r/motherlessdaughters

Not dangerous… just the strange, impulsive, irrational & deeply human things nobody really talks about.

For me, when I lost my mum, it was things like:
- agreeing to fly to a wedding in Italy with someone I barely knew, it was a disaster

- absolutely losing my shit at a car rental place over something minor and bursting into tears (they were wrong… but my reaction was wildly out of character)

- listening to the same song on repeat because it was the only thing that made me feel close to them

- ignoring texts for days and then feeling upset nobody was checking in

I’m building content around the realities of grief that people don’t talk about enough, and I’d genuinely love to hear others’ examples.

What’s something grief had you doing that was a little bit unhinged?

I booked a cabin out in the woods alone. Got her a balloon and some flowers and brought her urn with me. I let her favorite movie play in the background while I cried my eyes out on the patio while watching the rain.

I’m wearing her nightgown to bed and I put on a little bit of her perfume.

She was my best best friend in the whole world. Nobody will ever love me like she did. I miss her so so much.

I hope you can feel my love from here sweet lady🤍

I'm guessing that I'm not the only on that's feeling down right now. I really brings me comfort to talk about my grief, but I also noticed how much joy it brings me to just talk about the kind of person my mom was. Please if you want to, feel free to share some things that your mom loved to do, or what she was like.

My mom really like Mexican food and she loved music. She had a ton of CD's that are all in my room now. She especially loved Celia Cruz and sometimes when I came home from school, I'd find her in the living room with loud salsa music on and her wanting to dance with me. My mom loved organising events and voluntered at my and my brother's high-school and basketball team. She organised every birthday and always baked the most amazing and delicious cakes. She loved cats. I don't remember a time where we didnt have cats in our home, and I still have the two cats that used to live at my moms house. She is still the strongest and most resilient person I've ever known, and I really miss her❤️

I am almost 60 years old, an only child and had a good relationship with my mother until last November 2025 when she decided she couldn’t deal with the stress and anxiety of the chronic illness that has become my life since January 2025.

She is married and even though she is older, and other than typical age related aches and pains, she is well ie no illnesses or conditions that keep her from doing the things she enjoys, walking, seeing friends, dining out, driving.

I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and have been mostly bedridden for over one year. I have been hospitalized 4 times in 5 months. My mother did not visit or call any of those times. The last time we spoke was on the phone in November at which time she yelled at me and hung up.

She then proceeded to go away for 6 months during the winter and has now returned for good. I reached out to her numerous times by email over the last few months and most of my emails were ignored. The last one was a couple of weeks ago wherein I expressed how hurt I am for her to completely disengage from my life, especially during what has been the most terrifying time of my life being ill every day and not knowing when or if I will get better.

I am also a mother of two loving children whom have stood by my side during this illness, and I know that I could never turn my back on either of them if they were suffering.

I am divorced and live alone and my daughter has been staying with me for the last few months following one of my hospitalizations.

How does one process these feelings and the reality of the situation. My mother and I were always close and shared everything. I never would have imagined our relationship would become no contact. This is something I never chose but then again neither was my illness. I have never received an explanation from her or apology for just stopping all communication except to say she hopes I feel better and she is unable to see me as she isn’t doing well physically or emotionally.

I truly empathize that as parents age and they become limited in mobility and mentally, I can’t condone just cutting a child out because their illness is too stressful. My heart is literally broken and I’m trying to come to terms with it.

I try so hard to avoid existing every year on this day. (26 F) I have struggled so hard to pick up the pieces after my mom died. I had to clean her apartment all by myself, make her funeral arrangements, take in her cats. I want to LOSE it. It’s been 3 years and I still feel underwater. I have 3$ to my name until my next paycheck so I can’t even do anything for myself to try to make today easier. Can anyone tell me when it gets easier ??? Pls

My mother committed suicide November 8th, 2020. I was 14. I avoid the anniversary of her death, the funeral, her birthday, and any other significant dates. They are something I can hide and not acknowledge. Mother’s Day is the one day a year I actually have to acknowledge all of this. I hate Mother’s Day and what it has become. I’m so jealous of everybody who can go to brunch or brag on their mom on social media. I’m only 20, and my mom has been gone for 6 years. How is everybody coping with today? I need some ideas.

Hi! This year will be 10 years since my mom passed away to a stroke when she was 52.

This year has been especially hard. My dad just passed away this January to cancer. This Saturday will be his first heavenly birthday and it’s also Mother’s Day on Sunday.

I’ve never done anything special but I feel like I need something this year. The sadness I carry within me is too much and I don’t know what to do.

To everyone here, I hug you all in the distance. I’m so sorry we are all going through this loss.

Hi! I’m currently recruiting participants for my Master’s dissertation study.

I’m looking to speak with adults who lost a parent during childhood and were raised by a surviving parent who was either supportive or displayed narcissistic traits. There is a real gap in research in this area, and it’s something I care deeply about, as it reflects my own lived experience and, I know, the experiences of many others.

To take part, you would need to:
- Be aged 18 or over
- Have experienced the loss of a parent at least 5 years ago during childhood
- Feel emotionally safe discussing your grief and your relationship with your surviving parent

If this resonates with you and you’d like to contribute to meaningful research in this area, please feel free to message me for more information.

Thank you so much 🤍

Emma 🙂

I don’t even know where to begin.
I miss my mom more than words can describe.
My mom passed on New Year’s Day this year and so much was going on in my life at that time I feel like I still haven’t processed it fully. I had semirecently gotten out of a 7 year relationship and started seeing someone new. Who, might I add, has been the most amazing support system through this whole process. I have two daughters both of their birthdays are in January as is mine. So I’m trying to keep the happy face on for them. My dad is disabled so I was trying to take care of him and their house and figure out bills and do everything my mother was doing. I’m an only child so a lot fell on my shoulders.
I want to preface this by saying my mom was a long time alcoholic and had cirrhosis which was her ultimate demise. Even through the alcoholism she loved me endlessly. She was my best friend, the best mother, and the best grandmother I could ever hope for.
I had just talked to her the night before. I told her I loved her and I would talk to her in the morning. The morning came and I couldn’t talk to her anymore.
I just keep reliving the day she died. Getting the phone call that she wasn’t breathing. MY DAUGHTER being the one to find her unresponsive. Sitting in the ER room with buckets and buckets of blood. I’ve never seen so much blood in my life. Looking at the machines breathing for her and every time she took a breath the blood would pool in her mouth. Being the person to say “it’s time to stop trying”. I feel guilt for saying it but I know she wasn’t coming back. The moment where it feels the world stops turning. The clock stops ticking but it never actually does. I feel like this pain will never leave. I wish I had a sibling to share this with right now.
I’m a mother and I should be happy and celebrating with my daughters but I was a daughter for way longer and it’s hurts knowing I don’t have a mother to say happy Mother’s Day too.

Edit to add
I’ve dealt with ALOT of loss in my life as it is and never had this hurt more.
I’ve lost my husband and my best friend and then my mom. My dad is currently still in the hospital because he almost died two weeks ago because he stopped caring after my mom died and my god I can’t catch a fuckinf break ever I feel like I’m cursed at this point.

I lost my mom to addiction + mental illness just before my 8th birthday. It’s been 20 years and the pain/sadness is less frequent, but still hurts just as much every time it hits me. I think I attribute a lot of it to a strange sort of survivor’s guilt — I got to leave the streets for a home and an education, while she lost her child. My parents were abusive, homophobic, hated my mom, and only saw her in me, but I turned out alright.

As I get older, every milestone comes with the feeling of looking around the room and not finding her there. I know she never will be, but I think the pain of knowing that she’s somewhere out there is worse than if I knew for a fact that she’s dead. I hate that I even typed that out, it sounds so horrible to say.

Mother’s Day is this weekend — which is normally a sad day for me, but I’ve spent it with my partner’s family the last 6 years and that definitely helps distract me/soften the hurt. We got in a big argument a couple days ago, and today she told me that I’m uninvited from Mother’s Day with her family. In the moment I shrugged it off, but now all of these emotions are hitting me.

It felt very intentional, like my grief was being weaponized against me. It was as if she tried to find the thing that would hurt me the most in that moment, and I hate to admit that it kinda worked. I try to desensitize myself from sharp-tongued comments or people saying things in the heat of the moment that they might not truly mean — but I can’t bring myself to forgive that right now. She hasn’t taken it back or apologized, but even then, I don’t know if I can bring myself to go.

For now, my plan for Sunday is to peruse this sub with a bottle of Sauv Blanc — upvoting each post as I go. Thanks for listening♥️

I lost my mom 6 years ago, and this year I have finally stopped myself from wishing I was ‘healed from this’. My mama passed from a heart attack at 38 yrs young, I was 15 & I walked into her room to probably steal some of her perfume and saw my mom on the floor. She was puffy and even though I’d never seen a deceased person before, I knew that my mom was and even that realization was so... So much that I denied giving her CPR. And that still fucks with me. I know that there’s nothing I could have done at that point, but my fear stopped me from helping someone I loved. I mostly just wish that I had heard her fall or scream or just anything. I got my baby sisters out of the house and nothings been the same ever since that night. I went to a mental hospital 2 years after because I had so much trauma from it. But like I said, I’ve been trying hard- I go to therapy occasionally, and I’m working on regulating my nervous system. Her birthday, death date, and Mother’s Day are all within a months span of each other, so its been hard to keep calm and positive. Grief truly never dies. So, I cried last night. And it’s not even Mother’s Day yet.

It’s been 5 years but Mother’s Day, birthday, and the passing anniversary are all in the same 3 months and every time I feel so sad and I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice about how to better get through those days?

Hi everyone,

25F my mom died last year around Christmas time, so about 16 months ago now, after a 10 year battle with Fronto-temporal dementia. I was her primary caregiver along with my dad for the last 2-3 years of her life and it was so difficult but we bonded very deeply those years and I was really grateful to care for her. Throughout most of that time my dad continued working but would care for her in the evenings and when I was either on a work trip or a short vacation. Sometimes I would also bring my mom to one of her favorite places, an island she grew up going to, and we would stay for a few months. Eventually she died on that island with my dad and I holding her and my siblings nearby. It was deeply emotional and slightly traumatic.

Now about 6 months later I saw a dating app on my dad’s phone. Processed that on my own and realized he needs to do what he needs to do. About 4 months after that he called to tell me he’s been dating and met someone he really likes who makes him happy. I was very supportive over the phone even if it broke my heart a little bit, mostly just because I have very idealistic views of love and marriage and just wanted my parents to have been the true essence of forever love and devotion. Then about 2 months later he started bringing this new woman to the island where my mom died, many times, and brought her kids on vacation there too. That’s when I finally told him that I was very upset, because it felt way too soon and I wasn’t comfortable with a stranger being there.

Not only that, he is trying to push her meeting his kids (myself and my siblings) and already saying he may want to spend the rest of his life with her. They are going on trips every few weeks even though they live in different states, talking about living together, and now going to Italy together both on my parents wedding anniversary and during mother’s day.

I’m just still grieving so heavily and the conversations are so difficult with my dad, he moved on a long time ago and there is a lot of resentment I have about that. He has processed my mom’s passing much differently than I expected and I guess I just feel alone in my grief now. Im not at all ready to see him with another woman or be spending time with another woman’s kids, and it’s very hard to know they are spending so much time in this place that was sacred to my mom, and honestly to me as well.

Things are so tense between my father and I because we don’t agree at all on this and everytime it’s brought up we end up fighting, because I’m offended by the way he is acting and I find it disrespectful to my mother, and also because I’m still very emotional about my mom’s passing. This all also exacerbates how much I miss my mom, because she was so devoted to her kids and we had such a close relationship, and I just grieve what we could have now into my adulthood. My dad is changing and acting differently, also almost delusional in a way and very impulsive about someone he has just met, and it’s just upsetting. It’s hard to express to him without getting so upset. Has anyone else experienced this??!? I would just love to be able to relate to someone else on this.

Sending love to all the other motherless daughters out there.

I've lived with it deeply since I was 8. She died of leukemia that had been diagnosed when I was only 4 and she was 33.

With that, I dont have many memories of her without cancer. The bald head, the IV pole. Always hooked up to some sort of beeping machine. Once of the few vivid memories I have is helping clean her IV lines with iodine. Its sad to think about and I think part of me just feels sorry for myself. I mean I was 8. She died 10 days before my 9th birthday I remember the moment our dad told us as an almost out if body experience. The furniture, the look on his and my aunts face as they attempted to give us a long winded version of events. Almost like he was building up the courage to say the words "your mom died." I've been angry ever since.

Now. I turned 32 years old a couple days ago. That marks 24 years since she passed.

I've been doing the math and making the comparisons and I feel sick to my stomach.

I'm now a year younger than she was when she was diagnosed. My oldest daughter is now 8. The same age I was when she died. My youngest daughter is now 4. The same age I was when she was diagnosed. I look at their faces and I feel so sad for myself. So sad for them. So sad for all the parts of her that were missed. All the memories and opportunities that never happened and never will. It hurts. I look at them and I see two happy and confident little girls and im so proud but part of me feels sorry for myself. I think about changing that IV bag as a kid and spending hours upon hours in hospital waiting rooms at their age with no nintendo to occupy us. I look at them and I think about how quickly I had to grow up and see how small they really are and it makes me cry for her and for myself. She must have been so scared. I couldnt imagine knowing that im leaving my babies. Knowing that they'd have to navigate the rest of their lives without me. I dont know how she did it.

I think about her often. Almost too often as of late. I remember when she first died, I laid in my bed and just thought forward about all the milestones she would miss.

Honestly though? I haven't missed her at any of them. Graduations, birthdays, even my weddings. It wasnt much of a thought. When I do miss her though? I missed her when I needed to learn how to shave, or how to deal with a pimple or use a tampon. I missed her when those girls at school were being cruel and I didnt know what to do next. I missed her when my first boyfriend broke up with me and I cried alone in my room for weeks without anybody noticing. Now? I miss her when life gets heavy and shes who i wish I could talk to. Its when I'm not sure whats causing the rash on my kids legs or what to do when theyre running a fever. I have nobody to go to for the everyday mundane and standard. I just wish I had a mother to show me how to be a mother. I worry everyday thay im doing it wrong.

I miss her most when I need a best friend.

I realized the other day that I have never in my life, nor will I ever, receive a phone call from "MOM". She'll never text and check in or hound me about drinking water and getting more sleep.

I feel eternally sad and angry for all versions of myself. Past, present and future. I know that life isnt fair. But this part feels especially unfair.