r/Cleveland

Sup. I got vials and vials of sperm. Selling this for Pennie’s in the dollar. If you know anyone that wants some I’ll be by the bench microwave Sunday morning.

Don’t ask how I got it.

Peace and grease

-👽

My friends Xanthol and Phlerm were visiting, and when I woke up, they were gone. I'm pretty sure that some sperm came through and stole my aliens. I don't think it was a dream because the front door was open. It was a totally normal night. We teleported to Waffle House, then went home for the night. When I woke up, my aliens were gone.

More news about the death of whistleblower Dawn Pasela, who worked for Senior Assistant Ohio Attorney General Dan Kasaris and was found dead as she was scheduled to testify about his affair with government witness Kathryn Clover and suppression of exculpatory evidence in criminal cases, www.FreeTonyViola.com

Hey guys, my name is Xacnar the Alien. Me and my buddy Grubnug were visiting your city, around last weekish, and we saw this drunk guy walking back to his hotel room late at night. Long story short, we abducted him and stole his sperm.

Now here’s the embarrassing part- I can’t find it anywhere. Me and Grubnug got a little wasted after wards, and I think we went to a few of your human strip clubs, but between drinks and the post sperm-collecting high I was real fuzzy. I tried “googling” (I think that’s what you call it?) best strip clubs in Cleveland, and all that came up was Lido Lounge, but I can’t seem to find it anywhere?

Anyways if you guys see a missing jar of human sperm lying around that’s ours, my bad. I need to get it by next Monday or our boss will make us pay. Thanks in advance!

More information: https://myusna.com/topics/9500/page/uss-cleveland-lcs-31-legacy-foundation

ok ive read through a lot of the replies and i get why people are saying i got roofied or it was just alcohol

but ive had nights out before and this didnt feel like that at all

no hangover, no grogginess, nothing that felt like a comedown

it was just… missing time

also the whole “dream” part didnt feel like a normal dream or blackout

it felt way too clear and specific

like i can still picture it exactly

im not saying i know what it was

just that the usual explanations dont really line up with how it actually felt

especially the part where i woke up fully dressed with no trace of how i got back

idk

i get that the logical explanation is probably something like sleep paralysis or something with the drinks

but it just didnt feel like that

anyway im not trying to convince anyone, just clarifying that it didnt match anything ive experienced before

Aliens 100% stole my sperm

I was in Cleveland the same time as the other poster. I was very ill in bed with incredibly vivid dreams and don't remember much. Now I thought maybe it was withdrawal because I didn't pack my stash after a 6 month $100/day habit of certain physically addictive painkillers (not good).

Well anyhow having also woken up at 3 am with my pants off and not much memory but the incredibly vivid dreams, I think perhaps aliens were doing a larger collection that weekend.

Watch your deliveries 👀

Now that the weather has finally turned, you’ll be seeing more of them out. I just caught one trying to steal wipes — WIPES — off of my porch. Stupid dude didn’t realize how much of a hawk I am and got pushed off the steps only to get covered in dirt. It was the box size that attracted him most likely: cell phone shipping size, but it just contained wipes. Totally not worth getting dirt all over his gray hoodie.

Porch Pirates are also known for following Amazon trucks. They are bold and don’t give an eff if all they get are dog paw wipes.

Those with doorbell cameras are still at risk.

Anyways, be diligent by having all major deliveries sent to a safe place when possible — even your work. They’ll understand, I promise.

This is something I do often. Today happens to be a very tough mental health day, which means it’s a good day for it. Gonna go eat it at the park & photosynthesize. Might seem like a lot of of running around but, today, driving in the sunshine is a big plus and I’m begging you pedants to ignore logistics for the sake of a fun prompt.

Here is today’s list (west side version bc gas is unfortunately ten million dollars a tank):

- Lumpia, both veggie & beef, from Parilya

- Momo from Himalayan

- Pepperoni rolls from Georgio’s (specifically Denison location) (Don’t judge me this was my first job and a very sentimental pick)

- Dolmades, Hummus & veg from Assad’s Bakery

- Spam musubi from Dang Good Foods ❤️

- Crab rangoons from Brown Sugar Thai (as a connoisseur, best in town imo)

- Cheesecake slice from Slices - Today’s is Lemon bc availability, Orange Creamsicle would be best

And of course, a crispy fresh Diet Coke to round it all out.

For the record, this is by no means a complete list of my favorites, just today’s selection. What are your picks? Bonus points for tiny hole in the wall ethnic restaurants bc we all know that’s where to find the good shit!

I been looking on zillow for the past few weeks because we are set to move to cleveland in the next year or so. we have been to cleveland a few times to know we like it to live. only question i have is why are there so many houses on the Westside that are affordable? are they in dangerous areas? is the Westside known to be dangerous? if so what areas/streets to advoid. I have been looking out towards the suburbs as well but where i live in Buffalo now I love that downtown is only down the road from me. I would like to keep that same kind of living if possible in cleveland. so access to downtown is key. please no eastside comments. we have been through enough snow here in Buffalo and hears stories about the Eastside.

Hi everyone. My best friend is moving to Ohio Cleveland. She’s lived her whole life in the UK/EU side. She’s particularly nervous about knowing where to get halal food from. She’s had a general look, but she’s a very anxious person (so she overthinks the worst). She’s moving to Cleveland area, so I’m hoping I can reach out here and ask where she may be able to do her grocery shopping?

Thank you so much in advance ☺️