u/Few-Adeptness5411

Hi everyone,

I’m wondering if I’m missing something for feeling frustrated by my partner‘s lack of texting. I 24F been dating my partner 26M for one year. We are long distance (about a 3 hour drive from one another) and have fairly opposite schedules. I wake up early & go to bed early and my days are pretty long/filled with different activities (I’m a PhD student). My partner is more of a night owl and works later hours that sometimes involve him driving an hour away and then driving back home late at night.

When I go to bed, I always text him to say goodnight and we often call quickly to say goodnight. I always ask him to send me a text when he goes to bed, and I have in the past communicated that words of affirmation are my love language and that waking up to a thoughtful message rooting for me & my day every now & again is incredibly appreciated, as I feel super overwhelmed with my current life & that kind of thoughtfulness means a lot to me.

I very rarely get thoughtful messages like that (maybe 3 in the last 3 months), and sometimes (once a week)I wake up to no message at all. It bothers me especially when I know he was out at work & is driving home late at night. I always remind him to text me when he gets home safe.

He has fairly significant ADHD, and I understand that he might not be the best texter. But I cannot imagine laying my head on the pillow & not sending my partner a quick text, especially when they’ve explicitly expressed what it means to them.

This is not the only way that our communication/lifestyle differences affect our relationship, but it is one that feels really hurtful to me. I have expressed this and am often met with defensiveness & a “I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say,” and then a continuation of the behavior.

What are your thoughts?

TLDR: My long distance partner often forgets to text me goodnight. It really hurts my feelings & has become a sort of pattern.

Hi everyone,

I’m wondering if I am the asshole for feeling frustrated by my partner‘s lack of texting. I (24F) have been dating my partner (26M) for a year. We are long distance (about a 3 hour drive from one another) and have fairly opposite schedules. I wake up early & go to bed early and my days are pretty long/filled with different activities (I’m a PhD student). My partner is more of a night owl and works later hours that sometimes involve him driving an hour away and then driving back home late at night.

When I go to bed, I always text him to say goodnight and we often call quickly to say goodnight. I always ask him to send me a text when he goes to bed, and I have in the past communicated that words of affirmation are my love language and that waking up to a thoughtful message rooting for me & my day every now & again is incredibly appreciated, as I feel super overwhelmed with my current life & that kind of thoughtfulness means a lot to me.

I very rarely get thoughtful messages like that (maybe 3 in the last 3 months), and sometimes (once a week)I wake up to no message at all. It bothers me especially when I know he was out at work & is driving home late at night. I always remind him to text me when he gets home safe.

He has fairly significant ADHD, and I understand that he might not be the best texter. But I cannot imagine laying my head on the pillow & not sending my partner a quick text, especially when they’ve explicitly expressed what it means to them.

This is not the only way that our communication/lifestyle differences affect our relationship, but it is one that feels really hurtful to me. I have expressed this and am often met with defensiveness & a “I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say,” and then a continuation of the behavior.

What are your thoughts?

Hi everyone,

I’m wondering if I am the asshole for feeling frustrated by my partner‘s lack of texting. I (24F) have been dating my partner (26M) for a year. We are long distance (about a 3 hour drive from one another) and have fairly opposite schedules. I wake up early & go to bed early and my days are pretty long/filled with different activities (I’m a PhD student). My partner is more of a night owl and works later hours that sometimes involve him driving an hour away and then driving back home late at night.

When I go to bed, I always text him to say goodnight and we often call quickly to say goodnight. I always ask him to send me a text when he goes to bed, and I have in the past communicated that words of affirmation are my love language and that waking up to a thoughtful message rooting for me & my day every now & again is incredibly appreciated, as I feel super overwhelmed with my current life & that kind of thoughtfulness means a lot to me.

I very rarely get thoughtful messages like that (maybe 3 in the last 3 months), and sometimes (once a week)I wake up to no message at all. It bothers me especially when I know he was out at work & is driving home late at night. I always remind him to text me when he gets home safe.

He has fairly significant ADHD, and I understand that he might not be the best texter. But I cannot imagine laying my head on the pillow & not sending my partner a quick text, especially when they’ve explicitly expressed what it means to them.

This is not the only way that our communication/lifestyle differences affect our relationship, but it is one that feels really hurtful to me. I have expressed this and am often met with defensiveness & a “I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say,” and then a continuation of the behavior.

What are your thoughts?

Hi everyone,

I’m wondering if I am the asshole for feeling frustrated by my partner‘s lack of texting. I (24F) have been dating my partner (26M) for a year. We are long distance (about a 3 hour drive from one another) and have fairly opposite schedules. I wake up early & go to bed early and my days are pretty long/filled with different activities (I’m a PhD student). My partner is more of a night owl and works later hours that sometimes involve him driving an hour away and then driving back home late at night.

When I go to bed, I always text him to say goodnight and we often call quickly to say goodnight. I always ask him to send me a text when he goes to bed, and I have in the past communicated that words of affirmation are my love language and that waking up to a thoughtful message rooting for me & my day every now & again is incredibly appreciated, as I feel super overwhelmed with my current life & that kind of thoughtfulness means a lot to me.

I very rarely get thoughtful messages like that (maybe 3 in the last 3 months), and sometimes (once a week)I wake up to no message at all. It bothers me especially when I know he was out at work & is driving home late at night. I always remind him to text me when he gets home safe.

He has fairly significant ADHD, and I understand that he might not be the best texter. But I cannot imagine laying my head on the pillow & not sending my partner a quick text, especially when they’ve explicitly expressed what it means to them.

This is not the only way that our communication/lifestyle differences affect our relationship, but it is one that feels really hurtful to me. I have expressed this and am often met with defensiveness & a “I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say,” and then a continuation of the behavior.

What are your thoughts?

I’ve been with my current therapist for about a year & a half. I started seeing them through an OCD-based platform & then transitioned to a new practice with them when they switched. As someone with OCD, I really appreciate their background in that area.

My therapist has helped me through some difficult times, but I feel like we may be at the end of our journey together. It feels like we’ve gotten as far into things/themes as we can. Additionally, I feel like in the past few months they’ve seemed sort of disengaged in our sessions (we do telehealth), including a few instances where I felt like they may have been doing something else on their computer or phone, which was super distracting. It feels like most sessions are just me intellectualizing situations, coming up with “solutions” and then sort of reporting that to my therapist and them validating/reiterating what I said back to me. I feel like I may value someone who can be more assertive & challenge me to get more in touch with my true emotions/feelings about things.

I’m going to be going through some major life transitions over the next year & the thought of finding a new therapist who hasn’t been around for the last few years is daunting. But I also want to utilize my therapy time as best I can.

How do I figure out what modality is best for me? And should I try to talk to my current therapist about this? Or should I start looking for new ones?

I’ve been with my current therapist for about a year & a half. I started seeing them through an OCD-based platform & then transitioned to a new practice with them when they switched. As someone with OCD, I really appreciate their background in that area.

My therapist has helped me through some difficult times, but I feel like we may be at the end of our journey together. It feels like we’ve gotten as far into things/themes as we can. Additionally, I feel like in the past few months they’ve seemed sort of disengaged in our sessions (we do telehealth), including a few instances where I felt like they may have been doing something else on their computer or phone, which was super distracting. It feels like most sessions are just me intellectualizing situations, coming up with “solutions” and then sort of reporting that to my therapist and them validating/reiterating what I said back to me. I feel like I may value someone who can be more assertive & challenge me to get more in touch with my true emotions/feelings about things.

I’m going to be going through some major life transitions over the next year & the thought of finding a new therapist who hasn’t been around for the last few years is daunting. But I also want to utilize my therapy time as best I can.

How do I figure out what modality is best for me? And should I try to talk to my current therapist about this? Or should I start looking for new ones?