r/AskAutism

Hey guys, I have a question.

I’m thinking about buying Loop earplugs. I’m mainly looking for noise reduction for being in public places like shopping malls, walking outside, restaurants, cafés, etc. I still want to be able to have conversations sometimes, but also have more quiet when I’m alone.

That’s why I’ve been looking into the Loop Switch 2, but I’m not sure if they’re the right choice for me.

One issue I have is that earphones tend to fall out of my ears. I’ve tried AirPods (both regular and the ones with silicone tips), and they always fall out. It’s not that they feel loose — if anything, they feel kind of too tight, and then they just end up coming out anyway. I don’t know if that means I have small ear canals or something like that.

So I’m worried that Loop earplugs might also fall out, and if they do, then obviously they won’t work for me.

If anyone has experience with that, I’d really appreciate your input.

Also, how much noise reduction do the Switch 2 actually provide in real life? And are there maybe better alternatives than the Switch 2 for what I’m looking for?

Again, I don’t need complete silence — I just want to reduce background noise and overstimulation as much as possible while still being able to talk to people when needed.

Hello, I am an autistic man, diagnosed at age 30, I am 33 years old. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 years, she is 35 years old, and possible ADHD, not diagnosed.

Thing is, she wants to have a baby in the future, I am undecided, not my priority, but not saying no. I am still working in building my own home, I am an architect, late bloomer one. She still lives with her mother, she is an artist and teacher. It really is up to me to give us a home of our own.

But, she says she wants her own place, not to share it, has talked about having something like Frida Khalo and Diego Rivera´s house studio, two places into one site. That is one thing.

The other thing, she is worried about having to deal with an autistic kid, more if the kid is non verbal. I didn´t speak until I was four, couldn´t tie my shoes until 5, worked against dislexia, I even had drooling until 4. I had to work so hard, without being diagnosed for 30 years, to overcome my own challenges and become independent, have a career, being social, mask like bloody Batman and work as an architect.

She doesn´t want to have a kid with me, not from me, she says she doesn´t want to take the risk of giving up her career and goals for taking care full time for an autistic child, even I am there to raise the child together. I say, if we have an austitic child, I am better prepared than any other person to know him/her.

She wants to know, what are the statistics, the probability, of having an autistic child, if it is too high or low, being her 35 years old and I 33, I being diagnosed, if the chances are low, she says she may think about it, if not, she prefer that I have a vasectomy, and I agree.

Do you think that age and genes are a big factor into it?

Me and the autisic person that I clicked with. For some odd reason. When I am near him now, I can feel a buzz of energy on my skin. Depending if he’s making eye contact with me. Where he looks, it can go to my chest or to my face. Has anyone else felt that with their friend, partner or safe person that you click with. I’m trying to understand this. I’m autism and adhd. I know I’m under stress due to my sister health issues. But these sensations is a whole new territory for me.

I have developed I'd say a pretty close bond with a coworker who has autism. I'm neurodivergent, but I don't have autism.

I think I know him pretty well by now. He's very literal most times and tends to take me very literally. My communication style is very... indirect. I like to use sarcasm and irony regularly. Sometimes he feels the need to clarify certain things that shock me. Those clarifications make me question wether he understands me in general or just pretends to most of the time to keep the conversation flowing.

I know he is masking around me. The idea makes me perhaps a bit nervous because it makes me feel like he isn't being genuine.

Although there are plenty of other, less ambiguous markers of us having a close bond (he makes time for me, access, cares about my problems, is very supportive, shares things with me) I'm questioning wether him masking and often times maybe "pretending" to understand me means we aren't actually as close as I'd like to think.

Hi there! I'm writing a paper about how dancing can be beneficial to folks with autism. For me it's one of the most important things I do to cope with the world as an autistic. It allows a space for me to connect with my body, and helps with my communication skills.

Have you tried dance? How has the practice been beneficial to you?

Hii, I'm currently working on a research project to propose an app for the neurodivergent community.

Are there any visual or other triggers I should be aware of to avoid in the design? Also looking for advice on rules to put in the policy to keep it a safe and supportive forum for the community.

Any answer is appreciated! Thank you!

(I'm somewhat aware that the colours should be not too bright, and the spacing and text size should be customisable, text-to-speech and speech-to-text is also planned)

42F married to 43M. I have ADHD and my husband is autistic.

We have had an on-going issue in our 10 year relationship where I feel like I’m not treated as a whole human being. I consistently feel my needs, wants, emotions, and thoughts are ignored or argued to death in favor of the “correct” need/want/emotion/thought that my partner has identified.

We have been discussing this for years - my partner acknowledges that this dynamic is mostly on him (of course we both contribute in some ways as with any dysfunction in a relationship). we are both in individual therapy and are planning to go to couples therapy. we did briefly go to couples therapy previously- which seemed like a positive thing but in practice my spouse doesn’t actually implement any of the suggestions. He just talks about how he will, how he gets it now, how it’s important to him that we be able to communicate but then when the moment actually arises to use his newly learned skills he implements none of them. He’s tried making lists (that he doesn’t check), taking breaks, and using a rubber band on his wrist reminder.

I feel so alone, dishearten, and uncared for. This is killing my emotional and physical intimacy with a man I love deeply and want to be with.

But it doesn’t seem to get better. In a more minor example from today I tried 5 times to tell him how I was feeling about an event that had happened in our life recently - an event that we both experienced but was not related directly to our relationship. He did not respond, other than to smile and nod (while I was deeply distressed). Because we’ve talked about emotional support and valuing my opinions so many times, including what kinds of things I’m looking for, I then tried repeatedly to ask for these things. Mostly by saying “I've shared a lot about what happened and how I feel, are there thoughts and feelings you could share in respons?”

I got nothing. A minor example but one that happens in every aspect of our communication. And it’s killing our relationship.

I also have an autistic sibling who I grew up in the same house with.

Im at a loss at what else to do. Please help!!!! I’m broken hearted.

He is not violent or physically abusive, but he is easily overstimulated and has a tendency to yell and become demanding as a response to the normal chaos of kids. It’s not his actions that she fears—it’s the emotional tension we experience trying to meet his sensory needs (spotless house, physical distance, minimal noise, etc.)

For example, the kids might be having fun bouncing around dancing to a YouTube video, and he doesn’t like the noise, so he comes in and starts yelling at them and forcing them to do chores as a punishment for being too loud. He’s a total Grinch, constantly raining on their parade, and he doesn’t seem to see or care how it’s affecting their relationship.

I don’t know how to address this issue because I have to walk on eggshells around him, too. When I try to bring it up, he becomes very hostile and defensive. In response, the kids and I grow increasingly detached. It’s a toxic dynamic, and he doesn’t seem to see or care about his role in it. He feels completely justified in his behavior and most comfortable withdrawing into his TV or phone with minimal effort to repair after these outbursts.

I think for a long time he masked these types of responses/impulses, but the stress of fatherhood made it harder for him to do. We have gone to three different couples therapists. He masks very well in their offices and it’s been a waste of money as these conversations have remained unproductive in fostering empathy/communication, etc.

Any advice from folks who’ve walked a mile in his shoes—I’d really appreciate from the bottom of my heart. I see him behavior as a cry for help.

Adhdr here, i’ve been browsing a lot of autism subs and tiktok’s. Honestly what i have seen has flabbergasted me. I understand being neurodivergent (again i’m adhd cptsd have depression and anxiety). Why is there so much non understanding, so much hateful speak. I have been bullied too but it gets to a point. Also especially in friendships of not taking accountability for how words can hurt. My adhd rage can CUT LIKE A KNIFE. but why do o see so many people on (i mean i guess it is reddit lol) just refusing to acknowledge and discrediting the feeling of the non autistic person. Not trying to be hateful but yikes

He tends to use apps on an iPhone also but limited. He does not have food aversions but prefers tenders and nuggets. The problem is he asks for meals like he’s starving. When meal is provided he just lets it sit there. He will repeat this until the mountain of food is at a ridiculous level. He piles bags of chips and cookies on several plates also. Eventually he will sit and start eating he doesn’t finish it all but gets mad if we want to throw it away at the end of the day. He does the same with drinks. Has about 5 glasses of various beverages that go to waste because he only drinks about half of one glass. He lines up the empty bottles and cans until there’s no more space to place them on the table. When we go out to eat he’ll grab food from other people’s plates to pile up on top of his. He also waits to eat until we get back home to start his usual routine of piling up the food. He doesn’t pile up anything else except his fidget toys that mostly consists of Lego pieces. They have to be tiny and colorful. Doctors have tried different meds to help with OCD ADHD ETC but alas here we are still.

I think this is more of an advice needed post, but I need more advice about my husband than my son.

My husband and son (4) are both autistic and most likely adhd. Myself and my daughter (2) are not (at least I don’t suspect yet that she is).

While at work today, my husband and as home with both kids (after my son was done school at 11:30) and my mother was over to help as well. I don’t work very often, I am just per diem, but have worked more so far this month while my husband is out of work post-surgery.

I get a text from him saying “I think our son is a trigger for me. He whines and whines and he stims and just is constantly biting his nails and I just get mad and yell and spiral. I feel like I can’t be around him when he’s like this”

Now, I know we can all raise our voices at our kids sometimes and I know I try not to and I’m sure many of you are the same, but sometimes we slip up, as humans do. But when my husband yells, he yells, and he storms off and if it’s me he’s yelling at (which he has done in front of the kids) he will curse and slam doors.

I know he would never physically hurt my children, but the text just is racing through my mind. How am I supposed to ever feel ok going to work? Going for a pedicure? All I wanted to do for Mother’s Day was take myself to the antique store because I really don’t get out of the house on my own much.

How can I help my husband help himself through these situations? because, despite his neurodivergence, he is still a parent and will need to be alone with our son.

My question involves finding myself constantly pretending to not already know things and finding that others struggle with concepts that are easy for me to avoid insulting people. I'm not sure if I'm "smart" or if I'm in an environment that makes me feel that way. I don't know yet if I want to stay or if I need to find another environment.

I was always considered challenged, but I was homeschooled by parents who prefer to spend their time studying, have an exceptionally bright sister, only socialized in a nice church, and am dyslexic with auditory processing disorder.

I tested 111 IQ as a child, but I don't really care about that test and I feel like it is limited. I was tested because I have learning disorders.

My whole upbringing, I accepted that I had learning disorders, that I would have to work harder for everything, and that my potential was limited. I held the belief that I was not competent enough for any college education, but I recently took the leap to start nursing school because I hope to shift careers, because I needed a break from work, and because I could get housing assistance if I were a full time student. I expected that I may fail, but I wanted to give it a try.

Before starting school, I was in the boondocks, far into the woods and away from society.

Now that I'm in Scranton, Pennsylvania (where "The Office" is about) and in nursing school I find that I am a straight A student, most of my class is struggling, and everyone seems uneducated and emotionally stunted.

What happened? Is it unhealthy to be in an unchallenging environment? Where can I find a more challenging one?

My long term goal is to start a small farming community for people who are Deaf or fluent in ASL to live a lifestyle I'm happier with and to manufacture a workplace that uses ASL, my preferred language to use. I would like to reach a point where there could be dorms for young workers and a house for around 5 to 7 elderly to live with a resident nurse or rotating staff. That's just a dream and I may never have the resources to start, not to mention it's difficult to manage people.

I guess my less specific goal is to live a peaceful and happy life free of drama, and not to need to pretend to dumb myself down.

As the title says he is autistic he thinks whatever his way of thinking is right he will start a fight with me or my friends if we differ.
When he plays a game and he is losing he starts yelling and wailing then he starts yelling at me
Its like walking on egg shells he constantly says i am acting like a victim treating him like he abuses me.
I generally don’t like yelling but when he yells at the top of his lungs i freeze and he says iam acting like an abuse victim making him a bad person and making him feel bad.
If theirs any minor inconvenience at work at house even by our pets he lashes out on me.
Is there any way i can get him to stop yelling at me
He always apologises an hour or so later but that hour is the worst hour of my life i get panicked and stressed with everything.
Also he keeps saying i am insecure about myself idk is it because of it or i am just overthinking and overwhelmed

My wife (F27) is highly suspected to be on the spectrum, although we have no official diagnosis (takes like 5 years where we live), she is diagnosed with ADHD however this particular issue seems to be much more autism related.

Basically without any real cause or trigger either of us can discern she goes into "shutdown-mode" sometimes for a week or two where she closes off to me emotionally. She's recognized she does this (brought it up herself) and can't recall any specific triggers or causes.

I'm unsure if her work collegues have witnessed this or not, and she doesn't really have friends outside of a recent online friend group we both joined. Her parents have definitely seen this however.

I just can't seem to pull her out of these shutdowns, I just try to be positive and not pushy, invite her to do stuff like go on walks or dates with me, and even when she accepts you can tell she isn't really "there". They don't seem to coincide with her cycle at all either.

She can recognize when she's in one but we don't know how to get her out, which causes her to feel guilty about shutting down. I don't think much into it myself unless I suspect I was the cause.

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I'm never good with people. I was never good with people. I can pretend as much as I can with being sociable to people because I ask them what they like and what happened about them and people seem to like that.

I don't know how to react to banter or even know how to banter. Whenever people do that I feel like I'm a target because I'm looked down upon because of my autism and I feel like people can "sniff" it out that reminds me of how rough it was during high school.

Now I'm in my 30s and I basically work in Finance in Wealth Management. I feel like the reason I was good at it is because I'm very task-oriented and I follow instructions or requests well. I feel determined to solve whatever my client has a problem with. Help them make money, help them save money, or find the source of fraud or error. I have a strong sense of justice and integrity which is why I became one of the best at what I do.

Man do I suck with getting along with coworkers though. I am not competitive at all. I only compete against myself. I feel like this happened in all my jobs from my entry level retail jobs til now. Every office I left they were kinda grateful a little that I'm gone now in a way. Bosses didn't exactly like me too. And they just thought I was trying to one up them.

I don't know how to resolve this issue and how to learn.

i have a lot of autistic traits but im not autistic. i find a lot of comfort in autistic communities because nobody else understands hand flapping, hyperfixating, and executive dysfunction. is there anywhere to go for people like me? or is it ok for me to be in autistic spaces?

I scored 41 on this website's test: https://aspergerstest.net/aq-test/

How reliable is this test? I suspect I have autism, and is there an online platform to help me resolve my doubts?

Hi everyone,

I have a female friend with AuDHD and I try to educate myself and understand the struggles. She doesn't feel like talking about it that much, because I can get a little bit too curious about it. That's why I'm here.

We are really good friends, but confined to online activities due to distance. I've tried multiple times to offer some activities, but it feels like I can only capture her attention through some video games, she's fixated on. She recently started an online relationship with a friend I introduced her to and now she's basically no longer available for anything. She says I only need to buy the same games, she's obsessed with and then I'd get more of her time. Now my problem is, I'm on a tight budget and I can't follow her in every game she likes. I'm really sad about it, but after some chats about it, I don't think she's getting it.

Do you have any idea, how I could improve the situation for her or make it more comfortable to hang out with me again? She claims, I didn't do anything wrong, but she's my only friend and we haven't done any activity for over a month now.