u/Favbrunette004

Title says everything.

I went on a walk+coffee with a guy who was from my university. We matched on an app.

At first, I thought, he is not my type. However he was so sweet during the whole time. We just clicked. We sat somewhere random in a field and chatted. I felt like being myself after a very long time. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but I just… did not want that fast. How ironic.

Then he invited me to eat Asian food. We headed there after. It was like time has stopped by then. I was just feeling secure. He even paid his last penny to buy me the meal. He did not even accept the cash I gave him.

Then he walked me home, 5 kms, because there was no bus and it was getting dark. I invited him to my student place for tea. I did not want to leave him outside while he walked all the way back, it was raining and the next bus was going to be late anyways. I did it many times before, but I never slept with any of the guys.

Then we started to chat about books and this time I let him into my room. I regret it.

We ended up cuddling. I never felt that secure and safe for a long time. And that scared the shit out of me.

We kissed after, I tried to resist what was going on few times, but being in his arms made me feel peaceful. Idk how. Idk why.

We stayed in bed in each other’s arms for 2 hours. I told him he can sleep in my place if he wants, because there was no bus back and he had to walk 4-5 kms otherwise. And yea, just… we ended up having s*x. I hate myself for it. In the morning he asked me if I could inform him about my period, I said yes. He also asked me to hangout tomorrow, then kissed me when he left.

I ended up getting pill. I never felt so embarrassed of myself in my life. I take the accountability of what happened and I just… I am just mad at myself for being so weak and insecure.

I posted about it on another subreddit and the comments were so… hurtful. But also right. I guess I was so easy. I am so easy that I lost my control just because I felt in peace with someone. How can someone be so desperate for affection? Why do I never learn?

I hate myself for it. I even broke down in bus stop because I am so embarrassing. I can’t even stand myself and no wonder why other people can’t stand me and leave me all the time as well.

Edit: I went to sleep crying after this post. Thank you for your kind comments🩷

So, this happened to me when I was a teenager.

It was 2020, the year of the covid. I was supposed to turn 16 that year.

Idk if it was just the stress of the year, but I was seeing very weird dreams and I was thinking that world was supposed to get destroyed.

I was watching netflix shows by that time since I had so much free time. Does anyone know Chilling Adventures of Sabrina? I was obsessed with it.

Just for some background info, in this show, the majn character should give her soul to the devil when she turns 16. I guess I was so influenced by it that I was scared that devil was going to get me.

One day my best friend texts me, saying that she saw me in her dream, I asked her what did she see. She told me a white man with ginger hair and blue eyes told her that she has to speak to me and that I already know. It was 3 weeks before my 16. birthday.

I got scared more. The night I turned 16, I was so scared to see the devil. But nothing happened.

A few months later, I had a nap during the day (normally I would not because I had an online class later) and I saw myself dancing with the devil. I got scared, but i did not mind and continued my day. Therefore, that day at night I go to my instagram. I see a request from a satanic community, and they sent me their discord group chat. Mind you, I never interacted with any satanic posts and I only had 1 follower who was my mom. I tried to brush it off but for years it was on my mind.

2-3 years later, I found that discord group chat and I joined it. I met a guy online, we talked about what we experienced. The day we talked about all of this, all lights went off in his town.

Now I am not scared of the devil anymore, but sometimes I think he got my soul, because one time when I saw him on my dream again, I told him I will give him my soul if he helps me to move abroad. And I did move abroad.

So, this happened to me when I was a teenager.

It was 2020, the year of the covid. I was supposed to turn 16 that year.

Idk if it was just the stress of the year, but I was seeing very weird dreams and I was thinking that world was supposed to get destroyed.

I was watching netflix shows by that time since I had so much free time. Does anyone know Chilling Adventures of Sabrina? I was obsessed with it.

Just for some background info, in this show, the majn character should give her soul to the devil when she turns 16. I guess I was so influenced by it that I was scared that devil was going to get me.

One day my best friend texts me, saying that she saw me in her dream, I asked her what did she see. She told me a white man with ginger hair and blue eyes told her that she has to speak to me and that I already know. It was 3 weeks before my 16. birthday.

I got scared more. The night I turned 16, I was so scared to see the devil. But nothing happened.

A few months later, I had a nap during the day (normally I would not because I had an online class later) and I saw myself dancing with the devil. I got scared, but i did not mind and continued my day. Therefore, that day at night I go to my instagram. I see a request from a satanic community, and they sent me their discord group chat. Mind you, I never interacted with any satanic posts and I only had 1 follower who was my mom. I tried to brush it off but for years it was on my mind.

2-3 years later, I found that discord group chat and I joined it. I met a guy online, we talked about what we experienced. The day we talked about all of this, all lights went off in his town.

Now I am not scared of the devil anymore, but sometimes I think he got my soul, because one time when I saw him on my dream again, I told him I will give him my soul if he helps me to move abroad. And I did move abroad.

It has been months since we broke up. We had few weeks together. But never in my life I never felt so connected and in peace with someone. I know that I am not what you look for. I know that I don’t speak the same language as you, I am not from your country, I am too soft and vulnerable, I am not pretty enough and just not enough for you.

I cried first 4 months. I remember that the first day I did not cry, next day and almost everyday for 4 months I cried like a baby. I thought I was over it after. I joined gym, tried to be more productive. Take a break from dating, then started again, started seeing other people, but the spark was just never there. Am I self-sabotaging? I do not know.

But I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t see myself in a relationship anymore. Maybe because I am so insecure after our breakup. I think I am gonna die alone.

I also hooked up with 2 guys, like I said, I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t let them stay in my place after sex, I don’t let them hug me, cuddle me, or give me promises. Because if it always ends up with sex, why would I invest my feelings? But when I close my eyes, I remember you laying on my chest and saying “I can hear your heartbeat.” Sometimes I wish I could freeze time and just stay there.

Just you, me and my heartbeat.

It has been months since we broke up. We had few weeks together. But never in my life I never felt so connected and in peace with someone. I know that I am not what you look for. I know that I don’t speak the same language as you, I am not from your country, I am too soft and vulnerable, I am not pretty enough and just not enough for you.

I cried first 4 months. I remember that the first day I did not cry, next day and almost everyday for 4 months I cried like a baby. I thought I was over it after. I joined gym, tried to be more productive. Take a break from dating, then started again, started seeing other people, but the spark was just never there. Am I self-sabotaging? I do not know.

But I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t see myself in a relationship anymore. Maybe because I am so insecure after our breakup. I think I am gonna die alone.

I also hooked up with 2 guys, like I said, I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t let them stay in my place after sex, I don’t let them hug me, cuddle me, or give me promises. Because if it always ends up with sex, why would I invest my feelings? But when I close my eyes, I remember you laying on my chest and saying “I can hear your heartbeat.” Sometimes I wish I could freeze time and just stay there.

Just you, me and my heartbeat.

Hello everyone, I (22f) hooked up with a guy today (23M).

Over the texts, he told me how amazing is gonna be our sex and that he has 3 condoms and he hopes that it is gonna be enough. He was even telling me that my flatmates can hear the voices as well.

He came over, we had a bit of small talk. We kissed, I went down on him, everything was going great. He put the condom on and started the thing. Then he stopped, and he basically cummed less than a minute.

Then he was SO embarrassed, I said it is okay, I don’t judge and we still have time, I tried to make more small talk to get rid of the stress. Then he said he feels uncomfortable and I told him he can leave and said Im sorry.I also explained that if it is uncomfy for him, we can just not see each other again. And in 10 mins after he left, he blocked me.

Did I do anything wrong?🥲

Hello everyone, I (22f) hooked up with a guy today (23M).

Over the texts, he told me how amazing is gonna be our sex and that he has 3 condoms and he hopes that it is gonna be enough. He was even telling me that my flatmates can hear the voices as well.

He came over, we had a bit of small talk. We kissed, I went down on him, everything was going great. He put the condom on and started the thing. Then he stopped, and he basically cummed less than a minute.

Then he was SO embarrassed, I said it is okay, I don’t judge and we still have time, I tried to make more small talk to get rid of the stress. Then he said he feels uncomfortable and I told him he can leave and said Im sorry.I also explained that if it is uncomfy for him, we can just not see each other again. And in 10 mins after he left, he blocked me.

Did I do anything wrong?🥲

Yesterday a guy from my socials called me randomly. We had facetime. It was so late and I was tired, no makeup and I had shift that day. I was looking the worst but I thought it would be okay so I accepted his call.

We talked a bit and after we hang up because he was getting annoying.

Today I posted a video of me before going to the gym.
He called me catfish and I told him I just have makeup on. He said “still”. I don’t use filters or anything on my videos or pictures.

It just ruined my day. I feel so BAD over it. I am currently crying. Does anyone have any advices for these type of comments?

Hello everyone, my question today is for the ladies.

I realized that I would be better off in a fwb, rather than something else. I just wanna have sex and chill. No attachment, no overthinking, nothing. I downloaded tinder, matched with someone and we are talking. However he is saying that I can’t sleep with anyone else if we start doing it and asking me 500 million questions.

He just asked me if I will wear lingerie and honestly I am starting to get pissed off. Not like I will show up with no effort, but I want to chill and not try to prove anything to him.

And he is being like, oh you will get obsessed because I am this and that.

How do you manage fwb situations?

Gimme some tips

Hello everyone,

I (22f) hooked up with someone last night. Before I get into that, I wanna give some details about myself.

I grew up in a conservative household, in a small post-soviet country, with strict parents. My mom always showed her marriage as success to me, since she was married to my dad when she was 20 and she had a long term relationship starting from then. I never knew what I wanted in a relationship, because I never ever thought that I could get into one. Lack of social skills and comparison, body dysmorphia, anxiety… all these were telling me that I could never get a boyfriend or anyone to like me when I was young. I was so worthless. And mom would confirm it. She would tell me how many beautiful women are miserable because they have no spouse and I should be grateful if I find someone. When I was young, I ignored these. Or at least I thought.

I grew up, I moved out of the home country, now I live in Europe. When I was 19, I got my first boyfriend. And I actually fell in love and got loved. He was my first love, first time I have ever felt safe with someone. Never got the same thing ever again but got close.

My first 2 relationships were very intense and hard. I could never understand that how can someone neglect a person who loves them and fights for them. But sometimes love is not enough. And sometimes people don’t love us back. After them, I built my walls.

Last year in September, I met someone and we started a really fast paced relationship. I met his friends and family, only him to dump me because I bled during intercourse. I never felt so degraded in my life. A week later, I met my last boyfriend spontaneously, I was very unsure however we had so much common points. I thought he was the reflection of soft part of me, which I always oppressed. However, when I realized that I did not mean to him anything more than a tool to lose his virginity and I had no spot in his life, I crashed. I left him, in peace. I did not even cry the first day. Next 4 months I cried every day. I started not to eat. Sometimes I would not eat for days or weeks, sometimes I would bake and binge. However, it got to a point even finishing one plate was hard. I said fuck it, I will start gym. I got a bit better. I couldn’t understand why it was not me. Why couldn’t he make space for me in his life. Why not. Was I unattractive? Was I too much? Why not? Was it because I did not look like the women from his country? Questions, questions, questions…

6 months later, I decided to go back to dating. 5 first dates, no one I can feel a connection. Just guys who are not over their exes, or the one who ghosts me after being the sweetest person ever, the guy with smoking problems and bla bla bla.

Then yesterday, I got drunk and asked one of the guys I casually dated before if he had a gf, I wanted to hookup. He said yes, and gave me a very passive aggressive answer.

But I knew what I wanted, I wanted to get laid for the first time in my life. So I texted a guy saying I want to hookup. And we did.

And it was good. I did not cum, but I was stable, I felt no anxiety. I did not question anything. I did not blame myself for sleeping with him. There was no one who

i felt like I had to impress. Just me. I felt sexy. That was all. He left and after that no bad feelings, no feeling empty, no hating myself. Peace. Wish I did it earlier.

I guess without realizing I wanted to be my mom deep down, I said that I wanted to get loved, but no, I wanted to prove myself that I was enough for commitment while I was looking for a relationship. I wanted to fit the good girl stereotype.

Ladies, go get fun. Fuck it, enjoy the life.