u/Mountain_Ask_5746

For instance, I’ve come across some very socially unaware profiles (from the prompt to the photo) and then having conversations with them is equally as painful…and their job is a Therapist. You’d think therapist have done so much inner work and have good communication, and social awareness.

Or it’ll be someone who is just a jerk, and their job is an Anesthesiologist. And I think “wow these are the people I am trusting with my life when I’m put to sleep”.

I come across this pretty often and it blows my mind. Anyone else?

A while back, I made a post about how I’m 37 and want to have a kid on my own, but I don’t earn much, live in a small studio, and don’t have resources such as family or friends who can help. About 80% of you replied that I shouldn’t bring a child into the world, and that my life will be very difficult. The other 20% said to just wing it, and that poor people have babies all the time (and that my finances can always improve later).

For my ladies that had your finances in order, what steps did you take to get there? My family is poor so I don’t have that resource. And I haven’t been able to find a higher paying job, despite trying.

I had a few bad dates in a row so I decided I’d skip doing long dinners or even drinks and just do a quick vibe check on FaceTime first.

I had two matches this week with guys who seemed cool and agreed to FaceTime. But as soon as I gave them my number, they ghosted me. Now I feel like I should’ve just gone on a date, and that I let good prospects pass me by.

Feeling conflicted, what to do?

I feel like with the right amount of mental prep, I can mask my anxiety for an hour or two and pretend to be more outgoing than I am.

That said, I’ve never felt comfortable dancing, and I so badly want to. My brain just doesn’t allow my body to relax and let go of the feeling of being judged.

Went to a dive bar last night with my colleagues and everyone was dancing, and I just felt so anxious. I was that person boppin my head and sitting in the back. And even at weddings or literally any social gathering, dancing terrified me. Like I forgot how to do even the most basic moves.

And all my colleagues were so free and happy on the dance floor, and I just wonder how they do it.

Does anyone else struggle with dancing in public?

I live in LA so it’s not like I’m in some small city. And you’d think people here have money and bomb designer clothes.

That said, whenever I go, it’s just rows of outdated (i.e. a 2017 fitted leather jacket), pilled, stained, polyester Zara crap.

On the rare chance that I find something cute, it’s 10 sizes too big or small.

If I go to a consignment store like TheRealReal, none of it is even slightly affordable, and at that point I might as well buy brand new.

Unless you are unemployed and can go in the morning as soon as the store opens, daily…I don’t understand how anyone finds trendy stuff thrifting.

I know there are thousands of things on the market that are supposedly promising (lasers, retinol, microneedling, serums, sunscreens, botox, collagen supplements, peptides, etc).

But genuinely, do any of them really make us look younger? Other than maybe a surgical facelift (and even that is questionable) or your genetics.

Because people like Madonna or Kim Kardashian have access to the best facial products, lasers, and doctors in the world. Yet they still look their age. Sure, Kim looks great, but she still looks like a woman in her 40’s (and not her 20’s or even 30’s). And yes Madonna doesn’t have a single wrinkle, but she doesn’t look younger than she is.

At the end of the day, is it all just good marketing and we’re falling for it?

I’m 37f and have finally decided to be more intentional about dating after being an avoidant for so long.

I feel way less hot than I used to and much more pressure with time, and I think that is translating into my dates. I just get anxious and am not myself.

I had 3 dates in the past 2 weeks (more than I had in the previous year combined). And none of them went well.

My confidence is a bit shot. I don’t want to take a break and waste more time, but the thought of another 2hr awkward date seems dreadful.

Any tips?

I want to change my life so bad, after social anxiety has plagued me for all my 37 years. and I recently started going to events alone and going on dates (despite insane anxiety beforehand).

That said, I’m extremely anxious and people can sense it. On dates, I’m awkward. At events, I try to let loose and dance like everyone else, or network and make friends. But I feel like I’m just not fun to be around.

The irony is that at my core, I’m funny, witty, and very goofy/animated. However only a very small few have ever seen this side of me, mainly my family. Because meeting new people, I’m way too anxious for them to see the real me.

How are you guys doing it? Any secrets or tips I should know?

I feel like I’m constantly seeing people on Instagram doing fun stuff that I want to be doing too, but wonder how people hear of these things.

I’m not talking about events you see on MeetUp, like a pottery class. Instead, I want to be in Miami this month for F1 racing. Or last night I saw people post this fancy tennis tournament in Beverly Hills that I’d love to go to. Or a yacht event in Newport Beach recently. Or suddenly everyone knows about a pop-up concert and somehow they all have tickets.

Like genuinely, how are people finding out about all these events!? I don’t want to spend my weekends alone, but I also struggle with finding stuff to do and people to do it with. Especially likeminded people who enjoy bougie events like myself.

I hardly dated at all for the past 6 years. Only went on 7 dates in that time. Each guy I went on a date with, wanted a second date with me. But I turned them down (for my own issues).

I finally overcame my dating fears this year and am ready to put myself out there. Following this sub, people say to go on as many dates as possible and that it’s a numbers game. Like 3-4 a week

But that seems like so much! How are you not extremely burnt out after that many dates a week? And is serial dating really that effective or you’re doing it for years? Are you even trying to bond with the person at that point or just looking at them as a number?

Back in 2020, I made a TikTok and posted some niche but funny content (basically me making fun of rich people, while also partaking in those douchey activities). Kind of like GstaadGuy and TheFakeRoth before they were popular.

Anyway, this led for to me gaining 13k followers pretty quickly and I wanted to utilize that fanbase but then I was hacked. Some guy in Tennessee stole my profile, and turned it into a TikTok shop. And I was never able to recover it.

I’ve tried to make a TikTok since but I keep getting shadow banned so I’m not having viral success. I’m not as funny and goofy as I was in 2020 and feel less creative aesthetically. Is it worth it? I feel like anyone that is successful in this field has an eye for graphic design and videography.

And I’m not sure why, what it steams from, or how to learn to share a story without sounding insufferable.

I’ve done a lot of cool things in my life (yachts, jets, hooked up with some celebs, etc). But anytime I bring it up, I sound so obnoxious.

My colleague (who is super charismatic and confident) has also lived a fun life, but he has a way of bringing it up that sounds so chill and engages people. Yet when I do it, it sounds so cringe.

Any advice for me? It’s like I want to connect with people but I end up sounding like I’m bragging and it kills the vibe.

I’ve had relationships in the past, but have never lived with my boyfriends. I’ve also never had roommates. I want to get married and have kids, but I am having a hard time imagining living with a man.

Also, because I am introverted, I typically stay home and don’t have any hobbies. I’m so overwhelmed at work, on weekends I just rot.

This has been difficult to me during dates. Because they ask me what I like to do for fun, what are my hobbies, ask about my friends, etc. And I NEVER know what to say. 😩

I totally understand being intentional with dating and not wanting to waste time or drag convos out for weeks. But I’ve been getting a lot of rushed chats like this lately right after matching.

Them: Hey what’s your fav restaurant?

Me: Hi, I’m a big fan of ____ restaurant. You?

Guy: Cool, meet me there at 8pm tonight?

And I just feel so uncomfortable agreeing that quickly without establishing any kind of banter or vibe with the person. Going on dates is such a process too (getting ready takes forever, driving there, etc). If I say yes to all these rushed ones, I’m going to be going on 2 dates a day (which is exhausting and feels like quantity over quality).

What do y’all think?