Should I invite my mom to my graduation
I am 18 and a senior in high school. When I was 16 my mom moved across the country to Connecticut to live with her online boyfriend who she ended up proposing to a couple months later. When I was 3 my parents separated and following court orders my dad and to take my and my brother Ivan every morning 9am to the police station where my mom would pick us up and then we’d go to her house where she’d make us food and we’d go to the park and enjoy the day. By 5pm that was time for her to drop us back off at the police station where our dad would pick us up again. This was normal for up until I was about 8. One day when I was 8 my mom came to my dad’s apartment unannounced trying to pick us up. This caused a big argument between my parents but my dad later let my mom take us for the weekend. During the weekend my mom wanted to go biking on some trails in the mountain. We got to this really step road and when no one was looking Ivan rode his bike down the road where he ended up losing control and falling into a ditch where he ended up passing away. After this I started to see my mom differently. When I was 10 it was my 5th grade graduation. My dad really didn’t want my mom to come and was telling me not to let my mom come but behind his back I gave her a ticket. The night before graduation he found out and told me he wasn’t going to attend. I was sad and was crying at school. After graduation my Dee brother Jonathan and my mom took me out where my mom ended up giving me a gold chain. Then it was time to drop me off back home. My dad was furious at my mom and this was one of the only times I felt true fear. I have never seen my dad so angry and I remember holding my hamsters cage getting read to leave. Jonathan however was about to talk it out between them and things calmed down. I think this it’s important because it was a time where I felt like my mom was there for me and cared for me. I used to love my mom so much. At this point my brother would pick me up Friday and I would spend the weekend over with my brother and my mom. I would skip out on friend parties and hangouts to go be with my mom. I believed tbag we had a close bond she was always there when I needed something and when I wanted to express how I felt. However when she moved I felt devastated. It was during spring break of my sophomore year and I was at my dad’s house and I was home alone during that time and I would just cry. I couldn’t eat and I was simply heart broken. That entire summer break I would spend nights awake just crying for what she did. I couldn’t believe she really chose a man over me I thought I was her world. She used to call me frequently and after each phone call I would shake and cry alone. “Mamas Boyfriend” by Kanye used to make me ball because my mom wasnt like his. The woman i once knew was gone as the woman i once knew would’ve never done that. And then I realized that the woman i once knew was gone and this person that claims to move me is someone I don’t recognize anymore. During the start of my Junior year I started to distance myself from my mom. She stoped texting and calling so much and I stopped answering the few texts and messages she did send. Jonathan was always closest with my mom so they are always talking and whenever I’d go over with Jonathan he would call her and I’d have to talk to her but during that time Waa when I stopped saying I love to her because I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It got to the point that when I said thise words I didn’t mean them so I didn’t want to say them anymore. A couple months later she came by to visit for my 17th birthday and I remember getting out of school and my mom and Jonathan waiting outside for me. I remember seeing my mom again after about 10 months and not feeling much anymore I felt sad and mad but cold. I remember being cold towards her and her asking me why I was so cold but she never accepted any fault. I never answered her when she would ask but that was because it felt offensive if I did answer it felt wrong if I did I want her to figure it out on her own because if she couldn’t see what she did wrong than there’s no point in talking. I remember she gave me 700 bucks but that money didn’t feel right it didn’t make me whike it didn’t make me feel good inside. She always tries to spoil me with gifts and money but she never had much and it always made me feel bad. During the two weeks she was there for my birthday it felt strange. I would find myself almost forgetting what she did and that she was going to leave again and then that would make me cold again. When she left back to Connecticut I don’t remember feeling much. By this time I already made up my mind. During all of this however especially starting high school I’ve gotten a lot closer with my dad. I think we’re a lot alike. He is a very smart man and I do good in school and am smart. He is very stubborn and quick tempered and so am I. When he talks I can often finish his sentences when he forgets a word or two. We have both lost brothers and we have both had mothers that abandoned us. when he was around 6 his mother left him at his grandparents where he had to work from a young age. However all of this is to say thay recently with the short talks I have with my mom she asked me if I was going to invite her to my graduation and I dont think I will. She hasn’t seen the effort I have put in school. She doesn’t know thay I’m going to go to cal poly slo to study civil engineering. She doesn’t know I’ve had a girlfriend for a year now. She doesn’t know that I have a job now. She doesn’t know what I do in life and I don’t know anything about her. I don’t know or care about her new husband. I can’t even bring myself to tell her I love her. But there is still a small part of me that wants to invite her. I think part of that comes from wanting a mom, wishing she was a better mother, and still loving her. At the end of the day she is still my mom. The woman that I would cuddle on the couch with and watch shows on Netflix. There was once a time where I would walk through hell for my mom and now I just can’t do it. Everyone I know has two happy parents so I don’t have anyone to really talk about this stuff with. If you’ve read this far I’m sorry but I also appreciate you and all I want is some feedback and help. Thank you.