been working with people in plant medicine spaces for about 4 years now and theres this pattern that shows up almost every single time someone works through deep trauma stuff

what happens is people finally get to connect with that exact moment where everything got stuck. its like part of them just froze right there in that experience and never moved forward. that fragment keeps dragging them back into the same cycles over and over

but when they can approach that moment as the observer instead of being trapped inside it everything shifts. they see themselves with all the wisdom and strength they have now and can actually be present with their younger self in a way that wasnt possible before

the whole nervous system seems to rewire itself in real time. that old reactive pattern just dissolves because the brain finally understands that the danger is over

the plants dont fix anything by themselves though. theyre more like a doorway that lets you access parts of your consciousness that stay hidden during normal waking life. once that connection gets restored the trauma stops being this gaping wound and becomes just another part of your story

ive watched this transformation happen so many times and it still blows my mind every single time

if anyones done their own trauma work with ayahuasca or other medicines id love to hear how it went for you. these real stories from people are so important for understanding how healing actually works

I write this message, because I've seen rumors of this and comments here and there about this being possible through plant medicine online. But a lot of it is so much nonsense.

That's why I write this for people which are many that have this issue and it's growing for a reason..

Before I go in, here is your answer: YES it can be healed... something no psychologist, psychiatrist has been able to do.

According to: Harvard Medical Health Letter, July 2010 Pedophilia "There is no cure, so the focus is on protecting children.”

Many neuroscientists, psychiatrist and others have 1 consensus...

It can't be healed only managed.

BULLSHIT... the consensus is made because scientism, and many other psychologist dont have a fucking clue what's really behind many mental illnesses people have neither do they have a big track record of healing any of them at all... that's why our society is this fucking sick. Excuse my cursing, I do it to express my frustration.

Our society is sick. And no, this isn’t some philosophical take. Just look around you. Almost everyone has something. Physical problems, mental issues, diabetes, heart disease, depression, anxiety. It’s everywhere. If nearly everyone is dealing with something, then at some point you have to ask yourself… is it really just individuals? Or is the system we’re living in actually the thing that’s sick?

Now let's start with my story

Because it happened with me couple years ago and it never came back. No suppression, no self control, no medication nothing. Gone forever.

I'll keep short. When I was younger at around 12 years old and upwards I began to notice something was wrong with me.

And it had to do with the attraction I had. As I grew older til around 15 it became worse and stronger and I felt more depressed and hated myself because of it.

Through out my younger years I kept suppressing it but nothing worked, I tried psychologists, psychiatrist, online coaches, I've tried meditations, whatever you can think of I tried but nothing worked. Eventually I tried suppressing my emotions and self hate through drugs and had a long addiction for 4 years. Starting when I was 18, I became so kind of husk of my previous self, constantly looking for the next fix just so id not feel the way I did so I could forget.

Eventually I stopped with the help of a friend and for my family. They became my reason the strength I needed to stop the drug addiction. But nothing changed with the pedophilia.

I did improve mentaly, spiritually, in my relationships after I overcame my drug addiction, I became wiser, learned a lot got lots of help.

But no matter what I did or my life situation the feelings only became stronger. But I kept suppressing.

Until one day just by chance I met someone. A traditional shaman I met this person through a mutual friend of mine.

No one actualy knew my issue so he just taught I might be interested because I've always had an interest in traditional healing, plant medicine, grounded spirituality etc.

When I went I didn't actualy expect to be helped neither did it happen the first ceremony I had. I actually was scared to tell this person what I was struggling with so I did it indirectly. This shaman and the space itself had such a presence the moment I entered I felt the need to speak my emotions.

I told him things I never told anyone and he just listened quietly observing feeling listening,

I said I hated myself, I told him about my past my relationship with my parents, my hate towards them, my issues a lot of it.

Because of the things I went through (not related to the pedophilia) I didn't feel emotions strongly, I just couldn't besides negative ones.

When the ceremony started which wasn't Ayahuasca, my first ceremony was another mix of 3 traditional plants.

We went through my roots which is tje connection to the earth, my family, parents, ancestors etc.

He guided me and helped me forgive those that had hurt me in the past.

And we went through some other personal things related to me and eventually when the ceremony was over. I was in such a blissful state happy and loving. I had consciously been able to forgive through his guidance, I felt certain emotions that came up to be released, I've cried, I felt love, understanding etc.

It was amazing and really grounded so not just mental buy psychically I felt my nervous system having become calmer more at rest, I felt actual release. I came to real understandings of my past why certain things happened, why certain people acted the way they did. I both understood myself and others better.

The shaman knew things about myself from my past, I never told him or anyone.

This was phenomenal I never expierenced something like this before and a lot of things I learned and let go I kept with me the change was real.

So this was my first time coming in contact with a real trustworthy and amazing curandero.

I kept in contact my life went on a more upward spiral but it wasn't perfect because somethings happened at the right time and right place when you least expect it.

I didnt see it then but I got healed of the pedophilia when I was ready to face it. I'll explain why.

So after I recommened him to my family, friends, etc some of them went many didnt. Which is okay. But those who did had also the same great experience I had.

So after some time passed my life did improve but I stil had my issue. Until the day where I went again but this time about 1,5 years later.

In the ceremony we had an apiphany, where my issue came from why I had it still.

This was a real surprise because the vision I had wasn't from this life but a previous one.

I was a young child 7 years old and I had a female babysitter.

This woman had abused me when I was a child there. I could feel so much hate, the kind where you want to kill the person.

Before this healing happened I had emotions come up outside the healing dreams, and feelings I didnt know where they came from. This was outside of the ceremony before I even went.

I felt such deep hate for woman, I felt so hurt, I remember sitting with my sister and mother downstairs and I felt something it felt uncomfortable.

And I deeply love them both, but I felt at that moment something come up I dont remember feeling. Deep hate against the feminine I felt thoughts of murder, killing, I felt alone, sad, hurt etc.

That day my mom asked my something I said huh, I couldn't focus so I went outside I said I was gonna go get something from the store when I stepped on the bike as I was about to go I asked my sister can you get my card its upstairs.

As I was getting impatient because of the heavy feelings coming up I just wanted to go to not be there anymore. My sister came back she told me she couldn't find it.

And I just screamed nevermind really angry then I said sorry.. I used an excuses telling her I didn't sleep well and I just grabbed another bike not my own just to go away.

That day different thoughts/feelings came up until it disappeared.

Now coming back to that ceremony with the shaman those feelings were related to this woman the babysitter in my past life.

Basically the bombshell I got from the shaman is that pedophilia is like a virus it spreads and every time a child gets hurt and they dont resolve their hurt in that lifetime the feelings go over into the next because energy cannot be destroyed only transformed.

When hurt people hurt people, so although not every child that got abused will go on to abuse someone else.

Certain issues can come forth from that.

One of which is the feelings I had.

So basically the reason why so many pedophiles are on earth right now... and there are many its a global issue, is because the cycle of abuse keeps repeating itself.

In families, in generations, even in lifetimes. That's why so many people who have no past history in their life of abuse have somehow sexual feelings for children.

It means that most pedophiles either been abused this life or the previous.

Now I'm only saying this so you understand where it comes from. Although it can be complicated as to why these feelings exist, as there are some other causes also. But apparently this is one of the biggest causes cycles of abuse and unresolved trauma creating energies of distorted lust that still lives within another person even the life after.

Which isn't that hard to belief I've you had any expierence with ayahuasca or plant medicine and have actually felt and seen things related to a past life. In and outside ceremony. Which I have, that this is real.

Now the key for people with this issue is first and foremost being aware of their triggers and and not acting on it. You HAVE to learn this being aware of your feelings but staying present and not reacting to it.

Because no matter what you have RESPONSIBILITY for your own actions.

It was a hard process I felt a lot of emotions and had to stay present.

There was a point in the ceremony I had been given a choice.

The choice was... do you want to forgive this person, not for her but for yourself. I was given different perspectives about her why she did it how it happened and many other things.

And so I decided in that moment of pain where I stayed present.

And I said I forgive you

Tears flowed out my eyes, I felt some kind of release, a deeper presence.

I never felt such deep sadness leave my body.

After this ceremony.

I have never felt the same feelings toward children EVER AGAIN.

But the journey kept going, I kept diving deeper healing different parts of myself, talking to my inner child, feeling more joy, happiness.

Through thr process I went I've become really calm, joyous, my relationships began to flourish, in every part of my life things began to be better.

Not just because of that ceremony but because of the things I decided to do for myself after. When the feelings were gone that was just the beginning of my life again.

So this message is for those looking for an answer if its possible. YES.

It is but only if you are actually willing to confront your shadow, your pain, your darkness it's not easy.

Also you need to be careful with shamans/curanderos big retreats are an ABSOLUTE no go.

They aren't safe, find a good shaman, who does 1 on 1 healings. It doesn't only have to be ayauascha. Because I healed from a mix of 3 other plants. But ayahuasca is extremely helpful with the right shaman.

But after that with the same shaman I expierenced healing on deeper levels in terms of my inner child, happiness etc.

1. Integration is important, be willing to do the work outside the ceremony

Be extremely careful about where and who you do your healing with. Spiritually entities, negative energies, can go into you. And not to mention brujos and witches are out there also. Including naive facilitators who do nothing and dont know the tradition at all. Or people who dome ayahuasca for example, only for 6 months and think they are a real "shaman"

Don't trust all the fairytales really healing happens when you feel the pain not when you cope by trying to feel happy.

Feeling happy and taking care of yourself is something also very healing. But dont bypass the darkness with it

I will leave this comment for the people. You might have this issue or someone you know.

Let this message be your signal that its not hopeless, you dont have to suppress, you dont have to hurt anyone. The cycle of abuse can end with you.

Seek the help because it is out there even if it sound unconventional because we are used to the general consensus that this could never happen in the way I described.

Yet it did, and it is real.

Hi all, not sure if this is the right flair so let me know if its ok!

Just wanted to post a review on the Paojilhuasca amazonian medicine centre! Sorry for the long post but I wanted to go over everything for anyone who is interested in going!

I was there for a week in Mid March, and it cost $700. Overall I would say you get what you paid for. Personally I think its a really good introduction to ayahuasca and to see if its for you. I think the price is good so if you feel that you dont want to partake in ceremonies anymore you don't feel like you have wasted thousands, or if you do you can get some deep insight. I'm glad I came here for a week and I'm definitely not finished with my ayahuasca journey, however future retreats I would definitely pay more and go somewhere more comfortable.

Firstly, what everyone wants to know about - the ceremonies.

At the retreat we have 4 ceremonies, 2 ayahuasca, one Yopo and kambo (you can do more then one kambo ceremony if you choose).

The first full day we did our first Kambo ceremony. For me it was incredibly rough. My whole face swelled up, I was vomiting and sweating. Later I got told the extreme swelling was due to sugar or medication. A few days before the retreat I got my period and got told it would be ok to take medication as the kambo would help flush out the toxins - as long as i stopped taking it at the retreat. I did this and apparently the result was my face looking like I had eaten a wasps nest. We also didnt have a strict diet as we were having the kambo. I must admit I was very relaxed about what I was eating, but I never thought I would end up looking like a balloon. Moral of the story is to follow a diet and stay away from medication. I wish when I had asked before arriving at the retreat I was told that could happen as I would have probably not taken any paracetamol and accepted being uncomfortable.

Since my reaction to the kambo was so intense I did a second ceremony the day after, the day of the ayahuasca. We got given less and which was ok. We relaxed the rest of the day. We had a meditation session before the ayahuasca ceremony and then went into the ayahuasca. During this ceremony we got given half a cup and got told to take more if we wanted. I think I should have gone up for more, but due to my own anxiety I didnt which ended up being an incredibly short, mild experience. None the less I think I overcame a lot of my anxiety. Others had very intense experiences however.

During the ceremony I felt like we were left to our own devices. We got told to just shout and someone will come and help, however that can be a bit intimidating. Also both the facilitators and shaman were men in the first ceremony which felt a bit intimidating. I think the ceremonies worked well for the men in the group, and the ones who wanted to face next steps in life and career. One lady was here to challenge trauma and she had a very long difficult ceremony - where I didnt see her getting much help either. The facilitators didnt seem equipt to be helping her. She didnt do any more ceremonies.

The next ceremony we did was Yopo. The facilitator told us afterwards it was his own blend of combining yopo and dried ayahuasca. I thought it was a bit of a red flag as he didnt tell us this til afterwards. Also reading on reddit i heard this could be potentially dangerous. It was incredibly uncomfortable. 5/6 hardly tripped and overall was an unpleasant experience. One person said he had an enlightening experience, however it still felt horrible. I ended up leaving the ceremony early as I felt sober and just wanted to be able to relax. During the ceremony there was a lot of drumming which I didnt like. Also our facilitator lead this ceremony despite not being a shaman.

The last ceremony was also ayahuasca. Before this ceremony we had a breathwork session where we "micro dosed" mushrooms. This ended up being a low dose. It effected some people a lot more then others however was definitely more then a micro dose. About 4 hours later we had the ayahuasca ceremony. I ended up going for about 2 cups (1 then went up and had half then went up for another half). This gave me a very mild trip which I was disappointed about as my first ayahuasca ceremony was also mild. The ceremony I felt better in myself, as the first one as I was carrying some anxiety, however the trip lasted about 1h at most, with it being mostly some mild visules. It didnt feel very introspective. After the ceremony the group talked and everyone felt similar- none to mild trip. Also everyone purged a lot (TMI but imagine pissing from your ass) as well as a lot of vomiting. This shaman travelled from far to get to us for this ceremony (she is only there once a month). I believe that the reason the ayahuasca didnt work was because the mushrooms may have a cross tolerance. This felt disrespectful to the shaman who travelled to give us a beautiful ceremony. Also one girl, who only drank less then 1/4 of the cup ended up tripping so hard it felt like she had a whole cup.

Overall I think the ceremonies and mixture of drugs felt a bit YOLO and not backed by research. I dont think all the practices were carried out as safe as theh could be. I think if I had a really hard trip I dont know how well the facilitators would handle it. I heard about one man being allowed to drink 3-4 cups in once ceremony and ended up in psychosis and having to stay for a few extra days to come back to normal a bit. I also heard about ayahuasca being given to a random drunk man who wondered into the retreat (during a san Pedro ceremony) and he ended up running into the jungle at night (he ended up being ok but it seemed incredibly irresponsible). I think if you are in sound mind and you want a taste of ayahuasca this would be good for you. If you want deep healing and are potentially a bit unstable this wouldn't be the safest option.

Also I think its worth mentioning that someone who had schizophrenia in their family was allowed to participate, as well as someone who was suicidal and someone else with bi polar.

Onto the property itself:

The property was beautiful. Right by the river in little shacks. These gave the feel of being immersed in the amazon. I loved sleeping and being able to hear monkeys (although they can make quite a bit of noise as they run across the roof). Unfortunately my hut was right next to the kitchen so I got woken up quite early, however walking down further the bigger huts/houses were in an opening which had so many flowers. They also have cats wondering around which was such a great addition as they were fun to play with - and also hunted some of the spiders. The "Vomiting Centre" as they call it (where we do the ceremonies as well as relax during the day) had bats living in the roof - which didnt bother me except one night where they kept swooping around me and 2 others while we were in the hammocks. They seemed harmless but equally we weren't really informed on how to handle them.

The food was what you could expect - jungle food. It had hunted meat and fish. The food was good although nothing to write home about. They fast so we have food in the morning and about 3pm, however your welcome to get snacks whenever you want.

During my stay there was unfortunately a power outage which ment we had nothing cold, which would have been much appreciated in the jungle heat. This also ment there was no wifi to talk to loved ones. I think this was good initially as the group managed to bond, however in the last day or 2 when the power came back people were more stuck on their phones as they were catching up on messages and doing other work. They had a generator for just under an hour maybe once a day which they had to borrow, as the retreats generator had been broken for 3 months. I think this was bad planning for the retreat, especially due to it being wet season when I arrived and power outages are more common. I know generators aren't cheap however I think wifi is a necessity just to be able to let people at home know you are ok and arrived safe.

Speaking of arriving, our boat there ($18 USD each way) was over 2 hours late taking us to the retreat. During wet season you can also walk or take a significantly cheaper cargo boat. I think it was unfair we got charged the full amount after waiting so long. Also on the boat a lot if bags got wet and it was down to us (the customers) to realise that we needed to scoop some water out. The way back went smoothly, however bags still got a bit wet. Some people brought laptops or other electronics and the fact that the boat would get so wet wasnt communicated.

Overall I think this retreat is a good budget option if you want to trial ayahuasca without going in to deep. You do have to be confident you can take care of yourself during the ceremonies as, personally, I felt a bit abandoned. I also felt this retreat was more suited for men as all the facilitators were men, as well as the resident shaman.

Hope this helps anyone who is thinking of going!

Insights about the meaning of life, God, or the structure of the universe.

I’ve had some very profound insights (check out my last post if you’re curious) and I’d love to know if others have received the same messages!

Full disclosure my wife and I own Ananda Lodge, the retreat center the author refers to. Regardless of that it is still an interesting take on the whole "boom" that she speaks of.

I know there are rare instances where the medicine doesn’t work for someone. However, I was at a ceremony where 2 people had no experience at all, 2 people didn’t have any reaction to it until rounds later (ceremony had three rounds, with largest in round 1). One person immediately got sick from the medicine and didn’t want anymore. Only one person seemed to have a typical reaction. Does this seem normal? I’m wondering if something was wrong with the brew?

Is the medication Memantine contraindicated in taking ayahuasca? I have not found information on this subreddit about this medication (except for people taking high doses of memantine).

I have an negative entity attached to me. Every time I try to meditate or do deep breathing, I just end up aggressively burping which at times can turn into demonic like sounds. Furthermore, if I read out an catholic exorcism pray it seems to really trigger it and the burping becomes super intense and my voice changes. I have taken a video of this and shown it to priests and they have all said it is a demon. However none of them have been able to get rid of it. they have all said I need to identify how it first entered me but I cant remember. I had a nice childhood with good parents and cant recall anything overly traumatic happening to me.

No matter what I do in life, it fails. No matter how much effort I put into my health I cant get healthy, no matter how much effort I put into work I cant make money. I can categorically say I have done everything min my power to try and get healthy but have gotten no where. It has felt like a curse at times and that I have been stripped of free will.

I have done aya about 10 times before and essentially everytime I do it I just puke. The other sort of purge Ive had is a constant deep yawning. From all these ceremonies I only feel about 10% better and I can still feel it with me - its most prevalent around my neck and chest area. The last retreat I was in kicked me out of the ceremony because I was burping too much. No shaman or maestro has ever told me its an entity but they have also all failed to give me significant insight into what is actually going on.

At times it feels impossible to release this thing as it has an incredibly tight grip around my chest - I can quite literally feel it in my bones. So much so it prevented my upper body from properly developing though puberty as my shoulders never broadened. I am 29 years old and about 6ft but my chest is only 30 inches wide, I have looked extensively online and never seen anyone else with a condition like this. No doctor can explain it and the only conclusion I can come to is that whatever this thing is it has kept a grip on me so tightly that my body could not develop properly.

When I have gone into the jungle in the past the symptoms tend to become even more intense and I can feel all these negative energies constantly agitating me which makes going into isolation very difficult. I have never dieted with a master plant however so hoping that may be the missing piece.I have decided to do a dieta this summer to try and finally release this thing. What I want to ask is, which master plant would people most recommend dieting with to deal with something like this? Also how long would someone recommend dieting for to properly release this?

I’m an artist who has had a long-standing interest in spirituality since I was a kid (like many of us :) ). I had a kundalini awakening very young which led me to mindfulness, meditation, fitness, remote viewing practices which I carried up with me until I was 25.

But then at some point I suddenly decided that I just felt too energetically open that it became overwhelming and I shut that part of myself off (I really wish I had connected with more people in the spiritual community rather than just shutting off completely). I then went into this haze of addiction and depression and meaninglessness.

Another formative experience I had, was at 18 my first relationship was with an older Wiccan kazakh artist. I could see that the fast paced world of western modernity really fragmented her and made it difficult to connect with her practice - to a degree that she acted out in very dark abusive ways that really scared me. And so I made a conscious effort to never lose touch with that part of myself, exploring alchemy, Kabbalah, hermeticism all throughout my early 20s.

However at 27 I now feel really dead inside having lost touch with that part of myself. Like I already had a warning shot about how these things would reshape and fragment human consciousness, and I let it happen to me.

I want to do ayahuasca to learn whatever it has to teach me. In my mind, I’d like to reconnect with love, awaken whatever dormant energetic channels have been closed, experience greater creativity and purpose - but am also ultimately up to whatever she has to teach me.

Hi! I’m a F19, sorry if this post is weird =(

I think I’m going through a spiritual awakening. I’m so lost and don’t know where to turn. Could Ayahuasca help?

I dealt with depression when I was 16 and took sertraline for 2 years until I stopped. My mental health got bad again and I live in anger and guilt and regret.

I’ve developed very unhealthy coping mechanisms since I was a child and suffer from very addictive daydreaming. I’m afraid of being beyond help. I’m mostly scrolling through social media and bedrotting, I want to change but I want to know if anyone can give me advice on antidepressants and possible treatments.

I’m kind of afraid of going to therapy and taking meds because of the secondary effects they give, especially acathasia. I always thought the Illuminati and darker side of the elites was conspiracy but since the files came out and all the info on the news I’ve been questioning a lot of things in our society and government and I kind of don’t know what to trust.

I’m so afraid of the alleged surveillance, I came across a lot of conspiracy rabbit holes and I’m really scared because I feel alone in these thoughts, always losing sleep. My family is very far from awaken and kind of stuck in the matrix, all about work, christianity and gaining money. I would sound crazy if I talked to them about this. I’m having major trust issues with fast food, suncreams, skin products and medication now.

I grew up in a christian household but I stopped praying years ago. How can I be sure religion isn’t made up by mankind? Sometimes I even forgot god existed and now idk what to think anymore, I’m afraid of it actually being true and me going against it, I want to save my soul.

What scares me is thinking there is no god to look up to or to protect us, we have to take the matter into our own hands.

The truth is nobody knows the absolute truth and I feel so conflicted, it terrifies me. I want to explore spirituality and the occult but Christians keep saying that is dangerous and I don’t want to mess with the wrong stuff and energies since I already had a bad experience.

(Don’t be mad at me please but I ordered a love spell with blood magic once in my life and paid to get it taken down) to this day I still don’t know how my energy is regarding that because my country does not offer many spiritual treatments and I don’t know who to turn to: reiki, spirituality, Wicca, etc.

(Especially because what I had done was using Brazilian magic so this is specific I guess.)

I’m not a psychic or medium so I can’t mess with energies myself….

I’m also afraid of falling for a big scam again because the two warlocks I went to both said different things.

I’m not sure whether to believe in the kundalini, in spirituality, hinduism, occultism… it’s very confusing for me. I came across this sub and it took a weight out of my chest reading some of the confessions here. It feels really good knowing I am not alone in this and more people have awakened 😊

I want to do shadow work but I’m kind of afraid of facing my darkest side. If I have so many mental health issues what happens when I start going through the process? I’m also terrified of the person finding out what I did since I’m a stranger to him.

I lost a lot of money with that scam and almost ended my life because of it, I think this helped me realize money is a disease.

About this drink “Ayahuasca” I’m not sure I’d be willing to take it, I heard bad reports of manic depression after. Maybe in the future when I’m better mentally. Are there other plant medicine or herbs safer?

Just to be clear I have: ocd, bpd, adhd, and dissassociate a lot due to maladaptive daydreaming which causes me to feel despersonalization/derealism from my body.

I feel like there is no solution.

The biggest issue for me is that I wanted to “fix” this before I started mindfulness and meditation, my mind is always loud and thinking, I’m afraid I would not be able to meditate. I spent the last year at home barely leaving, would it do me better to connect with nature without my cellphone and social media?

I’m very afraid of a coach or a spiritual guide taking advantage of my state to get money :(

Sorry for all these questions 🥹

If you read this thank you 🙏💕

I already shared what happened during my five Ayahuasca ceremonies on my 20 day trip in the Amazon with the Huni Kuin village. What I realize now is that my anxiety has almost completely disappeared, and my overthinking has also dropped a lot, or at least it affects me much less. I feel more spontaneous, I have more self love, and I feel closer to my truth, even if that sometimes makes me less tolerant or more impatient.

At the same time, I also feel more tempted by masturbation and possibly porn. I feel less patient and tolerant in general, and I now want to break up with my girlfriend. I also notice red flags much faster. I do not think I am becoming paranoid, but my intuition feels much stronger now, so sometimes it can look like paranoia even though it does not feel like that internally.

For me, integration is the most important part of Ayahuasca. I am doing breathwork, meditation, and sometimes taking rapé. Since my last ceremony, which was very traumatizing but also very liberating, I feel more easily irritated and more exposed to my old addictions. The difference is that now I am much more aware of them.

During that last ceremony, I had the feeling that some dark force was playing with my traumas. For about two hours, I was thrown into my vomit and making the most demonic faces. After that, a pajé told me that my channel was too open and that I need to close it before doing another Ayahuasca ceremony.

He said this requires 15 days of spiritual work. I do not know whether he is right or whether this is partly business, because of course they are also trying to convince you of certain things. He told me the story of a guy from Australia, and I even spoke to him myself, who had done six Ayahuasca ceremonies and went through something similar to what I experienced. Then he did 15 days of spiritual work with them to close his channel, did two more ceremonies afterward, and supposedly started making much better decisions and was even able to help heal his family. I do not know whether that is true or just a good story.

So I am wondering whether other people here have experienced something similar.

Have you ever felt less anxious and less stuck in overthinking after Ayahuasca, while at the same time becoming more impatient and more tempted by old addictions?
And what do you think about this idea of a 15 day spiritual channel closing process before doing Ayahuasca again?
Does it sound real to you, or does it sound like business nonsense?

My boyfriend wants to do the ritual in Brazil, it can be anywhere, but I would like recommendations of places for those who sought help because of chemical dependence and the ritual helped

I'm looking to do my first ayahuasca retreat. I don't know what I don't know. I know a few people who have done ceremonies but none in Mexico. I'm looking for reputable providers, preferably near major airports (I'll be coming from western Canada, direct flights generally limited to tourist spots: Cancun, Mexico city, cabo, PV etc.

Where/how do I start looking, and what do I need to be aware of to make sure the place is reputable?

Looking for guidance from other Aussies who have lived this experience and can point me in the right direction. I plan to book flights and go and live this and i would like some tips.

This will be my 5th and 6th ceremony sitting with ayahuasca.

Long story short I met someone who facilitates ayahuasca ceremonies in my home town. It was like the universe was pulling strings to get me to meet this person. He invited me this weekend to sit with the medicine again. Which feels like a blessing as I’ve been struggling recently.

I would love to go into detail, but I’ll save it.

So I decided to say yes to the ceremonies this weekend. Especially because I lhad a family die last month on my birthday. All of these little signs the Universe keeps displaying is leading me to sitting with the medicine again.

I obviously have some concerns. That being:

Even though the medicine was brewed in Peru by Shipibo, it feels strange not sitting in a traditional meloka with maestros/as.

I won’t have the option to go outside…I live in a city so the thought of cars isn’t something that seems like I’d be thrilled to hear

I have a very clean diet to begin with, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. I consume caffeine, chicken, tuna, and sometimes dairy. I’m not perfect, but my health does feel good. I would say my biggest concern is the diet. Last time I sat with aya I held a strict diet one month prior to ceremonies.

I’m not really looking for advice unless you feel like sharing a person experience that spontaneously guided you to sit with Aya with little to no preparation.

My life is feeling chaotic with the passing of my Uncle. And last night in my dream he was trying to communicate.

It’s been 7 months since my last ceremonies in Peru, sometimes I question if it’s too soon…but I gotta say, with everything that’s happened in the last week, I feel genuinely pulled back to the arms of Ayahuasca. Even if it is in the States.

During my last Ayahuasca ceremony, I asked to understand and grasp the profound realities of Life and the Universe.

Here are the various lessons and realizations the plant led me to see, as well as the knowledge I already held that she confirmed:

1. The Nature of God (The Flow)

• God is not an entity: It is not an external judge or a "grandfather in the clouds." It is an infinite flow, a consciousness-energy that flows everywhere, through all things, experiencing the entire diversity of possible forms and realities.
• Immanence: This flow is just as much in the atom of your finger as it is in a galaxy or a game of Mario Kart. Everything is "God" having an experience.
• The Source Code: Reality is structured by fractal geometry and a "code" (symbolized by the snake or DNA) that contains all the intelligence of the living world.

2. The Cycle of the Soul

• Reincarnation as a Breath: It is not a punishment or a rule; it is the natural movement of the flow. We inhale (we incarnate), we exhale (we return to the source).
• Densification: The soul does not evolve to "become better"; it densifies through experience. It accumulates "layers" of lived reality until it reaches a critical mass of love, then returns to point zero to begin again.
• Eternity: You cannot disappear. If humanity goes extinct, you will simply change form (plant, animal, wind, or pure consciousness). The fear of death is a human illusion; human reincarnation is merely one means of exploration for Consciousness-Energy among many others.
• The Unique Substance: All souls are made of the same texture: pure and unconditional Love. No one is superior or inferior. A criminal, a sage, a genius, or an ignorant person all have the exact same fundamental value because they share the same nature.

3. The Ego and Self-Forgetfulness

• The Tool of Incarnation: The ego is what allows you to say "I," to eat, to speak, and to play Mario Kart. The lesson is to stop taking it seriously and instead use it as temporary clothing to live the human experience. It is a costume; behind it remains pure consciousness.
• The Joy of Ego-Absence: Being the best, becoming rich, endlessly analyzing your wounds, or striving to be "perfect" does not bring happiness. True happiness emerges when the ego fades to make room for connection. When you are with others, focusing on what you give—how to help and love others, life, and animals—when you are immersed in deep joy, dance, laughter, compassion, and your passions, you are truly alive. The less you are focused on the "self," the more space you have to live in a visceral sense. Perhaps this is the profound meaning of human incarnation.

Feel free to share your experiences; I would be happy to see if you felt and integrated opposite truths or if the plant showed you similar things!

I am a bright, good-looking young woman, but I struggle with emotions and disregulated nervous system. Since I have known of myself, I have felt like the odd one out, and this went hand in hand with my social experiences. When I got to teen-age, I started to experience severe stress due to strong emotions, which I handled by self-harming, and have started to feel su1c1dal, due to stress. I have learned to manage this, live this way, but not successfully, I guess, because when I reached adulthood, IBS hit me and made me feel like a disabled person. I manage this now as well. I think I am neurodiverse, but it doesn't matter for this post. Don't want to self-loathe, but need to give a short background (or LOR, have learned this term recently :))

Anyway, I am a deep person, fascinated by mystery, the meaning of life, an artistic soul. Since I am bright and good-looking, as I said, people always assumed I was doing fine, and never took me seriously about my suffering (yes, being bright and good-looking makes people perceive you as a successful person). This also happened in the Aya community I was part of. People would give me compliments like -you are beautiful and smart, you can do whatever you set your mind to! I hated this because the truth is, I cannot do so many things. I do tell people about my struggles, but they always seem to forget or not believe me, because I look like I'm doing fine.

I have spent my life trying to feel better. Firstly, by myself, then I started seeing a psychologist. I never wanted to take antidepressants because I didn't want to be 'one of those' and also because, participating in alternative communities, I was under the influence that Western medicine is pure evil.

My last attempt was to help myself through the sacred medicine. I participated actively in ceremonies for 2 years. My first encounter with the spiritual world, deities, aliens, astral sphere, oneness was through mushrooms. I took a small dose, but somehow the veil opened, and I got catapulted into the spirit world. When I continued with Aya, I was mostly returning to these spheres. Apart from the difficulty (mostly it was difficult), I remembered where my soul truly lived, I met all my spiritual family there, I remembered my divinity, I was blessed and bathed in truth, I have heard God's voice through me, it was beautiful, you all know how beautiful that is, my God! It was all beautiful, but I have not changed, in psychological terms. I have grown wiser, but my initial (emotional) struggles remained. I think that is just the way I am.

Anyway, you know that phrase - when you get the message, hung up the phone.

The last ceremony I have participated in, I got the message clearly. But I need to tell you something- I have had to control the experience. Every time I give up control I get catapulted into these abstract spiritual realms, where I come back confused and disturbed, but this time, I was guiding the experience and Aya supported me. I have drunk Aya enough times to get familiarised with how she works in me, and I was confident to make this move. She showed me how to do shadow work. The message I hung up the phone on was- You have to (or better said- You have the ability to) accept yourself fully. Thinking back now, I managed to integrate almost all the aspects of me I connected to that night, except for one- the version of me that is crying relentlessly and doesn't want to live. I have just sat with her, witnessing and feeling her pain, crying with her. But I couldn't understand why.

Fast forward to today, 2 years later. I have taken responsibility for my life, my destiny, at least I'm trying. I have enrolled in Uni with the intention to do work that has meaning and makes me feel valued. I am halfway there. I have started strong, but the stress of this tempo and my poor coping mechanism is taking a toll on me. I am not part of the Aya community since I have grown cynical of many narratives in their new age agenda.

I decided to give antidepressants a go a couple of months ago. I can tell you, they will dull the emotions down and make it easier, but the behavioural aspect is something you (I) have to do on my own. I didn't change my behaviour, and I feel miserable again. It is my fault, and it is not my fault either. It is my responsibility tho.

I told my GP about feeling su1c1dal... I have blurted it out by accident (or not). The truth is, I often feel like this. This is the truth. This was the truth when I was participating in ceremonies, as well. I have felt like this for a long time. I am not planning to do anything about it, but it lives in my mind.

I got attention. She recognised my suffering. I feel seen. The crying girl was touched. I guess I had to say the magic word. However, now I need to go to the psychiatric ER and tell them what I told her. On one hand, I feel scared, as I am entering the belly of the 'evil Western medical system'; on the other hand, I feel I might get support. I may not have to struggle so much alone. This would be nice. It's a twisted way of receiving love. I am dying for some. I will try the medication they suggest.

This is an unknown territory for me. I find it ironic how sacred medicine has given me the courage to try taking this path. Usually, people go to Aya disappointed in the psychiatric system, but with me, the other way around. I have grown confident in my decision-making ability, and I am not afraid that they will take my autonomy in deciding about my mental health. I am not giving my destiny into the hands of the doctors, but I am collaborating with them. Something I wouldn't have been able to do in the past. Wish me luck! Thank you for reading