u/Remarkable_Stage2334

I’ve had an online friend for a while, and for months we talked literally every day. Things were genuinely close and consistent. Around Christmas, I mentioned that I’d be interning in her city and casually said maybe we could grab coffee sometime.

After that, something changed.

She became distant almost immediately. The weird part is she never fully stopped talking to me either. For the last six months, she’s still sent me one thing every single day, but the friendship itself feels completely different now. We don’t actually talk like we used to, and I constantly feel like I’m stuck in limbo.

I already tried giving her an easy out once. I basically told her it was okay if she didn’t want to keep talking anymore, but she never really answered the question directly. She also never fully disappeared.

That’s what’s messing with me the most. The daily contact feels like just enough to keep me emotionally invested, but not enough for me to feel secure in the friendship anymore. The mixed signals and uncertainty have honestly been wrecking my mental health for months.

Now I’m debating whether to send one final message saying something like: Do you still want to keep talking? I know I already asked before, but it’s been a long time and things still feel different. If this friendship isn’t something you want anymore, that’s okay I’d just rather know honestly instead of continuing in this in between space.

Part of me thinks sending that would only make things awkward or pressure her into a conversation she clearly doesn’t want to have. Another part of me feels like just disappearing or blocking her without saying anything would be harsh and unfair.

My original plan was honestly to block her and move on, but other people keep telling me I should try one last time first.

So WIBTA if I sent the message? Or would I be better off quietly letting this friendship go at this point?

Soft ghosting honestly sucks, and I feel like people would react differently if the genders were reversed

I had an online friend I talked to every single day for months. We were genuinely close, or at least I thought we were. Around Christmas, something shifted after I mentioned I’d be interning in her city and casually suggested we grab coffee sometime.

Ever since then, she’s slowly pulled away. We barely talk anymore, but she still sends me one random thing every day a meme, a TikTok, a video, whatever. Just enough contact to keep the connection technically alive while emotionally feeling completely distant.

Honestly, it feels like soft ghosting. Like someone slowly fading you out while making sure they never fully disappear. And it’s been going on for SIX MONTHS now.

The thing that’s really getting to me is how people react when I talk about it. I feel like because I’m a man and she’s a woman, people keep encouraging me to “be patient,” “give her space,” “she might just be busy,” or “don’t block her, that’s harsh.”

But I genuinely feel like if the genders were reversed if a woman posted about a guy emotionally withdrawing for months while breadcrumbing her with daily messages just enough to keep her attached people would immediately tell her to cut him off and protect her peace.

And honestly? I don’t even blame people for that reaction, because this dynamic does feel unhealthy. It’s confusing, emotionally draining, and keeps you stuck in a constant state of uncertainty.

I already gave her an out months ago and told her it was okay if she didn’t want to talk anymore. She didn’t take it, but she also never came back emotionally either. So now I’m just stuck in this weird limbo where I feel guilty for wanting to block her even though this whole thing has been wrecking my mental health for months.

I’m just exhausted. I wish people understood that soft ghosting can hurt a lot more than a clean goodbye sometimes.

That feels horrible to admit because for a long time she meant so much to me. We were online fandom friends, and for months we talked constantly every day, multiple times a day. She became part of my routine, part of my thoughts, part of my life in a way I never expected an online friendship to become. And maybe that’s why this hurts so much now.

Somewhere around Christmas, things changed. At first, I convinced myself it was my fault. I had told her I’d be interning in her city, and I asked if she knew any good comic book stores around there. Eventually I even casually suggested we could check one out together sometime. It felt harmless to me at the time. Friendly. Normal.

But after that conversation, something shifted. Not immediately things were normal for another day or two but then she slowly became distant. Cold in a way I still can’t fully explain.

The weirdest part is that she never fully disappeared. She still sends me one thing every day. A meme, a video, something random. Just enough contact to keep me emotionally attached, but never enough to feel close anymore. It’s like watching someone slowly leave your life while making sure the door never fully closes. And honestly, I think that’s what broke me the most.

If she had just left completely, maybe I could’ve grieved it properly. Maybe I could’ve accepted it and moved on. But instead I’ve spent months trapped in this in between space, trying to understand what changed, wondering if I did something wrong, replaying conversations in my head over and over.

I even gave her an out at one point. I told her that if she didn’t want to talk anymore, that it was okay. I meant it sincerely. I didn’t want her to feel obligated to stay connected to me. But she never took the out either. She just… stayed halfway present. And the longer this has gone on, the more I’ve realized how much it’s affecting me mentally.

What makes this harder is that she once helped me through one of the darkest periods of my life. I genuinely don’t know if I’d still be here without her. Because of that, part of me feels deeply grateful to her, maybe always will. But another part of me feels trapped by that gratitude, like I can’t let go even though this connection has slowly become painful for both of us.

What confuses me most is that the rest of my life is actually going well. I got the internship. I’m building my future. I’m doing things people said I’d never accomplish. I have friends, goals, opportunities.

But somehow this one person still has this emotional hold on me, and I hate how much power that gives her over my thoughts, even if she doesn’t realize she has it.

I keep trying to rationalize everything. Maybe she only ever wanted this to stay online. Maybe meeting in real life made things too real for her. Maybe she’s avoidant. Maybe she feels guilty. Maybe she cares but not in the same way anymore. But at the end of the day, none of those explanations change the outcome. I’m exhausted.

And sometimes I wish I had never met her because then I wouldn’t know what it feels like to slowly lose someone who never fully leaves. I wouldn’t know what it feels like to become emotionally stuck between gratitude, attachment, confusion, hope, resentment, and grief all at once. I don’t hate her. I don’t even think she’s a bad person. I just think meeting her changed me in ways I’m still trying to recover from.

So for context and transparency, I’m a man and she’s a woman, and we became online fandom friends. For months, we talked multiple times a day sharing memes, videos, random thoughts, daily life stuff, all of it. She genuinely became one of the most important people in my life.

Around Christmas, though, something changed, and I’ve been trying to figure out ever since whether I’m overthinking things or whether this dynamic has actually become unhealthy.

Part of why I blame myself is because around that time I told her I had landed a photography internship in her city. I asked her if she knew any good comic book stores there because I’m into comics, and the conversation went completely normally. At one point I casually said:

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She didn’t react negatively at all. She kept asking questions about the internship, congratulated me, and the conversation stayed friendly and upbeat. Things even continued normally for another couple of days afterward. But then suddenly, she became distant.

Before this, we talked constantly. Afterward, it turned into her mostly sending me one thing a day usually a meme, video, or random post but barely engaging beyond that. It’s now been like five months of this weird half friendship.

What confuses me is that she never fully leaves. She keeps the connection alive just enough that I don’t know how I’m supposed to interpret it. It feels like I’m being both pushed away and kept around at the same time.

About two months into this, I even tried to give her an easy out. I told her directly that if she didn’t want to talk anymore, or didn’t want me sending her things anymore, that it was completely okay and I wouldn’t be upset. I genuinely meant it because I didn’t want her to feel trapped or obligated. But she never took the out. She still sends me something every single day.

At this point, I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. Part of me wonders if inviting her to hang out in person made things weird for her. Another part of me wonders if I’m massively overanalyzing normal behavior because I got emotionally attached.

The thing is, if she just told me directly that she wanted space or didn’t want to continue the friendship, I would respect it completely. It would hurt, but at least it would be clear. What’s really messing with me is the ambiguity.

And before anyone asks: no, I did not move to her city because of her. I was already going through background checks and paperwork for this internship before I even realized she lived there. I came here because it’s an incredible opportunity for my photography career.

What makes all of this harder is that she did genuinely help me through an extremely dark period in my life (unknowingly) at one point, so there’s a lot of emotional attachment and gratitude tied up in this friendship.

But honestly, this situation has started affecting my mental health. The constant uncertainty and mixed signals have slowly been eating at me, and I can feel myself getting more depressed the longer it continues. So I guess my question is: Am I overthinking this, or does this actually sound emotionally unhealthy/toxic?

Because I genuinely can’t tell anymore whether this is just a fading friendship I’m struggling to let go of, or whether this dynamic itself has become damaging.

TL;DR:
Online woman friend and I used to talk constantly for months. After I mentioned I’d be interning in her city and casually suggested hanging out sometime, she suddenly became emotionally distant. For the past five months, she barely talks to me but still sends me one thing every day. I even gave her an easy out and told her she didn’t have to keep talking to me if she didn’t want to, but she never took it. The mixed signals and uncertainty are starting to seriously affect my mental health, and I can’t tell if I’m overthinking or if this dynamic has become toxic/unhealthy.

I think it’s time for me to find a way to end this…this whole thing between us. I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us anymore. Even if we’re only online friends, I think we’ve become toxic for each other in ways neither of us wants to admit. You can’t seem to let go, and honestly, neither can I.

Something has to change, and as hard as it is to say, I think I know what I need to do. I’m going to block you, not out of hate or anger, but because I think it’s the only way we’ll finally be able to let go and move on.”

I think it’s time for me to find a way to end this this whole thing between us. I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us anymore. Even if we’re only online friends, I think we’ve become toxic for each other in ways neither of us wants to admit. You can’t seem to let go, and honestly, neither can I.

Something has to change, and as hard as it is to say, I think I know what I need to do. I’m going to block you, not out of hate or anger, but because I think it’s the only way we’ll finally be able to let go and move on.

I feel like the title sums it up, but I genuinely don’t know what to do here.

There’s this person in my life friend, enemy, acquaintance, I honestly don’t even know what to call her anymore who happens to live in the same city where I came for an internship. I know that sounds like a crazy coincidence, but it’s true.

At one point, I invited her out for coffee because I got the impression she wanted me to. After that, everything shifted. She started gray rocking me being distant, unresponsive, giving me nothing emotionally but at the same time breadcrumbing me just enough to keep me from fully letting go. So I’m stuck in this weird loop where I don’t know if she wants distance or connection.

For context, she did save my life at one point, so there’s a lot of built up gratitude there that makes it really hard for me to just walk away or cut her off. At the same time, this has been going on for months, and it’s honestly starting to take a toll on my mental health.

I keep thinking: if she wants it to be over, I’d respect that. I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t just leave instead of doing both.

I guess what I’m asking is:

• What does it usually mean when someone is both gray-rocking and breadcrumbing?
• Is this actually a mixed signal situation?
• And most importantly, what would you do in my position?

I don’t even fully understand why this bothers me as much as it does but it really does.

I feel like the title sums it up, but I genuinely don’t know what to do here.

There’s this person in my life friend, enemy, acquaintance, I honestly don’t even know what to call her anymore who happens to live in the same city where I came for an internship. I know that sounds like a crazy coincidence, but it’s true.

At one point, I invited her out for coffee because I got the impression she wanted me to. After that, everything shifted. She started gray rocking me being distant, unresponsive, giving me nothing emotionally but at the same time breadcrumbing me just enough to keep me from fully letting go. So I’m stuck in this weird loop where I don’t know if she wants distance or connection.

For context, she did save my life at one point, so there’s a lot of built up gratitude there that makes it really hard for me to just walk away or cut her off. At the same time, this has been going on for months, and it’s honestly starting to take a toll on my mental health.

I keep thinking: if she wants it to be over, I’d respect that. I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t just leave instead of doing both.

I guess what I’m asking is:

• What does it usually mean when someone is both gray-rocking and breadcrumbing?
• Is this actually a mixed signal situation?
• And most importantly, what would you do in my position?

I don’t even fully understand why this bothers me as much as it does but it really does.

AIO?

TL;DR: Someone I know is both gray-rocking (cold/distant) and breadcrumbing me (inconsistent attention), and it’s been messing with my head for months.

I mean, the title kind of says it all but what does it actually mean to be both gray stoned and breadcrumbed at the same time?

There’s this person call her a friend, enemy, acquaintance, whatever who happens to live in the same city where I came for an internship. I know, it sounds like a wild coincidence, but it’s genuinely true.

At one point, I invited her out for coffee because I got the impression she wanted me to. But after that, things got weird. She started gray stoning me like, being distant, unresponsive, emotionally flat while also breadcrumbing me just enough to keep me from fully letting go.

It’s confusing, and honestly, I’m exhausted. It’s been months of this back-and-forth, and it’s really started to take a toll on my mental health. I keep trying to make sense of it, replaying everything in my head, looking for some kind of answer or clarity.

Throwaway account.

I’ve talked about this before: my online friend the one who made me feel like a creep and how I was seriously considering blocking her. What I didn’t really talk about is this part: she’s kind of started talking to me again.

Before I made that original post, I had actually come to terms with everything. I figured I’d misunderstood what the whole situation meant to her, and I made peace with that. It sucked, but I accepted it. I was okay just fading into the background, being someone she used to talk to. But then she came back, acting like nothing had changed.

She’s reacting to my videos the way she used to. She replies sometimes, and even responds when I respond back. It’s not constant maybe one interaction a day but honestly, I’m the same way lately because of everything going on in my life. So I can’t really fault her for that.

What’s messing with me is that I was finally starting to move on. I was getting myself back together, letting go of the idea of her. And now that she’s back, it’s like all of that progress just stalled. It feels like an addict getting a fix after trying to quit.

I haven’t crossed any lines I haven’t asked to hang out, haven’t offered anything like a free park day or coffee. I’ve been careful. But still, it’s got my mind spinning again. I keep wondering what changed after six months.

And honestly, I still feel kind of pathetic about all of it. I wish I could just let it go like I have before, but this feels different for some reason.