r/insaneparents

Haven’t posted here in a bit and that’s because I moved away! Thank god. This one made me particularly uncomfortable, considering it’s my younger brother’s privacy she’s violating. Unfortunately since he’s still a minor, the waters are still a little gray 🥲

For context my husband(in red) and I are not religious. But we're open to our kids going to church with her as a cute thing for them to do. My oldest has been going to church with my mom and we had to jump through some hoops to get my oldest baptize. My second one is a bit harder to baptize because we weren't married in the church. It's a whole thing that is just way too much work.

Anyway she spoke to the priest at the church and he was willing to make an exception only that we'd have to go meet him in person. We haven't had the time to do it and honestly? Nor do we want to. And after this text from her we won't be allowing my oldest to go to church for fear she will undermine us and say we're spiritually wrong. Also my husband never ignored her... She makes things up in her head.

My whole life has revolved around managing her emotions. I've chosen to not respond yet. So well see how that goes...

A little context. I’ve distanced myself from my parents because of their continuous and ongoing drama that they expect me to drop everything and entertain.
She called me last week to basically tell me that me hiding is creating more stress and problems and that i should “stop listening to people who just validate my feelings and enable me”. Mind you, I make my own decisions but if I listen to anyone, it’s my boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 years who has seen their crap first hand, and her friend who helped her leave my dad for a brief period, who also saw and heard lots of things.

i am an adult and do not live at home 👍 the financial assistance in question was me asking for $20 and her sending me $40, which was very appreciated in the 10 minutes between that and this interaction.

My replies look relaxed, I know, but I was REELING. My wife and I were staring at each other in shock the whole time. I was “high-functioning” because I masked to hell and back in an attempt to stop being bullied and isolated. My mental health went to shit in my teens, and all of my self-destructive and behavior was viewed as me being dramatic.

For more context, my grandparents started going downhill 2 years ago. I alerted the family, all of whom were out of state, but was met with indifference. After pressing further I was able to convince my mom to at least take away my dementia grandmother's driver's license, which was made possible through my grandfather.

Last fall my grandfather got extremely sick. My grandmother, trying to help, was endangering him through hiding his meds, messing with his breathing tube, and taking him out of the hospital against doctors wishes.

I gave my mom 3 options, either she moves in with them, I move in with them, or we use their massive wealth to hire caretakers. She refused everything. I put a bandaid on their care by hiring a caretaker I could afford to stop by once a week, but she made it very clear that they needed more care. I pressured my mom to either move in or let me get them actual care and she moved in.

Despite being there she was not involved at all. She let my grandmother handle all his care and hid in her room. When I visited in mid December the place was covered in actual shit. She refused to clean up after him or acknowledge that there was a problem.

After I left I sent her a nice email stating how much I appreciated her being there and how I wanted to make her life easier by hiring a maid service to stop by once a week so she could focus on their care, as well as a few other things we could do to support them better. She deleted the email without reading it and yelled at me for interfering.

A few days later I caught wind that my grandma was still driving so I called the non-emergency line to ask about next steps. A cop stopped by the house to inform them that she cant be driving and if they find her doing so she will get a ticket. In retaliation, my grandma drove to the police station to complain. My grandfather died a few days later from something that I had outlined in my email as an issue.

After the funeral my mom reinstated my grandmother's license. I dont know how. But that was the straw that broke the camels back. I told her to cancel her trip to visit me and that I didn't want to see her. That was 5 months ago.

I guess its been enough time for her and she is starting to reach out. I don't know if I will ever be able to look at her the same way. I dont miss the chaos she brings to my life, but I do miss her in some weird way. Anyways, this was her response to the only contact I have had with her.

With permission from my sister to post. Out of all my siblings, she’s the only one who’s been in contact with her the most. My incubator chose drugs over her children and never bothered to get help to get us back in her care. My family have tried so hard to get her help but she’d rather get high. Sigh.

If it's out of order no it's not 🥹

Edit: I SWEAR I AM NO CONTACT WITH HER NOW GUYS DON'T BE WORRIED

I’m 17 and doing online schooling. The amount of work was stressing me out so my teacher offered one class at a time. My mum then texted asking why I wasn’t doing my work. I have mental health problems aswell so that’s the reason for the sleeping all day. It feels like no matter how much I try to please her, it never works.

Also I’m not *entirely* sure if this fits so please let me know if I should post somewhere else :)

For context:

My mother was horribly abusive and a drug addict even until now. She relented her rights to me when I was 14 and I was adopted. I don’t talk to her because she NEVER reaches out to me and if I try I get ignored.

I never rolled my eyes at her. Also I find it crazy that she got on me and said that I need to keep my room clean, and then when I tell her that I’m going to clean my mirrors and clean up every little bit of my room, she took it the completely wrong way. I never said that she was wasting my time, I simply tried to excuse myself while she was yelling at me because I wanted to be the bigger person and all she was doing was insulting me. She also pit my brother against me, threw a temper tantrum, called me offensive names, and gave me the silent treatment as a grown adult. Nice.

Edit: These texts were sent to my Dad

just a classic guilt trip disguised as an apology. it seems like that's all either of my parents know how to do. it's not my fucking responsibility to repair anything. in my mind, she still "has another chance" because I haven't blocked their numbers.

they are causing so much tension for my adult siblings stuck living with them. they want to try so desperately to "keep the peace." I'm so tired and so are my sibs

3 years ago I moved out of that religious indoctrination hellhole

2 years ago, she said she wasn't sure i was still her kid after I came out as trans. I stopped reaching out or answering any texts soon after I gained my independence

last year my dad texted "I'm sorry for everything negative I've ever said to you" 🫩

my parents had kids just to raise minions to do their bidding and if you aren't the perfect image of what they expect then you have a demon inside you (literally what my father said to me after I was forced to come out as bi at 15)

more context in my previous post(s)

This was the first time I’d reached out with more than a text in years. Most years we didn’t even speak.

Every time I offer to spend time with her something like this happens. I’m no longer making offers.

I’m not sure if this is the place for this, but I figured I’d try. For background, I’m 21F, and I just finished my 4th year University and going back again in fall. I still live at home with my Mum, sister, stepfather and his kid.
I’m the past, they’ve been super strict, or at least I think it’s being strict (I’m expected to help out with/do everyone’s chores when I’m home, but the other two are not expected to help me, and other stuff like that). We got in a fight over the winter because I was home doing school stuff and cleaning, didn’t realize the driveway was as bad as it was until I had to leave for work. I then texted her apologizing for not doing it, and offered to do it as soon as I got home from my shift. They both got mad, and told me the next time I don’t snowblow the two driveways (ours and tenants) I’ll be parking at the school 24/7.
Currently, I am employed at 3 different places. I’ve been with Job A for 3-4 years now, and they only give me about 20-25 hours spread over Friday-Monday. Job B has been saying that they’ll give me 30-40 hours, but keep not giving me shifts when I ask. The messages I sent my mum are from the boss of Job B. Job C is also going to give me full time, but doesn’t start until the end of the month. So the plan was to work job A and B until then, and quit job B and tell job A that I can only do weekends while doing Job C full time during the week.
I feel like I’m going insane, I don’t understand how I’m wasting anyone’s time if they’re the ones not giving me shifts when I’m specifically asking when to go in. This has been happening for almost 2 years now, and I don’t even know if I’m in the right or wrong anymore. Taking to them is like talking to a brick wall.
Another thing is my car is falling apart. I’m basically not allowed to buy a newer one cause “if I have money for a car, I have money for an apartment. Which I have enough for first and last, but I don’t have the funds to keep up with rent when I’m in school.