r/FamilyIssues

This is going to be a long drug out story, to give a clear view of the situation. Part of me is writing this simply because I have no other outlets. I (24f) grew up in a very toxic household. I was raised by my grandma, abusive drug addict uncle, and my dad, whom is paralyzed from a stroke due to meth, from the time I was 6. I have no other family contacts, no cousins, no aunts, no siblings, no one on my mom’s side. It has always just been me. I’ll skip all of the backstory and just discuss where things currently stand.

I moved out when I was 19 to get away from the abuse and trauma that living there has brought me all of the years, the uncle who lived with us passed away the same year. So my grandma and dad have lived alone in their VERY unsafe trailer by themselves for 5 years. My grandma is now 84, can barely walk, keeps falling, is still the caretaker over my dad, who is very selfish, demanding, and ungrateful, and VERY mean to her. Over the last year, both of their health has declined rapidly. The living conditions of the trailer if anyone saw would absolutely be reported. They both live in filth. The smell walking into the house smells like dying humans. It is so far gone that no amount of cleaning it, could repair that home.

Now this is where I am lost. My dad used to be my bestfriend, over the last year, after he developed sepsis his health plummeted, and with that, so did the personality he always had. It’s to the point where i can’t even speak to him, he doesn’t understand my feelings, but most of the time he won’t even let me speak. When I try to speak, he talks over me, or brushes it off and talks about nonsense. Literally one time i called him sobbing because i had no where to go, and just wanted his comfort, and he didn’t acknowledge it at all and started rambling about ICarly. Fucking ICarly (which is his go to topic when he’s avoiding my emotions, i don’t even like ICarly) The only time he contacts me is to ask for pain pills, to make me feel bad for not hanging around him much anymore, or favors. It’s never asking how i am, or being a listening ear for me. Which kills me, because i have had the worst 2 years of my life. I dealt with alcoholism, i’ve been on the brink of homelessness constantly, because i have no friends, no family, no where to go, and our economy is shit. Which his lack of caring about what’s going on with me, and not even being able to provide a listening ear, kills me. Because i have NO ONE, and have had no one

for YEARS. This has led me to separating myself even more.

Now, I have tried helping them. I’ve begged them to let me clean the place, but my grandma refuses to let me throw away anything, even old mattresses that are covered in feces and roaches. I offered to build a tiny home on their property so i could be close and help more, but my grandma refuses to write a will, so when she dies, the property would just go to the state i believe, due to the amount of debt they’re in. When my dad was in the hospital with sepsis and pretty much unconscious, I had him put into a nursing home, so he could get actual care, and my poor grandma could stop trying to take care of him, which she is literally incapable of doing anymore. (he shits himself and lays in it for weeks at a time), but because i’m not his power of attorney, he signed himself out of the nursing home, and his insurance wouldn’t pay for it anymore anyways.

I do my best when i see them, to clean his sheets, and to attempt to wipe him clean. But I am a 5’0 100ib girl, and my dad is a 6’4 225ib man of complete dead weight. It’s a near impossible task for me to do alone, and i definitely can’t do it efficiently, and even when I do get it all somewhat clean, he shits himself more anyways.

I deal with severe severe depression, most days I can hardly leave my own bed. I was just recently diagnosed with Bipolar. My mental state is complete shambles at all times. Stress overwhelms me to the point i can not function. The sadness, the guilt, the pain from my family situation has killed me, and kept me awake at night, for years. Just knowing that they are going to die in that house, and no one is going to know until i just eventually don’t hear from them and find them there for myself. Which makes me shut down. I become very avoidant and have started to not even answer their calls for weeks at a time. Because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix it or how to help when they won’t let me, or at least work with me a little bit. I can barely function and take care of my own self, But then my dad guilts me and tells me i’m leaving them there to die.

I’ve been wanting to move and actually start my life and get out of this town for years, and I finally have the opportunity to, but doing that means, i do truly leave them here completely helpless, and alone, to die. They have no one else. When i told them I was considering leaving for a good opportunity, my dad just tells me that they’re going to die and I won’t see them again, which, is possibly true, and that guilt, genuinely makes me not want to live. Like i’m defeated. I’m so alone, and i’m so tired of being alone with all of this. Anytime i’ve tried to tell anyone about this, no one really is able to grasp the severity, and how much it affects me. I fight every single day to get up, to feed myself, to brush my hair, yet i have two people, who i love more than my own self, who need extensive help, that I just am not capable of giving.

Any mentally healthy person in my shoes, would have found a solution to this i’m sure, but i’ve just laid down, and given up, because i can’t find the light at the end of this tunnel, and haven’t been able to, for years.

Not only do i feel immense pain about it. I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry. I never had family taking care of me, loving me the way I think family is supposed to love me, and here I am, killing the last shred of my mental state, worrying about how to take care of them.

I didn’t even scratch the surface of details that make all of this make sense, I would truly have to write a book. It goes so much deeper. However, moral of the story, I can’t live with this pain much longer, i’m going to break into a million more pieces and be irreparable, I do not, know what to do.

I am 18 and a senior in high school. When I was 16 my mom moved across the country to Connecticut to live with her online boyfriend who she ended up proposing to a couple months later. When I was 3 my parents separated and following court orders my dad and to take my and my brother Ivan every morning 9am to the police station where my mom would pick us up and then we’d go to her house where she’d make us food and we’d go to the park and enjoy the day. By 5pm that was time for her to drop us back off at the police station where our dad would pick us up again. This was normal for up until I was about 8. One day when I was 8 my mom came to my dad’s apartment unannounced trying to pick us up. This caused a big argument between my parents but my dad later let my mom take us for the weekend. During the weekend my mom wanted to go biking on some trails in the mountain. We got to this really step road and when no one was looking Ivan rode his bike down the road where he ended up losing control and falling into a ditch where he ended up passing away. After this I started to see my mom differently. When I was 10 it was my 5th grade graduation. My dad really didn’t want my mom to come and was telling me not to let my mom come but behind his back I gave her a ticket. The night before graduation he found out and told me he wasn’t going to attend. I was sad and was crying at school. After graduation my Dee brother Jonathan and my mom took me out where my mom ended up giving me a gold chain. Then it was time to drop me off back home. My dad was furious at my mom and this was one of the only times I felt true fear. I have never seen my dad so angry and I remember holding my hamsters cage getting read to leave. Jonathan however was about to talk it out between them and things calmed down. I think this it’s important because it was a time where I felt like my mom was there for me and cared for me. I used to love my mom so much. At this point my brother would pick me up Friday and I would spend the weekend over with my brother and my mom. I would skip out on friend parties and hangouts to go be with my mom. I believed tbag we had a close bond she was always there when I needed something and when I wanted to express how I felt. However when she moved I felt devastated. It was during spring break of my sophomore year and I was at my dad’s house and I was home alone during that time and I would just cry. I couldn’t eat and I was simply heart broken. That entire summer break I would spend nights awake just crying for what she did. I couldn’t believe she really chose a man over me I thought I was her world. She used to call me frequently and after each phone call I would shake and cry alone. “Mamas Boyfriend” by Kanye used to make me ball because my mom wasnt like his. The woman i once knew was gone as the woman i once knew would’ve never done that. And then I realized that the woman i once knew was gone and this person that claims to move me is someone I don’t recognize anymore. During the start of my Junior year I started to distance myself from my mom. She stoped texting and calling so much and I stopped answering the few texts and messages she did send. Jonathan was always closest with my mom so they are always talking and whenever I’d go over with Jonathan he would call her and I’d have to talk to her but during that time Waa when I stopped saying I love to her because I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It got to the point that when I said thise words I didn’t mean them so I didn’t want to say them anymore. A couple months later she came by to visit for my 17th birthday and I remember getting out of school and my mom and Jonathan waiting outside for me. I remember seeing my mom again after about 10 months and not feeling much anymore I felt sad and mad but cold. I remember being cold towards her and her asking me why I was so cold but she never accepted any fault. I never answered her when she would ask but that was because it felt offensive if I did answer it felt wrong if I did I want her to figure it out on her own because if she couldn’t see what she did wrong than there’s no point in talking. I remember she gave me 700 bucks but that money didn’t feel right it didn’t make me whike it didn’t make me feel good inside. She always tries to spoil me with gifts and money but she never had much and it always made me feel bad. During the two weeks she was there for my birthday it felt strange. I would find myself almost forgetting what she did and that she was going to leave again and then that would make me cold again. When she left back to Connecticut I don’t remember feeling much. By this time I already made up my mind. During all of this however especially starting high school I’ve gotten a lot closer with my dad. I think we’re a lot alike. He is a very smart man and I do good in school and am smart. He is very stubborn and quick tempered and so am I. When he talks I can often finish his sentences when he forgets a word or two. We have both lost brothers and we have both had mothers that abandoned us. when he was around 6 his mother left him at his grandparents where he had to work from a young age. However all of this is to say thay recently with the short talks I have with my mom she asked me if I was going to invite her to my graduation and I dont think I will. She hasn’t seen the effort I have put in school. She doesn’t know thay I’m going to go to cal poly slo to study civil engineering. She doesn’t know I’ve had a girlfriend for a year now. She doesn’t know that I have a job now. She doesn’t know what I do in life and I don’t know anything about her. I don’t know or care about her new husband. I can’t even bring myself to tell her I love her. But there is still a small part of me that wants to invite her. I think part of that comes from wanting a mom, wishing she was a better mother, and still loving her. At the end of the day she is still my mom. The woman that I would cuddle on the couch with and watch shows on Netflix. There was once a time where I would walk through hell for my mom and now I just can’t do it. Everyone I know has two happy parents so I don’t have anyone to really talk about this stuff with. If you’ve read this far I’m sorry but I also appreciate you and all I want is some feedback and help. Thank you.

My mom has always been the type of mom to take pictures of my room or video any tantrums i threw and threaten to send them to my classmates, teachers or friends.

That went on for years. Now im about to turn 18 and i can say that i wasnt the best and most behaved kid and i have gotten my act together and nothing like that has happened in years.

But every once in a while if things arent going her way or my thoughts dont align with hers she will again make fun of me or downgrade me infront of others.

The most recent one happened a bit ago. I wasnt feeling well and needed to cancel an appointment. After 30 min of her arguing with me she called to cancel the appointment but because i was there while she called she started saying not just that i am not feeling well, but that: she isnt feeling well, yeh i dont know whats going on with her i gues we have to cancel this appointment. oh well just like always.

This doesnt sound as bad but after finally spending a few years without her criticizing me in front of others it kind of hurt to know that nothing really changed. She would always sh1t talk her side of the family to me but i didnt think that would spill into sh1t talking her own kids.

I dont know, i guess i dont really care but it hurts after also haring her say that she only "tolerates" me and being called all sorts of names.

Guess i thought that idk she changed.

I cant speak english that well so ill try my best to explain.Im really ashamed to think like that but its bothering me alot.Im a teenager im 17F.I remember when my dad kissed on my lips when i was younger.And sometimes he touches my butt.I wore leggings today when i went to kitchen my dad came and said “woah” and touched my butt.And sometimes he touches my butt or he says “ur melons gets bigger” “U didnt wear bra today huh?”smth.My family usually act like its normal.Also I remember he touched me when i was younger.I was always arguing with him.And he wasnt mad at all when i shouted at him.Bc he crashes out even when we got little attidue.He continiued doing that.And i thought he was doing it just to make me mad or smth.Im good with my father but it doesnt feels right.I really dont know im really really ashamed to feel that way but i cant say anything bout this to anyone.Bc its weird.Maybe im wrong but its disgusting.I told him so many times whenever he touches i say “dont do it”.Like i have 3 siblings and they dont say anything bout it so i think im overreacting.

i am f25 and my sister f21 makes me feel awful about myself. We have a bit of a broken family and it’s just my mum, two sisters and I now. The sister in question is the youngest, I am the eldest, and she has no communication with our father. She has been hostile with me for maybe a decade now, and to begin with i could understand as i had my own problems and she was a teenager, but now i don’t know why. She is very much 3 vs 1 where she tries to recruit my other sister into her side, which is actually putting a strain on our relationship. She constantly says i smell to the point she rolls the windows down in the car if im there and puts her head out the window. this has never been a problem before, in fact i over compensate with manically applying perfume and gum. It has given me crippling insecurity about this. She only ever complains about me, makes disgusting faces when i enter the room and makes me feel like the worst person to ever exist. I have just gotten into a new relationship and this is starting to cause insecurity in that as i now believe what she says. it’s now reached a point where my entire family is going away for her birthday trip and she doesn’t want me there so i am not invited. I don’t really know how that is expected to make me feel but i genuinely am not happy in this dynamic anymore and don’t know where to go from here. I try to have as little contact as possible with her although she is currently home for a few weeks and I feel the need to hide away in my own house.

I have always been accused of being my mums favourite and i feel like that might have part to do with it? but she’s trying to turn my other sister against me and whenever we are a three it’s 2 vs 1 where everything is just a dig at me (a little bit of banter i can understand but this is to the point i leave the room really upset) What do i do and has anybody experienced this before? I don’t know what i’ve done wrong.

my brother is 17 years old he is basically good for nothing he doesn t get good grades he has no talents he is pretty stupid in general he is addicted to minecraft (thats basically what he does ALL DAY) he has extremly bad hygiene (he doesn t shower or brush his teeth HE STINKS at the point that people call him out for it) he is starting to become openly mysogynistic and racist (he loves the german dictator if u know what i mean he does the sign he openly makes racist and mysogynistic jokes he also looks down on me and my mom (mostly me tbh) ) obv he doesn t do chores either if u tell him to do something he starts throwing a tanthrum cuz he is busy playing minecraft instead of doing something about it my parent PRAISE him they even go as far as making some kind of fake scenarios to "show" that he is a capable "young man" and he always looks down on people in general cuz he is "better " than them. Backstory : so since i was a kid i always achieved lots of stuff like winning competitions i was on tv and got good grades but my parents would always turn my wins into his example i won a huge competition once and at the end when i won instead of praising me they started telling my brother that if he joined the competition he would have def won and beat me too so that he won t get "jealous" , when it was my birthday he had to get a gift even tho on my birthday i would usually only get a cake and a gift while he would get a whole birthday party , in term of grades my dad gave my brother TRIPLE the money he gave me when i was his age for obtaining LOWER than me LIKE HE BARELY PASSED mind you at his age i was top of my class i am not saying that he should get the same grades as me but still he could at least try to get "average" grades . About my parents : they usually don t do anything when he does mistakes like when he was a kid my parents wouldn t ground him cuz he was too "young" and when he grew up around 15 years old he was too old to get grounded so he basically never got punished while me in the other hand i would get punished for the smallest thing sometimes i would even get punished for stuff he did . About me : so i am 19F there was a time where i tried raising my brother since my parent barely does anything to "fix" him but everytime i would tell him not to do something like example once we were in malaysia and he was doing the racist asian eye thingy and i told him to stop doing that my mom told me leave him alone its only when she saw the pics of him doing the "thing" that she started panicking . He also once started saying stuff he shouldn t say in public he got upset and told my mom and she started yelling at me for telling him to not do something that he shouldn t be doing and that i wasn t his "mom" my dad does shit 99% everytime there is a problem with my brother he just tells me to tell my mom instead it goes as far as my brother insulting my mom in front of my dad and guess what my dad does? nothing he is more annoying about the noise than what my brother is saying . Did my parents try anything to "fix" him since he is now becoming a grown ass man : there was some miserable "attemps" to fill his schedule they tried making him practice sports i told them to pick something calm for him cuz he was starting to show violent tendencies like hitting me but obv they didn t listen to me and made him do calisthenic and now he has no shame in hitting me cuz he is physically stronger than me now ( i used to do martial art but i stopped years ago) the other attempt was making him learn about the religion now my dad see him as better than me in any category cuz he is closer to god than me and now my brother uses it as his advantage to lie about me and make my parents upset at me for no reason mind u always has no proofs but the fact he is close to god makes him always right and its starting to get on my nerves my parents are sooo proud of him but really nothing changed now he still stinks plays minecraft all day gets bad grades the only thing that changed is that he can now manipulate my parents . FINAL NOTE : i am worried about him he is turning 18 in a few months i have difficulty imagining him doing anything useful in his life he is probably gonna turn into an incels if i don t stop him.

-i forgot to add that he has slight adhd but its not severe at all

-sorry for the spelling mistakes or weird sentences english isn t my first language

So I am posting this to see what other people think about this.

My parents always feel the need to embarrass me, humiliate and tell my entire family (uncles, aunts etc.) at how bad I am at supposedly managing my money. They even do it in front of me.

I currently live on my own, make $66k a year as a Jr Cloud Services Operations Engineer. I plan on looking for another job soon, better pay since I have experience now.

No kids, single. I am trying to get my finances in check but in this economy it’s difficult.

My question is what do you guys think about this? In regards to my parents embarrassing me in front of my family all the time.

I would also like to add that my own mother asked me to borrow $1k last month when my grandfather passed away.

So I recently got married last year September 2025. My sister was my maid of honor when we decided to get married back in Feb 2025. We looked at wedding dresses and she was doing what MOH do. And I picked a date for the wedding originally I wanted September 6th for the wedding because it was my great grandmothers birthday. Who passed 10 years ago but they didn’t have that date available anymore so I picked the next available weekend in September 2025 so I picked September 20th. I inform the family and my sister told me “but I have plans for that weekend!” I said but that’s all they had available and I wanted my wedding in September. So I asked her “what plans you have that weekend?” Btw we we still in February, what could you have planned so far from now? She would not tell me. I said if it was something super important then I understand but then I found out it was a family reunion for her boyfriend (who she only knew for 2 months so far in Feb) and I was like really? You’re gonna miss my wedding for your bf family reunion? I got so mad. I said okay whatever still help me out as the MOH temporarily and she said I can do the bridal shower for you.

So bridal shower was August 30th, it was literally the week before she started feeling guilty I guess, asking me to change the date of the wedding because she didn’t want to miss it. I said the Venue is already booked up for the rest of the year so I can’t. She tells me to she wants to come to the wedding. So I said “then don’t go to the family reunion for your 7 month relationship boyfriend” she did not like that. I told her my best friend whose husband just had an accident with his injured arm is still coming to my wedding but she can’t because of her bf boyfriend? My bbf is still coming” she did not like that I said that so she said I don’t want to be your MOH anymore at all she cancelled everything that was planned and f’ed up my bridal shower. I was sooo disappointed in her approach to me. IM NOT GONNA RESCHEDULE MY WEDDING TO FIT YOUR SCHEDULE. So she misses my wedding and hasn’t talk to me since then. I wished her happy birthday when it came around this year no response. I told her we need to talk. No response…I’m literally having a baby and she hasn’t said anything! No congratulations, hasn’t sent anything for her nephew who is two since she stop talking to me. Nothing for the baby when she has done it before for her nephew who is 2 right now. Didn’t send anything for his birthday. Like I understand you’re not talking to me but your nephews didn’t do anything to you. She still sends things to her other niece and nephew from my brother.

But what really upsets me is…the guy she is with has 4 different baby mommas and she can’t get pregnant because she has endometriosis. So she makes it up by being a great aunt to her nieces and nephews. The man has a 9 year old son and the youngest is like 10 months old. And she chose some deadbeat father (who left his pregnant gf at the time for her) to miss my wedding for a family reunion for him? And is mad at me for not having her priority straight when it comes to family?

My hubby says she has narcissistic traits and I agree. My mother says you have to walk on eggshells around her and the has thin skin. Cause she has low self esteem! My mother also said I’m the only one who stands up to her when she pulls her bullshit. My brother says I shouldn’t have said that my bbf and her husband was still coming to the wedding even though he had a broken wrist from work, so he understands why she got mad but mad enough to say f this to your sister bridal shower and stop talking to her and her nephew for months now?

No they need to hold her accountable and when I mention it. It’s like NO ONE wants to get on her bad side so they don’t say anything. I want to tell her off but I keep my mouth shut I wanna see how long she can keep this up.

My hubby also thinks she jealous because I got married and had kids and I’m younger sibling than her by 10 years so she feels left behind. So the way for her to keep control somehow is to cut me off.

We found out that my dad is cheating and may family din ung girl. Should we tell the husband & her anak na may nangyayari sa dad ko and sa asawa nya??? Is it fair ba na gusto namin na mafeel din nila yung pain na nafeel namin ngayon sakanila?