r/BreakUp

Although I will move on my trust is gone especially after what happened the last time we hung out and the things that he revealed during our breakup which he never really made me aware of when we were dating. I no in time that I will move on from him but I never want to see him again and I never want to hear his voice again!

I (26F) was seeing this guy (26M) for 3 months. Things were super healthy, we never fought, communicated often, hung out 1-2 times per week.

I went over Saturday-Sunday and we had a great time. Multiple rounds of sex, went to a cafe in the morning, took a little nap together. Walked me to my car and told me to text me when I got home like usual.

He replied right away and we chatted a bit but then I didn’t hear from him for hours. Pretty unlike him unless he’s asleep but by 9pm I texted to make sure he was okay since I knew he wanted to run errands. He replied right away saying yes and that he had been busy and didn’t see my text. When I replied he didn’t reply until the next morning. We called and talked for a little while that day after work but texting felt kinda off. I’m an anxious person so I honestly tried not to panic and read into it and give it the benefit of the doubt.

Well yesterday morning (Wednesday) he texted asking if he could come over and talk. I knew right away it was going to be the end.

The breakup lasted an hour and a half and we both cried and cried. He said he likes me a lot, not just as a friend, but usually by this point in a relationship he loves the person and he didn’t see himself getting there. That he didn’t want to waste my time if it’ll never get to that point.

He asked if we could be friends once I got through this, multiple times. And when he was leaving he kept saying “I don’t want to go.” Said maybe if we tried being friends and the feelings develop we could give it another go, but I know I can’t hold on to that hope.

I’m struggling so bad, I miss him so much. I just want to text him and call him even though I know I can’t. I don’t know what to do besides cry it all out.

I think eventually I would like to remain friends because I don’t want to lose him from my life but man I am struggling so bad right now and miss him so much.

Do you all think there’s any chance he’ll change his mind and reach out?

My bf of 5 years and I had an amicable break up. Maybe a little too amicable at the start. We lived together so I moved out, we made loose plans about how we'd split the rest of the rent/utilities (he stayed in the old spot) and decided to go no contact for 6 weeks. There was an event happening in 6 weeks(we had wanted to go to when we were together), so we decided to touch base again at that time. Although it was not explicitly stated, he would say things about how sad he was and how he needed to figure his life out and how he would be too sad to date again for a while. I expressed the same, I had a lot of internal work to do, but I had expressed I still wanted to be together in the future, as different and better people, and I was not going to put a lot of pressure on it but it was my hope, and he knew that. He told me he was open to the idea of getting back together. I told him if that ever changed please let me know.

Less than 2 weeks into no contact, my friends spotted him out on a date and also back on dating apps with a completely filled out and active profile. I was absolutely heartbroken. Actually it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. I had been tending to myself, journaling, exercising - and still thinking of him of fondly. I never in a million years thought this man who I always saw as so kind, compassionate, a stand up kind of guy would act like this. I felt blindsided and had no reality to ground on. How could someone look at me and tell me they'd be way too sad to date for months, and then less than 2 weeks later consciously make a dating app, plan a date, and GO on said date? What else was said that was not meant?

I absolutely spiraled with this information and desperately searched for clarity from him - but he doubled down on his actions. I still think it is absolutely fucked behavior, and as much as my friends and family hate him now, and as much as I want to hate him.. I would be lying if a part of me didn't still want us to be together at some point in the future.

I'm just so in the thick of it. I'm trying to let the future I imagined we could have die but everywhere I turn is a memory of us. There's just so many memories. I am so heartbroken. I've genuinely never been this heartbroken in my life. I'm just trying to truck forward and work on being the best version of myself I can, and I have fleeting glimpses of hope but most of the time I just feel dead inside. Would appreciate any shared experiences or words of wisdom.

I was head over heels for a guy that I dated for maybe 8 months? I know I liked him more than he liked me and he broke my heart tremendously when saying he no longer wanted to see me.

He’s not really that attractive(though my brain thinks so for some reason), he’s 10 years older than me, is 5’ 5” tall, has a gambling addiction, has been engaged twice & both exs call off the relationship, and is somewhat of a player.

He is so bad for me and my brain still can not stop obsessing over him.
He has a new girlfriend and yet we’ve been hooking up on the side for about 3 months (I know, that makes me such a sh*t person).

I’ve tried dating sites and meeting up with other guys but the chemistry hasn’t been there.

PLEASE! HOW DO I MOVE ON?!
I don’t want to obsess over him any more. It’s so toxic and yet I still cry over him even though he has
nothing to offer :(

I just lost the love of my life because of a poor choice I made. I had encouraged her to go to law school as everyone else told her she couldn’t do it in her life. We pooled our money and everything we had into helping push her over the finish line. After countless nights of writing essays and months of us working towards this goal she got in. And although she wanted to stay home I encouraged her to open up her horizons because there was only one time in her life to do this. I always told her I was happy with her now and everything she was doing but to not pick to not try just out of fear. She got into a school states away and didn’t want to visit because it was very high ranking and far. I told her just gov heck it out we made it all this way you might as well look. We didn’t have the money for both of us to go.

She went and said it was the place for her. She wanted to just focus on studies and have no distractions so she pushed back on getting friends but I pushed back and told her it would break her if she didn’t do something else to let off steam. So she made some friends. And I had no issues her first year. We missed each other but I helped her move in and we used the last of our money to get everything she needed. I wanted to stay but I didn’t want to distract her and I know she wanted to experience living alone she spent undergrad with her grandparents. I am blind but very independent so I wanted to go back home and build a future for myself and a foundation for us so when she got out we could both be doing well.

One night I was checking on the bunny I got her when we first dated. We kept cameras on our pets and she kept some around the apartment for security. I overheard her on a phone call and her friend was saying mean stuff about me and my fiancee was agreeing with her. I texted my fiancee and told her what I heard and she pushed back and told me that was a private convo. I pushed back and said I know girls chat but I feel like there is a line.

After that I confided in my stepsister who I had only known the past year as she moved here from an international country. She was a psychology major and so she would tell me how to feel about the pain and distance I was feeling. Well to cut the long story down there was a night where we texted sexual stuff. Immediately I felt pretty guilty and we both agreed it was a bad idea and unsent everything and agreed to never talk about it again. She asked me not to tell anyone because it would look bad. O couldn’t though I felt so guilty and the next day I told my fiancee and I ended things with her because I knew she deserved someone better. But she wanted to stay together and we struggled through the pain I caused.

I wish I could say I fully understood everything then. She started treating me a lot more harshly and I tried to defend my actions and felt like if she chose to stay with me why was she punishing me for telling her the truth and trying my best to be better.

Now I realize that she wasn’t and she was more graceful than I deserved. She tried to stay because she loved me. But even if there was nothing physical and nothing going on anymore she couldn’t know that or even if she did she might not have been able to handle that.

I thought that because a few years later I saw messages pop up on her iPad with another guy and we have never been the type to not trust each other but I didn’t recognize the name and a lot were popping up she let me use the iPad to buld a Lego bevause I can’t use regular instructions. She told this guy that was flirting with her that she didn’t know if we’d make it through law school. I was upset but later that night I forgave her because I thought it was a mistake and maybe she didn’t know how to end the convo with this guy.

She told me her friends and counselor said that doesn’t count and I’m only bringing it up to alleviate my guilt. And it confused me because I felt I made a bad choice just like she did.

Looking back I can see now why things happened how they did. I didn’t know the affects even something so small could cause. Not to mention who it was with and the distance. I ruined possibly the best relationship I’ve ever been in. We really loved each other and we communicated very well. We had our issues like everyone but we always tried to grow and be better people. Even in the breakup I’ve tried to be civil I moved my stuff out of our combined storage to my new business one and she asked if I could move her stuff too to help her not pay as much and she would come to get it soon. She told me she was coming into town and to drop off the key at her grandfathers and so I did I put it in am envelope with the code to get in and I went and sorted her stuff from mine and if it was anything that was up in the air I just put it on her side.

I’ve gone to counseling and I’ve gone more in depth. But I feel like even though I’m starting to understand her more I still hate myself and actually the more I understand how she felt the more I hate myself. I know I’m a real problem and honestly I don’t see it getting better from here. I think I might not want to live past this. Being a cheater is not a label I wanted. And I’ve never had anywhere close to an issue in the past and I was tempted by people when I worked in congress in DC when her and I first met. I’ve never ever even thought about it I loved her. I think looking back it was connecting my emotions to someone of the opposite gender was dangerous and looking back now I also see moments where I think she wanted to cause some cracks between me and my fiancee.

But no matter the reasons I know I made the choice and that’s what kills me because I really don’t get why. I had everything I wanted in life and a partner.

I think maybe there is no life after this and I would be removing a burden from everyone’s life if I was gone. I don’t know how anyone lives a life knowing how much they hurt someone they loved.

• After deciding to move on, I decided on

1. No Contact
2. Deleted Photos
3. Stored all Gifts separately, for now

• When trying to move on, I am trying for traditional dating process.
• I want to speak to someone, and I just end up avoiding the situation.
• After at home, thinking that I did not talk to that person, I feel sad.
• Automatically, my mind starts maladaptive dreaming, thinking what all I spoken.
• Immediatly, I start dreaming and running into fantacies.
• Ends up in porn and mastrubation.
• Mind becomes blank and resets.
• Wake up in the same place where it all started. Zero Again.

How do I come out of this situation?