u/Initial_Trainer6444

WIBTAH if I refuse to help my sil with her baby's birth even though in our culture it's my duty? me (35 female) and husband (37) live in the same city as his brother (34) and wife(32). Rest of our families live in a town 8 hours away.

last year mil told my husband about the pregnancy when he visited them. then a month later they came to our city and lived with bil for a month. they do this every year. during that time we always invite them for lunch once and husband visits them almost every Sunday at bil's house.

me and my mil had a falling out before bil's marriage. she taunted me about dowry and i stopped talking to her and visiting her for three years. she never apologised. I started talking to her again during bil's wedding. but for those three years my mil turned every single family member against me. they were all very formal with me but bitch behind my back. our relation is still strained but we talk .

so when my bil got married we were very excited as we thought we got a family away from home. we were in good terms with bil before marriage.

after his marriage we thought of not disturbing them for few months and let them enjoy . few months later we started to invite them for movies or shopping or picnics but they always had an excuse. so after few attempts we stopped asking. we would visit them on Sundays uninvited and empty handed as we thought that if we bring gifts then they would be forced to. but they never visited us. they would only visit us if we invite them for formal dinners and would always bring too many gifts.but they would never invited us even when we stopped visiting them uninvited.

when my in laws visited bil , we invited them for lunch at our place . we were talking and my mil says that for baby's birth she has asked my husband's cousin's wife for help. I was shocked as culturally it was supposed to be my duty as elder dil of the house. I was not expecting to be asked for help but when she specifically said that other sil would help with the baby i knew I was being shunned. but i stayed silent. my husband was also not asked or told to help.

two months ago we invited bil and sil for dinner. I was just informing about things we need for hospital as I had just helped a friend with her baby's delivery in the hospital. i stayed there for a week . I was telling them about documents needed or other helps.

i told my sil that she should have atleast two female attendents with her as her husband won't be allowed in maternity ward of the govt hospital or have her baby in private where nurses help with everything. she said she doesn't want her husband in the maternity ward and she'll have her baby in the govt hospital as it is cheaper. I told to to find a maid for later as it would be hard to take care of the baby alone. she said no need of any help. she'll sleep when the baby sleeps and wake up when baby wakes up. i said all this because I have seen my friend struggle and her husband would be at work for whole day.but since I don't have kids of my own i decided to shut up.

now I get call from my sil few days ago asking for help. she wants me to come and help her. I forgot to mention that she went to my in laws town to have the baby. her doctor told her that there is some complications and she might have to give birth at 38 weeks. also there is a high chance that she has to do a c- section. when I asked her about the other sil she said other sil's kid has her tests so she will be busy. i want to refuse because I think if I go they will always make a last minute option and also I am scared that if something happens to the baby they'll all blame me. should I refuse by making some excuse?

WIBTAH if I refuse to help my sil with her baby's birth even though in our culture it's my duty? me (35 female) and husband (37) live in the same city as his brother (34) and wife(32). Rest of our families live in a town 8 hours away.

last year mil told my husband about the pregnancy when he visited them. then a month later they came to our city and lived with bil for a month. they do this every year. during that time we always invite them for lunch once and husband visits them almost every Sunday at bil's house.

me and my mil had a falling out before bil's marriage. she taunted me about dowry and i stopped talking to her and visiting her for three years. she never apologised. I started talking to her again during bil's wedding. but for those three years my mil turned every single family member against me. they were all very formal with me but bitch behind my back. our relation is still strained but we talk .

so when my bil got married we were very excited as we thought we got a family away from home. we were in good terms with bil before marriage.

after his marriage we thought of not disturbing them for few months and let them enjoy . few months later we started to invite them for movies or shopping or picnics but they always had an excuse. so after few attempts we stopped asking. we would visit them on Sundays uninvited and empty handed as we thought that if we bring gifts then they would be forced to. but they never visited us. they would only visit us if we invite them for formal dinners and would always bring too many gifts.but they would never invited us even when we stopped visiting them uninvited.

when my in laws visited bil , we invited them for lunch at our place . we were talking and my mil says that for baby's birth she has asked my husband's cousin's wife for help. I was shocked as culturally it was supposed to be my duty as elder dil of the house. I was not expecting to be asked for help but when she specifically said that other sil would help with the baby i knew I was being shunned. but i stayed silent. my husband was also not asked or told to help.

two months ago we invited bil and sil for dinner. I was just informing about things we need for hospital as I had just helped a friend with her baby's delivery in the hospital. i stayed there for a week . I was telling them about documents needed or other helps.

i told my sil that she should have atleast two female attendents with her as her husband won't be allowed in maternity ward of the govt hospital or have her baby in private where nurses help with everything. she said she doesn't want her husband in the maternity ward and she'll have her baby in the govt hospital as it is cheaper. I told to to find a maid for later as it would be hard to take care of the baby alone. she said no need of any help. she'll sleep when the baby sleeps and wake up when baby wakes up. i said all this because I have seen my friend struggle and her husband would be at work for whole day.but since I don't have kids of my own i decided to shut up.

now I get call from my sil few days ago asking for help. she wants me to come and help her. I forgot to mention that she went to my in laws town to have the baby. her doctor told her that there is some complications and she might have to give birth at 38 weeks. also there is a high chance that she has to do a c- section. when I asked her about the other sil she said other sil's kid has her tests so she will be busy. i want to refuse because I think if I go they will always make a last minute option and also I am scared that if something happens to the baby they'll all blame me. should I refuse by making some excuse?