gonna try my first proper outdoor grow this year. got a few seeds that im eager to start. got some of those feeling bags to start the in so I dont cause any transplant shock. am in Brighton, uk.
im 4 years 4 months into recovery from 20years of cross addiction that nearly cost me my life on several occasions. am truly done with drugs but the dreams are really getting to me. I dont dream much because im a heavy THC consumer (prescribed specifically for substance misuse disorder) but since cutting down the dreams are mental. realised I maybe should cut down with the weed as its been a great tool to keep me in recovery (never could get longer than a week) and for the first time in my life im a productive member of society thats had a steady job for 2 years although I have recently left it due to some issues I had with a work colleague so yea im feeling abit meh at the moment.
I live with my toddler nephew and im very close with him as his dads not really in the picture and im the only male he has in his life. well last night I had a pretty disturbing dream that I was bumming around with my old crew, selling drugs with my baby nephew. the second I woke up I went and gave him a big kiss and hug and we watched cartoons in bed for half an hour but I couldn't and still cant get rid of this sense of guilt. like I know I didnt use but ive always said if I ever relapsed I would move out and cut contact with my whole family, including my nephew as I couldn't let him see me as an addict.
not sure why im even posting this tbh. sorry that my writing is abit all over the place