Am I overthinking about my SIL?
Hi all,
I’m 30F and have been married for over 3.5 years. I’m genuinely blessed with good in-laws — both my MIL and FIL are kind and supportive. But my biggest struggle has been with my SIL.
She doesn’t have a good relationship with her own in-laws (according to her, they’re toxic — and honestly, that’s her personal situation, so I don’t interfere). But because of that, she’s extremely involved in our home and family dynamics.
I didn’t mind it initially, until it started feeling like everything became a competition for attention and validation. She subtly compares herself to me all the time. My husband and MIL constantly praise her cooking and how “gharelu” and capable she is when it comes to running a home. Somewhere along the line, it started feeling like she genuinely believes she’s superior because of those things.
My husband understands her tricks sometime but he feels its unfair to say anything to her because she is so bechari- she literally was questioning my husband for kids on my 30th birthday because she believes I am getting old and I will have issues in future. My husband did shut her off but THE AUDACITY!!
The entire extended family adores her, and she thrives on that attention, so she’s always at the center of everything. Again, that alone isn’t my issue. My real problem is this:
- She behaves as if she’s better than me.
- Honestly, she behaves as if she’s better than everyone.
- She never celebrates or acknowledges my achievements or happiness. When something happens in her life, it’s a huge deal. When it happens in mine, it’s treated as something ordinary.
Whenever I try to express how this affects me, my in-laws always say things like:
“It’s okay.”
“She’s already suffering a lot.”
“She doesn’t mean it.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
But at the same time, I’m the one expected to maintain the relationship, be understanding, and “be the bigger person.” She’s only 8 months younger than me, yet I’m constantly told, “You’re older, forgive her mistakes.”
The thing is — I can forgive mistakes, but only when someone is willing to acknowledge they made one. She never does.