Expectations about who arranges/pays for different aspects of a bridal shower?
Hi all! My sister is getting married later this year, and I am her maid of honor. My sister has always been a big people-pleaser; she feels tremendous guilt when asking for any kind of help or for anything for herself, and she puts others before herself to a fault. Relatedly, she has a tendency to do everything herself so that she doesn’t feel like she’s “inconveniencing” anyone. When I told her I want to throw her a bridal shower, she said she wants one, but that she wanted to help pay for it. I told her that the whole thing about a shower is that other people throw it for the couple, it’s not something put on by the couple. I affirmed too that she deserves to have a party thrown for her. She bounced around a few thoughts about the shower but didn’t get to chat about it for a few weeks.
The other day, she texted me saying that she would like the shower at our parents’ house and had a date in mind. She said she had some ideas including a tent and “doing it up pretty,” sent me drafted invitations, and said she wanted to start thrifting decorations. On the invites, it says guests can RSVP by emailing me. As an FYI, we don’t live in the same state, so I couldn’t easily take her thrifting or shopping.
Her recommending/setting a date for the shower is totally fair, but creating invitations and buying decorations makes it seem more like she is throwing the shower herself. I’m not really sure how to navigate this, especially since we don’t live near each other - should I insist on taking the reins? Should I avoid stepping on her toes if she has a specific vision in mind? Would you think that she is throwing the shower herself at this point, or is it normal for these aspects to be handled by the bride or couple?