r/SingleMothersbyChoice

A while back, I made a post about how I’m 37 and want to have a kid on my own, but I don’t earn much, live in a small studio, and don’t have resources such as family or friends who can help. About 80% of you replied that I shouldn’t bring a child into the world, and that my life will be very difficult. The other 20% said to just wing it, and that poor people have babies all the time (and that my finances can always improve later).

For my ladies that had your finances in order, what steps did you take to get there? My family is poor so I don’t have that resource. And I haven’t been able to find a higher paying job, despite trying.

Hi! I’ve made the decision to become a SMBC, and my journey hasn’t been easy due to suffering from endometriosis. I went through IVF and ended up with two male embryos. I’m incredibly grateful for them, especially because of how difficult my fertility journey has been.

Originally, I had three female embryos as well, but unfortunately they were not viable. I’ve always dreamed of having a daughter, and I’m considering using eggs I have frozen to try again for a girl. I truly am thankful for what I already have, but if this ends up being my only child, I would love the chance to have a daughter.

Has anyone gone through something similar or struggled with these feelings?

I realize its expensive. Because of this i got depressed the whole day at work 🙃

Based on the number do you think youll keep up financially

If you decided to do this after a devastating breakup (like most significant love of your life), how much time did you take to mourn the relationship and not be impulsive if that makes sense? To go into SMBC clearheaded?

I'm still in the early stages of planning/trying and I know I have some grief work to do on letting go of the traditional nuclear family structure.

Mums who have done it, especially if you're one and done... have you reached a place where you do feel like a family, just the two of you?

After four years, two IUIs, and four FETs using donor embryos, I just withdrew from my clinic. I’m 44 now and never imagined I still wouldn’t have a baby. The appeal of being pregnant and caring for an infant is no longer there for me. It’s a disappointing outcome and I do grieve for what could have been, but this is the right choice for me. Knowing I’ll never again have to take a hormone that makes me feel *awful*, stick a giant needle in my back side, get a vaginal sonogram (sooooo many), or pee on a stick only for a single line to appear, is such a relief! I really didn’t have another transfer in me. And I know I’ll be happy whether I’m a mom or not.

I’m proud of myself for doing this. Please be proud of yourself too—this takes enormous courage! And don’t be afraid to admit you may not want this anymore. I heard women talk about how they ended IVF with no baby because they didn’t want to do it anymore. I didn’t understand that, but now I do. It takes a toll. I am sad, but I feel liberated freeing my mind and body of this ❤️

My 9 week old baby has been waking every 2 or 3 hours since the beginning. There’s been periods where it’s been every hour. The past 4 nights baby has been up every hour at least all night long and when she’s asleep she is crying or grunting in her sleep so I’m basically just not sleeping at all. Google says many babies sleep for 5-8 hour stretches by this age but mine has not even once done that. I struggled with mental health all my life and to be this sleep deprived for this long is actually destroying me. I knew I’d struggle with the newborn stage but god this is worse than I expected and I’m thinking terrible thoughts all the time like this was a mistake, what have I done, my life is ruined kind of thoughts. I’d feel very guilty not giving her a sibling but also the thought of having to do this again makes me even more suicidal than I already feel. No I don’t have family or friends who can help much. Everyone is dead, far away, working full time or have too many kids and responsibilities of their own. I wouldn’t trust a stranger with my newborn baby so not comfortable hiring help. Just looking for hope that this might improve soon? Or ways to improve it? She does sleep for 2.5 hours during the day sometimes. Often sleeps for 2 hours during the day but night time is hell.

Hi everyone,

I would really appreciate your perspective.

I’m 36 (turning 37 in August), with low AMH 0,13 and high FSH, and I was planning to start IUI with a donor this July.

However, I’ve just found out I’m likely pregnant from a casual situationship (not a partner).
He is not someone I can rely on long-term (lifestyle, no stability), so realistically I would be doing this on my own.

Now I’m trying to decide:
- Do I continue this pregnancy and become a single mom this way?
- Or do I terminate and proceed with my original plan (IUI with donor), knowing that with my ovarian reserve there are no guarantees?

If you were in a similar position, how did you think about it?
Any honest experiences or perspectives would mean a lot.

Thank you 🤍

I feel like these are going to be the longest two weeks of my life. Insemination was yesterday and ovulation is today/tomorrow. I’m only one day past insemination day and i already feel like i’m going insane.
How do you get through the two week wait without feeling like it’s eating you alive?
And when did you get your first symptoms if you are pregnant, maybe it can ease my mind a little bit

Hi all, first time poster!

A little backstory. I froze eggs at 38/39 and I have 23 frozen. I kind of don’t want to use them and see them as my absolute reserve.

I am now 40. Still single. sigh. I am considering digging deep and doing one more round and using donor sperm to see if I can create embryos so I’m covering all bases.

Do I do one more round of just freezing? or an embryo round? or just draw the line and say - I’ve done my best already and leave it there and fingers crossed something comes of my 23 eggs one day.

Im not quite ready to do the full single mum by choice immediately yet but its looking that way within next year or so.

Id love to hear your experiences, your opinions.

Im UK based and self funding. Spent around £16k so far cash but would need a little loan to do this extra round if I do it so funds aren’t infinite and this would deffo be last one.

I do feel a little sad, I just can’t believe this is my life at 40 :-(

Hey everyone 👋
I'm hoping this post is allowed as I'm struggling to know where to turn for advice and support.

I unexpectedly got pregnant without IVF after 3 years of womb surgeries, 4 retrievals and 1 failed FET as a SMBC.

The issue? It was unplanned with a very new partner. We weren't careful as I was told it would be really difficult for me to fall pregnant without medical assistance so I'm genuinely in shock. I have diminished ovarian reserve and also uterine infertility.

My partner doesn't want the baby, wants me to terminate and I'm very early (just 6 weeks along, so know it might not progress anyway). My financial/work situation isn't stable due to IVF and I had started to accept the idea of being childfree. Literally going through redundancy right now.

I totally understand all the logical reasons now is not a good time for a baby with a guy I hardly know. But I also can't imagine the lifelong heartbreak of terminating a miracle pregnancy after going through so much 💔 I'm 35yo so understand this might not happen for me again.

But at the same time I don't want to unfairly trap someone (or myself) into a lifelong coparenting relationship after just a few months of knowing each other, I feel guilty about his wants and needs, and want my child to be wanted if this pregnancy progresses.

Please weigh in your thoughts ❤️

Female, 40 years old

creating and freezing embryos NOW rather than waiting for another future cycle?

⚠️If freeze only eggs (M2) now

It can still work.
BUT:
eggs survive thawing less reliably than embryos
not every thawed egg fertilizes later
success rates are generally lower than frozen embryos
Especially after 40.

freezing embryos NOW is likely a stronger strategy than waiting for another future cycle to create embryos later.

Above are the answers from ChatGPT.

————————————————————-

Any suggestions or share ideas are appreciated, thanks

I do my first medicated IUI transfer on friday and I am starting to get so nervous about the two week wait

I am also starting to get so nervous about doing this alone, which hasn’t been the case the entire time….I have plans and backup plans and backup backup plans but now that it’s becoming so real i’m starting to overthink everything

just wanted to post my feelings and maybe someone would have some advice for me <3 most people I talk to about this don’t really understand

wishing everyone else in this group success <3

Following up on a question from about an hour ago- I’m curious to see the numbers this way! You max out at 6 survey options, so I was limited.

View Poll

I recently turned 41 and was having regular periods but pretty sure it’s been 45 days since I haven’t had it and that hasn’t happened before. Does that mean peri menopause and too late to do ivf/iui? Is there any test my doctor can do or anything I can take to help regulate cycles?

hi everyone, I am a SMBC to a 1.5 little girl conceived with donor sperm. I have been unsuccessfully trying for a second child this year. Had an FET that failed and a recent ER with 2 poor quality eggs, no blasts. I am considering trying one more round of IVF versus switching to donor eggs. I initially thought I would not consider this option, but now that I am in a place where I am facing the possibility that I may not be able to have a second child, I found that is what I am thinking about as next steps. I am pretty conflicted about what to do next. I only have one partial vial of sperm left from my daughter's donor and he is retired, so I am unable to get any additional vials.

anyone who has one genetic child and one conceived via donor eggs? would love to get others experience! I plan to be very open with my daughter about how she was conceived and would plan on the same for any future children.

Maybe not exactly the right group for this but I dont really have anyone else to ask.

How old do you think is the right age to take a child to the dentist for the first time? My friend just took her son for the first time because his school has a free dentist visit yearly (and eye exam, etc) and found he has an issue with the enamel in his teeth breaking down, likely due to overbrushing. He turned 4 last week. My SIL on the other hand has an appointment lined up for her child when he turns 18 months. I feel like I don't know if 4 is too old for a first visit but is 1.5yo too young?

Have some early signs and expect to go into labour soon. SPBC and live alone.
What were the best things you did last minute?
What do you wish you had done?
My list:
-Dishes
-Empty garbages/recycling.
-many naps
-vacuum if I have energy.