r/neurodiversity

I really want community. And would love to meet fellow neurospicy people to talk about experiences. unmasking. etc or just to meet some likeminded friends

Would anyone be interested in online meetings or a group chat? Or does anything like this exist!

It’s a lonely life without connection to those who understand so why not make it more fun :D

32F

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im struggling to find this described anywhere in literature or in posts online. maybe someone knows what this is or has experienced it.

\- occurring the last 15 years

\- Can experience no sleep up to 4 days unmedicated

\-Occurred before I was medicated, can occur in extreme exhaustion, occurs with sleeping meds

\-Can be sedated for hours (various sleep meds over the years) but I dont fall asleep until I am hit with this sleep tsunami

\- I feel extremely unwell when this occurs, I am virtually non functional, its feels like I am being pulled/falling, I immediately try to go with the wave and get comfy. I am usually asleep within seconds

\- If I dont go with the wave (very short window) I could be hours waiting for another wave to hit

\- its very to interrupt it, for instance if I need the bathroom

I hope Im not the only one.Im audhd, have mecfs and POTS.

I recently lost a friend due to miscommunication issues and she said we can be ‘cordial’/acquantices in public, yet every time i saw her after that, it’s like she would ignore me, so that felt really fake to me.

To me, cordial is when you’re at least acknowledging the person, but not really talking to them like that. But idk, I feel like I can’t be that way. If I’m in a group setting and I know I don’t like someone or someone doesn’t like me, I’m going to feel very uneasy and just withdraw until the person leaves. Idk maybe that’s selfish and it could also be a trauma response, but that’s how I’ve always been. Obviously, in a work environment, I’d have to be cordial, but I’m 19 and have only worked fast food jobs and no one has really ever hated me, so 🤷🏾‍♀️ (and if they did, then I just had no clue about it).

It especially feels hard because it feels like everyone is just pretending with each other. I’d rather be my authentic self around people. So when this girl I was friends with told me I was being “messy” for telling mutuals about our situation, I felt very pissed off. I didn’t talk trash about her; I literally just explained what happened, how I messed up, and how I won’t do it again, but apparently, you’re just supposed to sweep everything under the rug like nothing happened? But then the truth comes out eventually and then what??

I'm neurodivergent and am STRUGGLING to find a job. as if the job market didnt already suck, im like actually unqualified for most entry level jobs I have found. I was fired from a Panera Bread after 6 shifts for being too slow to learn and when I made a reddit post somewhere else just venting about it someone said that these kinds of jobs are typically not great for neurodivergent people. so now im wondering, what does work for neurodivergent people? I feel like the only options are food service and retail which have a lot of the same needs that I don't meet.

Everyone masks at work. We have all had to pretend we wanted to be at work, when we didn’t want to. That is universal. People should also be treated politely with respect. Where do you draw the line between masking and being polite? I can’t figure it out.

I have grown up identifying as neurotypical. I recently found out that two of my most normal-seeming, popular, socially successful childhood friends are diagnosed with autism. This is in addition to my current closest friend being autistic, two other friends having diagnosed ADHD, and my only other neurotypical friend having a separate, extremely ND friend group. They are all very high functioning, so to speak.

How does this happen? How could I not notice? Are we getting fast and loose with the definition of autism? Do autistic girls just mask insanely well? I’m so baffled. I get a lot of ND accusations myself, but I assume(d) it was because I’m chopped with somewhat limited interests lol, and because I socialize with people who might be inclined to overlabel my quirks.

I understand that like minds tend to seek each other out, but this a massive overrepresentation of autism in my social sphere.

Just a gentle reminder for us all.

We are all Human which means we are full of soo much. So many emotions so many memories so many dreams so many fears. Just because we have ADHD shouldn’t mean we should feel any different than our neurotypical counterparts. Yes we may feel different than others our experience in life may also differ but again is that what in essence makes us humans. I have been there in the moments of questioning myself. Always thinking to myself “ I dont know who I am.” However with time and reflection I realised That question doesn’t need a definite answer. Every social interaction may give us a different answer. Some may think we are too much or arrogant. Some may think we are kind hearted and people pleasers. What matters for me and something I want to share is. As long as you try and do good towards yourself and towards others then It doesn’t really matter does it? Every single one of us is an individual yes we as a community share similar experiences but again isn’t that what being human is. I hope this message is a gentle reminder that in this unpredictable world we are all going through our own journey of life, of self discovery, of love or of dealing with a negative experience. Its not easy I still fall into negativity but having a fall, taking time to get back up is okay and it will always be okay. I never had another ADHDer to speak to and at the age of 25 I am finally beginning to be more positive about my ADHD and accepting that actually why should i think i am any different than neurotypicals. we all have something to give to this world and we all deserve to feel happy and loved as we are not as the masked individual we curated. Happy Friday!

P.s. not sure if this even made sense but felt the need to share 😂

Sorry if my English is bad, it’s not my native language.

I’m 38 years old and I’ve lived a life that most people would label as a failure. Difficulties making decisions, at work, and in my personal life. Huge difficulties taking steps forward in my life, and no matter how much I try to improve, I can’t manage it. I’ve made an effort to take steps and deal with anxiety and fear, but it doesn’t matter — that idea that you “overcome your fears through exposure” doesn’t work.

But what I find curious is that I don’t freeze in those moments; it’s my anticipatory thoughts that terrify me. I literally spend 24 hours a day overthinking, and my mind runs at high speed. I open my eyes in the morning and the machinery starts until I fall asleep.

I’ve read about ADHD and I really don’t want to play around with these things, so I tend to think I don’t have it, but much of what I’ve read matches my characteristics.

As a child I was always told: “you’re very intelligent, but absent‑minded and lazy.” It’s a phrase I heard countless times in my childhood and also as an adult. Curiously, I ended up completing my university studies, studying far fewer hours than my classmates, taking advantage of hyperfocus moments of 20–30 minutes. I’ve never been able to study for more than an hour straight in my entire life, and I have a degree.

But what really worries me is my overthinking. I would like to read stories from people who identify with me before taking the step of doing the necessary tests.

Lastly, I want to say that I’ve been in therapy my whole life and no psychologist ever mentioned ADHD to me. I feel like it’s a forbidden word in behavioral therapy, where everything is based on willpower, exactly what I feel I don’t have.

Hi all! I know many people in this community also experience rejection sensitivity and mine is progressing so I’m hoping for some ideas and support from people who understand. I have a wonderful supportive therapist who I work with closely for various issues who I will continue to work with. I’m also in the process of switching to a new med.

My rejection sensitivity has always been an issue, but seems to be getting worse and more out of my control as I get older, even though I almost assumed I’d grow out of it. I try so hard to mask and “fit in” and present myself perfectly to people. However, I find myself picking apart interactions with everyone and feeling a deep sinking feeling that I’m unliked or unwelcome in multiple spaces. I know I have low confidence and I run back all my interactions from the day and question what I did right or wrong.

For example, today I asked nicely for a bag to put some take out food in, and the worker flatly said that they’re right there and that I need to grab one for myself in a somewhat forward tone. It wasn’t even necessarily rude. My brain hung onto this meaningless interaction allll day today and it looped in my head - wondering if I had upset them, annoyed them, etc. It obviously is worse with bigger rejections but I’m finding that I can’t stop thinking about even these minuscule and meaningless interactions. Couple this with my already existing OCD and my brain just endlessly loops and the thoughts of frustration with myself and my existence get overwhelming.

I’m curious for those that have experienced this, what has helped you? I try to distract myself and talk it through, but find that (similarly with my other obsessions), the more that I try to push it aside and not think about it, the louder it gets when the thought comes back again.

Thoughts, advice, truly any ideas would be so helpful!

For context, I have diagnosed ADHD and I am self-diagnosed autistic (prior to Trump and when I still had insurance I was seeking a diagnosis but stopped for obvious reasons). I started a job today at a bright pink corporate grooming salon. Its the first and new location to my state but they have franchise locations all over the place. I was let go by the end of the day and I think it was because I was asking too many questions and sharing my honest opinions.

I'm a dog groomer and I've only ever worked in private salons or for myself (I have my own business part time - I was looking for a part time job to supplement my other days while I grow my own clientele. i was very transparent about this), so while I was watching onboarding videos I was talking with the groomers there who have only ever worked in corporate what their experiences have been like. I'd ask them questions about things in the modules for answers. One thing in the onboarding said that this company doesn't charge cancellations and no show fees and I was very surpised by it and asked them if that's how it was at their previous corporate jobs. and they said yes, that corporate wants to make sure people will come back. And I said I've only worked in private salons and we do charge no show fees, but that I suppose it makes sense for a corporate salon not to do that because it's not a loss for their groomers since they work hourly.

Another thing that I think could have been a problem was the groomers asked me how much time I take on certain dogs. I told them small dogs are around 1.5 hours and bigger dogs can vary from 2-3 depending on the size and coat type. They told me that they don't get enough time on dogs and had to fight for extra time. And I said if working faster is an expectation than quality and safety can go down. I saw the projected timings for breeds and sizes in the training videos and though some of them were reasonable and some even had too much time. But I agreed that some of the sizing and timing doesn't add up and it will effect quality. And one girl said she has noticed her quality go down.

There was a point when the store owner wanted to do a fake check-in with an imaginary dog and I told him that I am not good at pretend and that I need a physical dog to be able to actually go through a check in process. But I entertained him - it sucked. I've never been able to play make believe so it was a bad practice run. I was asking a lot of clarifying questions about what's included in certain grooming packages and it was making people mad for some reason.

One of the guys was grooming a golden retriever and I was asking the franchise owner what is considered just a face, foot, and sani. And I asked what the golden retriever was booked for. I was pointing at the dog as an example to the store owner for certain services asking "iz it just the paw pads and toe hair? or does the back of the wrist count and being part of a foot trim? do you blend the hock area as part of the foot? in the sani trim do you do any light trim of the pants at all? the paper said the mini groom included the visor, but golden dont have a visor so would you trim any head an ear fluff instead?" To me, they're valid questions to ask as a person that has only worked in private mom & pop shops. These are things that are often included in a private salon groom. We don't half-ass things (I didn't say this to him or explain how I would personally do things. i only asked the questions I had for clarity).

How am I supposed to learn and be consistent if someone does explain to me clearly what's included? when the owner walked away from the conversation the groomer I was talking to said to me "a tip for corporate. if you need to ask if something is included it's not. it will always cost more." I think I said something like "oh okay".

Going back to the timing, this golden he was grooming was down for a full haircut. So I asked if he was getting shaved. He said no, he's getting an. outline trim. and I asked (for clarity) "an outline trim is considered a full haircut?" and he told me yes. and I said okay. And then I told him that for a full groom he's being given almost too much time for that dog considering it's just an outline trim. The golden retriever is booked for more time than a 75 pound doodle haircut would get.

Another thing I think could have made him mad was that I asked what it's like being a franchise owner but still having a boss and rules to follow. I told him that this is a new to me and that I've only heard of franchises for things like Sunway and Taco Bell, so I wanted to know what it's like being a franchise owner of a grooming salon. To me that was a good question and I was genuinely curious if it's been a cool experience. And he said that he hires the staff, makes the schedule and pays everyone so he is an owner and has a say. And that he likes having someone to set the rules and things. And I was like, "Cool, that's fair I can see that."

Anyway, long story short, I was sent home early and then he fired me on the phone saying he talked to the groomers and feels like I won't fit in. and I asked him to explain what he means because i hadn't even worked a proper day yet and he said "it's just a feeling." I told him that's it's not fair but to send me the termination in writing. And in the letter he said that I spent the day with them, did not perform any work related duties, and that I wasn't hired. even though I was. I signed paperwork last week and finished it today, had a clock in and out number, I was put on the schedule and had a dog booked for next week, and I had my own log in for the education portal - which I was watching videos and reading for around 4 hours, and I also helped a groomer with her dog. I literally clocked in and out today for lunch. But sure, I wasn't hired and didn't work.

I can't say this is the worst thing I've experienced. Trying to find a good grooming job in California has been really hard. It's why I started working for myself but that isn't really a thing I wanted to do either. It's been really stressful. Which is why I wanted to balance it out and find a structured salon that I could turn my brain off and let someone else think and schedule for me.

In public, although I am sociable and somewhat charismatic, I’m also awkward at the same time and I shut down at the slightest inconvenience

At home, interacting with family and friends feels tiresome so I dont engage as much, yet when I’m by myself or no one’s responding to my texts I do feel bad.

I am constantly stuck with my own brain, too. I replay everything! I don’t know why. I can say “excuse me” to someone at like, Walmart, when I’m walking past them in the aisle. And I’ll replay that for the rest of the day. I. Replay. Every. Single. Interaction. That. I. Ever. Have.

It’s not that I “am” alone, it’s that my brain’s day-to-day processing makes everything more tiring than what it needs to be, and that’s the lonely part.

when i start acting like myself and show my personality bullies will exchange looks with each other/side eye each other with a big smirk as if they’re going to laugh at me. i’ve noticed kids would do this to me in highschool and now as a 25 year old adult in the workplace. it just fills me with rage because if i call it out they can easily make me look crazy or paranoid.

i get bullied and messed with at almost every job i work at by the customers and coworkers.

am i supposed to deal with the fact that i will always be bullied everywhere i go just because people can tell im different? i’ve been unemployed for a year now because the last job i had, i took up for myself and the girl threatened to physically assault me and i had to quit on the spot. taking up for myself makes it worse, saying nothing and trying to stay stoic doesn’t make it stop. that was the 2nd time i ever took up for myself and im scared to even leave my house because i don’t want to feel this way anymore. i seen that 30-40% of neurodivergent adults are unemployed. if you are unemployed and neurodivergent, is it because of bullying in the workplace?