r/askatherapist

I was not given even the most basic education so sometimes my T says things that I’m assuming he thinks is common knowledge and my 1st reaction is to pretend I know. I trust my T completely I think it’s because I’ve done this my whole life with everyone to avoid being embarrassed now I don’t know how to change this. Sometimes he can somehow tell and he’ll ask and I can easily say “no I don’t understand what you’re saying” but I can’t seem to say it on my own. Any advice on how to change this?

Just for additional info I’m 33F and have less than a 2nd grade education due to childhood neglect born and raised in the U.S

I’m in a counseling masters program and I’m someone who’s been dealing with moderate to severe depression following a bunch of personal struggles (parents’ death and dementia, my disability, job loss, etc.).

In Counseling Process class we are assigned to role play a counselor for 3 classmates for a 5 session series. The “client” is supposed to use a real issue from their life as the subject for the sessions. It is supposed to be something beyond annoyance but below trauma. I can’t seem to find a problem to use as the “client” that doesn’t inevitably tie back into my deep grief and pain. I keep breaking down on my classmates and I don’t know what to do. It feels worse because the sessions are recorded so I’m also disclosing to the professor (who is also the head of our program). I don’t seem to have a problem keeping the emotional lid on when I’m the “counselor” but I can’t seem to authentically discuss any part of my life without falling apart.

I’m trying really hard not to quit school or take a big break. I’m in my late thirties and pursuing this as a career change. But I was maxed out with full time work plus full time school, and the stress of how to be an “appropriate client” is pushing it over the top. I don’t know what to do (I’m getting therapy and meds).

Thank you in advance. Any constructive suggestions are very welcome (but please don’t just say leave school, I’m fully aware of that option).

I’ve been working with my therapist for a little over a year to address some recent PTSD and anxiety. I’ve “graduated” to monthly appointments and sense that we will be winding those down in the coming months. I’d like to figure out a way to thank her for helping me through a difficult time as well as helping me with my lifelong anxiety which I had always ignored. Are flowers and a thank you card appropriate or do clients usually just walk away and fade into the background?

Also, I just realized that asking this question is likely related to my anxiety. lololol What can I say? I’m not perfect but I am better than before. ;)

Hello everyone,
As the question states, is this field a good choice for financial stability? I currently live alone on my own income as a teacher. I'm struggling to make ends meet on my 95K teacher salary in New England (HCOL area). While on paper this seems like a decent salary, I am having a difficult time paying my mortgage because housing is so expensive right now.

I'm not looking to make a massive amount of money. Like teaching, I do not expect this field to bring in a huge salary. I am interested in helping people ... but I am also interested in paying all my bills and not living paycheck to paycheck.

I know the first few years will be difficult, but with experience, is it reasonable to expect around 120K after five years?

I'm debating between the therapy field and becoming a psych NP. If anyone has any insight to offer, I'd love to hear it (even if it isn't about finances).

Thanks!

TW: SH

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I (27f) relapsed on self harm last week. Now it’s all I can think about. I had emailed my therapist saying “hey I just need to tell someone I’m struggling to not use unhealthy coping mechanisms for some accountability.” Well, the urges were sooo strong and emotions and stress and anxiety have been so high lately that I did it. And then again. And it’s literally all I can think about. How do I tell her? I also am totally safe and not experiencing any SI either. Just the SH. I don’t want her to think I failed. Or that I’m not okay. I am okay. Just incredibly stressed and anxious about literally everything in my life changing in the next few months and I guess I’m not handling it well.

Im 29F, hes in his 50sM. Okay this may be long but please bear with... a year and a half ago me and my partner were on a break and started seeing a couples counsellor after 4-5 months he suggested due to my trauma we work together just me and him and can do the odd couples as and when. So ive been seeing him a year. There's a lot of context but I dont want to make this post super long but basically I have had a history of sexual assault, being abandoned, not being able to trust etc, self harm. Recently ive relapsed self harm and expressed plans of suicide to therapist he did act on these tho not sure in the most boundaried way tho I did find it helpful and kind, the relapse is because someone who SAed me but I loved so much when I was a teen recently died and I havent been coping with this. Okay im just going to list things that have felt like maybe they arent appropriate or I dont know if im just hyper alert?? Also I do want to say I have built a strong bond to him, trust him, have felt safe with him but i dont know last few sessions my gut is feeling off but I dont know if thats my triggers personally. I dont think hes a bad guy at all.

- comments on my looks a lot, says im pretty/good looking, I must be aware guys want to have sex with me

- when disclosing sexual assaults before he had been a little dismissive suggesting I was in control as they didnt go further with me (I was 14)

- suggested that while ex didnt treat me right, I needed him (codependent) so we "both got our needs met"

- when I was suicidal he cancelled 4 hours of sessions and we went for a drive in his van and we went to get food, he stopped by his house to let his dogs out and let me use his loo i didnt feel unsafe but im aware this isn't common practice

- often starts session 15 mins early, has run over too by a hour before

- shares a lot about himself, now I do ask because I sometimes need to feel equal to share and im so closed off about talking so maybe hes just trying to make me comfortable but last session he shared about his own counselling, how he felt in his personal life (unseen/misunderstood), how i know more about him than anyone, how i make him feel safe and at ease to talk

- during a period of bad MH as a way of SH i think I posted nude pics on a degrading subbreddit and had lots of men message about how theyd hurt me/humiliated me I showed him these messages so we could talk about them/I wanted to talk about disclosing to my partner what id done and he kinda made it about him saying that the messages made him reflect on why he isn't living his life like he wanted, why cant he be him true self for fear of being judged, he ridiculed what some of the men had said and their profile pics

- says about how men's cars/watch (pointed to his) is an extension of their dick and how big it is and kept saying dick then apologised

- asked me if I was a brat / if I thought my partner was strong enough to hold me or if he let's me get away with too much, if I need a stronger man (he always says about this how he is)

- asked why I listened to him but not my partner, said the word "submit" then joked he was using that as its a trigger

- joked about putting me over his knee and smacking me

- told me hes been to jail before

- told me hes hit a woman before when he used to work on the doors (bodygaurd) but like as they were fighting him and he had to restrain them

- said in a few different sessions its not appropriate but I just want to give you a cuddle

- indicates im different to other clients all the tiem, says he doesnt do therapy like this with anyone else, he wouldn't tell other clients they can text him whenever etc, that he trusts me, he thinks we have a special connection

- he said he'd like to explore our bond but then said not in a creepy way

- said this in a recent message to me... "We are going in to more of a co-creational therapy atm so I am in it with you. exposing myself 🫢🙈 careful haha "Psychologically of course" "

- makes comments all the time about ym face been flushed amd then says if your warm take off jumper / cardi (which it took me 20 minutes convo to do) he kept sayinf come on just take it off but he wasnt been forceful i guess he was trying to understand why I didnt feel safe enough to???

- tells me things about other clients

- hes spoke about how a therapist can go to jail for having relationship with client and how wrong it is

- when speaking about sex im really shy and stuff and he is quite crass about it asking if like when I was speaking about an assault he was saying like did you come close to death I dunno it felt dismissive ??

-

I dont know there might be more but I feel bad writing this. Hes in his 50s quite old fashioned man I dont know if im just sesnstivie. Hes done a lot to help me and this sounds like he hasn't. He has and i trust him. Ive never had a good male influence or a man who hasn't hurt me/sexualised me and it feels really painful to think thats what might be happening here but Im hoping im wrong and im just triggered... because I dont want to find a new therapist etc. Im in the UK. He is registered with BACP etc

Any insight please is welcome 🙏

Just wondering what degrees are useful in undergrad for this type of career? My original plan was to do a BA in psychology and criminology and then go into psychotherapy for post-grad, but I've heard BA's aren't that great? I could do a BSc in psychology instead, or a BHSc in counselling - but I'm unsure which one will be more beneficial going into a career psychotherapy. Any info about your study pathway or advice would be greatly appreciated!

I've been wondering about this questions for a while. I'm also really curious how you feel about the approach your therapist uses and whether the modality played a role when you were choosing your T.

I recognize I don't know how to help her, any preplanned agreements, plans, or grounding exercises don't mean anything to her when she's having an episode. Her multiple conditions are a pretty complex mixture so I want to talk to her therapist specifically, but before we asked I wanted to check for ethical complications. Because I could totally see there being a no go situation just in case say, an abusive partner wanting to check that only nice things are being said about them type thing being an instant no go for a conversation between us all.

I’m autistic and I tend to think a lot about the ways my therapist interacts with me. When she uses certain exercises and they work I always want to know the logic/study behind how it works. I find it really interesting. We talked on boundaries and self disclosure which led into her saying she takes everything I say at face value and uses direct communication with me since that’s what works best for us.

I’m wondering now being in a therapist role do you change how you’re speaking to someone? If you’re a direct person by nature would you have to sideline that for a different approach if needed?

I’m really interested in psychology and therapy overall. I don’t wish to be able to read my therapists mind but I do wish I had all the knowledge she does and how she untangles a lot of topics over multiple people.

Hello all. I am suspecting I may be experiencing PTSD from a SA situation that occurred when I was a child. I am going to further discuss everything with my therapist, but feeling that my experience is not as "severe" as some others may have experienced is making me pause about wanting to bring it up.

The event happened so long ago, it is a bit jarring to have such a seemingly insignificant thing bother me so much now, considering I have discussed the event with my therapist before, but talking about it then didn't seem to bother me as much as thinking about it now does.

What would be a good way to bring it up to my therapist again while best avoiding triggering myself too much? (I am in the process of potentially being diagnosed with Autism, so verbal communication is not always the easiest for me). Thank you in advance to any who reply.

How much information is to much information or to little information? From my experiences with therapy, I can't get a gauge on how a therapist is feeling or what they're thinking during and after talking. It feels like talking to a brick wall especially when they have no reaction.

Would you only talk about information you want to talk about or would you talk about everything no matter how you feel? What does a therapist need to know to help thier patient I guess is the big real question I'm wanting to know?

Hi, I’m a 23F who’s been considering going into counselling and psychotherapy for the past year. I haven’t pursued this idea yet for multiple reasons:

1. What if I’m not cut out for it? - am I too emotional or not emotional enough

2. What if I’m doing it for the wrong reasons? - I struggle with mental health myself so am I subconsciously trying to “save myself”

3. What if I’m only doing it because I want the validation that comes with the job title?

I want to know what made people realise they wanted to do it, if other people had similar doubts to me and in people’s opinion what makes someone cut out to be a therapist? Thanks <3

Idk what to feel*

Ummm so today was very emotional for me. I had my most stressful day where I told my therapists everything I’ve been holding on too. Like all my negative thoughts and just a lot of things I’ve kept to myself. But as usual they helped me out and I ended our session feeling hopeful. However, towards the end of our session. They drop the news that they’re leaving the practice. And our next session is our last session. I’ve been seeing them about a month now… but they’ve helped me so much and ngl I guess I’ve gotten attached to them to a sense that when they told me the news I felt saddened cause they became part of my routine and I felt comfortable enough where I didn’t feel I needed to hold back anything. This is my first therapist and I’ve really enjoyed them but I know everything must come to an end. Anyway I’m just having mixed feelings. And a tiny bit worried about having a new one.

PS I also wanted to ask can I get them something as a thank you? . Write them a thank you card,l? candy? Gift card? Idk what’s professional or not but want to show my gratitude.

I have not been to a psychiatrist or a psychologist and I don’t have a diagnosis but I think when I read about OCD, I relate to the things people talk about regarding it.

I am actually looking into consulting a psychologist or a psychiatrist soon. But also my question is that I have tried to ignore several compulsions over the past years, shouldn’t that have been helpful to me already? Doesn’t it work like ERP? (Just to be clear, I am not making small of medical help by asking this question and seeming to compare it with what I said was me trying to ignore several compulsions in my daily living.)

What I just mean is that, why doesn’t ignoring what I think as compulsions, still have not worked naturally in getting rid of what I think is OCD?

I ask for your kind understanding of this post please…peace and love to all…

As the title says, I graduate this spring from my master's program, super excited for that! However, I am very nervous about this exam and have no idea where to study or what to study. Any suggestions are appreciated.

i was wondering about something. I’ve been seeing a lot of discussions about people struggling with si, and I’m curious about where it usually comes from.

In many cases, it seems connected to mental illness, but I’ve also come across people who say they don’t have any diagnosed mental health condition. Instead, they describe a kind of underlying feeling that the world doesn’t make sense or that life feels pointless.

So I was wondering, does SI typically stem from a mental illness, or can it also arise in people whose lives seem “fine” on the surface, where the feeling is more difficult to explain, like a general sense of exhaustion or disconnection?

for example they struggle to make friends and experience lonliness ectect

I would love any input if my expectations of my therapist are reasonable. This is the shortened length, I did the best I could to keep it condensed. TLDR at bottom of post.

Background: I see my therapist weekly, it's been maybe 2-3 months. Overall I like them, I don't feel like I get much out of therapy but I'm trying. I have a poor history with therapists, I think I can sometimes be to sensitive to things due to that or maybe my expectations of therapy are not realistic.

I'm considering finding another therapist because I feel they can get too side tracked talking about themselves when giving an example for something from their life, orwhen discussing something about their day or things of the like during our "ice breaker" period at the start of a session. Sometimes it is related and somewhat relevant albeit with maybe a little fluff, or completely unrelated. I don't mind the small talk when starting our the personal examples, but it can feel excessive and it interferes. I find myself internally thinking "can I please get back to what I was trying to say?"

Second reason, in simple terms, the only two times they've said we will follow up with something/continue

a discussion the following week, we never did. One was going through criteria, point for point, of a diagnosis I feel i may fit and having in depth discussion of how/if I might relate to the criteria and discussing if the diagnosis fits or not. i was very happy with this conversation/approach even though we didn't even get through the first criteria. Unfortunately the next week was awkward as she just asked what I wanted to discuss or what was new with me. I didn't say anything because, maybe we're getting back to it, we never did, and one i realized that I felt dejected, and uncomfortable so I never acknowledged it. The second was the possibility of medication, if it would be beneficial and working together to have that discussion with a psychiatrist. Again, didnt get brought up, even though I had asked if they remembered where we left off "of course I do" and I expanded on the issue we discussed considering meds for. that went fine but..... they didn't bring up medication at all. They could feel differently than they did last week once we discussed further but....idk.

I completely acknowledge and agree that I should advocate for myself and people are human and they can be forgetful and make mistakes but I feel its reasonable to expect them to do what they said would be done and initiate picking back up. I dont think that should be on me to do so. Yeah I'm an adult, but I'm in therapy for a reason 🫠

After discussing with a friend, they feel it's not a completely reasonable expectation and if I want to have those discussions I should have said something. I fundamentally agree with the sentiment, but these aren't outliers, it's literally the only times we were supposed to pick up where we left off. I dont expect them to memorize everything, but like..... not even writing it down? Twice they didn't do what they said they would and the fact they didn't, and didn't remember.... to me it suits something... I don't really care who's right, I just want feedback if that is a reasonable expectation of a therapist? I hope I'm explaining well, any feedback would be much appreciated 🙏🏻

TLDR: I want to know if it's reasonable to expect a therapist to be the one to initiate a session by picking back up where they said we would the week prior. Should I be expected to remember and bring it up of they don't. (especially when the discussion are about a possible diagnosis and possible medication use.)

Hi all, I’m looking to get some advice on non specific responses from therapists. For context, I’ve seen multiple therapists over multiple years for a varying degree of things which can take a bit of nerve to work up to and don’t feel the responses from the varying therapists quite fit the bill. The response I seem to get from my therapist’s are “I should be proud of where I’ve gotten to”, “I did my best with what I had available at the time” and “there’s nothing I can do to change it”.

Whilst all these are valid points I don’t feel it’s what I’m going to therapy to hear when asking for coping mechanisms and techniques on working through things when I’m actively opening, admittedly buried in a shallow grave at times, wounds. It almost feels insulting. I don’t have specific responses in mind but something more than “be proud you can live and work”. It feels like I’m being called brave by the paramedic for breaking my leg and calling an ambulance but not being given a cast.

Is this part of their training?

Am I in the wrong kind of therapy?

Am I seeing the “wrong” counsellors?

What am I missing?

Any advice is appreciated.