u/bmary95

I made a post yesterday that, surprisingly, made a lot of people feel rather spicy soley based on the fact that I did a legal marriage a year before my wedding reception. I genuinely worry that other women in my position are going to see some of those comments and be discouraged.

We had no ceremony, just signed the papers in my house (actually, during the Eagles parade! But that is a whole other story) which is completely legal in PA, because the ceremony wasn't important to my husband and I, or our families.

Getting legally married early and then partying later was the BEST decision for us, and we have had complete enthusiasm from our friends, cousins, and everyone but my immediate family. I don't want to get in the weeds about the family relationships, thats what the other post is for.

While this wasn't everyone: there were people in the comment section repeatedly saying that, because of that decision: I am not a bride. Our reception doesn't matter. Someone called it "completely performative" and someone else repeatedly referred to it as a "circus." People got in the weeds about whether or not I deserved the bridal shower that my in-laws encouraged me to have. All because I signed a paper early.

If for WHATEVER reason you separate your ceremony and reception: that does not mean your reception is not important. It does not mean it is not a milestone. It does not mean that you should not be treated like a bride. This is not 1940.

My girls threw me a bachelorette party because I am their friend, they love me, and I am a bride. My in laws encouraged me to throw a shower because I am their son/nephew's wife, and I have become a new woman in their family, and I am a bride.

My aunts and cousins are getting on planes and booking hotels because they are excited to celebrate my marriage. Because they love me and love a good party.

People that love you and want to celebrate you WILL BE HAPPY TO DO SO even if you break some traditions. Because not only do people love you, they also love a good party.

Do not internalize negativity from the internet: Get that gown, have that cake, get that photographer and throw a damn party. You are worth celebrating. And yes, you miiiight get a few more Nos from people that have to travel, just as anyone might get from people that have to travel. But it's not because your cousin in California is scoffing and throwing your invitation in the trash and screaming " DON'T INVITE ME TO THAT FAKE BRIDE'S PERFORMATIVE CIRCUS"

You know what people in both my family and my husband's family have said? "I'm so excited to have a reason to get together that isn't a funeral."

Sorry for a long family drama post!

I (31F) am having my wedding reception this June. There is no ceremony, because we opted to get legally married last year. Other than that; this is a full wedding reception. Cocktail hour, introduction of wedding parties, first dance, speeches, big ole party, dinner, cupcakes, open bar, dancing, room blocks, all the things. 5pm-10pm.

My mother, despite being given updates throughout planning and explanations for the past 17 months, asked me today

-"Why would you book the photographer for 6 hours? Aren't they just going to leave after the first dance? It's only like a 3 hour party?"

-"Why do we need to get to the venue at 3 for photos? We're not going to have anything to do while the bridal party is getting photos. Just have us get there when it's actually our turn."

-She also opted out of hair and makeup in the bridal suite because she didn't want to "be there with all those cackling girls-I'd rather be at the bar."

- Literally based on everything she has said as listed above, she's essentially just saying shes cool with not seeing her daughter until 4pm. On the day of her wedding celebration.

- She has shown 0 excitement about picking a dress, pitched wearing the same one she wore to my sister's micro-wedding at one point, said she isn't going to bother with alterations either because "its more like a cocktail party" (It isn't a cocktail reception, by the way. She knows this. She picked her meal)

I don't want to make her out like some evil villain. This just is not her thing, and I get that you need to meet people where they are at. But I do feel like she is treating it like it isn't a big deal and doesn't seem interesting in being part of my support system for this big day, and doesn't even seem EXCITED about it. She has been generous with money, and it's strange to mentally deal with this concurrent financial generosity and emotional selfishness.

My sister, however, she's just selfish. She's shown no interest from the beginning other than possibly getting her hair and makeup done. She RSVP'd NO to my bridal shower with no explanation given to me, and she told my mom it's because she "usually has to work on Sundays" (Yes, she is in a position where she can request off, and she'd had the shower date since October)

When my sister was engaged, I helped with her micro-wedding. When she was pregnant, I helped with her shower. I went to her house and watched her dog while she was in labor, and even bought groceries and a goody basket for her while I was there.

I hit every one of the baby's milestones except for his baptism last month, which I opted out of.

My mom thinks her not coming is a quiet retaliation for me not going to the baptism, despite me putting in 2 years worth of baby milestones before I decided not to go to ONE THING. My sister is not a devout christian, by the way. Hasn't practiced in 20 years.

My mom thought that my sister was justified, but once I laid out everything I'd done and how absurd it is to equate my shower and her son's baptism, she admitted to me that she does actually think my sister is wrong.

My mom, despite her being, ya know, our Mom, "doesn't want to get involved" despite her persistent willingness to confront me when she thinks I'm wrong.

I have wonderful friends, and wonderful in laws, and I've loved wedding planning, but it hurts that my own immediate family just simply finds all of this to be an inconvenience when I've only really asked for them to just show up.

Yesterday was my bachelorette in my home city! I hear more and more brides moving in this direction, and I think it's a great thing. But, I've also been at a couple of bachelorettes down at the beach that were plenty fun and had their own pros as well. I thought fellow brides might appreciating hearing how it ended up going to help them judge what they want to do!

For context, I'm 31, and everyone in the wedding party is also in their early to mid thirties. They planned a one night staycation with an airbnb, and two activities. However, that did lead to the first snag- they wanted to decorate and set up, but couldn't check in until after 3pm. The girls ended up booking the room for two nights, with my MOH and one of our girls heading there the night before the party started to get it decorated, and they opted to just sleep over rather than drive home. So...in the long run...while they kept reassuring me this was their decision and it didn't make the costs of renting the condo that much higher, it made me feel bad that we HADN'T just planned a two night thing at that rate. They didn't seem bothered by it at all, but, it's a logistical thing to consider if you're thinking of doing a similar plan.

We started at 11 am the next day, mimosas and breakfast, then our first activity, then late lunch/early dinner, then our next activity, then an hour or so at a lively bar, but still ending with a chill sleepover. It did mean that our one day was a busy day! And it also meant that some of the girls that don't know each other, or anyone, kind of went through that "We're being a little quiet because everyone is still warming up to one another" for a essentially the first half of the day, and we all kind of went through the "I'm a little quiet because I could really use a good meal" phase by the middle of the day. But by happy hour/dinner we were all perked up and everybody seemed to be starting to get to know one another, and there was lots of chatting all night, and we had a blast!

This morning, the plan was to get donuts from my favorite place before checkout. Some local girls opted to sleep at home and come back in the morning. Honestly, that morning meetup never happened. We were all tired, hungover, and full of sweets from the day before. No offense was taken on any parts, and me and the girls who were still in the house just ate some leftovers, got some iced coffee, cleaned up, chatted, and said goodbye! Seeing how wiped we were in the morning reminded me why a one nighter was a good decision.

I LOVED my one-nighter, local bach. But, I still figured I'd share some of the logistics I ran into with the fellow gals on this sub who are still making their decisions! Consider everyone's personalities and also remember that everyone is gonna kind of need a bit of a warm up period unless they're a big ole extrovert like me, and also factor in start times if your girls want to decorate/set up a place