r/IndianInLaw

My husband and I are expecting our first child this fall. My in laws live with my elder BIL/SIL and their 3 kids about 10-15 minutes away. We bought our house at this distance thinking that we will be able to pick up and drop off our baby after we're both go back to work. However, in laws are now asking when they can move in.. they've mentioned to my husband that I need to compromise if I want help.

Idk what to do, I don't want to live with them and I think it'll ruin my peaceful life! We're very happily married and enjoy living alone as we have done for the last 4-5 years. We have a hefty mortgage and ideally we need both our incomes but I don't understand why we need 4 adults living in one house for one baby. I will have to take care of my baby after work anyways whether they live here or I pick the baby up.

Husband feels like he'll upset his parents if he says no and I'm really struggling with the idea of them moving in. What can we do without rocking the boat too much?

My MIL is visiting my husband and me. She's generally very sweet but sometimes she says very awkward things. Like she took yesterday's cauliflower from the fridge, warmed it up and said. "My son never eats leftovers. Do you want it?"

And 1. I know he eats leftovers!

2. The way that sentence is framed. Like my son is too good for leftovers, but you can have it. Or. It's not good enough for my son but it's good enough for you!

Is so irritating to me, I ended up saying. "Yes my parents also raised me without ever giving me left overs" and throwing out the old food.

The truth is, I have no issues with leftovers. I have an issue with the idea that he's above eating leftovers but I should adjust.

Funnily enough, a friend told me about the exact same experience with her MIL - the same dialogue that her son doesn't eat leftovers but would the DIL like some?

I dunno if it's a universal experience. Honestly I feel bad about wasting perfectly good food. But the way that food is offered to me made me turn it down. What should I do about this? Is my reaction even justified?

I am officially at my breaking point. ​My LO is 4 months old. We are currently in the thick of the 4-month sleep regression. He’s tired, he’s fussy, and he’s fighting his naps like it’s his job. It’s normal. It’s developmental. It’s science. ​But according to my MIL? No, it’s not biological. It’s apparently because I haven’t performed a culinary sacrifice. ​She just looked me dead in the eye and told me I need to express a drop of breastmilk onto a red-hot ladle. Why? Because apparently, the sizzle will magically convince my baby to stop being fussy at the breast. ​I tried to explain the concept of sleep regression. Her response? A blank stare and a "Well, in my day, we just sizzled the milk and the baby stopped crying".

Has anyone else dealt with this level of superstitious nonsense? Please tell me I’m not the only one fighting "tradition" with actual logic.

(Hopefully) soon-to-be married to my long-term partner. I say hopefully because we have no idea if the wedding is actually going ahead or not because of how everything has panned out.

As a disclaimer: I am not naturally an angry person in the least bit, every friend of mine would tell you that they've never really seen me angry. I usually just shut down or disengage if something bothers me that much. But the amount of rage that has built up towards my in-laws is incredible. It's been this way for months now, and I just don't know what to do with it all.

Every step of the way, their actions have been filled with hypocrisy, double standards, and a strong "boy's side" mentality.

1. They are conveniently traditional and follow wedding "protocol" when it suits them, and when they can pick apart my parents' actions. I've heard things like "My parents were offended that your mother said that like X, but not like Y, because traditionally, she should have said X." about ridiculously minor things from my partner. But yet, they went ahead and unilaterally made a big wedding decision without consulting me or my parents. When I pointed that out, and that it implies we need to cut down our rituals, it was met with "Oh, no one follows traditions so intensely these days. It's going to be a huge problem if your parents want to do everything by the book."
2. My mother left out a small detail when she communicated our booked venue details to them. The venue we booked is an independent traditional bungalow of sorts, that isn't a popular wedding venue and moreover, it belongs to someone within our family. When my mother spoke to his mother, she forgot the house number in the moment and could not mention anything beyond the street name. Admittedly, she could have checked and texted it after the call ended but she didn't think it was a big deal, and that they would just ask if it really was. Long story short, it indeed was a big deal because the big unilateral decision that they made? That was in retaliation. I had an inkling of this initially, and I finally got non-verbal confirmation from my partner that that is indeed what happened.
3. For a while, we couldn't fix the wedding date because they were taking a long time to confirm with us. Finally, they said they didn't want the date we had suggested because it was my partner's birth day of the week (Thu) and instead, suggested another day which happens to be the day of the week that I was born on (Fri). When we pointed this out, it was met with "Oh, but that's not important." My parents don't even care for this rule, but the double standards make me seethe.
4. They seem to notice everything and have a problem with everything. Every little word any of us has ever said, every little action, it has all been scrutinized to a level that left me dumbfounded the first time around. I have never met people this complicated in my life.
5. Finally, in all the wedding decisions, I don't seem to appear at all in the decisions. In all of this, I did not ask for anything to be a certain way because truthfully, I do care to have a wedding but I don't care too much about the specifics. It seems to be more important to the parents so I have no problem in leaving it up to them. Anything his mother has asked me, I have agreed to. But the bare minimum, I would think, is to involve me in decisions that directly and hugely affect me. Based on their current plans, I will most likely be very sick during one of the events (due to my health issues) and when I pointed out how physically exhausting this will be for me and that I would actually like to enjoy the event as the bride, it was met with "Oh, if we can manage as old people, you can manage too. It's just one day."

And it just goes on and on and on. And this post is long enough already.

The reason the wedding is held up is because of their big unilateral decision that neither me nor my parents can agree to because of the logistics, health, and important rituals. They are currently trying to impose the decision on us, which only makes matters much worse.

My partner would initially get very defensive about his parents but now admits that some things were handled terribly by his parents. We are in a better place as a couple. I love him so much, and I cannot imagine my life without him.

But the rage! I absolutely despise them. I have never met people this awful or convoluted in my life, and I'm honestly terribly disappointed that I have to consider them as family. I (perhaps naively) always hoped to be on good terms with my partner's family and I am just disturbed and sad that this is how things are going to be. I would never be outright rude to them but I do not think I will have it in me to be anything beyond formal/cordial.

My MIL has caused a lot of trouble in my early days of marriage. She intentionally tried to separate my husband from my parents. My husband is very supportive and with no male ego he helps me in all the household chores. She doesn’t like her son helping me and tried stopping it. And whenever she visits our parents house, she falsely says that my parents didn’t greet them well. Many things happened, I cannot say everything. We stay in Bangalore but we used to visit them during festivals. She doesn’t like me going to my parents house. And once she created a big scene when my parents visited their house and insulted my parents and abused and cursed me and my family. After this incident I stopped visiting them and my husband is also very supportive, but husband is in touch with them and he visits them occasionally. Now after almost 2 years of no contact, my mil tells my husband that she shouldn’t have behaved that way and she wants me to visit her. I hate this lady to the core, I know her every action which she did to destroy our marriage which she miserably failed. My husband is now sympathising his mom that she have changed. How to convince and make my husband understand that she is a two headed snake and I don’t want her in my life anymore. I don’t have any problem their son visiting them and taking care of them, but I don’t want these shitty people in my life

Feel like I often have to lie to my husband because he won’t understand my POV and will side with his parents. This has definitely caused a drift (especially when he knows I’m outright lying)

My mother in law writes horrible comments about me on posts on social media that’s visible to Public. Anyone can see them it if you just do a google search. Example, on reality show posts, she compares women to me saying their short and ugly and how they’re using the husband. Or how they should stay home and keep out of the money part of a marriage. Or how they are using their husbands. And all comments are followed by ‘reminds me of my daughter in law’.
Since years I’ve had a problem with her saying rude and disrespectful things about me to people we know, even my own family. My husband has never stood up for me. He says I’m overreacting. Or what donator want me to?
Is this ok?

WIBTAH if I refuse to help my sil with her baby's birth even though in our culture it's my duty? me (35 female) and husband (37) live in the same city as his brother (34) and wife(32). Rest of our families live in a town 8 hours away.

last year mil told my husband about the pregnancy when he visited them. then a month later they came to our city and lived with bil for a month. they do this every year. during that time we always invite them for lunch once and husband visits them almost every Sunday at bil's house.

me and my mil had a falling out before bil's marriage. she taunted me about dowry and i stopped talking to her and visiting her for three years. she never apologised. I started talking to her again during bil's wedding. but for those three years my mil turned every single family member against me. they were all very formal with me but bitch behind my back. our relation is still strained but we talk .

so when my bil got married we were very excited as we thought we got a family away from home. we were in good terms with bil before marriage.

after his marriage we thought of not disturbing them for few months and let them enjoy . few months later we started to invite them for movies or shopping or picnics but they always had an excuse. so after few attempts we stopped asking. we would visit them on Sundays uninvited and empty handed as we thought that if we bring gifts then they would be forced to. but they never visited us. they would only visit us if we invite them for formal dinners and would always bring too many gifts.but they would never invited us even when we stopped visiting them uninvited.

when my in laws visited bil , we invited them for lunch at our place . we were talking and my mil says that for baby's birth she has asked my husband's cousin's wife for help. I was shocked as culturally it was supposed to be my duty as elder dil of the house. I was not expecting to be asked for help but when she specifically said that other sil would help with the baby i knew I was being shunned. but i stayed silent. my husband was also not asked or told to help.

two months ago we invited bil and sil for dinner. I was just informing about things we need for hospital as I had just helped a friend with her baby's delivery in the hospital. i stayed there for a week . I was telling them about documents needed or other helps.

i told my sil that she should have atleast two female attendents with her as her husband won't be allowed in maternity ward of the govt hospital or have her baby in private where nurses help with everything. she said she doesn't want her husband in the maternity ward and she'll have her baby in the govt hospital as it is cheaper. I told to to find a maid for later as it would be hard to take care of the baby alone. she said no need of any help. she'll sleep when the baby sleeps and wake up when baby wakes up. i said all this because I have seen my friend struggle and her husband would be at work for whole day.but since I don't have kids of my own i decided to shut up.

now I get call from my sil few days ago asking for help. she wants me to come and help her. I forgot to mention that she went to my in laws town to have the baby. her doctor told her that there is some complications and she might have to give birth at 38 weeks. also there is a high chance that she has to do a c- section. when I asked her about the other sil she said other sil's kid has her tests so she will be busy. i want to refuse because I think if I go they will always make a last minute option and also I am scared that if something happens to the baby they'll all blame me. should I refuse by making some excuse?

I went to a wedding for 4 days and didn’t call my father-in-law during that time. My husband was in constant touch with them, so they knew where I was and that I was fine. When I came back, I also didn’t specifically inform my FIL that I was returning.

After I got back, both my in-laws didn’t come out or speak to me. The next morning, my FIL came to me and taunted me, saying it was a very bad thing that I didn’t call or inform him for 4 days and didn’t even tell him I was coming back.

I didn’t respond and just walked away because I felt like — if he was genuinely concerned, he could have called me too, right?

Now it’s been 2 days and we’re basically not talking at all, even though we’re living in the same house. It feels very tense and uncomfortable.

Part of me feels like I’m just setting boundaries and not feeding into a one-sided relationship anymore. But another part of me wonders if I handled this wrong and made things worse.

Am I being unreasonable here? Or is this a fair boundary after repeated lack of effort from their side?

My husband says his father is like this only and he will never change he is egoistic and arrogant . He is like ignore them for your own mental peace it hardly takes two minutes to call . So do it for your own mental peace.

I need suggestions because if this silence stays for too long things can escalate very far so i am afraid also !

I got into a serious accident recently and ended up with multiple fractures. I’m on strict bed rest for months. I can only use my hands a little, but cannot do basic daily things without help.

I was also 7 weeks pregnant when this happened.

My husband and I had wanted this baby so much but after discussions with doctors and after seeing my condition, we decided not to continue with the pregnancy.

My husband has been taking care of me deligently. He left work temporarily to help me recover. He helps me bathe, feeds me, helps me change clothes, gives me medicines, everything. I am deeply grateful for him.

My MIL came to stay with us on her own to “help” with cooking and household things, we didn't call her, and she came on her own which I appreciate but ever since she came, she constantly fussing over and taunting me for needing care.

Whenever she sees my husband helping me, she says things like "atleast you can eat on own" or “Women handle these things all the time.” and she keeps bringing up the abortion indirectly to tell me how much she wanted her grandchild and makes me feel guilty, even though she has seen my condition with her own eyes.

Also she keeps telling her everyone how good of mil she is that she came to help us, and then keeps complaining that how my husband is too "jhoru ka gulam" and so much dedicated towards me, doesn't leave me alone for a second and basically pampering me like a baby etc etc

I already lost a pregnancy we wanted. I am already stuck in bed, dependent on others, in pain, grieving my old life and trying to heal. I do not need shame added on top of that.

I'm just tired of her, she potrays herself as nice MIL and then behave victim as if she has all the health problems in world and despite that she came to "take care of us" . my husband and I were getting so close to each other and she ruined everything, I wish she had never come.

Wrote this with help of ai

My in-laws call everyday on video call. They ask what we ate for lunch, dinner everyday. They want to know each and every thing we do, know about our friends. These calls last 40 minutes every day. Me and my parents talk once or twice in a week but my husband’s parents call twice, once in morning for 30 minutes and evenings 1 hr during weekends too. Is this normal?

Is it a cultural thing that they ask -did you finish dinner everyday? I understand if the call is once a week or after a long time, people do ask. But in our case they know we have early dinner still she asks me and my husband the same thing. One day I jokingly said, we always have dinner early as I had told her this earlier as well. She said okay I will stop asking that also then. My husband did not like this and started saying I disappointed him. I mean seriously?! He says just say yes had dinner and move on.

I don’t like her at all. She had created multiple obstacles during wedding as well. It was a total shitshow for me because she controlled everything as she wanted for her son’s wedding. During reception, she created such a scene in front of the relatives shouting just because someone said I am not calling her relatives for taking pictures! I cried whole night.

Even in the morning as soon as he wakes up, calls them to tell he has woken up now will get ready for office and another call before leaving for office and sends text message to his mom in India that he reached office.

If he or me wears a different shirt/top that she has not seen before she asks is this new? One day my husband wore a new shirt that I had gifted before marriage that she had not seen. She noticed it was new! And got upset that he didn’t show it to her when bought. He now doesn’t tell them everything and lie about things they don’t need to know.

My husband is just trying to convince me that this is normal.

Above post as I had seen many problems in households after son’s marriage and if there would have been the mentioned (title) tradition then most of the problems would have solved.

If daughter-in-law is not working and also doesn’t like to take care of in laws then problem arose and son has to suffer in between.

So, if she would have been living with parents then there would have been no problem as she likes to spend time with her parents and cares about them as earning husband would spend most of his time outside.

Note: This is my personal opinion after seeing issues in many households. No hatred.

So apparently my FIL is extremely controlling and has always been the dictator of the family. Everyone follows what he says — my MIL, my husband, even his 35-year-old daughter. He still interferes in her family matters, how her kids should be raised, and even expects her husband and in-laws to follow his opinions.

Last week I went to a wedding. I informed my in-laws before leaving and also told them once I reached safely. After that I got busy with wedding functions and didn’t call for a few days.

When I came back, my FIL taunted me saying my behavior was “very bad” because I didn’t call him during those days. I didn’t reply at that moment because honestly I was angry. Since then I’ve stopped talking to him completely. We live in the same house but for the last 4 days we haven’t spoken at all. He stays in his room, I stay in mine.

Now he’s telling my MIL that I’m ignoring him and not even greeting him. But the reality is we literally haven’t crossed paths.

The issue is, I genuinely feel he just wants control and constant validation. If he was truly concerned, he could have called me too. I’m tired of the expectation that I should always keep updating him just to satisfy his ego. Because my husband knew about my whereabouts all days anyways . And he knew via him also . Right now it is only about why did you not call me .

Now my husband came to me and asked me to compromise because the three of us are traveling together soon. He said, “You’re not wrong, but we’ve all been scared of him since childhood and that’s why everyone listens to him. Please talk to him before the trip otherwise things will escalate badly and we’ll all end up fighting. Do it for peace, not because he’s right.”

And honestly… now I’m confused.

Part of me feels like if I go and talk first, I’m encouraging this behavior again. But another part of me wonders if keeping this silence going is even worth the stress.

Should I compromise for peace even if I feel I’m not wrong? Or should I stand my ground and stop feeding this controlling behavior?

I’m currently 3 months postpartum and trying to process the absolute mind-game that is living with my in-laws right now. I honestly don't know if I'm being ungrateful or if I'm being pushed to a breaking point. ​On one hand, my MIL is doing all the household chores and helping a ton. But the emotional cost is becoming unbearable.

​The second I put my son down after feeding him, she’s there. She snatches him up immediately, barely giving me a second to just be with him. And the passive-aggressive comments? They’re constant. She doesn't say them to my face.. she talks to the baby about me while I’m standing right there.

​Then there’s my FIL. He’s been incredibly strict about me breastfeeding, acting like formula is a sin. Neither of them seemed to care that I just went through an emergency C-section and was physically exhausted. My MIL even took it upon herself to check my milk supply while I was nursing, which felt like such a violation of my privacy and body.

Also my MIL has a million superstitious rules that I’m expected to follow without question.

​I feel like a ghost in my own house. I’m the vessel that provided the grandson, and now that he’s here, my only job is to produce milk while they handle the real parenting. I appreciate the cooking and cleaning, but is it worth my mental health? ​How do you set boundaries with people who are technically "helping" you, but also making you feel completely invisible and judged as a mother? Has anyone else dealt with this?

I have lived in Canada alone for almost 10 years and met my 'now fiance' three years ago. I have gotten ambushed a bunch of times by them including our engagement. (We got engaged in 2024 when my parents were here even though we wanted to wait until summer 2025). His father has always been the deciding authority to the point that its his way or the highway. He convinced my parents to do the wedding in Canada even though all of my family is located in India, and so is his.

Fast-forward to last week, my father had to undergo a surgery, due to which he was given a no-go to travel for at least six months (recovery period) since the surgery took almost 3-4 hours. I told my fiance as to how getting married here would be a compromise, which he agreed to, however, his parents made some comments which I found were indecent and insensitive. His father decided to break the news to me and rather than giving me a moment to process, put my mother on the phone right away to talk (you cannot ask me to be strong when my father is in the hospital and his surgery is serious). They knew about the surgery since friday (which is when it took place), broke the news to me on sunday, which he was never asked to and I would've rather my mom or my fiance break it to me and was really normal, talking about the wedding the whole weekend. My fiance brought up the fact that we wanted to postpone it so my parents could be here and what would she have done if something of this sort happened to his father, to which she responded, 'we would not let you pause your life because of your father', in short, the show must go on. His mother also said that they were waiting for my mom to bring up the wedding and what to do when my common sense says that she is already busy in the hospital with my father and probably torn in being with my father or me.

I flipped hearing this especially a bunch of things his parents have said in the past and think if I should just maintain a boundary with them or am I just overreacting?

The wedding was already hard for me since I lost my father when I was 10 and he is my step-father and means the world to me and my brother was probably not going to attend it either and with my parents not coming at all, I find it selfish that they still might want to continue things as usual.

Hi all,

I’m 30F and have been married for over 3.5 years. I’m genuinely blessed with good in-laws — both my MIL and FIL are kind and supportive. But my biggest struggle has been with my SIL.

She doesn’t have a good relationship with her own in-laws (according to her, they’re toxic — and honestly, that’s her personal situation, so I don’t interfere). But because of that, she’s extremely involved in our home and family dynamics.

I didn’t mind it initially, until it started feeling like everything became a competition for attention and validation. She subtly compares herself to me all the time. My husband and MIL constantly praise her cooking and how “gharelu” and capable she is when it comes to running a home. Somewhere along the line, it started feeling like she genuinely believes she’s superior because of those things.

My husband understands her tricks sometime but he feels its unfair to say anything to her because she is so bechari- she literally was questioning my husband for kids on my 30th birthday because she believes I am getting old and I will have issues in future. My husband did shut her off but THE AUDACITY!!

The entire extended family adores her, and she thrives on that attention, so she’s always at the center of everything. Again, that alone isn’t my issue. My real problem is this:

1. She behaves as if she’s better than me.
2. Honestly, she behaves as if she’s better than everyone.
3. She never celebrates or acknowledges my achievements or happiness. When something happens in her life, it’s a huge deal. When it happens in mine, it’s treated as something ordinary.

Whenever I try to express how this affects me, my in-laws always say things like:
“It’s okay.”
“She’s already suffering a lot.”
“She doesn’t mean it.”
“It’s not a big deal.”

But at the same time, I’m the one expected to maintain the relationship, be understanding, and “be the bigger person.” She’s only 8 months younger than me, yet I’m constantly told, “You’re older, forgive her mistakes.”

The thing is — I can forgive mistakes, but only when someone is willing to acknowledge they made one. She never does.

My MIL is anti everyone’s partners. She is married and she has a husband. So it’s not that she doesn’t have a spouse.
But Everyone she knows, she ruthlessly criticises their partners… me, my sister in law, our cousins’ wives, her sister’s husband and basically the partner of anyone she knows. She also writes comments against male celebrities’ girlfriends and wives online, on Facebook.
I’ve seen her writing comments online about women and comparing them to her daughters in law and calls us users. We’ve been married to her sons for 15+years!
She talks to relatives behind our backs and has basically painted us as gold diggers and lazy. And the reality is the exact opposite.
I don’t understand why she would make her sons look like victims and being with horrible women.
Mind you, she is jobless since 15 years and is taking money from her sons.
I seriously wish I hadn’t married my husband because of how she is. She’s made my life hell.

I am currently 7 weeks pregnant and honestly feeling very anxious about the future of my marriage and family dynamics. My husband is supportive in many ways, but he has become sandwiched between me and his widowed mother after my FIL passed away around 2 years ago. My relationship with my MIL was never very comfortable even before that, but things became much harder after the loss.For around 7–8 months after FIL passed away, I genuinely tried to support her emotionally in my own way. But over time, her expectations from me became overwhelming and her behavior often felt volatile to me, so I stepped back and allowed my husband to take the primary role in supporting her. I reduced contact and kept communication limited to checking on her health and wellbeing. I now speak to her around once a week, while my husband speaks to her daily. The issue is that she took my reduced emotional involvement very personally. She wants a very close relationship where I share personal details, updates, video calls, etc. But I am honestly an introvert who values space and emotional safety. I only open up to people I feel comfortable with. Unfortunately, because she has complained about me to my husband many times and has also made comments in the past about my looks and behavior, I no longer feel emotionally safe sharing much with her.I don’t fully blame her either. She is from a different background and personality-wise we are complete opposites. She and my husband are both extroverted and emotionally expressive, while I am someone who needs boundaries and peace. To them, boundaries often feel “weird” or unnecessary.

My husband does defend me at times, but he also says things like he has to “adjust” to my behavior because I care too much about space and boundaries. That hurts because to me, boundaries are not rejection , they are how I stay mentally peaceful.

Recently there was another issue. My MIL wanted to video call me, but because of past comments about my appearance, I wasn’t comfortable with video and told her I would call on audio instead. She didn’t answer and later felt insulted. In a previous instance,  My husband, in anger had exited my family WhatsApp group. I told him it was unnecessary, but he did it anyway. Later my family added him back. In frustration, I exited his family group too (which was mostly inactive anyway).After that, my MIL kept making the situation about herself for days , saying that because she is alone, these things are deeply insulting to her and that I must dislike her personally. I understand she is emotionally dependent on her son, but every complaint affects my husband’s mood, and eventually affects me and my marriage too.

Now with pregnancy, my anxiety has become much worse.

My own mother wants to come help me during pregnancy, but my MIL is insisting she also wants to come visit for a couple of days to meet my mother. The problem is that she has behaved disrespectfully with my mother in the past, and I feel very protective of my parents now because I couldn’t protect them properly earlier. I also worry that instead of receiving care during pregnancy, I’ll end up emotionally managing everyone else.

My husband thinks I should let go of the past and not make things bigger, but I feel like nobody understands how emotionally exhausted I already am.

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I am scared that once the baby comes, the pressure, expectations, guilt-tripping, and conflicts will increase further. I don’t want constant fights with my husband, but I also don’t want to keep sacrificing my own mental peace and boundaries.

Has anyone dealt with something similar  especially involving a widowed parent, boundaries, pregnancy, and a spouse caught in the middle? How do you protect your marriage without losing yourself in the process?

I need some honest perspective.

My in-laws have a pattern — they never call me first. Not even for basic things like checking if I reached safely while traveling or if I’m okay when I’m sick. But the moment I don’t call them even for a single day, it becomes an issue and I’m made to feel like I’m not putting in effort.

It started feeling very one-sided and honestly a bit ego-driven. So recently, I decided to step back. I’ve stopped calling daily. Now I keep a gap — around 5–6 days for my father-in-law and 10–15 days for my mother-in-law . And now they have started boycotting me and started making faces all the time and started ignoring me .

What bothers me more is that if my MIL needs something and she’s not at home, she’ll call the maid or my husband — but never me. That says a lot.

I did try to address it directly and told them that they also never make an effort to call or check in, which is why I’ve reduced my calls too. But there’s no real change.

Now I’m wondering — am I handling this wrong?

Is this a healthy boundary, or am I just making things worse? Part of me feels like I shouldn’t keep feeding into this one-sided dynamic and fueling their ego. But another part wonders if this will just create more distance.

I am 34F, 7.5 months pregnant with our first child. My husband works in a different city, which he joined less than a year ago. I also work, but will go on maternity leave soon in the next few days for 6 months. My parents and In-Laws do not have a relationship. They had a falling out during our marriage ceremony, because my in laws did not bother to inform us about anything they were arranging on their side, failed to give me anything, failed to write my parents name on the wedding card. My parents were also not fed at the reception, held at my in-laws, for which nobody bothered to apologise. Further, my mother in law is rather brusque and doesn't really know social niceties.

I live with my parents, and my husband stays with me when he comes to visit. He splits his time between me and his parents, which I have no issues with. Before the later part of the pregnancy, I also used to visit them once every once or two months, and tried to call them every once or two weeks. During my pregnancy, however, I thought they would be more present. I asked my husband about it , too, and it ended up in a fight. I even requested my MIL, saying it would feel really nice if we could have more frequent check-ins. I was really sick for the last few days, to the degree that my parents were terrified i would need to be admitted. The doctor was away, so that stressed my parents out more. My husband kept checking in with my parents, but I heard not a peep from my In-Laws. I feel really bad, but I don't want to fight with my husband on it. It feels my In Laws don't care if I live or die. I want to go no contact, but I'm worried my husband will also go no contact with my parents. Considering my parents are the ones providing emotional, physical and financial support (he's just bought a new flat in my city to avoid crowding after the baby's arrival), I don't think he should do that. What do I do in such a situation? How do I not care what my In Laws do and not let it affect my pregnancy and relationship with my husband?

Edit: Please forgive any typos, I'm on mobile.