Hi everyone,
25F my mom died last year around Christmas time, so about 16 months ago now, after a 10 year battle with Fronto-temporal dementia. I was her primary caregiver along with my dad for the last 2-3 years of her life and it was so difficult but we bonded very deeply those years and I was really grateful to care for her. Throughout most of that time my dad continued working but would care for her in the evenings and when I was either on a work trip or a short vacation. Sometimes I would also bring my mom to one of her favorite places, an island she grew up going to, and we would stay for a few months. Eventually she died on that island with my dad and I holding her and my siblings nearby. It was deeply emotional and slightly traumatic.
Now about 6 months later I saw a dating app on my dad’s phone. Processed that on my own and realized he needs to do what he needs to do. About 4 months after that he called to tell me he’s been dating and met someone he really likes who makes him happy. I was very supportive over the phone even if it broke my heart a little bit, mostly just because I have very idealistic views of love and marriage and just wanted my parents to have been the true essence of forever love and devotion. Then about 2 months later he started bringing this new woman to the island where my mom died, many times, and brought her kids on vacation there too. That’s when I finally told him that I was very upset, because it felt way too soon and I wasn’t comfortable with a stranger being there.
Not only that, he is trying to push her meeting his kids (myself and my siblings) and already saying he may want to spend the rest of his life with her. They are going on trips every few weeks even though they live in different states, talking about living together, and now going to Italy together both on my parents wedding anniversary and during mother’s day.
I’m just still grieving so heavily and the conversations are so difficult with my dad, he moved on a long time ago and there is a lot of resentment I have about that. He has processed my mom’s passing much differently than I expected and I guess I just feel alone in my grief now. Im not at all ready to see him with another woman or be spending time with another woman’s kids, and it’s very hard to know they are spending so much time in this place that was sacred to my mom, and honestly to me as well.
Things are so tense between my father and I because we don’t agree at all on this and everytime it’s brought up we end up fighting, because I’m offended by the way he is acting and I find it disrespectful to my mother, and also because I’m still very emotional about my mom’s passing. This all also exacerbates how much I miss my mom, because she was so devoted to her kids and we had such a close relationship, and I just grieve what we could have now into my adulthood. My dad is changing and acting differently, also almost delusional in a way and very impulsive about someone he has just met, and it’s just upsetting. It’s hard to express to him without getting so upset. Has anyone else experienced this??!? I would just love to be able to relate to someone else on this.
Sending love to all the other motherless daughters out there.