u/Fit-Sir-9929

When I'm not showing emotions or kinda just finally not masking behind a fake smile, my family says to 'stop looking so miserable' or to stop being so sad, and if I say I'm tired they tell me to go to bed but there's a difference between mentally tired and physically tired. They call me gross for not being able to shower, call me weird for wanting to bring stuffed animals out even if they make me feel better.

But when they ask me to cheer up I start being like my usual (or old) self. Kinda annoying, overly cheerful. But then they call me annoying and tell me to stop being so annoying. So what the hell do they want?? I'm trying to be happy, but it's getting harder every day.

I also feel like I have no reason to be sad, I have nice parents (other than what I just talked about, they're really sweet) and amazing friends, but my mental health is declining. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. It's getting harder to get out of bed, I stayed in bed from 2:30 pm to around 7 pm, I don't usually stay in my bed that long. I've lost motivation to do anything, not even draw anymore, I used to live it, now I do it occasionally and immediately judge myself for not being as good as others.

(i got 5 questions wrong and i was allowed 4 wrong ones 😭 it was just the written test)

https://i.redd.it/dizt1eltik0h1.gif

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I'm trying to get more into alt (specifically grunge) style and music! I just want some rock/metal (no songs with screaming tho) for my playlist!!

Lmk any bands or songs you think I would like!

Some of my favorite songs rn are:

American idiot (greenday)

Dirty little secret (the all-American rejects)

Smells like teen spirit (Nirvana)

Wake me up when September ends (greenday)

Wet (Dazey and the scouts)

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I'm trying to get more into alt (specifically grunge) style and music! I just want some rock/metal (no songs with screaming tho) for my playlist!!

Lmk any bands or songs you think I would like!

Some of my favorite songs rn are:

American idiot (greenday)

Dirty little secret (the all-American rejects)

Smells like teen spirit (Nirvana)

Wake me up when September ends (greenday)

Wet (Dazey and the scouts)

I'm trying to get more into alt (specifically grunge) style and music! I just want some rock/metal (no songs with screaming tho) for my playlist!!

Lmk any bands or songs you think I would like!

Some of my favorite songs rn are:

American idiot (greenday)

Dirty little secret (the all-American rejects)

Smells like teen spirit (Nirvana)

Wake me up when September ends (greenday)

Wet (Dazey and the scouts)

I made a post talking about depression and shit and I mentioned that I've been groomed online so many times I feel like a damn toy. 2 people dm'd me, comforting me at first, asking me questions about why I feel depressed, and then suddenly ask me for ''cute selfies". Including a 22 year old who said he felt bad for me. Maybe it's my fault, maybe I am just a toy. Idk anymore. I just want someone I can talk to who won't judge me and who won't ask for pictures or anything from me.

(I'm 15f, the first person who asked me was 22m just earlier today)

Edit. Now some guy is in my DMS talking about how it was 'unlikely a guy did innapropriate things to my pics cuz I sent pics with clothing's even tho I've told him multiple times the guy who groomed me was VERY OPEN about getting off to me. It just feels like this guy is trying to downplay MY EXPERIENCE and MY FEELINGS.

Edit 2. Now the guy said 'let them so it because you feel bad and crave the attention' genuinely what the hell is wrong with people. Idk why I can't just be happy for once???

I'm 15f... Or m. That's kinda what I wanna talk about. I have really bad gender dysmorphia, especially recently. I'm AFAB, but I don't... Feel like a girl. if I transition I'll lose everything. My best friends (religion) and my congregation whom I love, everyone is amazing. I'm scared my parents will hate me, I'm scared my sister will hate me, scared my cousins/aunts/uncles and grandparents will hate me.

I've been feeling this way alot since around August 2025 but it kinda faded, just recently came back. My friend who isn't in my religion and supports my decision if I decide to go trans said maybe to be masc female, but i don't think it will feel the same.

It's causing me alot of depression, more then I already have. I've been diagnosed officially with depression since I was around 13 or so, but have been feeling depressed since I was around 9 or 10. During the summer of 2025 I started cutting, hoping it would take some pain away, but now I'm just struggling even more and I have to deal with my ugly scars.

I have really low self esteem as well. I was bullies in school, i do online school now but I may go back to public for grade 10. I've been groomed and sexualized online alot which just makes me feel like an object and I feel like I'm hyper sexual. I have fantasies about horrible things like 🍇 happening to me. I want them to stop, trust me. I really really do. My body and heart doesn't want that but my brain is trying to convince me otherwise. I was introduced to 🌽 in grade 6 when I was 11, which is probably some reason of these feelings.

I just want my suffering to end. I have a therapist but I've been telling her I'm fine and have everything under control and I don't feel suicidal but it's the complete opposite. Every day I'm nearing closer to my breaking point. I want to kill myself so bad. Planning on doing it just before grade 10 starts, sometime in August or so. I still need to write the letters, but that's the plan for now.

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I dont know if i can even make it to to end of the year atp. Maybe in september i'll end it all.

I genuinley dont want to live anymore. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have an amazing family, amazing friends, but im so depressed im losing all will to live. I dread waking up. Every night, I hope I don't wake up. Im pretty sure im hyper sexual, which is making my mental health worse. I'm scared of telling my therapist anything because i've already lied and said i was fine, im too far into the lie. I dont want her to tell my parents, since im only 15.

I attempted once in september but got too scared and gave up, but im starting to feel a desire to kill myself again. Not a good desire. I hat my body, my face, my hair, everything about myself. I hate the way my brain makes me want to have horrible horrible sexual things to me, but my heart doesnt. I want those to go away. I dont want those things to happen to me. I just want it to go away. Maybe the only way for it to go away is by death. Maybe sometime in the summer or when school starts up in september again i'll try again.

sorry if some of the grammar is bad. It's 2 am and i am very tired.