Feeling more tempted by my old addictions
I already shared what happened during my five Ayahuasca ceremonies on my 20 day trip in the Amazon with the Huni Kuin village. What I realize now is that my anxiety has almost completely disappeared, and my overthinking has also dropped a lot, or at least it affects me much less. I feel more spontaneous, I have more self love, and I feel closer to my truth, even if that sometimes makes me less tolerant or more impatient.
At the same time, I also feel more tempted by masturbation and possibly porn. I feel less patient and tolerant in general, and I now want to break up with my girlfriend. I also notice red flags much faster. I do not think I am becoming paranoid, but my intuition feels much stronger now, so sometimes it can look like paranoia even though it does not feel like that internally.
For me, integration is the most important part of Ayahuasca. I am doing breathwork, meditation, and sometimes taking rapé. Since my last ceremony, which was very traumatizing but also very liberating, I feel more easily irritated and more exposed to my old addictions. The difference is that now I am much more aware of them.
During that last ceremony, I had the feeling that some dark force was playing with my traumas. For about two hours, I was thrown into my vomit and making the most demonic faces. After that, a pajé told me that my channel was too open and that I need to close it before doing another Ayahuasca ceremony.
He said this requires 15 days of spiritual work. I do not know whether he is right or whether this is partly business, because of course they are also trying to convince you of certain things. He told me the story of a guy from Australia, and I even spoke to him myself, who had done six Ayahuasca ceremonies and went through something similar to what I experienced. Then he did 15 days of spiritual work with them to close his channel, did two more ceremonies afterward, and supposedly started making much better decisions and was even able to help heal his family. I do not know whether that is true or just a good story.
So I am wondering whether other people here have experienced something similar.
Have you ever felt less anxious and less stuck in overthinking after Ayahuasca, while at the same time becoming more impatient and more tempted by old addictions?
And what do you think about this idea of a 15 day spiritual channel closing process before doing Ayahuasca again?
Does it sound real to you, or does it sound like business nonsense?