r/singlemoms

I married my former professor (15 years older than me) which is my fault for ignoring that red flag. He was taking secret non-consensual photos of me in a thong when I was changing or sleeping for years (including when I was still a student in the graduate program). I always told him that I was uncomfortable with pictures. Also he constantly gaslights whenever I express my feelings or call him out on his lies.

Then his mom stayed for 6 weeks postpartum right after my baby was born and he didn’t allow my family to visit. She overstepped and they ganged up on me a few times over parenting decisions or asserted forceful parenting advice. This triggered postpartum depression, when I was already dealing with severe postpartum anxiety. His mom screamed at me for “criticizing him” (AKA saying I’m not comfortable with her being lied down on a pillow when he’s playing the Switch, or not to burp her while holding her neck, or asking to take a swaddle off due to the temperature— which wasn’t criticism—or god forbid, asking him to actually hold the bottle instead of letting it hang from her mouth while she was ASLEEP with her chin to her chest. I can admit that “negative” feedback adding up wasn’t great on my part but I also had a right to set guidelines as her mother, who went through an extremely difficult high-risk pregnancy and traumatic birth experience.

Then I found out he was secretly abusing substances while caring for her and spreading horrible lies about me. He ran out the door to rehab. And then CPS showed up because he said lies about me in rehab as well (of course on the report, he framed me as a “bully” and that he was in rehab “preventatively due to past addiction”). AND despite them knowing that the report came from his rehab, they’re publicly and in court blaming me and my family for making it. Luckily, my case was deemed unfounded. Idk about his but he probably got away with it.

His mom has been telling my family that I’m horrible and that the marriage would never work because I’d “kill him” from stress. I am so obsessed with what they and his friends think and that they don’t know the full truth. I will ALWAYS be the enemy to them. I’m not perfect. I definitely have my flaws and have, as all people, done things that I am not proud of. I feel sexually violated and my postpartum experience has been so horrible due to his lies and disrespect.

How can I stop caring what they think?

I have been having thought of wanting a family and finding someone new. But I dong even know where to start. I see happy families and I want that. I’ll be 35 I have a 13 and 2 year old is it already too late ? Where do I begin ladies?

We broke up in October I moved states and and have primary custody of our daughter. He chose to stay on the east coast(we are now on the west coast). He hasn’t seen her but for 4 days since we moved in October and he’s trying to plan a trip for my daughter to go visit I said yes and we got it all planned out.

The issue is he texted me today and told me him and his new girlfriend got a house and will be fully moved in by the time she visits. And it hurts, so bad I have so many feelings about it. My self worth tanked reading that because he treated me so badly towards the end and already has someone new playing house and sending my 3 year old there freaks me out, she’s so young and it’s been 5 months since they’ve seen each other last. I have no clue how to process any of these feelings, about him, about my daughter going for that long, all of it hurts so badly and I don’t even know where to begin. Being a single mom is so hard, I don’t really have the time to date nor am I really ready for it, I don’t understand how it was so easy for him to move on and start over. I’m jealous, I’m mad, I’m an absolute anxious mess thinking about it. I’m not sure what I’m looking to get out of this post but I think just typing it all out will help. I haven’t met this woman or anything and I’m not going to be able to meet her either because he’s flying with her.

I broke up with my husband and left him , after I left I had new job new home new car and my life was good . After while he jumped through my window went to jail and left out within 2 days , after he left jail and came to my house he was talking to multiple women , and the day when I found I was pregnant I caught on street with other girl . So I took the whole pregnancy by my self working and living by my self even I took my self to hospital while I was going to labor and then he showed up want to see his son and all his family try to get involved after neglect me while I was pregrant and throw baby shower after the baby was born . I had emergency C section because my baby was loosing oxygen , after I stayed by my self In home , I was not earning enough money so I had to move back with him while him is getting assistance with rent where he live and my name on lease too . So I had to move back , when I moved back he start creating business that out of town never been there for me or the baby , I am the one who make sure that my baby have everything going to docotor appointment. His family act funny towards me and the baby whenever I asked them to baby sit so I just can run some errands appointments or assistance . My family is against the whole idea of him and they donot know about my baby because of religious proposes and my siblings stopped talking to me . So now I am planning to move out with baby , and let everything behind but I donot know what to do with baby while he have him sometimes he said I watch my baby . But never knew that parent called watching a kid . As well as his dad live with us and he is not on the lease pays his rent , pay everything for him put gas even weed and whenever I hand my baby to his father , he get involved and try to grab him . All his life either his own family or his friend but nothing about me and the baby

I honestly feel emotionally exhausted lately and have no hope in the court system.

I’m a low-income mom trying to rebuild my life after a long relationship ended, and it feels like everything is hitting at once financially. I work a limited-hour city job and bring in around $1800/month, but between groceries, bills, gas, debt, school stuff, and everyday life, I feel like I’m constantly drowning trying to keep up.

There’s a one-bedroom apartment available right now that I was really hoping I could qualify for, because for the first time in months I thought maybe things were finally going to start improving financially for me. Instead, things got pushed back again for months and now I’m terrified I’m going to lose the opportunity completely.

Meanwhile we have to be out of our current place by July 31st and I honestly don’t know where we’ll end up. I may have to move back in with mom’s one bedroom apartment in my 30s just to survive financially for a while.

What hurts emotionally is realizing how different things suddenly became after the breakup. During the relationship, we spent years cramped in a one-bedroom because supposedly we could never afford anything better. Every apartment had to be the cheapest option possible. Now suddenly expensive apartments are possible while I’m struggling just trying to qualify for housing on my own.

My credit keeps dropping because I’ve had to survive off loans, credit cards, and borrowed money just to stay afloat these last several months.

I’m trying so hard to hold everything together emotionally while still showing up every day for my child, working, cooking, doing school pickups, handling routines, and pretending I’m okay when internally I feel completely overwhelmed.

I know other women have survived seasons like this, but tonight I just feel defeated and needed to vent.

i seriously just need to vent because i feel like nobody understands how insane this whole situation is except other moms

me and my childs father were not together the whole pregnancy but i honestly thought once the baby got here and he actually saw the baby and held the baby and everything that something would click in his brain and he would want his family. like idk maybe that sounds stupid but i really believed that

instead literally right after our baby was born he starts dating this older girl and acting like everything is perfect meanwhile im at home exhausted with a newborn barely sleeping and trying to adjust to being a mom for the first time

and before anyone says “well technically he was single” okay but what kind of woman even wants a man with a newborn baby?? like genuinely. i could never. especially knowing the mother just had the baby. its honestly weird to me and kinda sad

i even reached out to her nicely at first because i thought maybe she didnt know everything. i came to her woman to woman and told her about him and some of the things he did during our relationship because i genuinely thought if another girl warned me i would wanna know too?? and she basically just said she appreciated it but was still gonna make her own decision. which honestly shocked me because every other girl hes talked to after me listened once they realized what kind of person he actually is

after that i got so frustrated because i felt like she wasnt listening to anything i was saying and honestly i started feeling like she thought i was just some bitter baby mom for no reason. i literally ended up editing screenshots to make it look like he was cheating on her because at that point i was convinced she was never gonna leave him unless she saw “proof” with her own eyes and somehow even that still wasnt enough for her to leave

i just feel like she thinks shes different or special or something because shes older than me and acts all mature but if a man can move on that fast after having a baby with someone what makes her think shes magically gonna be treated differently?

and now i have to sit here watching them play happy relationship while im the one actually dealing with the reality of having a newborn every single day

idk maybe other moms will understand what i mean because this whole thing has honestly messed with my head so bad

Hello. I recently made the decision of finally leaving my partner. He has always worked very little and found out about a lot of cheating. We have a 6yo, I have been staying in the relationship for her. My daughter loves her dad more than anything in the world and suffers when he is not around. I need advice from moms that have kids similar ages when they divorced. Of course we have a therapist etc. but need more advice. Going through very difficult times :(

Hi everyone I'm 27 and have a almost 2 year old daughter. If I do laundry she's unfold everything the second I turn my back, I'm constantly cleaning, CONSTANTLY up after my brother grandma and geez I can't work rn because I don't have a car. Her dad is not involved at all he's never seen her and I don't want him to be. No matter how much I clean or do something I have to redo it the next day and I fucking hate it. I hate my life right now. Nobody in my house helps me with her, or keeping the house clean. As soon as I do dishes and clean the kitchen they'll be in there cooking and the next day I have to pick up there shit because I dont want to live in a shit hole. I'm so fucking drained. I can't work right now, I'm trying to save up for a car so I can but fuck I can't take this. Shes currently in there screaming. I love her I just want a break so bad and my family is old and can't help with her at all. They said I chose to have her, it's not their jobs. I've been doing everything by myself for 2 years. Just needed to rant right now. I love her more than anything I'm just so damn exhausted and that alone makes me feel like a shit mom and I'm not doing enough because it feels like I'm always picking up after someone or her or anything

I have a 2-week-old baby boy and in the last 2 months of pregnancy, it became clear I was going to be on my own as my partner became verbally abusive, abused Adderall and kratom, and is now in rehab. We had a wedding and a few days later everything crumbled- he lies, cheats, and doesn’t go to his jobs so he’s contributed nothing financially. Found out his parents had been covering rent. So now I’m scrambling to get assistance, a cheap apt, and a job. I was going to job fairs and interviews the days before giving birth.
I’ve taken all suggestions and advice but it’s never enough for my pushy mom. Her latest wall of text below in bold with context.

“We determine today whether [MIL] has someone coming…you or I will make contact. Your choice.”
(My partner went nuts and fell through ceiling of our rental house so MIL has to repair damage. She said she had someone coming soon but idk when exactly. Mom keeps nagging.)

“We will help you if you make good choices and give us respect but if you just plan to continue bringing more problems to our home at this stage of our life with no respect or gratitude Then you need to plan a future for yourself independently.”
(She often says how could you get in this situation?? Blames me. Funny enough, she got pregnant with my abusive alcoholic father and was rescued by my grandma buying us a house.)

“I can’t tell you how devastating those texts you sent from the night before last to me were..I would never say those things about a baby they are helpless and your mind said dump him. I know the pressure is enormous alone but to blame him. He didn’t ask to be brought into a turbulent situation. And now we wait for [partner] to do more harm.”
(We had a rough night and I was sending texts like “the lil shit, he pooped the bed!” “I’m ready to drop him at the firehouse.” I was really crying out for help.)

“I would like to encourage you to strive for a good career for you and [baby boy] but I see no drive from you…I see someone just existing and waiting for whatever to happen next…please tell me I’m wrong I want to be wrong. We all joyfully put on your wedding hopeful for your future.”
(I guess I have to detail every call and email and job assessment I take or she assumes I’m doing nothing.)

My daughter is 13ms old and today was her first day in the big bath tub. She didn’t fit in the baby tub anymore so I went to target today and got a bathtub mat so she doesn’t slip in there. I scrubbed and cleaned the tub/shower real good , replaced the plastic curtain to a new clean one and washed the fabric shower curtain so everything was clean and perfect. But my bd made me feel like I did something wrong. (I am the full time parent he lives far but he calls) He always talks to her during her night time routine and tonight after the call ended he sent me a link for a collapsible toddler bath tub… and he didn’t have anything to say when I was like omg I can’t believe she’s big enough for a big girl bath now time flies n he just sat there. Idk it rubbed me the wrong way. I see no issue in giving her a bath in the big tub now. I put enough water to cover her legs but not too deep and I plan on cleaning the bath and mat every day what’s the issue ? So I ask him why did you send that and he said “Because its bigger” “Thought it would be better than regular bathtub idk if its of interest”. Thoughts ? I feel like there’s nothing wrong with the tub esp if I am sanatizing it every day. If he wants her to bathe in a foldable tub so bad he can go pay for it his damn self and fly here every night to fill it up and put it away etc. When she grows out of that one then what?