r/socialskills

There's a coworker at my job who never did any harm to me, nor insulted me, nor gossiped about me. He helped me do my job. He also showed me how to get to home and to work via city train (not subway). The road design in my city is pretty messed up, so riding the train is really comfortable.

However, the more I spoke with him, the stronger my feelings of annoyance and irritation with him grew. I avoid him outside of work. I declined every suggestion of his to play video games together. When he asked which gym I go to, I told him the wrong gym. We both get to work and to our homes by city train, so if he sits in the middle carriage, I sit either in the first or the last one.

My issues with him are that he speaks slowly, he curses a lot (and it's always out of place), and his jokes are bad. I feel like I'm a hypocrite considering all the good things he's done. Should I soften toward him, or should I ignore him?

Hello, 25f I do not have any friends currently. I have been working on this ajd I’ve decided to be more outgoing. I’ve been trying new things I’ve been exercising, going on hikes, tlaking to random people just for fun but nothing leads to a friendship. I try to make as many connections I can but, I dunno I feel like it’s impossible to make any friends. I feel so lonely all the time and it’s so much effort and anxiety to be thing outgoing and I hate it so much and to see no results is super distressing. Does anyone have any tips on how to turn these connections into friendships?

I've had this problem since forever. I meet people, they really like me at first, they ask me to hangout and go out of their way to talk to me, the friendship lasts for how ever many months or years and then they slowly go quiet. Like it always starts off with them no longer going out of their way to hangout or talk and them only doing so if I reach out first. Then ever so slowly they stop hanging out with me and after that they stop talking to me altogether. This always happens to me and there's never any explanation of what I did wrong. Obviously the problem is me and I'm not saying people are obligated to be my friend. It's just really upsetting that no one ever tells me why so that I can at least learn from it and better myself. I feel like there's something inherently wrong with me that I'm not realizing but idk what to change about myself because no one will tell me. It really hurts and I don't want to be lonely anymore. Any advice?

How do I make people want to be around me?

I’ve never been able to keep any friends around since i’ve been young. The only ones I have, well they got literally nothing going on in their lives and expect me to do everything for them on their terms.

I sometimes get some old friends that invite me to something to do with them but then they tell me it’s because everyone else was busy so they thought about me…

Only my brother and one high school friend has stayed in contact with me after all. Me and my brother pretty much act the same by his girlfriend’s words and look a like but he seems to attract people in without trying while I struggle massively.

I also can’t seem to keep relationships, all of them cheat after years or months.

It seems like I somehow am boring or bother people, but if I don’t talk I feel boring and if I do it seems like i’m bothering them and they barely answer to anything I say. It all seems to lead to the same point that they don’t really talk to me back or we hang out one on one ever again.

I’ve also tried being the one to invite people at places to try and get connections, but everyone is always too busy to do anything with me…

My parents never left the house since me and my brother are alive pretty much so I barely ever spoke to even my family since i’ve been young to get that social exposure. I was hanging out with the “popular kids” in high school but never one on one except for the guy that I still talk to and hangout with because he had friends, I just had the party invites and that was it.

Yesterday on bus way back home from work, the guy sitting behind me kept pushing my chair, I was not sure if he did it intentionally or unintentionally because he was on the phone. I was and still really pissed at myself that I did not tell him to stop. I am a man but I am scared of this situation. what's wrong with me? I am such a weak ass right.

Idk where else to post this but this sub pops up on my feed a lot so i guess I’ll go here.

Whenever she talks to someone that isn’t one of her close “friends” or family, she acts very superficial, almost like an AI generated version of herself. It’s eerily similar to how Trump acts. That’s the best way I can put it.

She’ll flex all of the stuff she buys for me, she’s constantly trying to reassure people that she’s a good parent, and when she’s doing something serious (child services, social workers, etc.) she’ll go off topic and start bragging about her past achievements.

But when I’m with her she’s not like that at all. When I pointed out her weird behavior, she immediately got defensive and said I was trying to argue with her. I get into fights with her a lot and she always puts it in me being aggressive when she’s the one that starts them. She’ll threaten to kick me out at the drop of a hat (once she did because she said weird things to one of her friends’ kids and I told her to stop..) then turn around and say she would never do that.

Her behavior has been really frustrating me lately. She’s treats everyone like shit and I’m the only one that tries standing up to her. Everyone else just takes it and gossips about it like fucking pussies. I don’t know what to do or why she acts like this.

I (19M) just want to say I'm not insecure of my appearance. At all. I've healed from that 100%.

I live alone and love going to coffee shops or sitting by the river, listening to music, sipping a drink and having a cigarette. I'm from the Balkans and everyone here really loves just sitting outside and enjoying the day.

People consantly stare at me. I've had a girl think I'm 14. I constantly get asked for my ID (Europe, so 18+). I feel out of place at college. I have tattoos on my arm and below my ear, so I think people think I'm some delinquent child.

I guess the problem is I don't think I'm weird looking; other people might, but I don't care. It's just that I don't enjoy people staring and judging my lifestyle because I'm so much more than what most see.

My daughter (10 months) does baby swim lessons each Sunday with other babies. She is going to be having her first birthday in July.

In her swim class, there are two little baby boys I want to invite (plus parents of course). One of the boys and my daughter have already had interactions with each other, and mom is cool. They've been in the same class as us for a little over three months. I have no qualms about inviting them.

The other little boy started more recently. A little over a month. Super cute kid and parents seem like nice folks. Both my daughter and him have interacted but just a lot less and him being younger.

Would it be "too soon" to invite them to her birthday? There's would be no expectation of a gift. I know everyone is different, but I know I'd be thrilled in their position.

hey all. i’m a 21 year old girl and have never really had super close friends, more so aquaintences. i’ve always been quite girly but never had any friends that shared the same girly interests (shopping, fragrance, clothes, dressing up, makeup, shoes etc.)

one of my favourite shows is the girls next door and i so badly want to constantly be around fellow girls that are always down to dress up, help do eachothers hair and have fun. i yearn for that sisterhood that comes with close female friendships. i haven’t felt it in a while and i miss it, but im scared. i want to find a version of this in my area but don’t know how to go about it.

im from a small town and not in college. i am more creative so i never went, but college is the only thing i could imagine to get close to what i want. my acquaintances/friends from high school all just recently graduated college so i cant even go visit them either.

i almost wish i could’ve gone to college just for the social benefits but i am from a small canadian town and the nearest community college is an hour ish away, and i wouldnt want to move out to study something im not 100% about. even the idea of a sorority seems interesting for the womanly/community part of it, allthough i hear some sorority girls can be not very friendly. i want to have the fun college experience with fun girl friends but i don’t know how to get it.

i am also quite isolated and tend to isolate myself in times of stress. i find it hard to get get myself out even tho i want to and want to create these memories for myself, especially because im young. i want to be having more fun than i am. does anyone have any tips on how to achieve this? thank you ❤️

Heading!

Now this is something I recently faced, i considered myself lowkey good with words, yet ppl do not really get attached w me on emotional or personal levels. I do try to be genuine but somehow, ppl stay at an arm's length from me.

I feel that some of us who are unable to bond well have an invisible wall in front of us, which keeps ppl away, telling this person is not emotionally available even tho you may ve genuinely willing to connect with that person.

Ur personality/vibe/charisma idk how u asses ur vibe, i can only assume from other ppls reaction towards myself.

CHARISMA MEANS PUTTING PPL AROUND YOU AT EASE. Say somebody came up asking u for a favor, they approach u for the first time, everybody in the world gets nervous sometime, if you make the other person feel subconsciously threatened they will likely be repelled by u in future.

Ppl are drawn towards relatability, just like u love it when u find someone ur type, with ur experiences, it's similar for everyone, ppl wanna be understood, feel safe, not threatened, and somehow if ur not able to bond well with others u lack one of these skills. U may be great with words, but what if you're coming off as intimidating or arrogant? Nobody would really be daring to approach u or if they did, they will not be able to connect with you emotionally or deeply like how friends really are!!!

I'm going to a birthday this weekend, and I'm struggling to figure out what gift to bring.

The person seems to already have everything she could possibly need or want, which makes it hard to choose something that feels meaningful. Sometimes I worry that whatever I buy won't feel special or because she can easily get things for herself.

I really want to give her something thoughtful that shows how much I care.

How do you choose a birthday gift for someone who already has everything?

Has anyone try to work on their social interactions with people and it just seems awkward. Like I try to talk to people and bring up subjects to try to engage in conversations but they give you simple answers. Like what am I supposed to say after asking a question and I get a dull response. For example I asked a person what their plans were for the summer and they said “nothing, my job won’t give me any days off” then it was like a awkward silence. I find myself in these awkward situations more than often. I feel like I don’t have much to say either but I try to engage in conversations but with little feedback. Am I the weird person or the person who i am speaking with.

I am 20 years of age, and most of my life has been spent in a very rural town with little to none social interaction outside of school and online spaces. Because of that, I never really developed a strong social circle or a sense of being with ''my people''

I'm comfortable talking to strangers, making small talk and generally functioning in social situations. But finding the right people is super difficult.
I live in Norway, and I sometimes feel disconnected because many of my interests revolve around online or creative spaces like anime, gaming, art, and content creation. A lot of the people around me either don't share those interests or already have long established social groups.

I have tried social events like conventions, but they not only can get expensive, But in those social settings it would be fitting to go in cosplay, and themed stores like neo tokyo or outland are often filled with people joking with their friends at said themes or they are busy with their friends.

I will be moving closer to the cities either late this year or next year. But it will be a while until then and the lack of a social life has been pressing me down for so many years now.

Any tips on how i can make friends with similar interests?

I made a post earlier about this but it got me thinking. Is it normal to invite people you’re not that close with to a birthday get together?

I’m used to birthday get togethers mostly being close friends only, and honestly most of the time I’ve only seen people invite people they’re actually close with.

So now I’m wondering if I’m just overthinking it because it feels kinda weird being invited when I’m basically just an activity buddy with her. At the same time, if I’m being honest, it’s also kinda flattering that she thought to invite me to her birthday get together.

When I think about my own birthday stuff, I honestly wouldn’t even consider inviting someone who wasn’t a close friend. And maybe because I’m a guy it feels more awkward to me too, because if I’m being honest I don’t think I’d invite someone I’m not that close with to a birthday party, especially if they were the opposite sex.

Am I overthinking this or do other people actually invite casual friends/activity buddies to birthday get togethers too?

Whenever I’m confronted by something it feels absurd . I thoroughly apologise but ir feels like it’s just to maintain the connection and the accusation feels really stupid some mild shit i did without realising like

So hi, I’m a girl and I’m kind of introverted. Today the guy that i have been talking to he left me and he even deleted me as a friend because I don’t know how to start conversations, and they thought I didn’t want them but I do. I just really don’t know what to say sometimes. They got bored of me, and honestly, this has happened to me twice or more with men already.

Hey,

So I have a work friend that I get on well with, so much so we used to hang out regularly during the work day and also in recent months met up outside of work a couple of times. However they are far more sociable, have a far wider circle and are also now busy at work.

I'm introverted, same work level with a far smaller circle.

Today I apologised to them as I was getting intense over hanging out, they were all cool and fine with this and said no need but there definitely was.

So I don't ruin this friendship, what can I do to take steps to understand work is not a social club, this person does not owe me all there time and such. Do I dial back chat on the work system, keep things light and don't keep asking to hang out?

Thanks

Is 21 too old to go out and party with everyone else.. do people still do that junior year. I never got to go out in high-school and i did my first-two years at community college, i also think i look wayyyy older than I actually am. Im just so worried about everything. Am i too late to have that college experience?

For pretty much every summer I can remember all I have done is sat in my room playing video games and watching youtube. It feels very empty and lonely and summer is absolutely my least favorite time of the year. I want to change (even though it's probably too late since I'm graduating from college next year) but I guess I just can't even comprehend what I could be doing different.

I've been testing several other known verbal fluency techniques like word association and reading out loud, but they don't feel like they address the actual problem. But this testing lead me to a new discovery.

So what did I find? A method that works for me and takes only 3–5 minutes a day. It is short, and quite brutal. You will not only build fluency, but you will improve several other cognitive microskills as well. Trust me, I'm left-handed.

When I first tried this, I fatigued and yawned after the first 20 seconds. Now, only after a couple of days, I'm easily pushing 40–60 seconds. I already feel significantly more word flow during normal workplace chit-chat.

The Method (Modify to your needs):

• The Setup: Set a timer for 60 seconds. Do 3–5 reps per day. Ramp up, if needed.
• The Topic: Pick a skill you want to learn and narrow down a small section of it. (For humor, I use Mel Helitzer’s Comedy Writing Secrets. It works. Everybody says I'm laughable now.)
• The Rule (Feynman Technique): Explain that micro-concept out loud to yourself as simply as possible. Imagine explaining astrophysics to a child. (Tip: Most kids won't actually listen to a lecture about astrophysics, so use an imaginary one).
• Optional Story Layer: Format it as a simple story: setup/conflict, escalate tension, and deliver a plot twist at the end. Great for practice with personal anecdotes.

Example: Let's say you want to practice the "Exaggeration Technique" from Comedy Writing Secrets. Start the timer and explain the technique out loud for 60 seconds. Do not stop, no matter how hard it feels. Keep talking. Say anything. No pauses. Strive and survive.

Steer constantly for a clear explanation, or just try to execute the technique itself. For example, explain to yourself why you desperately need that luscious, Brad Pitt-like wig from Temu to cover your male pattern baldness. That's a real conflict right there!

Why this works (I think):

It hits several points at once: precision, content, clarity, and fluency. The main point is verbal retrieval and speed: getting those nerves fired up to drag those elusive words out of your skull. You can always improve the content later.

According to AI, the cognitive load is huge because it activates several brain regions at once: the Prefrontal Cortex, Broca's Area, Wernicke's Area, the Hippocampus, and the Anterior Cingulate Cortex.

My question for you guys:

Would it be crazy to ask you to try this for just three days and let me know how it went? I'm really curious to see if there's even a small improvement in such a short time period.