I completed my university studies without ever studying more than 40 minutes continuously, relying on 30–40 minutes of hyperfocus. People always told me: you’re smart but absent‑minded and lazy. Overthinking has made me fail in life, and I don’t want to play around with ADHD, but do you see any signs?
Sorry if my English is bad, it’s not my native language.
I’m 38 years old and I’ve lived a life that most people would label as a failure. Difficulties making decisions, at work, and in my personal life. Huge difficulties taking steps forward in my life, and no matter how much I try to improve, I can’t manage it. I’ve made an effort to take steps and deal with anxiety and fear, but it doesn’t matter — that idea that you “overcome your fears through exposure” doesn’t work.
But what I find curious is that I don’t freeze in those moments; it’s my anticipatory thoughts that terrify me. I literally spend 24 hours a day overthinking, and my mind runs at high speed. I open my eyes in the morning and the machinery starts until I fall asleep.
I’ve read about ADHD and I really don’t want to play around with these things, so I tend to think I don’t have it, but much of what I’ve read matches my characteristics.
As a child I was always told: “you’re very intelligent, but absent‑minded and lazy.” It’s a phrase I heard countless times in my childhood and also as an adult. Curiously, I ended up completing my university studies, studying far fewer hours than my classmates, taking advantage of hyperfocus moments of 20–30 minutes. I’ve never been able to study for more than an hour straight in my entire life, and I have a degree.
But what really worries me is my overthinking. I would like to read stories from people who identify with me before taking the step of doing the necessary tests.
Lastly, I want to say that I’ve been in therapy my whole life and no psychologist ever mentioned ADHD to me. I feel like it’s a forbidden word in behavioral therapy, where everything is based on willpower, exactly what I feel I don’t have.