r/weddingplanning

I made a post yesterday that, surprisingly, made a lot of people feel rather spicy soley based on the fact that I did a legal marriage a year before my wedding reception. I genuinely worry that other women in my position are going to see some of those comments and be discouraged.

We had no ceremony, just signed the papers in my house (actually, during the Eagles parade! But that is a whole other story) which is completely legal in PA, because the ceremony wasn't important to my husband and I, or our families.

Getting legally married early and then partying later was the BEST decision for us, and we have had complete enthusiasm from our friends, cousins, and everyone but my immediate family. I don't want to get in the weeds about the family relationships, thats what the other post is for.

While this wasn't everyone: there were people in the comment section repeatedly saying that, because of that decision: I am not a bride. Our reception doesn't matter. Someone called it "completely performative" and someone else repeatedly referred to it as a "circus." People got in the weeds about whether or not I deserved the bridal shower that my in-laws encouraged me to have. All because I signed a paper early.

If for WHATEVER reason you separate your ceremony and reception: that does not mean your reception is not important. It does not mean it is not a milestone. It does not mean that you should not be treated like a bride. This is not 1940.

My girls threw me a bachelorette party because I am their friend, they love me, and I am a bride. My in laws encouraged me to throw a shower because I am their son/nephew's wife, and I have become a new woman in their family, and I am a bride.

My aunts and cousins are getting on planes and booking hotels because they are excited to celebrate my marriage. Because they love me and love a good party.

People that love you and want to celebrate you WILL BE HAPPY TO DO SO even if you break some traditions. Because not only do people love you, they also love a good party.

Do not internalize negativity from the internet: Get that gown, have that cake, get that photographer and throw a damn party. You are worth celebrating. And yes, you miiiight get a few more Nos from people that have to travel, just as anyone might get from people that have to travel. But it's not because your cousin in California is scoffing and throwing your invitation in the trash and screaming " DON'T INVITE ME TO THAT FAKE BRIDE'S PERFORMATIVE CIRCUS"

You know what people in both my family and my husband's family have said? "I'm so excited to have a reason to get together that isn't a funeral."

I’m pretty sure I do not want to change my last name and it’s making it hard for me to order things that say “The Smiths” on it or anything that has my fiancés last name on it. I always thought I’d have no problem changing my last name but my fiancés family makes me feel like an outsider, like I’m not one of them. Now that we’re getting married it’s a little bit better but I still feel like I don’t belong to the Smiths. I don’t want everything at my wedding to say the Smiths. Socially if people call me Mrs Smith I’m not going to care but the idea of everything being plastered with their last name makes me uncomfortable and I feel like it’s taking away from my excitement of wedding planning.

I know theirs options that don’t include a last name I guess I’m just bummed about my relationship with their family that is making me not want to have items that say The Smiths when I always thought I wouldn’t have an issue with changing my last name.

I'm curious if anyone else has dealt with this situation.

I'm getting married later this year and going through the wedding planning process right now. I was catching up with a friend by phone and she asked me if I had chosen my bridesmaids yet. I told her yes and she asked me who they were, so I told her. Then it all spiraled from there - she explained how hurt and disappointed she was and that she expected to be a bridesmaid of mine. She was looking for justification for why I didn't choose her - at first feeling flustered, I didn't know exactly to respond but after a moment, I gave her the key reasons - small party size, length of time I knew people and people who know both me and my partner. She continued to push for reasons - am I closer to other friends, where does she rank among my friends, etc etc to the point where I just became frustrated, said it wasnt fair for her to ask me this. The conversation continued for awhile and I basically ended it with apologizing for hurting her and reiterating that her friendship means a lot to me and I don't want that to change.

A few days removed from the conversation and I just don't know how to feel and where to go from here.

Just curious if anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar. Thank you!

That I don’t need to spend money on fancy plates or chargers or crystal water goblets. The silverware won’t match the gold candlesticks and centerpieces and that’s literally ok. My wedding will still be moody and vintage with regular white plates.

We booked a venue that is all inclusive, so literally EVERYTHING was included in our price. They had use choose between several different vendors for the catering, photography, florals, DJ, etc., and it also came with a full wedding planner. We were told that the planner would handle any and all communication with the vendors, but we would have access to the contracts with the vendors and things of that nature in our portal.

About two or three months ago now, I asked our planner if she could provide me with a list of the decor that the venue provides, as it says in the information they gave us that they have a large inventory but no specific items are listed. I was wanting to start planning what I needed to buy myself versus what they already had. The planner told me she would get it sent to me later that day. A week or so went by, and I reached out to her again as a reminder, and didn’t get any response at all until we saw her in person another week AFTER that for the meeting where we selected our vendors. During that meeting she told me she was going to send it to me, and to date, I still haven’t received it.

The list wasn’t a huge deal. But I specifically told her when we first began the process that I know I want to have our engagement photos done while things are in bloom. She agreed that would be no problem and that she would work that out with the photographer that we had chosen. I offered to reach out to the photographer myself if it was easier and she said no, that she had it handled. So about a month ago, I brought it up to her again, as spring was getting closer. She said she would reach out to the photographer and let me know. I didn’t hear anything from her, so I reached out to her again about it this past Wednesday, and still haven’t heard anything. However, if I have a question about money or a payment, it always gets answered almost immediately.

I am at the point where I am getting very frustrated. My fiance suggested I try to send her a message in our portal as well, just in case, and when I pulled it up, I noticed that there are no vendor contracts in the portal like there’s supposed to be. The only thing in there is the contract between us and the venue.

I’m beginning to feel like I can’t trust our wedding planner to handle these things for us. We have another meeting (that’s already been rescheduled once) with her this weekend, and I plan to make my concerns known. I am honestly at the point where I want to see if we can change things to where we’re not doing the all inclusive option anymore, as we have already paid enough to the venue to cover the cost for just getting the place for the weekend of our wedding.

Should I try to go down that route? Am I overreacting? Should I just trust that she has everything under control? I’m truly at a loss.

Hello. So I really need some advice on if I am a horrible bridesmaid or not. I currently am a college student, and one of my older friends is getting married. She graduated college a few years ago, and I am a junior in college. I

have class everyday of the week, and weekends I am always busy with something school related. It’s so hard to manage my weekends as is, and when I accepted the bridesmaid I went ahead and let her know that I could not attend the bachelorette trip. Now her bridal luncheon is in a few weeks, and I also cannot attend that as I am taking a huge exam that morning. I feel like a terrible bridesmaid but I genuinely don’t know what to do. It’s so hard being in college trying to make it to all of this and I feel like a bad friends. Please help.

my fiancé and i are planning a wedding with under 50 guests because we are trying to keep costs down. his mom recently told us she will not be contributing financially because she thinks weddings are “not worth spending money on.” we don’t feel entitled to her money at all, but the way she said it felt dismissive and rude.

at the same time, she is asking for a plus one. given how small and intentional our guest list is, this feels frustrating. it feels like she’s saying she won’t help at all financially, but still expects us to spend money to accommodate her request.

there is also a larger pattern of behavior. she has always been passive aggressive toward me, and things have escalated during wedding planning. during a recent argument with my fiancé, she said: “you two aren’t right for each other” and “i can’t share you with anyone”

in the same argument, when my fiancé told her she needs to be kind to me if she wants access to our future kids, she responded with: “she just won’t come around, i can see them without her”

that comment REALLY bothered me because it felt like she was already trying to go around me as a future parent.

for additional context, she does not have any romantic or close relationships and relies heavily on my fiancé emotionally.

am i being unreasonable for not wanting to give her a plus one given the size of the wedding and the circumstances?

any advice on how to handle this dynamic, especially long term, would be really appreciated.

Hi ladies, I have lived with my parents my whole life. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years which is insane to say as time flew…

Anyways he proposed to me on Friday and my mom has already kicked her tenants out as their lease is expiring and wants my fiance and I to move in July 1st. It’s only 20 mins away and was my grandpas home.

I work with my mom Monday - Wednesday and I work remotely for my own business. So yes … I know I’ll see them a lot. I’m just feeling very overwhelmed. I’m 27 years old and I don’t feel that old … idk. I haven’t stopped crying. I’m excited but so nervous … any advice …

I have been asked by my friends to be part of the something blue crew and I can’t help but feel hurt by it. I’m very happy they want me as part of their big day, and I’m trying to see it in a different light.

Backstory: Me and my two best friends met in college at Bama, been best friends for 5 years. Always been a trio, but both of them are a couple of hours away from eachother, I’m livin a state away now. So naturally they see eachother a hell of a lot more. They’re also both in a similar stage of life, engaged in the country. I’m single in the city.

Both of them messaged me on the same day asking to be there something blue. It feels like a consolation prize, like I’m not quite good enough to be a bridesmaid. I am also thinking that it’s clear I’m not equal in the trio, I’m assuming they are each others maid of honours. But I also am quite sensitive and not sure if I’m taking it too seriously.

I was wondering if y’all had any positive experiences of being part of the something blue crew to help me shift my perspective?

My brother’s relationship with my parents is a bit strained at the moment, and I’m basically mentally preparing myself that he’s not coming to my wedding celebrations which is in 2 weeks and 2 months (doing 2 celebrations - 1 for extended family and 1 for close family and friends). We had discussed maybe as recent as January, and he was excited and coming, but in the recent weeks he’s avoided every single question I’ve asked about the wedding.

He’s always had a strained relationship with my parents, sometimes he’s able to put it aside and sometimes he cannot. I’ve done my best to support him while understanding our experiences with our parents could be different. I don’t want to force him into a situation he does not want to be in, but I just wish he talked to me about it or at least give me a heads up. I hate that every wedding planning question is now a “well what if he doesn’t come”

I’ve already cried enough tears about it. I just want to hear similar stories and whether or not it changed your relationship with your sibling.

Hi!!

My dad is in a wheelchair, he had a stroke when I was 11, so he’s been like that for a long time, I’ll be 27 at my wedding.

He also is pretty neurologically disabled, ie: doesn’t really laugh, smile, express much, converse very well, etc. anywho lol I am absolutely not wanting to do a father daughter dance where I just spin his wheelchair around, I was thinking of doing a “family dance” or moment, with my mom, my dad, and twin sister.

Since my dad’s stroke and disability has impacted all of us and made us very close, and I think it’d be less awkward then me just spinning him around or whatever.

Was thinking we’d play like 30 seconds of a song and us 4 would all be on the dance floor together, maybe just like hold hands or kind of huddle around my dad god I cringe thinking about it honestly I know it’ll be a sweet moment and I want to do something to honor my parents and everything but I’m just having trouble envisioning it…also like not every guest at the wedding is gonna know the whole backstory of it all (ie: grooms extended family, some of our adult friends, etc). Don’t want to make it like a sad/pity moment either.

Does anyone have any ideas, or any similar experiences and would be willing to share something they did, or saw someone do at a wedding before? Thanks <3

Our wedding is in July, and we sent out our Invitations in March with a due date in May. We sent it out to 200 guests, completely unsure what everyone’s status is (really only our immediate families made it clear they were coming in our various conversations with friends and family.)

We’re hoping to invite some local friends but couldn’t fit any more seats until we had a better idea of what our numbers would be. It’s been 2 weeks since everyone received our invites, and so far only 5 households (13 people out of 200) have responded. We still don’t have enough info yet to know if we can include some of our friends we sadly weren’t able to earlier.

What has been/what was your experience with RSVPs?

Through a series of unfortunate events, my groom will have no guests attending. We're not planning a huge wedding, it'll be less than 20 people but they're all my people. He gets along with everyone. Has anyone dealt with this? My big hang up is that I feel guilty because it's like I'm just celebrating with my friends. Like a birthday.

There are more and more couples considering decorated wedding cake cookies as the main dessert instead of a traditional cake. I think it's partly because a lot of people don't really like cake that much and partly because the quotes from bakeries have been getting genuinely shocking for something they'd eat maybe two bites of.

But I was wondering like how many you'd need for for example 75 guests, whether guests actually enjoy this or feel cheated out of a real cake moment, and whether it's hard to find someone who does them well. has anyone done this and how did it go?

So my fiancé’s buddy (who is a gem) is a groomsman, but he is in a toxic relationship with a girl who treats him horribly and it’s uncomfortable to be around. The situation is bad enough that all his guy friends are worried about him. That said, it doesn’t seem like they will be breaking up any time soon.

Theoretically she should be at the wedding and rehearsal dinner and everything as a partner of the bridal party, but I don’t want her energy anywhere near my marriage. Like…spending time with her makes me uncomfortable in my body.

Any advice on how to handle? I don’t want the drama of saying she can’t come…but I also don’t wanna bring a cloud around that I KNOW will rain on my parade.

I’ll have plenty of other positive amazing guests and bridal party members and family and friends so I might not even have to interact with her…but stilll.

Has anyone dealt with a situation like this?

I am helping plan a budget wedding but the couple is unsure how much to spend for offline wedding invitations. I got online invites for mine so even I am not sure what makes sense. Can you guys share how much you spent on offline wedding invites for a gathering of 100?

Hi all! My sister is getting married later this year, and I am her maid of honor. My sister has always been a big people-pleaser; she feels tremendous guilt when asking for any kind of help or for anything for herself, and she puts others before herself to a fault. Relatedly, she has a tendency to do everything herself so that she doesn’t feel like she’s “inconveniencing” anyone. When I told her I want to throw her a bridal shower, she said she wants one, but that she wanted to help pay for it. I told her that the whole thing about a shower is that other people throw it for the couple, it’s not something put on by the couple. I affirmed too that she deserves to have a party thrown for her. She bounced around a few thoughts about the shower but didn’t get to chat about it for a few weeks.

The other day, she texted me saying that she would like the shower at our parents’ house and had a date in mind. She said she had some ideas including a tent and “doing it up pretty,” sent me drafted invitations, and said she wanted to start thrifting decorations. On the invites, it says guests can RSVP by emailing me. As an FYI, we don’t live in the same state, so I couldn’t easily take her thrifting or shopping.

Her recommending/setting a date for the shower is totally fair, but creating invitations and buying decorations makes it seem more like she is throwing the shower herself. I’m not really sure how to navigate this, especially since we don’t live near each other - should I insist on taking the reins? Should I avoid stepping on her toes if she has a specific vision in mind? Would you think that she is throwing the shower herself at this point, or is it normal for these aspects to be handled by the bride or couple?

Hey everyone! It hit me today that we are about six months out from our wedding (10/24/26) and while I’ve felt mostly calm throughout this whole process, I had a sudden feeling of stress with realizing it’s getting closer and thinking I may run out of time. I’m overall not very well versed in wedding things in general so I’m just afraid of missing something. Here is everything we’ve done so far

- booked venue and date, includes bartending and security

- catering is through the venue, need to meet with them closer to time to finalize the menu, but out of their options we’re pretty sure we know what we want

- cake is ordered

- we have to supply our own alcohol and we have a quote ready from the preferred store (just can’t order until closer)

- finalized guest list, made a spreadsheet with addresses, mailed save the dates

- I bought my dress, still need to do alterations

- Hair/makeup lady is booked, trial is scheduled

- Flowers/decor rentals are booked, but haven’t finalized final design

- photographers are booked and engagement pics done

- officiant and DJ are booked (same guy which is neat), but still need to finalize music selection and ceremony verses

- wedding party secured, info sent for bridesmaids dresses

- wedding website started but not finished (link will be on invites but was not on save the dates)

- honeymoon is booked

- future MIL is figuring out details for rehearsal dinner, she wanted to take the lead on planning it

These are the things I know I’m missing

- final menu

- final florals/decor

- ceremony logistics and music

- figure out full day timeline

- rehearsal dinner

- make/send invites

- finish website

- hire day of coordinator

- book hotel block

- fiance has to get his suit and figure out groomsmen attire

- dress alterations

I just feel like I’m missing so much and I’m afraid of time getting away from me and suddenly panicking. And I know there’s a lot of misc things like random decor and random logistics. All the lists I find online just include the obvious, but I wanna know, what is the random small stuff that’s easy to forget about? And for the things I’m missing, realistically, how far out do I need to worry? Thanks in advance!