u/Big_Register2034

30s/M - not straight (somewhat irrelevant to the post but might be good for context), rather isolated from Muslim community, person.

Not sure where else to post this but I don’t know many people in real life. I made a concerted effort to meet other Muslims at masjid, local spots, but it just never panned out. Specifically wanted platonic male friends because I’m tired of having girl friends who eventually move on their lives, and at a certain point, becomes a hindrance to personal growth anyway.

Switched to apps instead, which were also largely a bust. During this time, I had deactivated my insta and no one (aka non Muslim friends) hit me up. Last weekend I got back on it and a few were like “ohh where’d you go?” chit chatted a bit, but that’s it.

Anyway long story short. I’m seriously considering deleting IG. I already pay for Google Drive and have my photos/travels/concerts backed up there, where no one else would be looking or engaging on my IG anyway.

Has anyone deleted IG and then regretted it? I’m talking GHOSTED

Honestly if it wasn’t for 2FA bullshit every website under the sun pushes these days, I could totally just throw my phone in the ocean.

I don’t get how seemingly everyone is so desperately lonely but yet wont put effort on things like meetup or apps. Like, isn’t the point to not be lonely and build a community?

More and more I’m thinking that the only friend I can hope to have is a potential partner. And even trying to get one of those is impossible with avoidant personalities being a dime a dozen.

Feeling “if this is the end, I wanna BOYFRIEND” heavily today. 💔

Sorry pleebs we aren’t worthy 🥲

I’ve seen bigger acts for less. Resellers are on CRACK

What are the chances I’ll get tickets tomorrow? Any hope?

I love slayyyter and can’t believe I just came across the tour announcement today

I WANT NASTY AFTER PARTIES BANGED UP AT THE M$T£L

Not like there’s anything to do except sit outside, but yet another rainy weekend forecasted.

I should’ve got married and had kids right after college. Maybe I’d be taking them to some activity instead.

Loosing my mind 💔

Are there ANY coffee shops that don’t charge $8 for a cup of crud?

It’s really egregious when you get a plain latte that tastes like absolutely nothing without the addition of syrups, and nearly $10 at that. The cheapest non chain latte I had was $5, and I couldn’t even finish half way through.

This seems like a first world problem, and it is. But where is the tipping point?

NOT applicable to me, but curious to know what others think.

Is questioning gender (or even sexuality) a western societal thing? A result from a lack of healthy community dynamics?

Interested in the philosophical side of it all.

I think everyone needs to acknowledge that chemtrails and BB are great albums with great lyrics. They came out during Covid time, so maybe people have some animosity towards it especially with the mesh mash, but I just don’t understand how people can hate it so much.

At her tour last summer, she played at least 1 from each. Chemtrails and If You Lie Down With Me. The crowd was moving and shaking to chemtrails ofc, and I feel like I was maybe the only one vibing to lie down with me lol. But clearly she likes it enough to be on the setlist with almost as many songs as ocean blvd.

Has anyone been successful? The one by me is a ghost town. Literally only filled on Fridays, where people come during the khutba and leave immediately after.

No weekend or social events.

Interested in making same gender friends, but it seems like going to a bar is better suited tbh.

This question isn’t asked too often on this sub, but thought it would be relevant to give it a refresh.

Are there any reasons for someone from NJ to NOT move to LA?

I’m completely exhausted from the winters here. I’m a great personality, but I’ve just found out that the reason I feel like a big fish in a small pond is because my city is actually 15k people. Seems like a lot, but when I try to search for gyms, interest groups, even dating or friend apps, it’s an absolute ghost town. (Also - seasonal).

Anyway, I really would like somewhere walkable, and young (30s) single folk so I can find my tribe. I know flakiness is everywhere, but at least I can have more options to do stuff?

Maybe now that I upped my karma I can finally post on this sub 🫩

I’ve finally named the feeling that’s been plaguing me for the past 2 years. Hopelessness.

Truly, I don’t know HOW things could get better for me.

We’re all on a journey of self exploration, so when I tried “coming out” to family that I wanted to start dating the same gender, it was received SO badly, that I was shoved back into the closet. I have since reconciled that I can be Muslim and have homosexual attraction at the same time, contrary to both secular and Muslim spaces saying otherwise. I actually don’t think homosexuals are destined for the pits of hell, but that’s besides the point.

The fact is that realizing my family’s love for me is conditional has completely fucked me up. I always knew I had to perform for approval and do certain acts out of responsibility, but to be shunned and discarded - basically thrown to the wolves at a time when I needed love and support the most, is etched into my mind. It’s made me think (1) if my blood relatives can’t love me, how could I expect a stranger and their family to love me as their own? (2) love doesn’t actually exist, only what you can do and purpose you serve for people.

My journey of self exploration was taken away from me and my family member made the whole ordeal completely about themselves, how God was going to punish them (forget me?? hello) and that the devil was inside me. This intense religious and emotional terrorism continued for about 6 months until I finally caved and just washed my hands of anything LGBT. With it, my interests, and general spark. I used to be so upbeat and positive (to a point), but now it’s just like static noise. I’ve had depression before, so this is not that. It doesn’t help that dark, cold, gloomy weather makes me feel like I’m going out of my mind either.

I still enjoy listening to music, but I’m not allowed to go to concerts anymore because it’s devilry. I can’t look too good or dress too well because then I’m trying to attract the “wrong kind” of attention. If I don’t act masculine enough, I’m called a sissy (lmao). It’s true, I’m not macho and I may be a bit quirky, but I’m not a fairy, so it’s just excessive imo.

I’m scrutinized where I’m going and who I’m hanging out with like a prisoner, even more so now that I’ve “broken trust”. Doesn’t really matter because I got rid of my “friends” who weren’t supportive of me during this time. Their only advice was to move out and cut off contact with my family - which obviously is dumb when you don’t have an alternative social network and a non white among whites.

Further complicated is the fact that the economy is SO BAD, I can’t even set off on my own without a partner (lol), or a roommate. I don’t want a roommate. I need to stew on my own for a bit and figure out who I am and my likes separate from my family. I need to stop feeling like a prisoner to my own life, to others’ expectations of what they want for me, to others’ perception of a good family reputation. Maybe if I was in my 20s a roomie wouldn’t be bad, and in some ways it might help me at this life stage, but I think it would be too much to go from prisoner-esque life to living with a complete stranger on your own for the first time and dealing with baggage, as a whole ass adult.

Dating is a non starter too. Not only can I not do it religiously, but my foray into it was horrible. So many militant atheists (ok, valid) and their complete refusal to understand what I was going through, expecting me to choose between them and my family (so conditional, again), I’m trying to focus on finding friends. Only, no one my age is looking for platonic friendship - just partners. I’ve been told “I have enough friends” by multiple people who showed interest in me but I didn’t show the same back and wanted something different.

I’ve looked into therapy but no one specializes in the topics I need addressed in my state, and ones I’ve found are too ethical to treat me across state lines.

Anyway. Not sure what the point of this is other than to vent. And the kofta? The kofta ended up burnt.

Does anyone else’s family self-isolate?

I’m not sure if it’s an intersection of faith, culture, or just personal pathology. But growing up, it was almost touted as an accomplishment to be isolated, have no friends, or engage with others outside of work or school.

I don’t think that’s normal.

US based, not of south asian culture but heavily influenced.

I know people joke about this, but I do feel like my generation (millennial) got the short end of the stick.

Forget the scam of student loans, our entry into the workforce being post recession therefore a lower starting wage, dealing with boomers, and all other bullshittery.

But now I feel like I’m at the time where I *should* be able to travel and have a life standing on my own two feet.

Yet rent is astronomical. People my age are moving back home with parents, even with two incomes. The senseless war in the Middle East is raising cost of absolutely everything which was already way beyond normal inflation (the one positive is we may finally make traction on renewable energy). Airlines are rallying around the prospect of cutting supply to drive up demand and keep fares and profits high. Everything costs $5 minimum. A short day trip to the major city near me is at least $50 from transportation alone. Small cities price gouge on parking, which you have to use a car to get to because there’s no public transport. If I want to travel internationally, I don’t even have the time off to make it worth it, even if I had the funds to travel like an adult and not a broke college student.

Duped!

Title.

At a certain point I realized that my “friends” not reciprocating my efforts was a source of major pain and brought up a lot of feelings from past and active trauma. So I cut them all off and set out to find genuine people who make me feel safe, valued and wanted.

Unfortunately, that has been actually impossible. I’ve tried every avenue to try to meet new people. Fitness classes, meetup, those age based cocktail hours, every social app you can think of (from hookup based to “friend” based) and coming up short every time.

No one wants to put in effort. And I get it. We are all at capacity and barely have energy left over at the end of the day. But surely there has to be people out there who are willing to find their tribe???

Living in the most populous part of my country has me thinking “if I can’t find it here, it doesn’t exist”.