u/FestivusandFusilli77

I have an old (obviously old) 5-CD player and its two speakers but I'm not even sure the wire that's with it is meant for it (or works). Is there someplace I can take the pieces of this ancient but beloved device to get help in figuring out what's needed so I can jam out to CDs the way music was meant to be listened to (I'm not quite cool/old enough for vinyl)?

I've tried calling Best Buy a few times and hung up because I was on hold for so long.

Okay, I put "IRL" just to show that I'm not the old millennial that I really am. :)

I'm genuinely curious if that happens. ​I've only been on reddit for a few months so still trying to figure things out. I'm not really even sure that I'm looking to do so myself, but would be open to chatting with people on here. I deal with several chronic health issues so barely leave home and keep to myself. Maybe eventually would meet up if it was right, but no pressure.

Biggest interest: MLB / NY Yankees. And dogs. I really like dogs.

Thanks for reading and have a good one.

I know narcolepsy can cause people to be depressed, but does anyone else have narcolepsy and a real, serious, preexisting mental health condition? How does your MH effect your narcolepsy and vice versa? I have borderline personality disorder, treatment resistant depression and anxiety, and chronic suicidality. Also chronic pain. The trio of the these issues is almost too much. It's a constant struggle with treatment, medications, and just living with the diseases. I feel like I'm constantly drowning. There is never a break. Knowing that I will live with these issues forever just makes me want to quit. There is no relief, no self care good enough, no normalcy, no feeling good in my mind or body.

Does anyone else have this struggle?

Thanks if so.​

I am so isolated, so alone, I have noone, sometimes I think I'm starting to lose my mind. I live in a condo community and sometimes I walk to the trash/Recycling at night just to see lights on in other units. It's better if I don't see people in the units because that will depress me too much, seeing other people with families or other household members. That can literally send me into a tailspin. How damn pathetic is it that seeing lights on, just seeing that there are humans living close by, is the closest thing that gives me any connection to others? I can't live this way.

I am so isolated, so alone, I have noone, sometimes I think I'm starting to lose my mind. I live in a condo community and sometimes I walk to the trash/Recycling at night just to see lights on in other units. It's better if I don't see people in the units because that will depress me too much, seeing other people with families or other household members. That can literally send me into a tailspin. How damn pathetic is it that seeing lights on, just seeing that there are humans living close by, is the closest thing that gives me any connection to others? I can't live this way.

I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I literally can't remember a day I didn’t have SI. Where I woke up happy to have woken up. Where I went to bed not hoping I wouldn't wake up. Where a considerable amount of my time wasn't spent thinking about the least painful, most fail safe way to go. Where I don't tweak and revise various methods of kms. Where I wasn't angry at cops, psychiatrists, and the US government for forcing me to stay alive because we don't have compassionate death with dignity for those suffering from lifelong mental illness. Where I don't literally have vivid dreams of being nothing (I don't believe in heaven).

This is not normal. This is not something Dbt is going to fix. This is not something any therapy or any kind of meaning or purpose will fix. I am so miserable. ​​

....but does anyone else hate living here? I know, I know, I'm an adult and in theory should just move. But I'm stuck here. It's almost all the heat and humidity. I. Can't. Stand. It. It's not just the summer, it's basically most of spring and fall. I'm not particularly outdoorsy, though I love going to a local preserve, but I hate being literally stuck inside, unable to go for a short walk, or go to my car without baking, or opening the windows. I would rather deal with snow and winter than being down here. And for a number of reasons I can't just move, or I would have long ago. It's really bad for my mental health. Also the threat of hurricanes.

Okay, rant over, and fully expecting either no response or hate to come my way.

I am a completely worthless human being. I'm not even saying "I feel worthless" or "I think I am worthless" because it's just a fact. I know that I am. Objectively, it's true. I've tried to find value, meaning, skills, purpose, that all elusive worthiness, tried volunteering, but I can't find anything. I've tried taking actual steps to make myself worthy, but fail. I am a worthless daughter, family member, neighbor, community member, citizen, ​individual. I don't know if I believe that every human is born with some intrinsic value or not, but if i ever had any, it's long been gone.

This is a large part of my chronic suicidality. I have asked people who know me to tell me what makes me valuable, and get vague, generic responses. I scream at the police officers who cuff me and drag me to into a psych ward after a suicide attempt to F off because my death would mean nothing.

I just don't know how to live, and don't want to, being a pointless human being who has nothing to contribute to anyone or anything and has no value to myself. I have so much hate for myself it's impossible to live like this.

Does anyone have any advice-- I dont even know what kind of advice I'm looking for.

I'm just wondering if anyone has ever been hospitalized/involuntarily committed through a reddit post? I constantly feel like if I say what I'm really feeling, and somehow I'm tracked down, I'm going to be baker acted. Just curious.

Not expecting any responses.

When therapists have asked me what my hopes and dreams are, all I can think of is dying. I can't imagine any relief coming any other way. I dream of how long my body will lay there, who will eventually find me (likely the law called by neighbors to report a smell, or my mother). I dream of my mother's reaction, and I am so desensitized and so cold, so confident that she will be relieved I've *finally* done it after all the threats, all the hospitalizations. I dream of being in past tense. Of being buried or cremated (I don't care). Of being free from the pain. Of social security being glad there's one less disabled person the government has to support. Of how neighbors will maybe have one brief conversation in passing about my death. Of just being finally dead and gone. That is all I dream of.

... what was/were the first thing(s) that finally gave you a reason to live? Was it something internal, like gaining self worth, or something external, like a ​job, pet, or person that you were able to have a healthy relationship with?

I'm guessing most of the answers will be an internal change, but I need to have some hope, some idea of what might bring me back from the permanent brink that I live on. I've been trying and looking for some reason to want to live, but there's nothing.

... what was/were the first thing(s) that finally gave you a reason to live? Was it something internal, like gaining self worth, or something external, like a ​job, pet, or person that you were able to have a healthy relationship with?

I'm guessing most of the answers will be an internal change, but I need to have some hope, some idea of what might bring me back from the permanent brink that I live on. I've been trying and looking for some reason to want to live, but there's nothing.

I just got out of the psych hospital, this was my ninth time. I can't believe my life has come to this- to the events and misery that lead up to it, to the hospitalization itself, to having been there nine times. It's been over a stretch of 30 years, and I am no better now than i was then. It's the depression, the borderline, the suicide attempts. I feel like this is all I am, all I will ever be. I wish i could say that I've changed, that these hospitalizations have scared me straight, that I've gotten help and have resources, that i have a good support system, that I won't end up back there. But I can't. ​I am the same today as when I went in, every time. I hate my life and myself. I just don't know what to do anymore, how to keep going. That is all.

I just got out of the psych hospital, this was my ninth time. I can't believe my life has come to this- to the events and misery that lead up to it, to the hospitalization itself, to having been there nine times. It's been over a stretch of 30 years, and I am no better now than i was then. It's the depression, the borderline, the suicide attempts. I feel like this is all I am, all I will ever be. I wish i could say that I've changed, that these hospitalizations have scared me straight, that I've gotten help and have resources, that i have a good support system, that I won't end up back there. But I can't. ​I am the same today as when I went in, every time. I hate my life and myself. I just don't know what to do anymore, how to keep going. That is all.

I just got out of the psych hospital, this was my ninth time. I can't believe my life has come to this- to the events and misery that lead up to it, to the hospitalization itself, to having been there nine times. It's been over a stretch of 30 years, and I am no better now than i was then. It's the depression, the borderline, the suicide attempts. I feel like this is all I am, all I will ever be. I wish i could say that I've changed, that these hospitalizations have scared me straight, that I've gotten help and have resources, that i have a good support system, that I won't end up back there. But I can't. ​I am the same today as when I went in, every time. I hate my life and myself. I just don't know what to do anymore, how to keep going. That is all.

Over a decade ago, I had an open fracture of my tib/fib. Had ORIF done. Healing went okay, nothing too unusual, but I have never stopped being in pain. For several years after, I dealt with it as best I could before finally going to an orthopedic practice for help. They did scans, saw a nonunion, but didn't do much for me before referring me out to their own pain management clinic. They tried buprenorphine patches (gave me incredible rash), had me try some PT, amd then suggested putting In a spinal cord pain device. I said no that and eventually just gave up getting help.

Fast forward a few years and the pain continued to wear on me, my ability to deal with it decreased, and I felt like I developed shin splints. So back I went to another orthopedic practice with my non-union. They recommended OrthoLazer (not covered by insurance) and a bone growth stimulator (was initially told it should be covered but eventually was denied), both of which I can't afford out of pocket even with payment plans. Tried more physical therapy. No relief. They told me there was nothing more they could do so deja vu, I got referred out to pain management. Met with that doctor today and he told me he couldn't do anything for me -- that this was an orthopedic issue (I knew this was going to happen). Since I'd already been to the two biggest and best known orthopedic practices in the area (three, actually), he said he would look into it to see where to send me. My referral was actually to "Generic Provider".

So after over a decade, multiple orthopedic and pain practices, and constantly being told to go somewhere else, that someone else should treat me,... what do I do? What can I do? Is there anything? I can't live with this pain, it effects so much of my life... my mood (I already suffer from mental health issues), my physical health, my ability to walk or exercise, my weight, my sleep, my hope, my confidence that I will ever be able to live with tolerable pain level. I can't go to yet another orthopedic doctor to have them tell me there's nothing and have this cycle continue. I did ask the pain doctor today if it would help to try appealing again to the bone growth stimulator company, adding that pain management can't do anything for me, necessitating the stimulator. He wasnt sure.

Any suggestions would be appreciated, anyone who's been through something similar, any treatments unknown to me would help. Apologies for length of post.​

I'm sure this has been asked numerous times over the years, but here I go asking again.

I'd really like to volunteer at a few places. I've done extensive web searches, checked volunteering databases (through the county, idealist) found plenty of listings/places, contacted a few organizations.

I've actually found it's harder than I would think to get involved ​for a few reasons - some places don't get back to you, others have 20 page application forms to fill out (it's not like I wouldn't pass a background check, but I'm looking for something a little easier/less stressful than that), some places are further than I want to drive within the county, and others have made it difficult to get involved (repeatedly giving me the wrong time for training, for example).

I would love to be able to help/interact directly with people/animals/whatever the cause is. I'm doing this in part because I suffer from severe depression and I need to get out of both myself and my house. Selfish, I know (but not really).

So please leave any suggestions, leads, personal experiences, or especially personal connections to organizations that might help me help others.

Thank you. ✌️

I've been in and out of therapy for most of my life. It's been ineffective, at best just someone to talk to which has been fine as I've always been isolated. But it's never given me tools or anything. I've also been chronically suicidal for most of my life. I've started looking into going to a country that has legalized physician assisted suicide. At the same time, not entirely sure why, I'm trying therapy yet again.

How will therapy help me with this chronic suicidality? How is some stranger going to change my lifelong belief in wanting to die? There is nothing in me or my life that wants to live. I hate everything internally and everything externally in my life. Tbh I don't have much faith in psychologists, or the mental health field in general. I feel like I am too far gone, not buying into or able to get well. Who i am is just a suicidal waste of space and therapy is just putting off the inevitable.

I realize there's not much therapy can do if I don't care. I am not worth it, not worth anything.