r/recovery

I had about 3 years clean when someone I was sponsoring relapsed.

After a few days he finally hit that point where he was ready again. Well all know how rare that is.

So we did what we call a 12 step call and went and picked him up.

The problem was we had no idea where to take him.

He didn’t have insurance. We figured the hospital was the safest move.

They assessed him and basically told us they couldn’t admit him because it wasn’t alcohol or benzos.

Behavioral health came in and handed us a list of numbers.

Half of them were outdated. The rest didn’t answer.

Meanwhile he’s sitting there getting sicker by the hour. Sure enough……

He changed his mind and wanted to use again.

That moment stuck with me hard.

Because it wasn’t that he didn’t want help.

It’s that we couldn’t get him help fast enough.

That shouldn’t happen.

You shouldn’t have to scramble calling random numbers when someone finally says “I’m ready.”

So over the last couple years I built something I wish we had that day.

Just a simple app that shows real treatment options, meetings, and resources in one place. No paywalls, no BS.

I pray to god one day I can truly help somebody with it.

What was the hardest part for you guys when you first tried to get help?

This morning marks the 1 year anniversary of giving up meth and escaping a violent relationship on the same day! I never thought I would be saying these words but I am truly proud of myself. This is the longest I’ve been clean since 2013. If I can do it, anyone can!! ❤️✌️😎🎶

Warning: Long Read!

This is kind of a long story. But, ill do my best to summarize. I am a 40 year old man, who has been addicted my entire adult life and part of my childhood even.

Ive beat every addiction so far. But, not the addiction or disease itself, obviously. I realize that will always be with me.i know ive permanently altered my brain.

I accept that. I hate it. But, I accept it. So, recently I became addicted to 7oh. Then, pseudoindoxyl. They are both so evil man. Out of all the hard shit I've done throughout my life, ive never came across a drug that produces such atrocious WD.

I literally wanted to kill myself every time I tried to quit and would get sooooo sick. I mean, sick sick. I started taking it 8 months ago. And I lost everything and everyone in that time. It destroyed my life like no drug ever has. I literally would message every single person I knew and lie to try to get $ for it. To the point I was basically harassing ppl. I know many suspected. But, no one knew for sure. Most of them still would speak to me. But, my life spiraled fast. To the point where I told myself, if I don't get off of this somehow and fast, its either gonna be me or the drug that goes. Bc I couldn't maintain anymore. I didnt have the strength. My health was deteriorating so fast bc of this filth. Ive always been healthy. But, its wrecked my body. So, one day recently I was so fed up with me, with the lies, with using ppl, manipulating them, etc. (I actually didnt steal this time for it as I have in the past for other shit) But, irregardless, I was fed tf up! I wanted to come clean. So, I did. I made a video explaining to everyone what 7oh is, how I got addicted to it, how bad the WD's are, and also most importantly, I apologized to everyone and told them all the truth. I did so while crying like a bitch. I poured my soul out apologizing. Fast forward. This video as well as my actions caused every single human that knows me or my name to disown me, excommunicate me, block me, threaten my life, multiple ppl told me to kill myself, etc... So, I cant get one soul to even say one word to me. Its like they are all in on it together almost. Ive actually seen a post i wasnt supposed to see on FB and it was literally about me. All the comments, ppl were talking all this mad, crazy shit about me, a lot of it was actually complete and total fucking lies. Like just blatant total lies. Man, it hurt to see ppl mocking me, laughing at my suffering and pain, lying about me, spreading rumors and gossiping about me, etc...

So, ive lost everything. And everyone. Even my fiance at the time left me. We still live together and she does still love me and support me, but she also resents me now and she has even said so. So, I will have to move out of here very, very quickly. Bc im not wanted here anymore. Thats been made clear. Shes already been way more patient than she should've been.

I started methadone today and have had great success with it in the past. So, im starting my sobriety journey today. This is day 1. I was excited. But, after really thinking about everything, im just fucking scared and depressed and alone. I realized I dont know how im going to live. The attorney general garnishes 50% of all my wages. I unfortunately just CANT afford any place on my own at all. Ive done the math many times. I just cant. I would need a roommate for certain.

In the past when I was homeless, I had so many ppl and friends that talked to me and supported me, would send me food, money and necessities allllll the time. I survived bc of this. If I end up in the streets in a few days or even today, I wont have any way to survive. Zero support. Zero. I have now been blacklisted in this entire town. BLACKLISTED! I dont even have a job yet. I was trying to get off this shit first, the WD were always crippling me, I couldn't function. I couldn't work. My health was horrible and still is. All I want is to live my life and be happy again, or even better, content. I wanted some semblance of support. I dont. I cant just up and leave this area either bc my 3 children live here. Ive already missed too much time recently with them bc of me being sick all the damn time. They dont understand why.

I already feel like such a horrible father. So moving away, at least right now is not possible for me. After theyre adults I want to badly though.

What do I do guys? My name is completely tarnished here. No one wants to hire me bc of it, no one will speak to me, even if i had a job somehow miraculously. I still couldn't afford to live ANYWHERE. This all is sooo disheartening and discouraging and honestly heartbreaking. I am so fucking sad now, worried, anxious, depressed, hopeless, etc ...

It has me thinking sometimes, what is the point of even trying to get better anymore? What is the point of living this kind of life?

I dont wanna give up, or fucking attempt something stupid. I wanted to fight for my life back. But, wtf kind of life would I be going back to?

I dont even have anyone to talk to, so I have to come on reddit.

Guys, any encouragement would mean the world to me rn. Any advice, tips, life experiences, etc

I would be so grateful.

I cant believe I allowed myself to get here, to where I am now. I never thought anyone's life could be irreparable. But, I truly believe mine is now.

Whats really insane to me, is that in my addiction when I was lying to everyone, I ALWAYS got help or money whenever I wanted or needed. Now, that ive been honest and continue to be honest, no one will help at all. They all walked.

I really hate me.

I really do.

Plz help guys. I genuinely do not know what to do.

Sorry for the long read.

L post incoming. Been addicted to benzos for nearly two years now (varies between 1mg-10mg xanax daily) along with constant cocaine use and 10+ drinks a day. Probably gonna get fired from my job that I hate soon and have alienated myself from many friends over the last few years. Mid 20s. Really fucked up my chance at a happy life. Don’t care about anything truthfully.

Don’t know why I’m posting this but it’s really starting to set in that I’m nearing the end of my road. Living in a world class city but spend most of my time drinking and doing blow in my apartment. Hopeless. Haven’t hit the gym in nearly a month. Haven’t had sex in probably half a year (had a nice gf but broke up because I realized I didn’t truly care about her).

What do? Rehab? Kinda made a commitment to not kill myself so not really considering doing that (at least intentionally). Again, not really sure why I’m posting this but maybe someone here has some advice.

Sorry if this post is irrelevant or triggering. I will try to keep it short and to the point.

Since I can remember my mom has been dependent on substances. Definitely went through times where it was well hidden but it’s always been in the background. But the past 10 years have really been the toughest. I’ve lost count of the ODs, and I don’t really even know how to be there for her anymore. I’ve tried everything from getting mad, getting family involved, trying to maintain whatever relationship I can with her and now for the most part abstaining from seeing her completely. I feel like such a bad son and frankly I just miss her so much. But every time I go back I see just how bad everything is. No matter what I say or do it’s the same cycle and I feel like no matter what I can’t bring her back. The closest thing I’ve felt to hope is the last few times she went to jail and I got to see her when she got out, there’s light in her eyes conversations feel good and she wants to get out but I can’t be there 24/7 to stop her from using. I know I can’t force her and she has to want to get better. Am I wrong for just stepping back and hoping she chooses to seek help?

Would love to hear your experiences. I’m a first time mom, 10 weeks pregnant, on methadone.

I want to taper while pregnant so baby doesn’t have WDs when born but doctors advise against it. What was your experience?

Did you have to increase your dose?

For a little BG info I am in recovery 7 years lean in may. That being said I tend to stay away from stimulants other than energy drinks. My question is this and sorry about wall of text, I have a friend who is also in recovery and lately he is very jump almost restless, like really unable to sit still legs jumping hands twitching things like that, I'm worried he is abusing something that doesn't show up in a 10 panel what should I watch out for regarding OTC or kratom that would cause this because when he was in 2nd chance he wasn't jumpy like this I have multiple tattoos from him and he was very very steady handed during this but I don't think he could even make a line without it looking like a EKG please help.

I’ve spent a long time thinking I was the one in control, mostly because I kept my life ‘small’ and hidden. I had my secrets, my habits, and my own little world where I thought no one was looking. Last night, I saw a video that changed everything. It was a prayer about God 'awakening the sons and daughters of the kingdom.' While I was sitting there totally vulnerable and, honestly, high I had this massive epiphany. It felt like the walls of my room vanished and I was standing on a literal stage. I looked out into the seats and realized God was there. He wasn’t just a concept; He was the Audience. realized that every time I thought I was 'getting away' with something in the dark, I was actually performing it right in front of Him. The weight of that was terrifying, but also incredibly freeing. I realized that if He’s seen the worst of me and I’m still breathing, maybe there’s a reason. I’m done with the act. I’m done with the substances and the hiding. I’m repenting and giving my life to Him today. I don’t have a plan yet, I just know the show is over. Has anyone else had a moment where the 'hiding' just stopped working? How do you move forward when you realize you’re fully known?

From the age of 8 to 36, I lived with an incomprehensible demoralization and numbing pain I couldn’t quite name, identify, or express. I felt entirely disconnected from hope, unsure if I’d ever find my way back. It was as if I had been ripped away from my own being. It’s that specific brand of alienation so many of us know intimately—the one that comes with addiction, the isolation of pain, or the suffocating weight of unhealed trauma and mental health crisis.

In this community, we often get caught up in the "how" of getting better. We build walls around our chosen paths, debating which program is superior. But I’ve come to realize that the specific avenue of recovery—whether it’s a 12-step program, SMART, holistic practices, or clinical treatment—matters far less than the bond of meeting someone who speaks the same language of pain because as we have shared struggles, we also have shared strength

My journey has been a dual path. I spent over 14 years in law enforcement and public safety, guiding people through crises and learning to build trust when it felt impossible. But the deeper, more vital work has been my own personal recovery and trauma reprocessing. I’ve learned that these unresolved psychological wounds are the common denominator; they hold us all back, fueling the despair that keeps us disconnected and in silos away from one another, where healing could occur.

The importance of what we do for one another doesn't lie in our opinions on treatment modalities. It lies in the sharing of the struggle and the sacred responsibility of carrying each other along the way.

We have to put the differences down. None of us gets better if we are disparaging each other or the individual practices that keep someone else alive. Through my own "pie" of recovery tools, I’ve learned a hard truth: if I am feeling disturbed or "fucked up" by people, places, or things, that is my signal to look inward for actual peace. In the past, I projected my crisis onto the world thousands of times while I was actively drinking.

With over three and a half years of continuous abstinence from alcohol and in remission from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and clinical Depression with intrusive suicidal ideations, my life is now grounded in service. Helping people who feel unbearable pain and weight on their souls and showing up for others isn't just a daily routine; it’s a promise to the person I used to be and to everyone still trying to find their way out of the woods. This has given me a life second to none, and I am so much freer than I ever thought I was.

Recovery doesn’t just rebuild what was broken; it transforms us into something entirely new. When we finally stop fighting over the "right" way to heal and instead lean into the power of connection, we realize the most important truth of all: No matter how we got here, we are no longer alone.

Hang in there – Stay Brave,

Jimmy

I did weed , cocaine, heroin , meth …. I wasted 800-1000$ daily. if you are talking about getting rid of drugs just make your mindset clear nobody dies because of withdrawal symptoms but dies of drug overdose ..

I'm feeling particularly stupid.

Like many recovering addicts, sleep is hard to get, if not impossible. I was taking trazadone, and my psychiatrist switched me to doxepin (with a taper). I was still waking up at 1-2am and then again at 4-5am after fretfully trying to fall back asleep. So, my dumb ass thought, "Let's take Benadryl!"

I took two at 1-2am, and then again at 4-5am.

Ya girl is now testing positive for methadone, TCAs, and i had a light second line for Methamphetamine.

I am upset. I am disappointed and distraught. I'm over 4 months into my recovery, and it looks like I'm using drugs that I've never even used before! I'm trying DESPERATELY to rebuild trust with everyone, and this just destroyed it.

I haven't taken any benadryl in about 4 days. And I finished my Trazadone taper, too.

I'm upset with myself, you'd think I would know that taking non-perscribed ANYTHING could lead to poor outcomes. I also wasn't thinking about the idea that it could be abused.

Anyways, I don't know where I'm going with this post. I just needed to get it out there, maybe see if anyone else has had this happen or just vent. Thanks if you made it this far.

im 4 years 4 months into recovery from 20years of cross addiction that nearly cost me my life on several occasions. am truly done with drugs but the dreams are really getting to me. I dont dream much because im a heavy THC consumer (prescribed specifically for substance misuse disorder) but since cutting down the dreams are mental. realised I maybe should cut down with the weed as its been a great tool to keep me in recovery (never could get longer than a week) and for the first time in my life im a productive member of society thats had a steady job for 2 years although I have recently left it due to some issues I had with a work colleague so yea im feeling abit meh at the moment.

I live with my toddler nephew and im very close with him as his dads not really in the picture and im the only male he has in his life. well last night I had a pretty disturbing dream that I was bumming around with my old crew, selling drugs with my baby nephew. the second I woke up I went and gave him a big kiss and hug and we watched cartoons in bed for half an hour but I couldn't and still cant get rid of this sense of guilt. like I know I didnt use but ive always said if I ever relapsed I would move out and cut contact with my whole family, including my nephew as I couldn't let him see me as an addict.

not sure why im even posting this tbh. sorry that my writing is abit all over the place