pulled back hard… less communication, avoids anything personal, keeps things professional in person. She also asked me not to tell another coworker who she said might like me. When I later asked why she brought that up, she ignored it. She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship after getting out of one, but the shift still feels confusing. I’m not chasing, just trying to make sense of why things changed so quickly.