r/writingfeedback

[ Note: Reposted for more feedback ]
I’ve started writing a novel set inside a large-scale VR roleplaying game, and I’m looking for honest feedback on whether the concept feels compelling + how I could improve it.

The story is a multi-POV LitRPG that follows four different players, each with a distinct relationship to the game:
A low-experience yet ambitious newcomer, a popular streamer, a rising member of a combat-focused faction, and a widely known player who never wanted the attention.

The narrative explores how players shape the world over time with forming factions, alliances, and rivalries. This is up until the game begins to function like a real society with its own politics, social hierarchies, and conflicts.

At the same time, the story also focuses on how the game affects their real lives: online fame, pressure from audiences, identity, and the potential for obsession or loss of control.

I’m aiming for something that feels like a social experiment turned character-driven story, where the lines between “game” and “reality” start to blur.

Does this sound like something that would hook you as a reader?
And what would you expect or want out of a story like this?

Do you know the story of how a prank almost led to a war? This is the tale of When the Smoking Mirror Ate the Sky

Deep in the jungles of what we call Mexico-city a few gods grew exhausted of their mortals constantly praying to them.

And so they decided to head to a far away desert. While there they decided to pull a prank on the regional pantheon. Thinking no permanent harm would be done, they arranged for a jaguar to devour the desert sun. The gods planned for a rattling spectacle, nothing more.

Bastet was the first to hear the pleas and cries of panicking mortals. At first glance, this seemed like a normal occurrence, the kind easily soothed out. She made her way down to the mortal realm, planning how best to put them at ease, an eclipse, she would tell them, she would tell them how the sun and the moon moved across the and how it's not the end of the world.

Although what she found stopped her in her tracks she felt a sensation of shock and disbelief. There she saw a black panther laying draped across the sun as though it had simply caught a fish from Ilhuicaatl.

Her surprise deepened when she attempted to communicate with the feline the way she communicated with any cat. Only for it to respond with a scowling face and a deep low roar. He tightened his emerald claws around the sun.

Still determined, Bastet tried everything: calls,chirps, toys, catnip, she eventually dove to the deepest parts of the sea and returned with the largest fish she could carry. Nothing appeased it. With her patience wound as tight as it could go, as she raised her khopesh to scare the creature away.

The Panthar spoke.

“If you strike me, I will hunt down every mortal and animal of this land and pile their corpses at your feet."

The words landed with unmistakable weight. This was no ordinary panther sent as a harmless errand. This was Tezcatlipoca himself.

The Aztec god assured Bastet there would be a new sun, provided the mortals offered themselves in sacrifice. She was not horrified by the suggestion she was a goddess of blood and plagues. What horrified her was his complete indifference to mortals, a god speaking about mortal sacrifice as casually as one might discuss the weather filled her with disgust.

The two deities began to hiss and circle. Fire engulfed and sand surrounded Bastet as she transformed from her gentler aspect and rose into her warrior form, the one her mortals knew through called Skemet.

As Tezcatlipoca shrunk from a panther into a man his eyes turned green and his spots began to glow purple. When he lifted his right arm over his head and reached down his back dark grayish-black smoke swirled around his hand as withdrew his maccuahital.

He gave out a low booming growl, she let out a thunderous roar. This would not be a quarrel between cats. But a battle between gods.

I learned to make my coffee first. This way, I won’t miss anything—just in case it happens. Now I can’t really say what it is. I’m not sure. Maybe a shadow moving? The blinds open when it’s sunny. A car in the driveway. Anything. Anything that would prove a person lives in the house across the street. My husband says I’m borderline obsessed. It’s not me, though. It’s the neighbor. How can someone live in a house and never leave? And I know they’re in there. Somehow the grass gets cut. The mail doesn’t pile up. Smoke comes out of the chimney. But the door never opens. The blinds are never drawn. No car ever arrives, nor does one leave. So, I sit every morning with my coffee at the window and watch.

Hi! I hope you're doing well 😊

I wanted to reach out because I’m really interested in working as a beta reader. I love read and help writers improve their stories, whether it’s giving feedback on the plot, characters, pacing, or just sharing how the story feels from a reader’s perspective.

Since I’m building my experience, I’d love to offer some beta reading work on a volunteer basis at first. This way, I can support your project while also growing and improving my skills.

If you end up liking my feedback and feel that it helped you, I would truly appreciate it if you could leave a positive review. That would mean a lot to me as I’m just starting out there.

Thank you for your time, and I’d be really happy to work with you🤍

Philip Garcia shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. Little bits of straw wrapper fell out onto his open book and report he was writing. Across the table his older brother John sat amused.

“Will you stop?” Philip said as he brushed the little bits of paper off of his homework. “I'm almost done.”

“I need you to hurry up little brother, I've got places I need to be.”

“Mom is working tonight.”

“And?” John says before slurping the last bit of watered down soda through a straw.

“...And you're watching me.”

“You're fifteen little bro, you don't need me watching you.”

“Right, I know that. But mom doesn't like me being left alone.”

“Are you gonna burn down the house”

“No.”

“See, no reason you can't be home alone.”

Hi everyone! I’m currently working on the first draft of my novel I've started almost a half year ago and could really use some outside perspective and motivation. I’d love to know if this premise sounds like something you’d pick up.

The story follows two young women competing in a high-stakes, fictional tournament called the East Line Open. It’s a dual-POV drama about the "golden cage" of professional sports and the price of fame.

Character A: A world No. 1 and the "Golden Girl" of the circuit. On the outside, she has everything, but she’s controlled by her father/manager who treats her wins like stock market shares. She’s exhausted, lonely, and suffocating under the weight of a system she never chose.

Character B: A fiery Wild Card with zero money, a lot of rage against the system, but loves tennis. To survive, she’s given a chance to sign a contract with a sponsor, only to realize she’s traded her freedom for a different kind of cage.

They are supposed to be rivals. They are supposed to be "products" for the cameras. But through shared trauma and the realization that they are both being exploited by the same powerful men, they find a dangerous connection.

Key Themes: System vs. Individual: It’s a "Gritty Sports Drama" first. They aren't just playing against each other; they are trying to dismantle the system that treats them like racing horses.

Queer Romance: It’s a slow-burn Sapphic romance. It starts with tension and resentment but evolves into the only genuine thing in their fake world.

My Question: Does a "Sports Drama with a Sapphic Side-plot" appeal to you? Or do you think readers in this genre prefer the romance to be the absolute main focus?

I’d love to hear your honest thoughts on the plot!

I am practicing my writing skills to be a writer. please review my writing. Also, I didn’t add character names, sorry about that.

https://preview.redd.it/cbr1c6kv8lug1.jpg?width=1618&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=35d3142235073865591e807955149248c80858b9

Theres times that I look at the scars and realize that my skin and soul will never look the same. The times that I've spent bandaging myself up in the hopes that someone might do it for me, only to realise that i'm to afraid to let someone see that part of me. I knew exactly what I was doing when I began cutting, and found solace in the sensations that ran through my body with each mark I left. At first they embodied relief. It was as if each cut was a vent to release the pressure of my emotions from under my skin. And soon they became a habit, and then an addiction. And before I knew it, my whole body was covered. The ghost of the razor I used followed me around like a shadow, and everything became a reminder of the failure, that was me. I began to mourn for the girl that I could've been, and the things that that girl could've done, had she not been so conceited. Selfish, is how I began to see the scars. How dare I mar this body thats caging my soul? How dare I touch somthing that dosn't belong to me? i tried to convince myself that I was just a teenager, but can you truly just 'be a teenager' for your whole life? There has to be a breaking point. An oasis in the midst of a harsh and desolate world. Some kind of reprieve that reasures me that I haven't lost myself. That I was still the girl who cried while getting shots. That I was still the girl who climbed in bed with my mother to be held, and loved in a way that every child should be. That I was still the girl that taught her puppies the abc's, when she herself, couldn't even pronounce her own name. That I was still the girl who played dress up and danced in the living room to taylor swift. That I was still the girl who was loved. That I was still the girl who was just an annoying little sister, a perfect daughter, an ambitious student, and a best friend. That I was still me. Or at least, what used to be me. Theres parts of me that watch that little girl, and think about how stupid and foolish she was. And then theres parts of me that want nothing more than to be that naive again. And so standing there, in the kitchen light by the sink, at 9 p.m on a tuesday night, I began to cry, as I stared down at the scars that covered my arms. Not because they hurt. Not because they would be there the rest of my life. But because of the scars left on that little girls soul. Because of the hell she was put through that stole away her innocence. Because that little girl was, and always will be a part of me. And so I mourn for her. And the life she never got to live.

I wrote this blurb and would like to get some feedback. If you came across this listing, would you buy it? Any feedback would be appreciated.:

Your mind goes blank in conversations.

This is a practical guide to help you solving this problem.

Someone looks at you, waiting ... and suddenly ... nothing.

You don’t know what to say.

Later, the words come easily but in the moment, your brain just freezes.

This book also shows you why this happens — and gives you simple exercises to change it.

Not theory. Not vague confidence advice.

Real phrases and tools you can use immediately.

You will learn:

• What to say when you don’t know what to say
• How to recover from a brain freeze instantly
• How to keep conversations going without overthinking
• How to stop replaying conversations afterwards

If you struggle with social anxiety, overthinking, or blanking out in conversations — this was written for you.

You don’t need more confidence.

You need something to do in that moment

Hi guys so i am trying to basically write a background section for this report I working on. This report is based on The Effect of Work-Life Balance on Organizational Performance in Indian IT Firms. I have never written a report before and writing is not my strong suit so can you give suggestions on how I can improve and what changes are must.

Background

Work-life balance(WLB) refers to establishing an equilibrium between work and personal domains of life. As IT sectors in India today continue to grow, to meet organization demands employees tend to overwork and struggle to balance work and personal needs. Companies increase workhours (2,195 hours/year), employees receive higher workload and face stringent deadlines for task completion resulting in high stress, low well-being and overall dissatisfaction (Babu & Sahayam, 2024). The rapid pace of technology in the IT industry has further exacerbated these difficulties. Employees are now subjected to receive frequent work related phone calls after standard hours in order to maintain a constant face of availability and meet client demands. This is also called technostress and studies show that this practice has led to an increase in work-home conflicts and employees find it hard to psychologically detach from their jobs  (Derks & Bakker, 2012 as cited in Srinivasan & Kumar,2025). This report will review some key theoretical frameworks to understand the importance of WLB and its effect on organisational performance. Key three frameworks this report will be focusing on are Spillover theory, Boundary Theory and the JD-R model.

When discussing the idea of WBL, spillover theory explains how attitudes from one domain can overflow into another domain. For example, negative spillovers like stress from the workplace can transfer into personal life and vice versa, making it hard for individuals to manage both work and personal demands. Spillovers can also be positive where job resources and benefits can increase satisfaction which can be reflected in personal life as well (Srinivas & Battu , 2025). Despite the high growth rate of IT firms in India, they observe less employee commitment levels and find the nature of the job stressful as companies fail to integrate necessary benefits and flexibility. Such practices do not allow employees to manage demands of different domains resulting in technostress and underdeveloped work-life balance management (Lohith, 2018).

The key to maintaining WLB in such fast paced industries is strengthening the boundary between the two domains. Boundary-theory explains the method in which individuals create boundaries to protect mental stability and efficiently manage demands from different areas of their life. There are three types of boundaries employees can choose to maintain: temporal, physical and psychological and each boundary. Even though they are different, they help in simplification of different environments (Clark, 2000 as cited in Pradhan,2026).  For many IT employees, maintaining a strict boundary has become increasingly difficult due to extended working hours and commuting with overseas clients at odd timings, resulting in boundary blurring which has shown to increase mental-health issues due to less dedicated time for families (Srinivasan & Kumar,2025).

Jobs can be classified into two divisions when associated with its risk factors: Job demands and job resources. Job demands refer to the physical, psychological or social requirements of an organisation which include efforts and skills to be applied in workplaces and they come with certain costs that can drain an employee such as frequent interaction with clients and long working hours (Bakker & Demerouti,2006). Job demands may not always have to be negative but without the usage of job resources it can lead to burnout. Psychological wellbeing of  IT employees are linked to resources such as work ability and job satisfaction. When these resources are present, it has shown increased work-related quality of life , reducing stress and deteriorating conditions(Anandapadmanabhan et al.,2025). To maintain such resources, organizations are to integrate practices such as managerial support, flexibility and ability to exercise work-life balance to improve efficiency of employees at work-places (Pasumarti,2019).

The process of reviewing these theories characterize the influence of WLB on employees and its impact on the organisation. This helps establish the overall key concepts to explain the problem of WLB in IT sectors in India. This report will look into wider literature and various peer-reviewed studies that help expand and substantiate these theories. All research presented in this report follows APA 7th edition citation guidelines as required by academic standards.

Take your time its a long one. Just DM the suggestions