r/socialskills

For context, I was homeschooled for almost 10 years, and during my first year and a half of college, I’ve been fully online. So for a long time, I’ve had little to no real-life social interaction.

This fall will be my first time going to college in person, and honestly, I’m both excited and nervous.

Before all this, I wasn’t someone who struggled socially. Even if I was a bit shy, I could still talk to people, make conversation, and build connections pretty easily. But now, after years of being isolated, I feel really out of touch.

It’s not that I “live under a rock”, I'm aware of what’s going on in the world, and I’d say I have good awareness and discernment. But when it comes to social norms, trends, slang, and just how people interact now, I feel like I don’t really understand or relate.

I guess my main fear is that when I start trying to put myself out there again, I won’t fit in or I’ll come across as awkward or out of place. I don’t want to be judged for not knowing certain things, or end up feeling like an outcast again.

At the same time, I know I might be overthinking this.

Has anyone else gone through something similar (especially after homeschooling or long periods of isolation)? How did you adjust socially when going back into an in-person environment?

I have some female friends that say we are friends but they absolutely suck at communication. They will respond to texts so slowly, if not at all. They will respond to part of a text but not all. Is this a sign of disinterest? Do you just respond to all the people in your life that way?

I see a lot of posts about how if you don't respond to people they don't value.

I get if you're busy or tired or in the middle of something else, but like literally all the time? Why is it a mental task like a chore to respond I don't really get it. To me I like responding to my friends much like how it's fun to talk to them irl

Constant communication (texts, calls, replies)

It’s “normal” to stay connected.What stresses me is not even the communication itself, it’s the expectation behind it. The idea that being silent needs an explanation. Sometimes I just want to exist without updating anyone, without replying immediately, without feeling like I owe constant access to my time and energy.

In my high school, it was almost impossible to make new friends. I was new to a small, rural school district. I didn’t fit in a clique. I remember going over to band kids and trying to converse with them and they stared at me like I had green tentacles. I was also given a message by band kids on formspring to not join in on their conversations if they are talking. I was told years later by someone in the band basically you had to be in band to be friends with band kids. I tried conversing in class with some classmates and they told me “you’re so random”. I gave up trying.

I’m in community college. People want me to join in their conversations in class, and seem happy when I do talk to them. I never interrupt We meet up after classes. I have worked server jobs, met cool interesting people who are friendly and want to talk. I go to bars and people at the bar are strangers and ask me how I am doing. It seems here in the US, generally, most open group settings want other people to join in. But I always think back to how I was treated in school, all those years ago. I’ve noticed most group conversations ask people how they are doing and speak to groups while those goofy kids back then were all so much more self-centered and individual in their conversations.

For example - when I became a new mom, I discovered a lot of resources and things on my own like online parenting communities, library storytimes (my city didn’t send mailers or advertise), etc. Some things I wished I had known about sooner. But then I found out that the close family and friends who had kids before me and that I talked to all the time knew about these things but never told me. Of course you can ask for advice but a lot of times you “don’t know what you don’t know” and don’t know to ask. Like my SIL was taking her kids to story times in our city and she knew about them because the last city she lived in sent mailers home so it was on her radar. I always try to share helpful info with others. I feel disappointed when I’m overlooked. Am I wrong to feel this way? Thanks.

I don’t know where to start. I was very popular once a pon a time, I had so many friends. I would be the most popular in school/college. After college a lot of people hated the fact I had money and secretly despised me. My friends began thinking they are better than me. All my friends left me long story short, through no fault of mine, they were just all fake and related to being fake to eachother so they began friendships.

I got no cousins in the image or family, apart from of course parents. They love me but they could never understand. I have been alone for a year. No friends, no-1 to hang around with.

My best friend who I done everything for, just stopped hanging out with me. He would never even want to see me for more than a few minutes, not even a phone call.

I have no-1 and loneliness is slowly making me very depressed.

I don’t want to look on TikTok/ other social media’s as u attract a lot of toxic people. I feel finished in life.

I’m scared of being judged or criticized to the point that I isolate myself and cry in loneliness so that know one can know I’m upset and possibly weapons my feelings or neurodivergence against me. I’m scared that know one will love me if they know about my neurodivergence.

I am girl in early 20s living in sydney. Dont have frnds to go clubbing with. Is it okay to go alone?

Why no one like to speak to me ? Be my friend? Why people go away from my life and I have to force them to be my friend ? 🥺🥺

For context, I was homeschooled for almost 10 years, and during my first year and a half of college, I’ve been fully online. So for a long time, I’ve had little to no real-life social interaction.

This fall will be my first time going to college in person, and honestly, I’m both excited and nervous.

Before all this, I wasn’t someone who struggled socially. Even if I was a bit shy, I could still talk to people, make conversation, and build connections pretty easily. But now, after years of being isolated, I feel really out of touch.

It’s not that I “live under a rock”, I'm aware of what’s going on in the world, and I’d say I have good awareness and discernment. But when it comes to social norms, trends, slang, and just how people interact now, I feel like I don’t really understand or relate.

I guess my main fear is that when I start trying to put myself out there again, I won’t fit in or I’ll come across as awkward or out of place. I don’t want to be judged for not knowing certain things, or end up feeling like an outcast again.

At the same time, I know I might be overthinking this.

Has anyone else gone through something similar (especially after homeschooling or long periods of isolation)? How did you adjust socially when going back into an in-person environment?

Like I said at the title, Genuine question. What do you guys talk about? Seriously I don’t get it. Do you guys talk about all the things that happened to you on a day or just rambling? Sometimes I kind of wanna be a yapper but everytime I think about yapping, a thought pop up in my head like do they even wanna listen or am i being annoying? Plus I don’t even know what to talk about.

For context I am an art student in my 3rd year of University. My Final is about the history of knitting and I have been researching different materials our ancestors used in knitting i.e they used human hair. I want to do the same with my own hair, by making yarn out of it. This human hair yarn will be relevant in my project, so would it be weird to ask my hairdresser if when she cuts my hair, she can save it for me to take? I'm getting my hair shaved so it will be enough hair to make yarn out of.

I’d like to enjoy partying.

I’m an 18M, and I think I have a pretty normal social life; although until I was around 14–15, I was very shy and often let myself get pushed around.

However, I don’t like partying. Going to nightclubs, with music that’s too bad to enjoy and too loud to even talk to people, (a lot of) sweat everywhere, impossible to move without bumping into people.

But I know for a fact that I’m missing out on something. The vast majority of people enjoy going to clubs and actually have fun partying. Me, I just like talking to people by the window at parties, at most.

A lot of people here say things like “it’s a myth” or “people pretend to like it because it’s socially acceptable,” but I know that’s not true. I’ve already seen people (genuinely) enjoying themselves in nightclubs and wanting to go back as often as possible. I know these people well—I know they weren’t lying when they said they had a great time there.

But when I try to go, I suddenly feel super shy. As if the moment I step into a nightclub, I’m 13 again. And as you can imagine, playing the role of the guy pretending to have fun is absolutely not a good idea… speaking from experience.

But it really bothers me. I’d like to find it as fun as they do, enjoy myself as much as they do, and especially be able to let loose on weekends!

I just don’t understand how to do it—for example, even something as simple as dancing feels impossible since I’ve never done it before. If necessary, I’m willing to feel like a fool, because I know it can’t really hurt me that much. I just don’t know how to go about it. It’s like I’m an outsider to this world, going from being a normal person to someone socially awkward in just a few minutes.

Has anyone been through this and eventually managed to enjoy it? Because deep down, I know this activity isn’t completely bad. I mean, dancing, singing, talking to people, and letting loose should feel good—it makes sense. I just want to get there. How do I get rid of my 13-year-old self?

hi! im having trouble with feeling embarrassed and ashamed literally all the time and its kinda ruining my life. im not sure why but i feel embarrassed in every social interaction. not exaggerating, every. single. one.

i hate going to work because the entire time i think about how stupid im acting, how im saying the wrong things, how everyone hates me, etc. when i go home after its all i think about too, to the point where im nauseous over it. i get embarrassed about going to the bank, the store, even hanging out with friends.

it takes up my every waking thought and i can't enjoy basically anything that involves either another person, or leaving my house at all. i cry all the time and barely talk to anyone other than my dad and my cats. i even hate talking to my siblings because all i can think about during is if im saying the right things and after its about how i didnt. im ashamed of myself as a person, that much is obvious, but i dont know how to get it to stop.

im on as needed anxiety meds and take as much as is possible within safe and effective limits.

more examples of situations and what i mean when i say ashamed and embarrassed.

- i cry every day before and after work because i get so nervous about having to interact with my coworkers and customers. i am truly convinced that they dont like me because of how weird i am. i say the wrong things, i don't understand their cues, i feel like an outsider. it feels like one big joke that everyone is playing on me, something that i dont get and never will and they think thats even funnier.

- i cant go to the grocery store without headphones or my favorite person (i have diagnosed borderline personality disorder, and my fp is the only person i dont feel like this around)

- i dont have friends outside of my fp and dad because i cant bring myself to talk to other people unless i have to, in a way to spare them from being embarrassed to be seen with me and to also save myself the embarrassment of being seen.

- i dont do anything other than what i absolutely have to (work and grocery shop). i dropped out of college cause of how overwhelmed i was with the people and being seen by them. i couldn't stand going to class or talking to professors or doing my work because it felt like i was going to fail and embarrass myself in front of more people.

anyways, i know that it might seem irrational and the main advice is going to be get over myself, but i Genuinely can't. ive tried so so much to get out of my own head but i cant. this is an actual cry for help because its ruining my life and i have no idea what to do

I used to think this was very cut and dry: if they engage, ask questions, sometimes text first, get excited when you're excited, they care. but I keep getting gobsmacked at the amount of people who show they care in specific ways but are completely careless when it comes to the basics (letting you have your own turn in the conversation and not showing disinterest during that for example).

People seem to always become disinterested when I talk instead of ask questions.

There are scenarios where I hear myself stuttering and droaning on and I understand why they're bored during that, but I've been trying to avoid it by speaking in shorter intervals and leaving out unnecessary details in stories and I don't see much of a change.

I am also wondering if insecurity just oozes off of me and that's why people are weirdly hesitant when paying attention to me? Like maybe people feel that I'm trying to get them to like me and are put off?

I've been talking with more neurodivergent people so it might be a thing of they don't realize what they're doing. But I am unsure how to approach this either; confronting people with behavior they don't even do intentionally feels aggressive, but ignoring it just makes it more prevalent which diminishes the connection.

How do I deal with socializing then? Thinking about to ironically makes me more nervous and even then I don’t think about it I still get nervous.

Between my work and my home obligations, I often end up having no time left for anything during the week. And during the weekend, I'm so tired that I generally collapse and nap several hours, and when I'm not resting, I'm generally too fatigued to do anything without some sort of external pressure around. That means that I have no time for hobbies, no time to leave my house and certainly no time to socialize at all. Sleeping earlier is no longer an option, neither it is cutting my working time - is there some way of making myself feel more rested in the same amount of time?

I can't believe im doing this, but I'm a bit desperate. So a couple of years ago I, 19f ,graduated high school and ended things with my bsf, who moved away, but after that I kinda neglected the relationship with our mutuals. I isolated myself and didn't talk to them or anyone for two years, so even though we went to the same college, we don't hang out, and I don't see them anymore. Anyways, I'm over it now, and I realized that what I did was stupid and I miss. Any advice on how to reconnect? Obviously, they've made new friends and merged friend groups since entering uni, and it's a bit daunting. I'm not too sure how to go about this. Sometimes I wonder if I should move on from the m too.

Any advice would be appreciated x